OBOE: Operation Black Order Exorcists
LUCKY: Lavi Unfortunately Calls Kanda, Yuu
Black: It's a new one.
Red: Obviously, are you so short that you can't see the computer screen, moyashi?
Black: We're the same height…
Red: (whistling) … … details.
--
Allen's POV
Not for the first time since I entered the Black Order, I was lost.
Yes. LOST. Again.
You must be thinking: How the heck does someone who has lived in the Black Order for almost a month gets lost? It's like getting lost in your own house!
Well… You see, the walls all look the same! And the doors! And the windows! Arghh! Adding to that, I have absolutely no sense of direction whatsoever.
Back to the point.
I was lost. It's been like what, two hours since I got lost. And I'm hungry. It's been quite some time since I ate. Yeah. Two hours. That's a long time to go without food.
With my stomach growling, I walked through the stony black place. Now I know why they call this place the Black Order. Occasionally, I would open a door and peer in.
I reckon I saw the pieces of the late Komurins in one room. There was a sign hanging on them that said:
To be repaired by the great Komui in the future…
One shouldn't take any chances with these things. I activated my Innocence and smashed them to little dust particles. As I walked out of the room, I felt a great sense of accomplishment. As if I had just saved the world from a calamity.
Or my own sorry butt.
The next room I entered was safer. I think.
It was a dark room, the curtains were drawn and there was nothing interesting in it except for an hourglass sitting on the table. Upon further inspection, I realized that there was a lotus –was it? – in it. A few petals had fallen to the bottom of the hourglass but the lotus was still in full bloom.
Reaching out a hand to touch it, I felt a shiver down my spine. I had a vision.
Kanda pulled out Mugen, in all its glory of threatening people.
"Do you wish to die?"
I nearly fainted.
A hand clamped down on my shoulder. I jumped, about a foot into the air, and turned around slowly. However, the person behind me had other ideas. Before I could turn completely, I was dragged forcefully out.
"AHHHHH!!" And, yes, I admit it, I screamed like a girl. Who wouldn't? My imagination was running wild.
Mugen came slicing down on my throat—
"Hey Allen? What were you doing in Yuu's room?" I opened my eyes and stared at the person who had dragged me out.
Red hair. Kanda had red hair? No way, when did he dye his hair…
Green eyes. Or green eye, more specifically, the other was covered by an eye patch.
I breathed out a sigh of relief. It was Lavi. Not Kanda. Phew.
"Lavi, am I glad to see you—"
Crack. The wall beside me smashed. A sword was lodged in the wall, just millimeters away from my face.
Whoa. That sure is one strong sword. That wall was stone…
Eep.
Kanda stood behind Lavi; his face had the ready-to-kill-the-annoying-moyashi-look on. Couldn't he smile for once or something it wouldn't kill him to just smile a bit…
Hold on, scratch that thought. The sight of Kanda smiling as he dismembers someone would be rather frightening.
I think I'll stick to him having his usual murderous looks on.
"What are you both doing outside my room, you stupid moyashi and usagi? Do you wish to die?" he growled, or hissed.
Well, at least he didn't say "What are you both doing in my room, you stupid moyashi and usagi? Do you wish to die?
Gee, that sure made a whole lot of difference. (Lavi: Actually, Moyashi-kun, it would. For you at any rate.)
Not.
Behind me Mugen was yanked out of the wall, ready to pierce its pointy tip into another object. Namely, me. I prepared to invocate my left arm and prayed that it wouldn't get damaged. The last thing I needed was for Komui to repair my arm after what I did to the Komurins' pieces, or should I say dust particles.
Just as he was about to swing down, a certain Bookman Junior interrupted the very annoyed swordsman.
"Hey Yuu, now it's an offence to hang out outside your room?"
The target changed. I was spared. For now.
Thank heavens. Or thank Lavi, who should be in heaven soon, the way things are going for him.
Kanda and Lavi stood eye-to-eye facing each other. (Actually, Kanda was a little too short to reach Lavi's eye-level) I could almost see lightning sparking from Kanda's narrowed eyes.
"Don't call me Yuu."
"Why not, Yuu?"
"You (beep). Do you wish to die?"
"Well now, Yuu. Don't need to get slice-happy—"
Lavi interrupted himself and sprinted away.
Wise man.
Kanda let out a "tsk" and looked back at his original target. Me.
I had a funny feeling in my stomach then. No, it's not my stomach telling me I'm hungry. I think it was telling me something. Something important.
Run.
And run was what I did.
--
I caught up to Lavi at the library. (What? There was actually a library in such a place? And I managed to find it?)
The Bookman Junior was casually flipping through a thick ancient looking book. He looked up as I ran into the library.
"Oh hi, Moyashi. Managed to escape from Yuu in one piece, I see."
I gave him a half-glare. How the heck did that guy manage to survive all his years at the Black Order with Kanda? And call him by his first name?
"You're wondering how the heck I managed to survive all my years at the Black Order with Kanda. And call him by his first name." Lavi recited, his eyes still glued to the book.
Not that I would admit it…
"Denial isn't healthy Moyashi."
Damn, how did he do that? Read my mind, you know?
Wait a minute… The title of that book looks familiar… Script for OBO—
The book got swept out of my sight as Lavi launched into storytelling mode. Randomly.
Gods save us.
"Ah. It all began four years ago, when I was all young and innocent—"
I snorted.
Lavi raised his eyebrows. "You don't believe me?"
Obviously. Lavi being innocent was almost as believable as Kanda being cheerful. Remember what I said about cheerful Kanda?
Cheerful Kanda someone's impending doom.
Namely, mine…
With a shrug, Lavi continued his story.
