He breathed softly, gently, evenly. In and out. Inhale and exhale.
He opened his eyes and looked up at the bright blue sky above him. There were no clouds in sight. The sun felt warm on his cold, pale skin, and right then he wanted to just fall asleep in the grass, beneath the rays of the sun and dream just peacefully.
Beside him was his lifelong friend, Hashirama – they met at this creek as children and had been friends – and rivals – ever since, always coming here to meet up for the longest time.
He shivered slightly as a bit of a breeze picked up, goosebumps spreading across his skin like wildfire.
Hashirama looked over at him, sitting up slightly. "Madara, are you cold?" He asked gently, and Madara smiled small at him.
"A little," the raven answered honestly, and Hashirama moved closer to him, wrapping his arms around him to keep him cozy. Madara cuddled against Hashirama's chest, indulging in the warmth he brought.
Hashirama's hands caressed Madara's back, frowning sadly; he could just feel Madara's protuberant bones beneath his clothes. Madara was pretty gaunt.
The Uchiha was nearly lulled to sleep just listening to the Senju's gentle heartbeat. He was tranquil. He felt as if he could lie there in Hashirama's arms at their creek forever and be happy.
But it was all ephemeral.
"Madara…?" Hashirama murmured, looking down at Madara's face to find a serene expression. He smiled a bit, and watched as Madara's eyes fluttered open.
"What is it, Hashirama…?" Madara asked softly. Hashirama took a deep breath.
"Can I…" He began, but it was as if he'd forgotten what he wanted to say. Madara raised an eyebrow.
"Can you what?"
Hashirama slowly slid a hand from Madara's back up to his jaw and cheek, blushing. "Can I kiss you…?" He asked, brushing his and Madara's noses together lightly, their foreheads touching.
Madara nearly snorted, raising his eyebrow again. "You want to kiss me?"
Hashirama smiled sheepishly, his face still red. "Well… yes…"
"Why would you want to do that?"
The Senju about looked at him like he was insane. "Because… well… I…"
Madara rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. "Don't say that it's because you love me or something. We both know it would be absurd of you to say or feel such a thing."
But it wasn't. They'd been like lovers for a long time.
Hashirama blushed again, looking the raven in the eyes. "But… I do love you… Madara…"
Madara's lips parted briefly before he shook his head. "Tch, how'd I know you'd say that? Idiot Senju." Hashirama didn't answer, and Madara almost chuckled. "Well, it's just that I don't believe you."
Hashirama was taken aback. "What do you mean, 'you don't believe me'?"
"I don't know. I guess you'll have to prove it to me."
Hashirama looked confused for a moment and then he blushed yet again. "Oh, right…" he murmured, just before pressing his lips to Madara's gently.
Their lips fit together perfectly, like two pieces of a puzzle. Even if it wasn't their first kiss, it was just as great. And so, after a moment, they broke apart.
"Hm," Madara uttered, another moment later, shrugging slightly and smiling teasingly. "I still don't know if I believe you, Hashirama…"
"Huh?" Hashirama mumbled, rather confused. "What am I supposed to do then to make you believe me? Shout it to the heavens?"
"No, but I think you can figure it out…" Madara murmured, running his fingers up and down Hashirama's chest. When Hashirama realized what Madara meant, he blushed for the umpteenth time, shaking his head.
"No, Madara… I… we…" He didn't know how to say what he wanted the way he wanted without possibly hurting Madara's feelings.
"Out with it, Hashirama…" Madara sighed, a bit annoyed.
"We just… we can't… You're sick…" Madara frowned at this.
"It's not like I'm going to get you sick, Hashirama. You already kissed me anyway, so even if I was contagious, it wouldn't matter…"
"But you're so… fragile… Madara, I just… I don't want to hurt you."
Madara narrowed his eyes. "I'm not fragile—"
"You're like skin and bones, Madara," Hashirama interrupted, running his fingers across the raven's prominent spine and ribs. "Look at yourself. I can feel your bones. You may not think it, but you're pretty weak now – you're sick. Like I said before, I don't want to accidentally hurt you."
"You're not going to hurt me if we…" Madara trailed off, not meeting Hashirama's intent gaze.
"…Make love?" The Senju finished, and it was Madara's turn to blush as he gave a slight nod, frowning and rolling his eyes.
"Yeah, that…"
"Maybe not, but… do you really want to take that chance?"
Madara sighed out, annoyed. "Just say you don't want to do it rather than beat around the bush, yeah?"
"But I do want to do it… just… not while you're sick. We can when you get better–"
"But I'm not going to get better, Hashirama," Madara uttered suddenly, sighing again.
