Story: When Affection Calls
Author: animeg
Pairing(s): ShizuoXIzaya, RoppiXTsuki, RoppiXIzaya
Rating: M for language and smut in later chapters
Disclaimer: I only own Durarara in my dreams. In reality, it belongs to Narita-sensei.
WARNING: This story contains unrequited incestuous feelings! i.e. brotherXbrother, glimpses of child abuse and hard core yaoi. If any of this content offends you, I suggest you leave right now! For the rest, feel free to continue.
…
Whispers.
Unwelcoming, hostile, hurtful and full of malice. Those were the brutal voices that echoed everywhere in the endless darkness, leaving no place to seek solace from all the hatred, from all the spiteful comments that would tear one's heart over and over again.
"Such a monstrous child!"
"Look at his eyes! Red, just like the devil himself!"
"She deserved better!"
"He's the reason she died! He's a murderer!"
"Murderer! Die already!"
They were all directed at a young boy, not more than five years old. He never said anything in return, though tears slowly cascaded down his cheeks, leaving wet trails behind on the soft skin. He merely looked at his feet, his bangs covering his eyes, his shoulders shaking as he silently sobbed.
"I'm sorry…" was the only apology he could mutter. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry…" The words escaped his mouth like a broken mantra as his voice got caught in his throat.
But those whispers never died down. No one took mercy on him. No one stopped hating him.
"It's all his fault!"
"He forced her to take her own life!"
Please…stop…
"That child is cursed! Misery follows him everywhere he goes."
"Do everyone a favor and die already, you useless prick."
Shut up…
"Look he's not even crying and his mother just died!"
"What kind of monster is he?"
Shut up!
"Even his own mother hated him. She'd rather kill herself than keep on living with him..."
SHUT UP!
Slash Slash Slash
"Roppi?" the small quizzical voice bought the young raven back to reality and his head snapped up automatically to see a small figure in the door way.
It took him a few moments to realize what he was doing, his eyes shifting to his injured limb as the red liquid slowly poured down his arm, staining the tiled-floor below.
He stared at the blood like it was the most interesting thing in the world…So red, so mesmerizing, taking away all those words, those spiteful memories, those hateful stares with it as it flowed out, replacing the emotional pain, the mental torture with physical anguish.
"Roppi?" The ten year old gasped as he watched his brother slowly mutilate himself, digging the knife again and again in his skin and watching almost curiously as the red liquid spurted out with fervor.
In a moment the latter was by Roppi's side, his hands wrenching away the kitchen knife from his brother as he pulled the injured boy towards himself, wrapping his arms around the thin frame as both the ravens collapsed to the floor on their knees.
"Izaya…" His voice was soft, delicate full of surprise as he found himself in his brother's warmth, the sharp pain being suppressed by the tingling sensation that erupted from being held in the arms of another.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" The older boy scolded the younger one quietly, his voice full of unmasked worry as Roppi sank his head in his brother's neck, inhaling the sweet scent which soothed his nerves.
"They were whispering again…" The young boy replied, closing his eyes as he allowed himself to relax. The younger boy fell limp in the older one's arms, feeling weak and drained. Initially he had gotten out of bed for a glass of water but the moment he entered the kitchen, the moment he was alone and surrounded by darkness, those people began whispering in his ear.
The voices clouded his head and he could almost imagine the people standing in front of him, around him, behind him, everywhere, sneering as they said each spiteful word. Their gazes held nothing but hate and malice, making the young raven feel as if he truly did deserve to die, like there was no one who would truly accept him…
"Shhh…It's alright…I'm here…" The older boy murmured sweet words into Roppi's ears as his embrace tightened. Izaya, himself, was no older than ten years old and he barely knew what his younger brother went through. But this had happened enough times for him to know that he couldn't leave his younger brother alone in this state.
By now Roppi had started weeping softly; the physical pain was starting to prove overwhelming. The burning sensation made his entire arm numb as his brother finally pulled away.
Deep scarlet eyes clashed with familiar crimson ones as Roppi stared at the person who a mirror image of himself. They were so similar, so similar that at times Roppi wondered if his reflection had merely walked out of a plain mirror. His brother, the person he loved more than his life, was in front for him, worrying for him, concerned for him…and scared for him.