"I was new to the Black Order and there were only two exorcists around my age. One was Lenalee, whom I had already met the day I first entered, and the other was the one and only, Kanda Yuu…
Four years ago…
I was exploring every inch of my new home when I realized that there was someone else in front of me. And they were around my height meaning they were around my age! With my excellent mental capacity, I immediately deduced it was the 'Kanda' Komui told me about. Judging from the long hair, it must have been a girl. (Komui never really told me if this 'Kanda' was a girl or guy, you see?) Besides, it would have been nice to make new friends, wouldn't it?
I shouted, 'Hey you!'
The girl froze and looked back. I gulped. It was a boy. Carrying a deadly looking sword in one hand and glaring at me for all he was worth.
'What did you call me?' He hissed.
How dare he talk to me, the Junior Bookman, in that manner! I was justifiably outraged.
'I called you 'you'. Got a problem with that, girly boy?'
Yuu hissed at me at that time and prepared to draw his sword on me. Before either of use could rip each other's heads off like normal hormone driven teenagers, Komui came up to us and told us that there was no fighting allowed between fellow exorcists.
Shortly after that, Komui ended up in the medical department of the Black Order, and not for work purposes.
The next day, Yuu and I got properly introduced and I found out why he was so mad when I called him 'you'.
He froze when he found and there were flying turtles around his head when he realized that out that I was older and taller than him during our introduction. Don't ask me why it was flying turtles around his head, 'cause even I have no idea about that one.
Oh, and he fainted when he found out I was the next Bookman.
And according to whatever gentlemanly rules he follows, it is forbidden to harm your elders.
So I live a long happy life, with the privilege of tormenting Yuu anytime I please.
The End."
At the last two words, Lavi looked infinity proud of himself. I was speechless. I sincerely doubt that Kanda allowed him to live just because he has gentleman rules.
Seriously, do gentlemanly rules including bullying the young? (Cough, me, cough)
Okay, back to the story.
The best part, I reckon, was when Kanda fainted. It's always nice to know when your enemies, er, I mean, comrade faints. (Serves him right, that pompous, arrogant egoist.)
"I'm sure you came close to a few near-death experiences with Kanda before…" I muttered.
"Of course I did. I just, er… got lucky during those unfortunate encounters."
Yeah. LUCKY. Lavi Unfortunately Calls Kanda, Yuu. It has a ring to it.
Now, back to what Lavi said. Luck. Why does everyone but me have to have this special skill called 'luck'? I've never been lucky in my life. The first time I thought I was lucky was when Master Cross found me. Apparently, I thought wrong.
Shudder.
That wasn't luck. Spending three years with him was accursed, accursed I tell you! I had to pay for everything! Our lodging, our basic necessities, our transport, his women, his drinks, his gambling losses, his cigarettes, his fines for littering, his lawyer for the lawsuits he got for offending some rich (beep)s, his lawsuits, his loans from the extremely violent people…
Damn, I'm getting depressed. Pardon me, dear readers, while I go mope in a dark corner.
-emoing in progress-
"Oi, moyashi, what are you doing there, in between the books?"
-emoing progress continued-
Ignore. My life is a misery… (Moyashi)
"Moyashi? You're going to end up damaging those books."
-the emoing continues-
The books' problems aren't worth to be compared to mine… (Moyashi. Twitch)
"Hey moyashi, get out of there already."
"STOP CALLING ME MOYASHI!"
Damn it. As if I hadn't enough problems already. Stop calling me short, for god's sake. I'm 1.68 metres! That's more than um… how much is that in the imperial measurements? 2.5 cm times 12 is a foot… AH! Who cares! I'm taller than most of the people my age in this forsaken nuthouse. (I'm staring to sound like Kanda…-shudder-)
Around my age…
Which is only… me.
"Ooh. You responded."
"ARGHH!" (I really AM starting to sound like Kanda. Shudder.)
"Want to help me annoy Yuu?"
"Why the heck would I want to help you annoy myself?"
"No no, not you, I mean Yuu."
"… It's still you."
"Fine. Want to help me annoy Yuu-kun?"
Ah. I see the difference. Now I know why Kanda hates people calling him by his first name. It's damn confusing, you and Yuu.
"I see…"
"Now to clear up the name confusion, I shall put a –kun behind Yuu when I say his name."
I turned around to look behind me. There was nothing behind me, no –kun, no nothing.
"Where's the –kun?"
"You're hopeless… So do you want to help me annoy Yuu-kun?"
I paused. It would be nice, making someone else's life a misery, besides mine. Especially Kanda. He definitely needs misery in his life. And despair. And pain, lots of it.
I'm going to make him suffer. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
"Moyashi's lost it…" Lavi commented from somewhere behind me.
"Don't call me that."
"What? Moyashi?"
"Stop that."
"Don't be so short-tempered. Moyashi."
"GAHHH!"
And thus, a new operation began its planning progress.
"Allen-kun, how would you like to commence Operation POKE?"
"What do we do in this Operation?"
"Well, what do you think of when you think POKE?"
"This!" I jabbed a finger at him.
"That's the spirit!" Lavi cheered.
I poked him again.
"Stop that."
Poke.
"POKE stands for Piss Off Kanda Extremely, not Piss Off Lavi Extremely."
"I see." But it's so FUN!
"Now all you have to do is do that, to Yuu."
"Why the heck would I POKE myself?"
Lavi face palmed himself. "Here we go again…"
--
B: I'm so gonna make your life hell. (Evil aura)
R: I heard that.
B: (innocent) What? You/Yuu didn't hear anythinggg…
REVIEW, kiddies and you shall be granted with THE COOKIE. (BGM: heavenly music)