AMIRA'S SUSPICION
By CJS – August/September 2009
Chapter 1
Amira was in town shopping for a new dress, Zainab and Masood were out for the day at a catering convention and his brother was somewhere; whatever, he didn't care. Syed sat on the end of his bed and stared hard at a dark patch he had noticed on the floor; it had absolutely no significance of any sorts but he needed something to focus on – his mind was all over the place.
He had promised Amira that tonight they would spend some quality time together; that they could go out to a fancy restaurant or to a club or to a show or anything – Amira had been insistent that they do something, seeing as, to quote her, they "never spent any time together anymore". She had joked that anyone would think he didn't love her anymore. He smiled ironically, patted her knee and said "Don't be ridiculous, sweetheart." So it was that Syed was going to spend at least four painful hours in Amira's company – yes, he would enjoy some of it, but not as much as he would were he elsewhere.
Christian had just sent him a text message: "Want to do something tonight?"
Syed's shoulders sank. He shut his phone angrily and threw it onto the bed; he hated feeling like this. He hated that he was torn between these two amazing people. Part of him was angry with Christian – so very angry. He almost wished that Christian had rebuffed him that night in the kitchen, that he'd have said "Syed, what the hell are you doing?! You're with Amira. Think about this." That he'd have been so ultimately shocked and astounded that he'd have said "I have to go." Sometimes he wished he hadn't kissed Christian; that he'd have listened to his head and not his heart and locked away any thoughts and feelings he had about Christian into the tiniest little, most remote box in the back of his head.
But no; for once in his pathetic life he'd actually told the truth.
(Well, showed the truth.)
He'd told the truth and now he was stuck; if he broke it off with Christian, he'd have to spend the rest of his Albert Square existence watching Christian flounce around with other men and Syed knew the level of jealousy he would feel. It would be too painful to bear. He didn't even like Christian's relationship with Roxy because Roxy knew things about Christian that Syed didn't know - things Christian wouldn't tell him for fear of being hurt. He knew this was ridiculous. Christian didn't kiss Roxy like he kissed him; he didn't touch her like he touched him; he didn't stare deep into Roxy's eyes and search for something unknown like he did with him.
Syed stood up and felt aimlessly rooted to the spot. His phone buzzed again; it was Amira saying that she was nearly home and did he want anything from the shops? He sighed and once again threw the phone back onto the bed; as much as he didn't want it to be Christian, he did – he really did. He'd never had such attention – not of this sort anyway. Christian wanted him, really wanted him. If he broke this off with Christian, he wouldn't get it anymore; there would be no more hanging out in his apartment, inside jokes, flirty text messages, suggestive comments... no more sleepovers.
Syed picked his phone up again and began to write a text message. He pressed 'send' and closed his phone.
The front door opened and Amira walked through it: "Hi!" her shrill voice filled the corridor. Syed ran down the stairs and kissed her on the cheek. Amira put her shopping bags down next to the table and threw her arms around his neck, "Babe, I'm so excited about tonight. Look at the dress I bought..." she removed her arms from his neck and went to pick up the purple shopping bag.
"Amira..." Syed said, putting his hands on the tops of her arms and gently moving her so she was face to face with him, "Listen, about tonight..."
"Oh, Syed, you're not going to cancel this again, are you? I'm really looking forward to it," Amira sighed.
Syed hated this so much but he hated his impatience more. He tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear: "I'm sorry," he said, before kissing her, grabbing his jacket and making for the front door.
"Where are you going?" Amira asked, hand on hip.
"There's a problem come up at the unit and..."
"Well don't you think you should ring your Mum?"
"No, she doesn't need to know," he laughed nervously, impatiently shuffling further towards the door.
"What about your Dad?" Amira asked.
"Nah, there's no point worrying either of them."
"Oh. Okay," Amira said in a quiet voice.
"So, I'll see you later then," his hand reached the latch on the door and he was about to open it when Amira suddenly asked, "Syed, where are you really going?"
"What do you mean?" Syed said, freezing in his tracks, "I'm going to the unit."
"Well I've just seen Jane and she said everything was ticking over nicely at the business and that she's just taken a booking for a party in a fortnight. And that more to the point, she'd just locked up for the night having just spent the last two hours cleaning the kitchens," Amira said, leaning on the table in the hall.
