A/N: Well, I had a weird dream and it amused me so I decided to make a story of it. I know it's weird.

Chapter 1: Clove

It was the motherfucking apocalypse. No, not the zombie apocalypse we all expected. Worse. It was fucking fog. Yes, fog. But fog that made your not only your flesh disintegrate, but your bones, too. Yeah.

Well, it was the result of a government experiment gone wrong. When I heard about it, I was at Walmart. Walmart's a fucking stupid place but it was actually one of the best places to be in this instance. Because we were going to need a shit ton of food. Like a lifetime supply.

We were there getting camping supplies. The five of us. Cato, Gale, Peeta, Katniss, and me. We needed a couple of tents, marshmallows, that kind of thing. We would stop at the liquor section, too. I was still eighteen, but Cato and Gale were twenty-one and they could buy beer for all of us.

I'm looking at the tents, cheap things. "How many do we need?" I asked. This was a complex question because it required knowing the sleeping arrangements. It depended how drunk we got and if anyone was going to get laid. I wouldn't share a tent with Katniss. Gale wouldn't share a tent with Peeta. It was like one of those stupid riddles we did when we were kids.

Cato and Gale were with standing with me looking at the tents. Katniss had gone to get tampons or whatever. Peeta was somewhere.

"I think we need two tents," Cato said.

"How do you figure that?" Gale asked.

"You sleep with Katniss and Peeta and Clove sleep with me," Cato said. Cato apparently had no intentions of getting laid.

"Okay but if we're going to have a threesome did you really have to pick Baker's Boy?" I asked.

"I thought Clove and I would share," Gale said casually. Apparently Gale did have intentions of getting laid.

"Alright, then Katniss and Peeta can share," Cato said.

"You're sleeping by yourself then," Gale said. He was staring Cato down. Cato was not taking the hint.

"I was thinking of sharing with Peeta," I said, mostly to be controversial.

"Okay, then Peeta can join us," Gale challenged.

"Why don't we all just share and have an orgy?" I asked.

"Oh," Cato said. "I didn't know you two were..." He stood there awkwardly unable to finish that sentence. Gale and I stood there glaring at each other. It wasn't that I was opposed to sleeping with him. It was more that I wanted to be the boss.

That was when Peeta came running up. "Guys!"

"What?" Gale asked, almost yelling.

That was when someone came on the intercom. "Due to the hazardous fog outside Walmart is asking that you do not leave the store for your own safety until further notice. For more information, please see the channel 8 news that is playing in the electronics section."

"Hazardous fog?" I said. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"No, seriously," Peeta said. "It's some sort of biochemical warfare. You'll die if you go outside."

"What?" Cato asked.

"Come on," Peeta said, dragging Cato by the wrist to the electronics section. There on the screen was some crappy footage of someone melting. Like the fucking Wicked Witch of the West.

"Jesus," I said.

"That's got to be some kind of joke," Cato said.

"Why don't you go outside and check?" Gale asked.

"So, what we just have to stay here forever?" I asked.

"Until they find a way to stop the fog, yeah, basically," Peeta said.

"Well, then I think we should crack open the beer," Gale said, patting me on the shoulder.

"Gale, you're not getting laid in a Walmart," Peeta said.

"You don't know that," Gale said.

"If we have to live the rest of our lives here, he probably is going to get laid," Katniss said, walking over.

"Is that an offer, Katnip?" Gale asked.

"Drop dead," Katniss said.

"Gale, fetch me some beer," I said.

"Sure thing, sweetheart," Gale said, wandering off. Katniss rolled her eyes at me.

"Where are we going to sleep?" Peeta asked.

"The floor," Katniss said. "There's blankets and pillows. We'll be fine."

"You're sure this isn't a joke," Cato asked Peeta. I wasn't sure if it was a question or a statement.

"Yeah, it's totally serious," Peeta said.

"I'm going to go get some beer then," Cato said. Cato and Gale were twenty-one, while the rest of us were nineteen.

"I guess that just leaves the three of us," Peeta said awkwardly. There was no secret that there was animosity between Katniss and I. Not to mention the whole Peeta was in love with Katniss and she just wasn't interested thing. So the three of us alone together was awkward to say the least.

"Yes, I guess it does," Katniss said. "I'm hungry. I'm going to Subway."

"I'll come with you," Peeta said.

I found Gale and Cato at the checkout line. "Why are you paying?" I asked. "We live here now we can just take whatever we want."

"Is that true?" Cato asked the guy who worked there.

The guy shrugged. "Yeah, pretty much."

"Well, in that case..." Gale said. "Let's get this party started."

"The losers are at Subway," I said. "If you wanted to join them." This was a test. Gale was not supposed to want to join them.