His brother had never shown such emotions before and Roppi was elated to see that his brother really did care for him…At least someone did…
Roppi was loosing too much blood, too fast, despite the fact that his brother was putting pressure on the multiple wounds with the help of his shirt. He shuddered as his body began to feel cold. It was as if he had been drained of every ounce of strength he had, as if his body had given up on living all together.
"Iza…ya..." He muttered weakly as he stared into anxious eyes. By now, his brother had already started yelling for help and their parents would be over any minute, probably grumbling about how they were awakened from their sleep. Those pitiful humans would be ruining this moment when he had his brother's undivided attention. "Don't leave me…" He let out a feeble plea.
The only thing he could hear were his brother's voice frantically calling his name before everything went black…
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
I would like to kill all the crows of the mortal world
And sleep in with the master of my heart
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
When he was young, he always hated mirrors, hated them with such a deep passion that it made him tremble with rage.
Every time he looked at one, he always hated the reflection that stared back, despite the fact that it was his own. The person who stared back was pale, frail and weak, looking as if he were sick with a life-threatening disease. He had scars over his body, particularly his wrist, a reminder that he had tried to take his own life multiple times and had failed. There were always gashes and bruises on his face, marring his skin like unattractive blue blotches on smooth porcelain.
The only thing that he did like about his reflection was his eyes. They were a brilliant color of scarlet, so vibrant, so endearing, so full of life despite the fact he wanted to die. Those eyes were his inspiration to move on, and it was currently a similar pair of eyes that were looking at him sleepily, their owner yawning as he rubbed those mesmerizing irises, trying to get the sleep out of his system.
"What're you doin'?" The older of the two slurred, showing he wasn't fully sober yet. He had been sleeping peacefully, lost in the wonderland of dreams, until he felt someone stroke his hair, the action being soothing yet disturbing his slumber.
"Watching you sleep." The reply came almost instantly, the younger of the two siblings maneuvering himself to get more space on the single bed. He almost regretted that they slept on different beds now. He missed his brother's warm embrace. It always made the nightmares go away.
"You do know that's creepy, right?" The older raven joked before muffling a yawn as he stretched, noticing how early it was when he glanced at his alarm clock. He shouldn't have been awake yet.
"Not if the victim talks in his sleep…So, I heard you were planning to run away with ootoro?" Roppi bit back the laughter that was threatening to escape his throat. Izaya had a weird habit of talking in his sleep. And he said the most amusing things. Most of them revolved around his unrequited love for ootoro…
The older raven gave his brother a half-hearted glare, before, scuffling under his sheets once again.
"What's between me and ootoro is none of your business." Izaya mumbled, feeling slightly embarrassed by the fact that someone heard the fantasies he had about fatty tuna. "What're you doing in my bed anyway?" The future informant frowned when he noticed his brother's hand was still entangled in his hair. He didn't like people invading his personal privacy but his sibling had a weird habit of ruffling his hair every time they were close. Most people would be annoyed but Izaya didn't really feel all that bothered except when he was disturbed when he was trying sleep. He wasn't a morning person…
"I couldn't sleep…" The latter whispered solemnly, retracting his hand from the soft tresses, his scarlet eyes emotionless as he said the words.
A piercing silence came over the two brothers as they stared at each other wordlessly, their eyes doing the talking for them.
Roppi had nightmares.
He had always had nightmares ever since he met Izaya when he became a part of the family when they were both eight. He wasn't adopted from an orphanage, no; he was in fact, Izaya's half-brother, meaning they were connected by the lineage of blood. It was the reason why they looked so familiar, almost like twins.
Their whore of a father played around with a woman, despite having a pregnant fiancé. When he found out that his mistress also got pregnant, he left her in favor of his soon-to-be wife. They got married and had Izaya. The mistress on the other hand, deciding against abortion, had her own son, whom she named Hachimenroppi or Roppi for short.
But a few years after her death, his father tried to take responsibility for his actions and took the illegitimate son under his own wing. But by then, it was too late. Roppi had already developed a deep unseated hatred for all of humanity, whether it be his father, his biological mother or any other person in this world…That was…until he met the boy who looked a mirror image of himself.