Syed's hand fell from the latch.
"Are you cheating on me?" Amira asked pointedly.
Syed said nothing.
Amira stood up from the table, "Syed?" she asked, a little more worriedly.
"Why would you think that?" he asked, not facing her.
"Oh, I don't know – let me think..." she said sarcastically, "The random disappearances, the excuses, the late nights, the secretive text messages... and you never want to spend any time with me anymore."
He sighed.
"Syed?" she said, in a voice that was sounding more and more dejected.
There was an awkward silence.
"Okay," he said, turning around to face her – still close to the door ready for a quick getaway, "I'll be honest with you."
This was it, Amira thought. He's going to say that he's been seeing some beautiful Muslim beauty from the West End; some fancy Asian girl with money and better hair than her; that this girl is from a better family with better connections and a father who isn't in prison, "Well?"
"It's Christian," he said outright.
"Christian?" Amira repeated; a little confused.
"That's who I've been spending time with," he told her. It wasn't a lie; that's exactly who he'd been spending time with.
"But... I don't understand," Amira said, frowning.
Syed had to think fast: "Look, Christian is suffering from post-traumatic stress, right? And he needs support otherwise he won't get over his attack."
"I know that. But what about Roxy?" Amira said, "I thought she was his BFF or whatever... not you."
"She's busy with Amy... and the pub, you know," Syed said, praying that Amira would swallow this.
"So, you've just, I don't know, taken over from her or something?" Amira asked, pulling that little face she made when she didn't understand something.
Syed shrugged, "I suppose so. He says he trusts me, that he needs me."
In his head, he laughed at the irony of that statement.
"But I need you," Amira said, sliding her arms around Syed's slim waist and kissing the corner of his mouth, "What about my needs? Don't they count?" She kissed him again with a little more vigour.
As Syed's phone buzzed again, he pulled away as subtly as he could.
Amira sighed a frustrated sigh, "Fine. Go. Whatever. Tell him to bloody well hurry up and get over his post-traumatic whatever because I need my fiancé back."
Syed planted a kiss on his Amira's cheek, "I'll text you if I'm going to be late," he said as he rushed out the door. He slammed it behind himself and breathed a relieved sigh before he made his way over to Christian's as quickly as he could without raising suspicion.
Amira, meanwhile, had walked into the lounge and through the window was watching her fiancé walk across the square a little too quickly for her liking: 'What did Christian have that she didn't have?' she thought before falling down onto the sofa and dejectedly flicking on the TV.
"Hi," Syed said as Christian opened the door.
"I thought you were never coming," Christian grinned, grabbing Syed's wrist and lustfully pulling him into his apartment...
Chapter 2
"You've no idea the trouble I've had getting here," Syed said, slipping off his jacket and throwing it onto the sofa.
Christian walked to the kitchen counter and poured two glasses of wine. He handed one to Syed: "Amira?" He kissed his beautiful toyboy, paused and enjoyed the moment before letting Syed continue.
Syed took a mouthful of wine, "Yep. She's getting suspicious, Christian."
"Don't be ridiculous," Christian laughed, falling onto the sofa and patting the seat next to him, "Amira wouldn't know suspicious if it came up and bit her on the arse."
Syed however wasn't paying much attention; he had pulled back the curtain just far enough to see into the Square, "I wouldn't be too sure of it, Christian. She's smarter than you give her credit for, you know."
Snorting a mouthful of wine and trying not to spit it everywhere Christian laughed and put down his glass, "Amira – smart? Are you kidding me?"
Turning around and cocking his head slightly, "Christian," Syed warned playfully.
"Oh let's not talk about Amira anymore," Christian said, once again grabbing Syed's wrist as Syed came closer to the sofa, "Come here." Syed walked around the sofa and sat down next to his big, strong, muscley lover.
"Hi," Christian grinned as he kissed Syed.
"Hi," Syed smiled back.
"How are you?" Christian asked, his eyes bright from the happiness he felt.
"Better for being here," Syed said. He really did feel better for being at Christian's, but there was still a part of him that wanted to throw the wine in Christian's face and shout and scream at him for making him betray everything he believed in and the feelings that were eating him up every time he was apart from him, "How are you?"