He didn't mean to tell him; it slipped out, but the Senju didn't miss it.
Hashirama's eyes widened, lips parting. He couldn't believe what he'd just heard.
"W- What are you talking about, Madara…?"
Madara looked at him sadly.
"Izuna took me to see the doctor again. He said they can't figure out what it is that I have. They don't know how to cure it. I'm going to die."
Hashirama pulled away from Madara, sitting up straight. "No… that…" he uttered, trying to find the right words, but he was lost. A few tears welled up in the corners of his eyes.
"Hashirama… please…" Madara murmured softly. "It hurts to see you upset. Please just be happy. I'm still here, aren't I?"
Madara really didn't want to say anything about it at all, but… he couldn't have kept it hidden forever. He just didn't want Hashirama to have to hurt, knowing. He wanted him to be oblivious to it all, unknowing.
The Uchiha thought it would've been easier if Hashirama wouldn't have known that Madara's life was pretty much ephemeral.
But Hashirama would have found out eventually. Either because of Izuna, or perhaps because Madara would have just suddenly died. Maybe it would've happened another way. Although hating himself for somewhat accidentally letting it slip, Madara supposed that this way, Hashirama could just prepare himself in advance and wouldn't feel betrayed later.
Although, Madara was aware it wouldn't be that easy. It wouldn't be simple. Hashirama would most likely be upset until Madara died. He would be upset after, too.
"But…" Hashirama uttered, trying not to shed tears. "Madara, you're…"
"It's not like I'm not dying tomorrow," Madara told him, smiling a little. "I've still got plenty of time left, so don't be upset; things will be okay."
"But…"
Madara sat up then, and kissed Hashirama, trying to take his mind off of it. He pulled away for a brief moment. "Just don't think about it too much, yeah?"
Hashirama swallowed and nodded. "I'll try…" He sighed sadly, and Madara gave a nod. The Senju then kissed the Uchiha again. "You know that I really do love you, right?"
Madara lay back down, looking up at Hashirama. "I know," he said softly. He loved Hashirama too, but… he just couldn't bring himself to say it back. It would make things hurt worse. It hurt to know that after he was gone, that love coming from both of them would just fade into nothing.
Love, too, was ephemeral. After Madara would have died, Hashirama's love would too, and then he would move on and love someone else.
But that was how it should be anyway.
"Hashi?" Madara murmured, and said Senju beside him looked at him. The sun was slowly starting to sink below the horizon, and Madara was feeling cold again. "Could you take me home?"
"Of course," Hashirama replied, standing. He helped Madara stand as well. Before Madara could take a step, Hashirama picked him up, bridal style, and began walking.
"Hey, what are you doing?" Madara questioned, but Hashirama only smiled.
"I'm taking you home, of course," the Senju answered, continuing to walk in the direction of Madara's home.
"I can walk–"
"I don't mind carrying you, so just sit tight."
Madara huffed, but he smiled. "Idiot..."
They arrived at the Uchiha's home bit later. Izuna was there, but he didn't say anything when he saw that Hashirama was carrying his tired-looking brother.
Hashirama took Madara to his room. He gently lay him down on the bed and kissed him softly, before turning to leave.
"Hashirama… don't go…" Madara whispered, sitting up the best he could, and the Senju stopped, turning towards the Uchiha, who was staring at him longingly. "I want you…"
"But, Madara–" Hashirama began, letting out a sigh.
"Shut up," Madara nearly snapped, interrupting. "I don't care how fragile you think I am. I'm not going to break."
Hashirama just stood there, unsure of what he should do.
"Come over here," Madara urged a moment later, voice softer as he beckoned to the Senju. Hashirama did so, standing in front of the raven. "Kiss me?"
Hashirama placed a gentle kiss on Madara's lips, but when he tried to pull away, Madara wouldn't let him. The Senju sat down, and Madara finally pulled back, grabbing Hashirama's shoulders.
"Don't be afraid, yeah?" Madara said quietly, and Hashirama gave a nod. "Don't you want me, too…?"
"Of course I do, but–"
"Then… take me… Hashirama…"
The Senju involuntarily shivered at the other's tone. "Madara…"
The Uchiha began sliding his own robe off his shoulders, revealing some of his pale chest. "I'm giving myself to you…" He murmured, hands shaking. Hashirama could've sworn he sounded nervous. "I'm not going to break, I promise. I'll be fine. But… if you really just don't want to, I won't force myself upon you."
Hashirama saw Madara's hopeful eyes and let out another sigh, shaking his head, but he was smiling.
"It's hopeless to try and change your mind, huh?" He uttered, chuckling. Madara too, gave a little chuckle.
