HEEEEEY PEOPPLLEEEE! Are any of my wonderful author followers (I love you guys, even if you just follow one of my stories) here?! ANYWAYYY, this story was mainly created by my best friend Tamara (I've only like, done three paragraphs of this), and I couldn't resist not to post this. We both can write better than this, but hey, it's crack. Yes, we made a crackfic together. Because we're bored. AND I'M STILL WORKING ON MY FANFICS, YES, YES. Just busy. And lazy. And bored. Anyhow, before I leave you to read this awful but hilarious fic (in my opinion), I shall leave you to read some almighty wise words from Tamara herself.
Tamara:
heyeeyeyyeyeyeyy so I'm Tamara. Hello, yes, wow. I feel different. ANywaayyyy, I don't own a fanfiction account (yet) but yeah don't hate on my writing because this is a crack and it's for yours and our entertainment because it was soo much fun making ^0^ enjooyy 3
The 3 Fangirls
Chapter 1: The 3 Fangirls
It was a beautiful morning in the prestigious Ouran Academy. The birds were chirping and the crystal clear water cascaded from their expensive and exquisite fountains. The students mingled around in their ¥300,000 uniforms. It was all so calm until…
"OH MY HOLY TITS, JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL." Tamara, the random socially awkward fangirl, exclaimed at the top of her lungs. She disturbed the passersbys and they all gave her weird ass looks. Another girl was positioned near their main fountain in a quite fabulous pose (similar to Tamaki's). She had long frizzy hair that cascaded down to the small of her back. Her eyes were brown but seriously who cares about the eye colour. Another girl was situated in the corner, clapping her hands like an excited seal as she was roaring in laughter and jumping up and down excitedly, making her black/brown hair fly everywhere not very gracefully. Her name was Macy, but call her Mayo, because if you call her Macy she will violently correct you. The fabulous one near the fountain was Nicoletta and she calmly got up and went over to her friends.
"Come on Nikki, you don't seem so excited." Mayo whined.
They stood in silence for a momento, until Nicoletta screamed to the top of her lungs, otherwise known as fangirling. Now, when Nico fangirls, she fangirls. If you know what I mean.
Nicoletta was disturbed by her fangirling when a quite (I guess you could say) handsome man strolled over to them, quietly tapping Tamara on the shoulder. Tamara turned around with a quizzical look on her face and was about to say something until the man interrupted her. "Excuse me my bootiful mistress, that has eyes that sparkle like stars over a rainbow (?), but what are you young ladies doing at Ouran?" Tamara was about to reply until he arrogantly started speakin in a soft vioce. "Oh have nothing to say because you were distracted by my man beauty? That happens a lot, but don't worry…" He cupped her cheek as she blushed deply. "I was distracted by yours…"
Nicoletta swatted his hand away from Tomato's cheek like a fly.
"What the actual fuck Tamaki?"
She said with as much poison in her tone as she could. He looked shocked and pulled his hand away, hurted.
"You realise what you said you piece of shiet?"
He looked at her questioningly. "You basically just said you were distracted by her 'man beauty'. Excuse me sir, but she is totally feminine in all her ways. Sure she may be as flat as a board−" Nicoletta pointed to her chest area, which earned an angry look from Tamara.
"I'M STILL IN DEVELOPMENT!" She exclaimed angrily.
Nicoletta rolled her eyes. "BUT STILL she is the most kawaii person ever, kay?" Nicoletta snapped sassily. She leant in close to the man's face. "Btw (literally 'btw') any girl AND boy would say you have no man beauty AT ALL. So, STOP BEING SO CONCEITED! IT'S A TRAIT THAT MAKES THE MOST BEAUTIFUL UGLY IN A SECOND Kk."
Everyone was in silence for a moment as Tamaki took all the insults in. His face soon scrunched up and he went to his corner of woe as Nicoletta went back to her clique of friends (which, mind you, had 2 people in it).
"We heard someone say…" a voice said, earning an antenna from Mayo.
"…flat as a board," a slightly lower voice said; an antenna flew up on Nicoletta's head.
"Is Haruhi here?" the voices said together.