"Brilliant," Christian said, taking away Syed's wine glass and putting both glasses down on the coffee table. He reached the palm of his hand to Syed's cheek and up through his thick, black hair. With his hand around the back of Syed's head he pulled him closer to him and passionately placed his lips on Syed's. But as quickly as Syed's body moved into Christian's, it moved away again, retreating to the spot in front of the window – checking out the Square.
"Syed, what are you doing?" Christian sighed, standing up to follow the beautiful boy who seemed so tense tonight.
Syed appeared to be observing every house in the Square: "Christian, I'm sorry, but what if Amira does suspect something? I mean, we do spend an absurd amount of time together."
Christian took the curtain from Syed's nervous hands and replaced it back to its original hanging position. He stood behind Syed as close as he could get and kissed the back of Syed's neck, "So two blokes aren't allowed to spend time together now?"
"No, of course they are," Syed said, shrugging away Christian's advances and walking into the centre of the lounge area, "But, well, you know... you're gay."
Christian grinned his trademark grin, "Well done. Ten out of ten for observation." He laughed and walked towards Syed, running his hands down the outside of Syed's tense shoulders and arms, and taking hold of his hands, "What's that got to do with anything?"
"What if she thinks that you've turned me?" Syed said, realising how ridiculous that sounded.
"And why would she think that? Have you been talking about me in your sleep? Are you like a lovesick schoolboy who can only talk about the object of his desires?" Christian said, playfully mocking Syed's worries.
"No... of course not..." Syed said, once again shrugging away Christian's attention and moving to sit on the sofa.
Christian watched him as he took a mouthful of wine and replaced it back on the coffee table in front of the sofa. He stood on the spot for some time watching every nerve in Syed's beautiful face twist and contort as his mind whirred like a cuckoo clock, "You have, haven't you?"
Syed shrugged.
"What have you been saying?" Christian asked excitedly, moving to sit next to Syed on the sofa. He curled one leg up underneath him.
"Nothing," Syed said, almost hiding behind his wine glass.
"Sy?" Christian said, stroking Syed's shoulder, "Come on, you can tell me anything."
Syed stared at the floor to avoid Christian's gaze and started to play with a random bit of fluff on his jeans, "Just that I've been worried about you, stuck up in this flat all by yourself. And that you need the love and support of a good friend."
Christian smiled, his heart all warm and toasty, "Oh. Sy."
Syed shrugged and remained hidden behind the wine glass.
Christian took it away from him, put it back on the table and leaned towards him, " 'A good friend'?"
"Well, what else do you suggest I say?" Syed said, feeling slightly defensive.
Christian stood up, looked at the pain in his lover's eyes then took hold of his hand. With his thumb he caressed Syed's fingers then pulled him up to meet his own body. Then he whispered to him, "You can say anything you like," before leading him to his bedroom.
Chapter 3
Amira slammed her wine glass down on the coffee table in front of her; she was bored. And a little bit drunk. She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed a big heavy sigh. She checked her phone: 11.33pm. No text from Syed. 'Where was he?' she thought. 'Surely Christian doesn't need this much support.' She pulled a face and switched off the television – Saturday night telly was getting worse and worse, she thought.
She walked to the window and drew back the curtains slightly; there was very little happening on Albert Square – the usual drunkards were being thrown out of the Queen Vic and Tanya and Max were strolling through the park hand in hand. That's what she wanted to be doing with Syed; holding his hand and flirting and caressing his face... and other such areas of his body. She let the curtain fall back into place and walked into the hallway. Putting on her coat and picking up her bag she opened the front door and walked out into the late night air. She walked across the street bumping into Tanya and Max.
"Hi, Amira," Tanya said, brushing her hair out of her face.
Amira didn't take much notice and just smiled a half-smile at her boss.
Tanya rolled her eyes then giggled like a schoolgirl as Max kissed her neck; the two of them walked back to their house whilst Amira made her way towards Christian's flat. How had the two of them become such best friends all of a sudden? She thought to herself as she took hold of the railings to steady herself, just a little bit lightheaded from the alcohol. Just a few weeks ago the two of them were simply work colleagues – getting along for the sake of Masala Queen. Now they seemed to be spending more time together than her and her supposed fiancé.