"I suppose so."
"You sure you want to do this?" Hashirama then asked seriously. Madara gave a quick nod.
"Yes. I'm sure."
There was no actual reason for Madara wanting to do it besides the fact that he wanted to be intimate with Hashirama at least once before his death. That was why he was so adamant about it.
Hashirama guessed as much, and it made him feel a bit sad.
Madara just wanted to really feel loved, by the one he loved, before he was gone.
"Give me until tomorrow…" Hashirama murmured, and Madara sighed softly. "Tomorrow, I'll come and we can make love for as long as you want."
"But… but why tomorrow?" The Uchiha asked, feeling disappointed. "I wanted to do it tonight…"
"But I have to get home. Tobirama is probably home by now."
"Can he not take care of himself or something?" Madara questioned.
"It's not that, it's just he's probably worried about me, so I have to go," the Senju explained.
"But…" Madara tried again.
"I'm sorry, Madara," Hashirama said, caressing his love's cheek. "I really am, but I'll be here tomorrow." He then smiled, giving Madara a soft kiss on the lips.
As he went to pull away, Madara held him there longer. He just didn't want to let go, but… he had to eventually.
"Hashirama," Madara uttered, trying one last time to make him stay.
But the Senju got up, moving to the door, smiling again. "I love you, Madara," he said, and the Uchiha could do nothing but only smile. Hashirama left, and Madara's smile turned into a frown. Tears slipped from his eyes and his whole body shook with the built up emotions he was feeling all at once.
"I… I love you, too…" He whispered, the words making his heart ache, but no one was there to hear them besides himself.
Somehow, Madara knew he wouldn't be saying them again.
Somehow… he knew it would be the last time.
He breathes softly, but shakily, trying to keep his breathing even but failing. The rays of then sun feel cold to him today, doing nothing to warm him. In his opinion, the sun shouldn't be shining at all on such a lonely day.
He wishes things had been different. He would give anything to have him in his arms again. To be able to kiss him and tell him how much he loves him, Hashirama would give anything in the entire world.
He wishes Madara was here with him, to help him through such a difficult time.
But Madara is dead.
And Hashirama's heart is aching.
He's a wreck inside, but on the outside, he's trying to keep himself together.
He wishes he never would have left that night. He wishes he would have stayed like Madara had wanted, and he wishes they would have made love. He wishes he had known about Madara's terminal illness sooner.
Most of all, he wishes he would have known that that was the last day he had with Madara.
The list goes on; Hashirama has a lot of regrets when it comes to things he didn't do with Madara, or things he could have known sooner had he been paying attention.
He misses Madara more than anything. It feels as if a part of him has been taken away, and he's left incomplete.
There are not many people at the funeral. Madara's only living brother stands beside the Senju, trying his hardest, like Hashirama, not to cry. Tobirama is here as well, despite how much as he dislikes the Uchihas.
There are some people here Hashirama doesn't know, but he assumes they are family – Madara didn't have many friends at all.
When the churchman finishes saying good things about Madara, others are urged to come up and speak, and when everyone is finished, they lower the coffin containing Madara's corpse into the ground.
Izuna speaks without looking at Hashirama. "He loved you, you know," he says quietly, and Hashirama looks at him. Izuna takes a moment before speaking again. "He told me so. He said he was too afraid to tell you; he didn't want you to hurt worse after he died."
"I wish he would have told me anyway," Hashirama replies sadly, eyes downcast. "I wish he would have told me…"
"He probably wouldn't have told me of his illness had I not had been there when they confirmed he was going to die. And I'm his brother."
"That's probably true. Madara was good at hiding things from people. He was good at lying."
"Yeah."
They smile sadly. Hashirama knows Izuna must miss Madara the most out of everyone, and Hashirama misses him a lot.
"Madara knew," Izuna says after a few moments, and Hashirama looks at him again, slightly confused.
"What do you mean?" The Senju asks. "What did he know?"
"He knew that if he kept things hidden from everyone, it would hurt them less than telling the truth would. But even he knew he couldn't keep all things hidden forever. Even as I kept telling him that he should've let you know that he was dying, he kept it from you. Why? He figured what you didn't know, couldn't hurt you. You wouldn't have to be sad yet, and that's all he wanted. It was his temporary solution. He had a lot of those."
Izuna sighs out, closing his eyes for a bit, before reopening them. "Everything is ephemeral. Madara knew that well. Our sadness over his death, your love for him… he knew that these things would last for a very short time, as we have no control over how we feel about things after some time."