"I need to go early to school today. I have to get something done." He had a stoic expression as he said those words. Roppi never showed emotions. He was cold, impassive and indifferent to everyone around him. He hated humanity. He hated all humans which such a deep fervor that it made his blood run cold…there was only one exception to his feelings of hate and loathing…
And it was this teenager right in front of him, his own flesh and blood, his own brother…
"Go ahead, I'm gonna go back to sleep." Izaya yawned before lying back down on his pillow, closing his eyes and hoping to go to sleep in a deep slumber.
Without another word, Roppi detached himself from the exhausted being. Slowly, he padded his way to the door, noticing with a frown that the place was a mess. Izaya needed to clean his room once in a while! Sighing Roppi took a moment as he stood in the door way, turning back only to murmur the words he always said incoherently:
"I love you, brother…"
Obviously the older sibling didn't notice it, he never did, but Roppi didn't let it faze him. Someday…someday he would definitely convey his feelings…
…
As always, school was uneventful in the early morning.
Roppi always came early; it was a good way to avoid the hustle and bustle on the streets in the morning hours.
School itself was an obligation if not a nuisance. Roppi hated sitting in class surrounded by all those filthy humans so he always took the back seat. Luckily it was next to the window so Roppi preoccupied himself by looking outside the clear glass and observing the birds as they flapped their wings enthusiastically in the sky, diving and chirping and making the morning feel alive.
Roppi loved birds.
They were innocent and pure creatures, untainted by the cruelty of this world. He loved how free they were, going wherever they pleased without any leash to tie them down. And most importantly, they were absolutely beautiful.
Not as beautiful as him though…
Yes, to Roppi, his brother was his most cherished possession, something he'd die before allowing to slip out of his hands.
It was wrong without a doubt, wrong to feel this way about someone who he'd spent most of his life with, someone who shared the same father, someone who trusted him completely.
But after a long time of contradicting himself, Roppi had come to a bizarre conclusion.
The feelings he felt for his older sibling were far beyond brotherly love or admiration, it was more like a sick infatuation that he could never deny having. Maybe all the love one was supposed to have towards his relatives and friends was mustered up in the feelings he felt for his brother. He adored his brother too much to have time to feel sympathy-or anything except hate and indifference towards other human beings.
His brother was different, different than all these spiteful humans who buzzed around like annoying pests. Throughout the years they had been together, Roppi had found that of all the people he knew, his brother was probably the most caring of them.
He remembered the tribulations he had gone through, the difficulties, the anger, the disappointment, yet despite all that, Izaya had never once left his side. It was easy to fall in love with such a person, much to Roppi's dismay.
However, he knew that his older brother would never feel the same way.
Izaya had once told him that his heart belonged to humanity itself and he could never love an individual personally, it was impossible for him to do. That comment had undoubtedly hurt. Roppi had always thought that his brother had a soft spot for him. But after that Izaya had said something even more shocking:
"I just love you a little more, because you look like me…"
Roppi had been elated at those words and couldn't stop smiling the whole day which was a big thing since Roppi almost never smiled. Though one would've expected his sibling to say 'I love you a little more, because you are my brother', Roppi was not dismayed by the truth that it was in fact because of his looks that Izaya had developed a liking towards him, he merely enjoyed the company of his loved one, knowing he was special to the other as well…
It had, many times before, crossed his mind of how awful it was that he was actually having incestuous feelings when his brother probably didn't love him in that way. But it was a fascination that the raven could not deny, an obsession which always kept him on the edge…
His brother was loathed by most people. He knew that. Izaya probably deserved to be hated by every human on the planet since he used them as his play things, manipulating them and placing them in troublesome situations, yet he always claimed he loved them, loved observing them. His brother was a sadist, no doubt. He relished seeing other people in pain and Roppi contrasted him perfectly with his own masochistic nature.