Instantly (and I really mean instantly) Mayo and Nicoletta spun around, wide grins so wide that you'd think their heads would split in half. "OH MY FUCKING GOOOOOOD!" the two screamed (in sync mind you), so loudly that you wouldn't be too surprised if people in Sweden went deaf. "It's the Hitachiin twins!" they joyously finished together, in perfect sync (as always…).
Said twins were blinking curiously, mirroring each other's action of itching their ears.
"That was loud…" Hikaru mumbled.
"What?" his twin replied, cupping his ear.
"What?"
"Bro, I can't hear you!"
"What the hell are you saying? Stop lip-syncing, dude."
The three fangirls sweatdropped. 'We can hear you perfectly fine…'
Meanwhile, in Sweden…
A blonde fourteen year old sat on her couch in the living room, a quizzical face on as she wondered why her TV suddenly went mute. She pressed the '+' on her volume button on her remote several times, until it came to the highest, yet no sound came.
"Mom!" she called. "I think the speakers broke!"
Silence was her reply.
"Mom!"
Whilst the blonde was screaming for her mother, said woman was in the kitchen, right next door to the living room, doing the dishes peacefully.
She could only hear the faintest buzz from the TV. 'Wonder why Saga put the TV on low?'
Back at Ouran…
The twins soon shook their heads and returned to their normal state.
"So…" Karou started.
"Where's Haruhi?" They questioned in sync.
"Actually…" Mayo and Nicoletta also said in sync, a cheeky grin on both their faces.
They both turned to Tamara who was looking up at the sky, in an obvious thinking position as her hand was placed on her chin (which made her look like Kyoya because of her glasses).
"We have…" Mayo started.
"… Another version," Nicoletta continued.
"Of Haruhi." They said in unison, which made the twins shocked at their perfect symmetry.
To be honest, Mayo and Nicoletta are basically twins, but aren't. Their birthdays are one day apart, they enjoy the same things (except for Mayo, she has a passionate love for KPop) and act like lesbians, a lot like how Karou and Hikaru act like gay incest lovers, which we all secretly love on the inside. Now, when I say they act like lesbians, they don't kiss or anything (but if they were dared to, they wouldn't hesitate). They are a lot like our favourite twincest ship (the twins), a taboo relationship, but the love is still there. Confusing, I know, but just think of them as Hikaru and Karou except girls with brown/black hair, brown eye colour and obsessive otakus. Now, back to the fanfic…
The girls (nic and mayo) pushed Tamara in front of them, Tamara awkwardly standing there and looking at Nic then at Mayo, giving them a facial expression that basically said,
"What. The. Fuck."
"That looks…" Hikaru said.
"…Nothing like," Karou continued.
"Haruhi." They synced.
"Actually!" Nicoletta exclaimed.
"If you concentrate, she does kind of look like her. It isn't mainly the looks though…" Macy handed it over to Nic.
"She practically acts like Haruhi." Nicoletta pointed out smartly.
"Huh?" The boys said, confusion edged in their tones.
"You see!" Nicoletta said grandly, as she did an elaborate pose (which reminded them awfully of their lord who was sulking in the corner). "She's poorer, she's clumsy as hell, has short hair, bad eyes (note, Haruhi's glasses in the first episode)…" Nico said as she counted each note on her fingers. "…has a smaller living space, eats commoners' food like ramen, doesn't like thunderstorms…" the girl continued.
"Okay! We get it!" Tamara exclaimed, pissed off that her friends were basically insulting her and telling her fear of thunderstorms.
Macy then interjected, "And she's flat as a board!"
"I'M STILL IN DEVELOPMENT!"
"Keep telling yourself that," Nicoletta said, patting Tamara's back (earning a poisonous glare from her in return).
"Ooooohhh…" the twins said, the facts sinking into their brains.
"But it still isn't Haruhi," Hikaru pointed out, followed by a nod of agreement from his twin. From that comment, hearts replaced Nico's eyes, and she cradled her face, letting out a fangirl squeal.
"HIKAHARU~~~"
As you can see, she's a hardcore HikaHaru fan. (No joke.)
