If Only

Chapter One: A Million Thoughts in My Head

Summary: Out of her and her friends, Evie is the only one that has any inkling what being loved feels like, but once she and Doug start hanging out more after Ben's coronation, her feelings of love are jumbled.

Disclaimer: I don't own Descendants, or the song. The song (and its reprise) are both sung by Dove Cameron in the movie. However, this is still an Evie/Doug story, not a Mal/Ben story. Nor is this story really going to be a songfic... it's just inspired by the song and will have none of the lyrics in the story itself, just used as the chapter titles.

Evie had grown up with a mother who had taught her the importance of beauty. So between her, Mal, Carlos and Jay, Evie was the one that knew some form of love from her villainous parent. Grimhilde had always wanted Evie to marry up in the world, and give them the better life that Grimhilde herself had not been able to supply, due to her status as a villain. But at the same time, Evie had been told that her beauty was what was going to get the guy, and that her skills at cooking and cleaning would be what kept him in her grasp. So it wasn't a perfect and clear view of love, but it was Grimhilde's version of tough love.

Then Ben had made the proclamation that some of the children on the Isle of the Lost be given a chance to live amongst the residents of Auradon, and Evie was among the four chosen to test the waters, along with her best friends of course. She knew that there were only going to be so many princes that she could try and win over with her beauty, but striking out right off the bat with Ben, her ego was a little bruised. And it wasn't even Ben who had rejected her... it had been his prissy little Princess girlfriend, Audrey. But Evie hadn't let that little speedbump deter her. There had to be other princes that she could go for.

Of course, the next one that she had tried for was Chad Charming, but Doug, sweet and adorable Doug, had been right about Chad. Chad had indeed inherited his father's charm, but he had ended up being a huge jerk, only wanting to hang out with her and manipulate her into doing his homework, only to turn around and tell Mr. Deley that she had been cheating. But there was Doug, yet again, coming to her aid and convincing Mr. Deley not to have her expelled, since without her magic mirror, she hadn't been cheating at that particular moment, and therefore was no proof that she had ever cheated at all.

After all of that had settled, had come Family Day. Chad had insulted Mal, Jay and Evie, and after Evie had asked her mirror who the biggest jerk in the land was, and showed Chad his own reflection, he had shoved her arm out of his way and Jay had come to her defense, but before a fight could break out, Evie had knocked Chad out with the spray that Mal had given her. Unfortunately, when Chad had passed out, he had fallen backwards towards Doug, and her sweet Doug had caught Chad while Lonnie and Audrey had fussed over him, trying to get him to wake up. After Evie and her friends had run off, Doug had tried to talk to her about what had happened, and she tried to apologize, but Chad had just gotten in the way, and Doug had eventually walked away from her.

But even with all of that, Evie had still started to fall for Doug. He was so sweet to her, and she didn't blame him for siding with his friends over her. He had known them way longer then he had known her, and after her stunt of knocking Chad out, he had good reason to not want to fight his friends over the issue of talking to her. So when they had all been at the after party for Ben's coronation, she had danced with him. And things seemed to be going great... at least until the party ended.

The party had ended well past midnight, and having been standing and dancing all day and night, Evie's feet had started to hurt, so she had sat down on the edge of the patio and had taken her shoes off when Doug and come up to her and sat down as well. He had taken his jacket off, and when he had noticed that she was shivering, he had draped the deep red jacket over her shoulders. They hadn't actually talked since Family Day, so neither knew just what to say.

"I'm..." Evie started to say while Doug was saying, "Look..." but at hearing the other one speaking, they had both stopped talking.

"You can go first." Doug said after a moment.

"I'm sorry about the other day." Evie apologized.

"You reacted out of instinct." Doug rationalized.

"What do you mean?" Evie asked.

"You grew up in a very different way than we have, the way that you respond and react to what people say to you, and how they treat you, it's different then the way that we were all raised to react. But Chad should never have said those things to you or your friends." Doug explained.

"You stood up for me in Chemistry, why didn't you stand up for me after that incident?" Evie asked in a small voice.

"Are you mad that I didn't?" Doug asked.

"Not mad, just curious. I have an idea as to why, but I want to know from you why." Evie replied.

"I wasn't even sure what I was wanting to say to you afterwards, so when Chad kept trying to get me to walk away from you, I had nothing to fend him off with." Doug explained.

"What about now?" Evie asked.

"Now? Now I've been kicking myself for not standing up for you. You deserve someone who will stand by your side no matter what, and after the other day, I don't know if I'm still able to be that guy for you Evie." Doug admitted.

"It's in the past Doug. The only thing for us to do now is to learn from it and move on... if you still want to be with me. I mean, if you aren't sure about my choice to be good, I totally understand. 16 years of living under my mother's tutelage definitely outweighs an afternoon of choosing to be good." Evie said quickly.

"I want to get to know this new Evie. I was getting to know the Evie that was trying to make her mother proud by being evil. If you'll allow it, I would like to be by your side as you figure out who you are without her mistakes hovering over your head, and without her guiding every action you make." Doug said after thinking about what he wanted for a couple of minutes.

"That sounds nice." Evie said with a small smile.

"It's getting pretty late, may I walk you back to your dorm?" Doug asked as he jumped down the small distance to the grass below their feet and held his hand out to her.

"I'd really like that, thank you." Evie replied as she took his hand and gently climbed down from the edge and picked up her shoes.

The walk from the grounds to Evie's dorm was a silent one. The entire time that they were walking next to each other, Evie kept having the overwhelming feeling to just take Doug's hand in hers and lace their fingers together, but she refrained. Just because they had danced together at the party did not mean that they were dating. They were on rocky ground still from Family Day, and it was going to take some time before they could get back to how things were between them just before Family Day. And even though they didn't hold hands as they walked, Doug did keep a hand placed lightly on the small of Evie's back to steady her as she walked along the uneven ground barefoot.

Once they got reached the part of the school that the dorms were in, Evie's mind started racing. 'Is Doug going to walk me all the way to my door? Is he going to try and kiss me goodnight? Does he still have a crush on me? Do I still have feelings for him? What will Mal, Carlos and Jay say when I tell them that Doug walked me back? What does Doug think about how close I am with Jay and Carlos? Is he jealous of them? Possessive? Are we going to be able to get past the other day and be friends, or something more, one day? Does he want to be more than friends with me one day? Do I want to be more than friends with him? Could this feeling in my stomach lead to love? Do I even know what real, true love is? What will Mother say about my relationship with Doug, if it ever becomes a relationship? Will she be happy for me, regardless of the fact that Doug is half dwarf, and the son of one of her enemies, instead of him being a prince? Or will she be disappointed that I chose someone who she would see as beneath me? Should I even tell her that I kind of like a guy who isn't a prince, and who is the son of one of her enemies?' Evie thought.

So many thoughts speeding through her mind at a rapid pace, and Evie could barely focus on one of them before the next one popped into her head. And she was honestly confused by all of her thoughts. 'Are all my thoughts really centered on Doug in some way? Is this what the beginning of falling in love with someone feel like?' Evie didn't know the answer to any of the questions that her mind was throwing at her, but before she could even start to analyze any of them properly, she and Doug had come to a stop in front of the door of her dorm. Evie wasn't sure what she wanted to happen. Doug decided what would happen.

"Good night Evie." Doug said before taking one of her hands in his, lifting it to his lips, and kissing the back of it.

"Good night Doug." Evie breathed out. She was going to have write down every single question that she had regarding Doug and analyze everything that she could be feeling before she went to bed tonight.