Roppi treated pain as a friend, not an enemy. He treated it as a means of escape, escaping from people around him who were all hypocrites and never showed their true hateful nature except to those who were weaker than them, those whom they could oppress. At least his brother wasn't a hypocrite. He made his personality known by everyone, and yet a few people still hung around him and became his friends…
The fact that Izaya had other people close to him unnerved Roppi a bit, but he was always too afraid to say anything. He was afraid that if he acted too clingy or if he acted too possessive, his brother might leave him, like all those other people had left him before. He knew he could become clingy at times. After all, he could only show his childish side to his brother. But he knew that being selfish and over-protective would only give away his true feelings. So he tried to give Izaya some space.
That was one of the reasons why he came to school early, that and because he absolutely hated being in a crowd of people.
Roppi was indebted to his brother in many ways. Izaya the one who pulled him out of the misery of his childhood, out of the misery of being rejected by his own mother and being abused by his own uncle. Yes, he owed his brother a lot.
Izaya was the light that shone his world, sharing the same devil-like eyes, showing him that he wasn't alone in being hated and despised by humanity. The bond they shared was the bond of blood. It gave Roppi comfort knowing that no one else had that same privilege.
The empty class where there hung an eerie sort of silence slowly got filled as more and more students started to arrive. None of them greeted him, not that he wanted to be greeted in the first place. He didn't want to be affiliated with these humans in any way. He liked being ignored; he liked being a speck in the class which other people barely ever noticed. He didn't like attention at all.
As he continued to gaze outside the window, his chin resting on his knuckle, his eyes were suddenly met by a sight which made his eyebrow twitch in irritation. His brother had finally made it to school. But that wasn't what bothered him; it was in fact that blonde that chased after his sibling with a street sign in his hand. Heiwajima Shizuo. The person he hated a lot more than he hated other humans.
He hated that blonde with every fiber of his being, the blonde who always attempted to hurt his brother, attempted to take away the reason for his existence.
His jaw tightened as he saw the blonde mercilessly hurl a sign at Izaya, his hands in his pockets fingering the blade that rested there. Yes, he was just as skilled with knives as his sibling, but he never made it known publicly. He watched as his brother dodged every searing punch like an expert, quick and agile like a cat. Both the teenagers gave everyone a good show as they ran off to a different location in the school, Shizuo still hot on Izaya's tail.
It was only after they had left that Roppi realized that he had been grinding his teeth and that his muscles were tense. As soon as he noticed the changes, he quickly returned to his usual demeanor, wiping off the scowl that marred his feature.
Heiwajima Shizuo. Roppi hated that person from the very depth of his heart. It was not only because the blonde had tried to kill Izaya on countless occasions, but also because he felt as if there was something between them…Something that connected them together like pieces of a puzzle. He couldn't help but feel that they were hiding something, that there was something beyond that all that hate and malice and heated glares.
Roppi distinctly remembered how angry his brother had gotten when he interfered in one of their daily brawls. Izaya had been absolutely furious and he had actually lashed out at his younger sibling when they reached the vicinity of their home.
That night, for the first time in four years, Roppi added another deep scar to the collection on his wrist. Surprisingly, Izaya had discovered him doing the deed despite the fact that he was in his room. The older raven had immediately ran to his aid, his previous anger dissipating as he fumbled with his words and his medical skills, trying to help his injured brother.
Roppi had just stared at his sibling in mild surprise. It had been a long time since he had seen Izaya worry so openly in front of him. The fact that Izaya did care implanted itself on his mind and he silently savored his brother's nurturing attitude. After that incident, Roppi had never meddled in any of their fights.
In fact, he tried his best to stay away from his sibling when they were at school, knowing that he would easily get jealous of the people close to his sibling and then regret doing something that would make his brother hate him again. He didn't want to fight with the only person he cared about. The feeling was too agonizing…
The bell finally rung, signaling the fact that class was going to start any minute. Students shuffled into the classroom like a swarm of bees, each making that annoying buzz and Roppi was reminded how much he hated class.
Thankfully, the students assumed silence once the teacher walked in; taking the attendance to make sure each student was present. Roppi didn't answer when his name was called out, he never did and the teacher was used to it so he merely shrugged it off.
The day went on like any other. Teachers came in one by one, taught the subject they paid to teach, gave some homework and warnings of upcoming tests and left without another word. The students on the other hand were a bit more unpredictable. Stupid humans. They were always coming up with new methods of teasing other people. It was easily apparent that they had nothing better to do with their pitiful lives.