At this exact moment, Haruhi came into the picture, saying, "I heard my name…?"
Additional hearts began to swirl around Nic, and if you looked closely on her lip-syncing lips, you could outline that she was saying words along the lines of 'just kiss already!' or 'fluff, fluff, FLUUUFF!' and occasionally 'and then add some smut to the mix.' Honestly, who wouldn't say those words? (Especially the last one eheh)
"Oh hey Haruhi." Hikaru greeted. (Which made Nic fangirl even harder.)
"Hey Hikaru." Haruhi greeted back as Nicoletta screeched, "INTIMACYYYYYY!" (they just said 'hello' calm down.) Haruhi gave the group of otakus a stare as she calmly turned to the twins and muttered, "Another group? Really?" as they nodded in response.
"What do you mean 'another group'?" Mayo accused, ignoring the episode her 'twin' was experiencing.
Haruhi sighed. "You aren't the first group, you know, you thought you were the only rich otakus to visit Ouran to fangirl?"
Nicoletta snapped out of her fangirling at the word 'rich'.
"Hey! What makes you think were rich?" Nicoletta exclaimed as she snapped her fingers in a 'Z' formation.
Tamara soon gave Nico a glare. "Bitch please." She pulled out of nic's pocket an iPad Air and a $400 LG phone that was connected to some $30 headphones (AU currency). "Also forgot to mention the money your father sends you , cough cough, $400."
Nicoletta huffed and muttered a small, "it isn't that much…"
"It isn't that much? He has sent you $400, twice." Tomato (Tamara) raised her eyebrows.
"It still isn't that much…." She continued quietly.
"AND, he's sending you yet another, $400, the total of all those bunches of money combined equalling $1200."
Tamato looked at Nicki expectantly as she finally gave up and admitted that 'yeah, it was richy'.
"It isn't that much." Hikaru stated.
"Our uniforms cost more." Kaoru continued.
Haruhi let out a muttered, "rich bastards" which no one really noted except the 3 fangirls.
A silence passed over them, until one of the twins piped up:
"What time is it?"
There was another long silence as they all realised that they had stood outside all this time.
And it was now lunchtime.
And Tamaki had not even once gone out from his corner.
Two hours prior…
Kyoya glanced back at the empty seat behind him, tuning out momentarily the teacher who was droning on about some formula. (He already knew the answer, since he is the Ohtori Kyoya, after all.)
'Where the heck is Tamaki? He'd only be gone this long if he was stuck in his corner, but who would upset him this early?'
We are now back to the present…
A tumbleweed tumbled (pun intended) passed by the group as it was an eerie silence, which of course, Nic broke.
"Awkward…"
The school bell rang which signalled the time for eating and the three fangirls all shared the same thought.
"CAFETERIA!' They screeched, running off to find the food.
"How would they know…" Kaoru started.
"Where the cafeteria is?" Hikaru finished, a blank look on his face.
"They're otakus, they would know our school like the back of their hands." Haruhi explained.
Meanwhile…
The cafeteria ladies (and the odd gentlemen) were shocked at the order from the 3 girls.
"What was that again?" She asked, still confused.
Nicoletta let out a deep sigh. "Okay… I'm going to tell you very slowly (which obviously means, fast as she can)…"
Nic took a deep breath in.
"Rare t-bonesteak with fries, extra crispy and the finest you have, with five hash-browns and three pancakes with heaps of ice cream on top; also I want a side with lots of bacon, and make sure they are extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra crispy. And also, about three Whoppers from Hungry Jacks with cheese; put some pasta on a separate plate with Bolognese sauce, nachos and sour cream. OH, and some Swedish meatballs with gravy. And for desert: chocolate, caramel and vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles, chocolate sprinkles, M&M's, and chocolate chips underneath a slice of crumble-apple cake."
"…is that all?"
"And a diet coke; I'm looking after my figure."
"..okay ma'am… won't be two minutes." The lady said wearily.
The cafeteria lady serving-your-food person moved onto Tamara.
You thought Nicoletta's was long?
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Just you read…
Tamara took a dramatic breath inward.
