Part 1- Randomly Random Random-ness

Ron ran into the Great Hall one morning, waving his arms and screaming like a

two-year-old girl being attacked by a rabid gorilla. "MY COLON! MY COLON!" he

screamed. "THE PAIN! THE HORROR!! THE TUMOR!!!!" He quickly ran around all 5

tables, randomly slapping Snape on the head as he came by. Then, when he was

beet red and couldn't run anymore, he sat down next to Harry and Hermione

at the Gryffindor table.

"Guys, you won't believe this… I'VE GOT COLON CANCER!!" "Um… Ron… you just

ran around like a retard for 10 minutes screaming 'my colon'… it wasn't

that hard to figure out why." Hermione said, slightly disgusted by the

thought of Ron's colon. "But… but… but I love my colon! It's the best

colon in the world!" Harry gave a sort of a donkey like snort. "Yeah,

like your colon is better than mine. That'll be the day."

"SHUT UP YOU UNCLE FUCKER!" Ron yelled. "Uncle Fucker? Where?" Dumbledore

yelled frantically. Now it was his turn to run. He ran around each of the

tables singing the "Uncle Fucker" song, then made a mad dash for his office.

When he stepped onto the escalator thingie, the singing echoed through the

whole school.

Faint cries of "Shut your fucking face, Uncle Fucker…" could be heard

hundreds of feet away. The first years looked on the verge of tears.

"Great, Ronnie Fuck-Face! Look what you did!!" Hermione shouted, pointing

at a group of catty first year bitches crying hysterically. "Oh yeah, like

that was my fault! Did you see me running around like an ass screaming 'Shut

your Fucking Face Uncle Fucker?' "

"Oh yeah, Mr. MY COLON! THE TUMOR! OH THE AGONY!! MY ASS MY ASS! Like that

was any better!" "SHUT UP DILHOLE!" Ron screamed at Hermione, sending

Professor McGonagall into fits of hysterics for no reason at all.