Soon enough, the stupid students got even more worked up as the Biology Lesson approached. The school had come up with a new scheme to help the children understand the subject since it proved to be a challenge. It was called 'The Bio Workshop'.
In it, third-year students and second-year students interacted for advanced learning. Students of each grade had to give presentations in front of their seniors or juniors on a specific subject assigned to them by the teacher. The presenters were asked questions by the audience and had to prepare the topic well so that they would be able answer any query. At times when complicated questions arose (children did after all think), the teacher would let out a helping hand.
Right now, there were four people standing in front of the class to give their presentation. They were an year younger than Roppi himself and each had a paper in his hand.
Roppi barely glanced at the young students, still staring absentmindedly outside the window. Today's topic was 'Reproduction in Humans', a topic which kids usually made fun off.
The older teens would practically bombard their underclassmen with all sorts of weird questions.
Just as Roppi had thought, odd questions began to pop up as soon as the first teenager had started to speak. Some of them were: 'You a virgin?" or even "Ever thought of sex change surgery" or even "Is it pleasurable to stick something up your ass?".
Roppi rolled his eyes. Despite trying to detach himself from this class, being physically present meant that he could still hear all the nonsense these vulgar humans were sprouting.
Thankfully it wasn't long before the last person was left and lunch break was only fifteen minutes away.
"Th-the v-vagina is a p-art o-of the fe-male r-reproduction sy-sytem. And its lo-located at th-the…umm…erm…Sensei…c-can someone el-else do this p-part?"
The silent class was suddenly filled with echoes of laughter as students giggled at the poor teen stammered in front of the class, trying to regain his bearings. It was apparent that those students who had fallen asleep were now wide awake, thinking they had another victim they could make fun of.
Roppi sighed as he heard the teacher urge the poor student to continue. What was he? A wimp? At that age guys talked about vaginas and boobs as casually as one discusses the weather…
Alright fine. Roppi had to admit that stuttering voice full of embarrassment was kind of funny. It sounded as if the poor boy was trying to keep his voice from faltering too much but it was obvious that he was making a fool out of himself. He sounded as if he was going to faint any second.
There was no reason to be shy about it. It was a fact of life that men and women fucked like bunnies and enjoyed it and did again and again and again, so what was there to be so mortified about?
Roppi glanced at the student standing in front of the class from the corner of his eyes; curious to whom the innocent, wavering voice full of evident embarrassment belonged to. It was not as if he was amused or interested, it was only out of sheer curiosity.
His eyes only widened slightly as he his gaze was met with the person he hated with a burning passion. Roppi blinked, and then blinked once again, just to make sure his mind wasn't playing tricks on him…
Sure enough, there in front of him was a person who could easily be considered as Heiwajima Shizuo's dopple ganger…
…
Author's ramble: Hello's all my beautiful people!~ Yes I have started this new story and it's the one I am currently working on. I feel really bad about neglecting 'Dreaming Of You', and I have the next chapter in my head…just needs to be typed!
LOL, guys it's a hard thing for me to say, but I suck at humor. I don't have a humorous bone in my body. Not that I don't like to laugh (yes I am one of those who will laugh at the most random things and are even ticklish in their armpits), but sadly, I can't make a good joke to save my life. So this story is gonna be full of angst, angst and angsty angst~ Or at least that's what I am planning!~
Yes, this story contains one-sided incestuous feelings, so I won't be surprised if I get flamed. But please guys, DO NOT flame! Read the warning at the top, there's a reason it's been high lighted like 'WARNING!'. 'Kay? So I don't want people complaining to me that they didn't know and stuff!
Oh and before I forget, if any one's curious enough to know more about the phrase 'I would like to kill all the crows of the mortal world and sleep in with the master of my heart', check out the link below:
http:/ .com /threads/267555- Origin- I-want- to-kill-all-the- crows-and-sleep-in- with-my- lover
(Remove all the spaces!~)
Anyhoo, for all those who read this and liked it, please leave a review! I want to know whether this story is worth continuing or whether I should just drop it.
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