"I would like, a cheeseburger but please get rid of the pickles, a shitload of fries and they better be the finest potato you have, 10 hash browns and 3 hot dogs and jesus Christ, don't have those ones with the papery skin, more fries and a Big Mac without the tomato and add some very crispy bacon, 36 $1 McDonald's chips (lol im broke) with some ice cream on the side that is the flavour of chocolate and strawberry mixed together, also make sure to get my 2 friends a mochberry milkshake which is a mocha and strawberry milk mixed together, some pork and 10 pieces of extra crispy crackling wiittthhhh 1kg of raspberries and 10 cakes for desert. Add also five cans of Pringles, original or whatever just so long it ain't sour cream and onion, three Kolé Beers, and a bowl of popcorn, and it must be buttered with a pinch of salt."
Tamara smiled happily as she said all of it so smoothly, like it was rehearsed.
"….." The lady stared wide-eyed at the young girl.
Tamara kept smiling.
"… Anything else?"
Tamara thought for a moment.
"Yes, more hashbrowns and bacon wiittthhh another 3 cheeseburgers WITHOUT THE PICKLES and a coca-cola!" She grinned happily.
The lady person sighed. "Diet?"
"bitch u think im fat?" She snapped as she placed her hands on her hips.
"N-no" The server lady stuttered.
"Good! I thought so." Tamara flipped her hair (lol wat hair) and walked away to nicki.
Now, you would think Mayo's would be EVEN LONGER.
"A cheeseburger, 2 hashbrowns and a Fanta please."
The lady sighed in relief and went to give Mayo's order to the chef.
The 3 fangirls found a table and sat quietly and made chit chat as they all waited for their food. And when it arrived…
"oh my god." They heard first, second and third years whisper. "They gonna eat all of that?..."
The 3 girls (excluding Mayo, she ate her small plate peacefully) gazed at their food in amazement.
"I can't believe they actually made it for us…"
Tamara nodded in agreement to Nicoletta's statement.
Now, in such a rich, highly-respected and posh school (the word you should keep in mind is 'posh') you would think that all the 3 girls, this time including Mayo, would have at least the sliver of decency to eat with manners.
But just because Ouran was one of the most posh and highly known school for not keeping pigs, even that wouldn't stop the trio from acting, well, like pigs.
Nicoletta ate her food savagely, like it was her last time she was ever going to taste it (but knowing her, she would most likely order the same thing in 3 hours).
Tamara ate her mountain of food not as fast as Nicoletta, but faster than most. She wanted to savour it because we all know that Ouran has an excellency at their food.
Mayo ate her food peacefully, but ate it savagely too. She ate her cheeseburger murderously but she ate it with a big grin, sauce located on her cheek.
In under 15 minutes, the food was all gone, even the crumbs. They practically vacuumed cleaned it off their plates.
During their devouring of the food, an unfortunate event happened. A student asked if he could have some.
Yes, all 3 girls are nice when they can be, but you should never, I repeat,
NEVER
Ask them for food when they are eating.
Let me describe what happened…
"Hey, could I have some fries?" A boy asked.
All the girls turned their heads to the boy.
They were mid-eating and their faces were blank.
"Just some fries… They ran out-"
"Why should we give our food to you?" Tamara questioned.
"You might take more than just 'some fries' how can we trust you?" Mayo implied, which made all the girl's eyes squint.
"Yeah, why do you want our fries? You can get some fries from another group." Nicoletta argued, hastily dropping her handful of meatballs and grabbing her fries, eating them slowly whilst giving the boy a suspicious look.
"Well- it's just, all of you had the most…" He stuttered, feeling intimidated by the girl's stares.
"So? What is that suppose to mean, huh?!" They all said in unison, grabbing their food and pulling it into their arms like a mother protecting their baby. They hissed as he moved and they cowered away, picking up some random item of food and eating it cautiously.
"Uhm." He was about to say until interrupted by a growling Nico.
"Leaf us alone."
They then continued their eating like nothing happened.
After their murderous devouring of their food (which they didn't pay for because really they were all broke, even Nic when you compare her to the price of everything in Ouran) they decided to go any otaku would go.
The Ouran High School Host Club.