Tonight was supposed to be her night; she wanted to Syed to take her out dining and dancing and being spoilt rotten like the princess she used to be when she was younger. Before her dad had gone to prison people did her nails, people did her hair – she was the pampered one, not the women she treated in the salon day in, day out. Just for one night, she wanted to be waited on, to have doors opened for her, and seats lifted out for her; arms offered to her and requests to dance. Some would say that was old fashioned, but for all of her hair extensions and nail extensions and 5 inch stiletto heels, she was an old fashioned girl. An old fashioned girl who expected her fiancé to take her out on a Saturday night! Just like all the other engaged and loved-up couples who filed in and out of restaurants and clubs on Saturday nights.
And yes, originally, maybe Syed wasn't exactly the man she thought she would end up with but he was a good man, a kind man; he was handsome and caring and his smile made her go weak at the knees. Above all, he was a family man; and in spite of the fear of stretchmarks and losing her figure and not being able to shift the baby weight, that's what she wanted more than anything – a family. When her dad finally got out of prison, she wanted him to meet the handsome, moral man she had married, and the children the two of them had had.
She realised that in all of her thoughts she had wound up at the door to Christian's flat. She straightened her tunic and trousers and ran her fingers through her long dark hair. She was just about to ring the doorbell when she heard a strange noise coming from inside the flat. It sounded like grunting; 'was someone in pain?' she thought. Putting her ear to the door, she started to hammer on it – "Syed!? Christian?! Are you okay in there?"
Chapter 4
"Shit! Christian! Stop..." Syed said, wriggling out of Christian's tight hold on his body and scrambling naked over the sofa to the window.
Breathlessly, Christian climbed onto the sofa, "What's the matter?"
"Didn't you hear?" Syed said, cautiously peering around the curtain then quickly shutting it when he saw Amira waiting at the door, hammering still.
"Syed?! Christian!? Are you okay!? What's going on?" came Amira's muffled cries as she thrashed her tiny fists against the door.
Syed dashed around the flat, trying to find his clothes, "Christian, where's my shirt?"
Christian walked to the window pulling his t-shirt over his head. He peered around the curtain and the sight of Amira's tiny frame and the desperation to be let into the flat that was all over her face made him chuckle.
"Why are you laughing?" Syed cried, still frustratedly searching for his shirt, "Christian!"
"It's on lightshade in the bedroom I think," Christian told him – trying not to giggle. He picked up his jeans from the back of the sofa and pulled them on then walked towards the phone and picked it up.
"Hello? Christian!?" Amira said, grabbing the phone as quickly as she could, "Are you okay? What's going on? I heard a strange noise coming from your flat."
"Shit, were we that loud?!," Christian laughed to Syed, with his hand over the mouthpiece, "Oh we're fine, Amira, thanks."
Syed walked into the lounge and saw his lover on the phone to his fiancée, "What does she want?"
Christian shrugged, "Are you okay, Amira?"
"I suppose. Can I come up?" Amira asked; her hand wrapped around the door handle expectedly.
"She wants to come up," Christian whispered to Syed, his hand once again over the mouthpiece.
"Why?" Syed asked, straightening his hair.
Christian shrugged again, "Sure," he said, buzzing her up.
"What did you go and do that for?" Syed asked, tidying up the wine glasses that had been kicked onto the floor and putting the cushions back on the sofa that had been keeping the wine glasses company.
Christian watched as Syed tidied his lounge, "Well I couldn't just leave her there, could I?"
Syed rolled his eyes and sat on the sofa, running his fingers through his hair in blind panic.
Christian walked right behind him, only the back of the sofa in between the two of them; he started to massage Syed's shoulders, "Your girl has fabulous timing, doesn't she?" He tutted, ironically, "I mean, right in the heat of the moment. But it felt good, Syed. It felt really good," he bent down and started to kiss Syed's neck.
The doorbell rang. Syed sprang to his feet, knocking several of the recently returned cushions back on the floor and went to open the door, "Amira!" he said, opening the door and hugging her, suddenly feeling like he was in an episode of 'Are You Being Served?'
She kissed him on the cheek, "Are you boys allright?" she asked, quickly walking into the flat and frowning. She paused for a while looking around the room. Whilst Amira was distracted, Syed looked down his body to check that he was wearing everything he had been wearing when he'd left his house a few hours ago: t-shirt, jeans, belt, socks...
