Title: Pain and Memories
Author: Mick
Rating: PG
Word Count: 965
Distribution:A href""Crypt of Fic/a, all others ask first please.
Disclaimer: If I owned them I'd be too busy to write this stuff. Just fiction, folks!
Summary: Christian Cage has a moment of reflection.
Author's Note: I…haven't written a wrestling fic in years. I haven't even watched wrestling like I used to in years. It's more of a sporadic, "What's Vince done to the company now?" type of watching when I turn the TV on. The other day, I couldn't help buying the Ladder Match DVD. It had so many matches on it that I absolutely loved and had to own. Of course, over the several days that I watched it, it woke up some old muses. One in particular. And he refused to shut up until I wrote this. I hope y'all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed hearing from him again.
Sometimes I stop and think about him and it hurts so much I can't breathe. Not the guy he is now. Not the egotistical, girlfriend-stealing, power-hungry jerk he's turned into. Not the guy with the rock band entrance music and stupid "Rated R" persona. No, I think about the man he used to be. The man who was so much more than a best friend to me. The man who was my brother and so much more than that. The man who had my back and supported me through tick and thin. The man who I loved.
When I look at Edge now, all I can see is deceit and betrayal. A liar who stepped and trampled over everyone on his way to the top. I used to think we'd be friends forever, that no matter what happened we'd always come back together for one more round of glory as a team. Now I know I was just another stepping stone for him. I was just another one of the little people he climbed over on his way up the ladder. What hurts the most is that he never even looked back, never reached out to try and help me get up there with him. He left me hanging.
Looking back, I really had no choice but to leave the company. I'd asked again and again for a transfer from Raw to Smackdown! but Vince refused. There was too much going on and he needed me to play the part of scorned little brother watching big brother climb to the top while he was left in the dust. He had no idea how badly it hurt knowing it was so much more than an act. How the hole in my chest grew day after day, festering and burning as Edge continuously stomped on my heart; the same one he once promised to cherish until death and long after.
I did everything I could to try and move on. I cut all ties possible. I removed him from my life in as many ways as I could think of; took his pictures off the walls, deleted his name from my cell, hid every physical trace of him in a box that I crammed into the attic. It was the emotional stuff I couldn't get rid of. All the memories of him and me. All the time we'd spent together as kids dreaming of the big time while in school, the countless hours of training, the long tours with the Indy feds, the years of struggling to get by, the years filled with success. I couldn't make myself forget no matter how hard I tried. Edge was my entire life. How do you rip out the biggest part of yourself and pretend it never existed? It'd be like removing a leg and convincing yourself you'd never had it in the first place.
I snapped one night, alone in my hotel room. I'd just gotten out of the shower and was standing in front of the mirror, a towel around my waist, watching as the tiny river of water dripped from my hair and trickled down my skin. It was the last piece of me that belonged to him. It'd been his idea for us to grow our hair out. I hated my hair long, I'd only done it to make him happy. In some sick way, I thought he'd notice me again if I cut it off. Thought maybe he'd snap out of it if he realized I'd let go of him completely. I'd run out to a barber the next morning and hacked it all off. When I looked in the mirror I didn't even recognize myself.
It didn't work, of course, and so I made a decision. One I don't regret. I called up some friends at TNA. I asked if they could pull some strings and get me a meeting with corporate. It wasn't long before I signed my contract and began planning my debut. I'd convinced Tomko to come with me, and together we dreamed of our escape from the WWE midcard status. I can still remember the look on Vince's face when I told him I wouldn't be renewing my contract. His eyes bulged and the vein in his forehead throbbed as his face turned a magnificent shade of red. Even Shane tried to stop me. He offered me a contract with so many zeros I went cross-eyed. It was harder to say no to him, my friend for so long, but I stood my ground.
Edge never said goodbye to me. I never heard a word from him. Not one phone call or email. No text messages or notes left in my gear bag. The man never even looked in my direction.
I left my life with WWE behind and refused to look back. I turned to TNA with my head held high. Sometimes though… Sometimes something triggers a memory and I can't stop myself from thinking about him, no matter how hard I try or how much it hurts. I can't help wondering if he ever thinks about me, too, or if he's content with how miserable and lonely his life has become. I couldn't believe it when Jeff told me what Edge and Lita did to Matt. It's one thing for a girl to cheat on a guy… but for his best friend to be the willing participant? I wouldn't have blamed Matt for killing them both. I couldn't blame Jeff, either, when he left TNA and went back to the WWE to take care of his brother.
In the end, we all have to do what's best for ourselves, no matter what the cost. It's a lesson I've learned far too well from my former best friend.