"How about we hit up the lawn furniture section?" Gale asked. I smiled. I knew it didn't exactly mean he was picking me over Katniss, but that's what it felt like.

Cato and Gale lugged two 24-packs back to a patio set on the other side of the store. "I don't think we need this much for the three of us," I commented.

"What are you scared?" Cato asked.

"Scared you're going to die of alcohol poisoning?" I asked. "Maybe."

Gale sat down on a patio chair, putting his feet up on the table and cracking open a beer. "You weigh, what? Eighty pounds, Clove? You'll be drunk after one."

"I weigh a hundred and ten pounds," I said. Gale just laughed. I took a beer and chugged the entire thing back. It tasted like warm piss, but I drank it anyway.

Anyway, about an hour later or two later there was only one 24 pack left. "Come here, Clove. Sit on my lap," Gale said, tapping his thigh.

"Nuh-uh," I said. "I'm sitting on Cato's lap." I had five or six, and as I said I weigh a hundred and ten pounds so I was feeling it. I went over and sat on Cato's lap and kissed his forehead. Cato turned bright red.

"Fuck you," Gale said. I don't know how many he had, but it was enough that he was actually crying.

"Hey, Gale," Cato said. "What's wrong?"

"I try so fucking hard," Gale said. "And no one gives a shit."

I got up out of Cato's lap. "Gale..." I said. I sat in his lap and started tickling his stomach. I buried my head in his shoulder.

"Fuck off, Clove," Gale said.

"Clove," Cato said. "Get off him."

I got up and sat on my own chair.

"I care," Cato said.

Gale was still drinking. "Cato."

"Yeah, buddy?" Cato asked.

"Come sit in my lap," Gale said.

"He's going to literally crush you," I said.

"Come here, sexy," Gale said, patting his lap like Cato was a dog he was calling over. Cato looked at me. He didn't seem that drunk. He looked and me and shrugged. He went over and sat in Gale's lap. It looked awkward as fuck.

"See?" Gale said to me. "Cato loves me."

"I don't think sitting in your lap is synonymous with loving you," I commented.

"Maybe you should eat something," Cato said to Gale.

"No," Gale said. "Kiss me."

Part of me wanted to tell Gale he was fucking crazy and shut this down, but then again I really wanted to see them make out. "Kiss him! Kiss him, Cato. Kiss him!"

"Gale..." Cato said. He was the only sober one and he was losing control over the situation. "You're really drunk and emotional."

"And you're really sexy and adorable."

"If this is how you flirt no wonder no one wants to sleep with you, Hawthorne," I said.

"Clove, you're not helping," Cato said.

"One kiss," Gale said.

Cato leaned over and planted one on Gale's lips, slowly. No tongue, as far as I could tell. It looked like a wedding kiss.

"What the-" Katniss said, her and Peeta showing up out of nowhere.

"Katniss..." Gale said as if he were going to explain himself, but he was so far beyond that point.

"I guess we figured out the tent situation," I said. "But who's top?"

"How much have they had to drink?" Peeta asked.

"Gale drank..." I started counting on my fingers, but I gave up. "A lot."

"You should lie down," Cato told Gale.

"I'll get some blankets," Peeta said.

"Suck up," Katniss said.

"I was just trying to be helpful," Peeta said.

"Well, I guess we know who won't be sleeping together," I said.

"Shut up, Clove," Katniss said. "Why'd you let him drink so much?"

"Gale's a grown ass man," I said. "I don't control him and neither do you."

"I never said I did," Katniss said.

"Blankets," Peeta said, leaving.

Cato got out of Gale's lap and went and sat back on his chair.

"Gale do you have an erection?" I asked.

"Oh, gross!" Katniss said, looking away.

"Give him a break," Cato said.

"Wow, so you actually love him," I said.

"Clove, not helping," Cato said.

"You're all fucking sluts," Gale said.

"Yeah, we're all sluts because we won't sleep with you. That makes sense," I said.

"This has gotten really out of hand," Katniss said. "Maybe we all better sleep."

Cato looked at his watch. "It's three in the afternoon."

"Yeah, well we live in a Walmart now. Life's different," Katniss said. "And you're all wasted."

Peeta returned with some blankets and a pillow, lying them out on the floor. "Gale, go lie down," Cato said.

"Come lie down with me," Gale said.

"Do not lie down with him," Katniss threatened.

Gale laid down on the ground. Cato laid down next to him. "Go to sleep, buddy."

"Yes, sir," Gale said.

"Are they dating now?" Peeta asked.

"No," Cato said.

"Yes," Gale said.

"Gale go to sleep," Cato said.