Amira suddenly turned around on the spot in the middle of the lounge and frowned again, "What was that noise I heard?"
"What noise, darling?" Syed said, walking towards his fiancée and putting his hand on her shoulder.
"That... you know..." Amira started.
"Grunting?" Christian proposed.
Syed flashed him a warning look – was he trying to give the game away?
"Yes!" Amira exclaimed, "Grunting. What was that all about?"
Syed rubbed her back, "I don't know what you're talking about, sweetheart."
"But I heard grunting coming from this flat!" Amira told them, adamant that she was right, "It sounded like someone was in pain."
Folding his arms in amusement, Christian had to suppress a grin at how wrong Amira was.
"You must be hearing things," Syed smiled, wrapping an arm around Amira's slightly tense shoulders.
Amira shrugged them off, took a minute to study Christian's facial expression then walked towards him, "There's something you're not telling me..." she said, pointing at him and squaring up with him; her tiny feminine frame looking ridiculous next to his strapping height and shoulders.
Christian glanced up at Syed who looked as worried as was it, Syed thought, she knows. This is the end. Shit... shit... shit...
Amira continued to study Christian's facial expression whilst Christian continued to say nothing: "Well? What's going on?! Tell me, Christian!" " she cried, sounding like a spoilt schoolgirl and mirroring Christian's stance by folding her arms and leaning on one hip
Syed couldn't take anymore, he walked over to the pair of them, took Amira by the shoulder and looked at his fiancée, "Amira, look. Christian and I..."
Christian suddenly took Amira's other shoulder and walked her to the front of the sofa where he pointed out several cushions on the floor, "Okay, look, I didn't want to tell you because it's a bit embarrassing," Christian started, "But Syed has been helping me with some self defence."
Syed frowned; Amira wouldn't believe that, surely?
"Self defence?" Amira repeated.
"Yeah, you know, after my..." Christian struggled to say the word, "attack... and everything. We thought it would make sense if I knew how to defend myself."
Amira had a puzzled look on her face, then frowned playfully, "But Christian, you're twice the size of my sweet, gentle fiancé..." she had to suppress a giggle.
Syed was about to protest when Christian wandered over to Syed, lifted up his right arm and his shirt sleeve and started to squeeze his bicep, "You'd be surprised, Amira, that your 'sweet, gentle' fiancé is actually quite the animal," he informed her, thinking about how true that statement really was. Syed immediately flashed a look at Christian that said: "Want to get any closer to the mark?!" Christian grinned.
"And the grunting?" Amira asked, hands on hips.
"Role-playing! You can't simulate gross bodily harm without realistic noises now, can you?" Christian explained, trying so hard not to laugh that he felt like he was going to explode all over the walls of his spotless apartment
Amira squinted, as if she was thinking this through in her head.
Syed stole a glance at Christian, who was biting his lips and trying not to smirk too much. He shrugged off the warm, firm but tender hold that Christian had on his arm and rolled his eyes at him. Christian nudged him with his shoulder and tried not to laugh; Syed wasn't laughing – he was praying that Amira would swallow all of Christian's bullshit.
Amira shrugged, "Well, whatever, I thought someone was in pain."
Syed nearly dropped to the floor with relief.
"Nope, with Syed's self-defence moves under my belt, no-one will ever be in pain again!" Christian laughed, joining Amira in front of the sofa, picking up the cushions to put them back where they belonged then sitting back in the spot where he and Syed had passionately been just fifteen minutes previously. He patted the sofa to signal to Amira that she should sit down, "Thanks for the concern though."
Amira sat down, noticing the wine glasses then nodding to them, "Do you have any left?"
"Yes," Christian said, "Would you like some?"
"Ooh, yes please!" Amira said, clapping her hands together playfully.
"Syed, you heard the lady," Christian beamed, turning around to Syed who was still stood stock still with surprise behind the sofa, "Some more wine, please."
As Syed went to get some more wine out of the fridge, he glanced over at his fiancée chatting away to his lover like the two of them were old friends. He was completely amazed but ridiculously relieved that Amira had swallowed all of Christian's bullshit, but for just how long could they keep up this act before the two of them got caught out and not only his and Amira's world were turned upside down, but the rest of his family also?