Hashirama's lips part. "The way I feel for Madara will never change," he states, voice soft, as he looks away. Izuna finally looks at him now. "Even if I should fall in love again with someone else, it could never be the same way I loved him. I will continue to love him, up until the day I should die. Perhaps that's selfish of me, but it's just how I feel. I just know I won't be able to let go."
"I don't blame you," Izuna replies, looking away again. "I couldn't get over my first love either. They didn't die, but… they didn't like me. At all. Not even as a friend. And I had to live with it. I'm still living with it. I have tried to love other people, but… it wasn't… it isn't the same."
"Perhaps not everything is ephemeral," Hashirama says, and Izuna nods slowly. "Some things, maybe, but not everything."
"Yeah…"
The funeral is now over, and everyone is leaving. Hashirama and Izuna walk together, briefly discussing when to come back. They don't say anything for a little while, but then the Senju suddenly speaks, surprising the Uchiha with his words.
"Maybe try convincing him that you're different."
Izuna's gaze is quickly on the Senju, pink dusting his pale cheeks. "What?" He questions, feigning confusion.
Hashirama looks at him with a knowing smile. "My brother. You love him… don't you?"
Izuna wants to deny it, but he can't. "Yes, I do," he admits, eyes on the ground.
"Make him see that you're not like most of your family, just like I saw with Madara. You're not a bad person, Izuna. Make him see that."
"But… I've tried–"
"Try a bit harder. For me. For your brother."
Izuna's lips part, and he nods. "I will. Thank you, Hashirama."
The two part ways, and Hashirama finds himself heading to the creek. Their creek.
The next day, he comes again.
And the next day, and the next, and the one after that, too.
And so he sits in the grass and reminisces about he and Madara, back when they were kids, back when Madara was healthy, back when he realized he was in love, and all the times they'd kissed.
The times when they wanted to make love but they were too shy and too scared. The times when they challenged each other, dared each other, and even followed through with those stupid challenges and dares… and the times they chickened out. The times when they were young and stupid, and didn't have to worry about anything. Their salad days.
He remembers their first kiss. They were so young and naive. Inexperienced. They had no clue what they were doing, and it had been so sudden.
"Hashirama!" Madara shouted angrily, glaring at the Senju who stood laughing on the bank. Madara swam over to the solid ground and tried to pull himself out of the water Hashirama pushed him in, but his wet clothes were weighing him down.
"You should see how ridiculous you look!" Hashirama cried, his stomach and face hurting from laughing so hard.
"You better run, because when I get out, I'm going to kill you!"
"Are you having trouble?" Hashirama teased as he watched Madara struggle to climb out.
"You are so going to die."
But Hashirama just kept laughing, wiping his tears away after a moment.
"Quit laughing and come help me, idiot!" Madara exclaimed, but Hashirama shook his head.
"No!"
"Why the hell not?!"
"Because you're just going to hit me when I pull you out!"
Madara huffed. "No, I won't," he insisted, "Now get over here and help me!"
Hashirama reluctantly stepped closer and grabbed Madara's arms, helping him up and out of the water.
"There you go," Hashirama said with a smile, and suddenly, he felt himself being pushed into the water. "Hey, Madara!"
"I said I wasn't going to hit you, didn't I?" The black haired boy smirked, taking off his robe and wringing it out.
"This isn't fair! Madara!"
Madara rolled his eyes and put his robe back on. "Idiot."
Hashirama was able to get out by himself, and Madara glared at him.
"Look, we're even now I guess," Hashirama said, smiling brightly. Madara crossed his arms, still upset at being soaked. "Don't start pouting now."
"I am not pouting," Madara muttered, annoyed. Hashirama chuckled.
"You are, too!"
"Am not!" Madara snapped.
"Are too!"
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
"Am-"
But Madara never got to finish. Hashirama's lips were on his own, effectively shutting him up.
When Hashirama pulled back, he noticed the blush on the other boy's face. "You're blushing," he commented teasingly, and Madara punched him in the arm.
"Shut up, no I'm not!"
And Hashirama rubbed the spot on his arm, chuckling again. "Whatever you say, Madara."
Hashirama tears up at the memories. He misses those days. He misses Madara. He misses when they'd both fall asleep beneath one of the cherry blossom trees, and Hashirama would wake up first and wait until his love woke up, too.
Madara is sleeping beneath another cherry blossom tree again, but this time it's forever. He wouldn't be waking up, and Hashirama realizes this, and he lets himself cry. For the first time since finding out about his love's death, he cries.
He cries for a long time.
But then, after a while, he finally smiles, because he remembers the words Madara once said to him when they were kids, which were accompanied by a blush.
"I like you, alright? So… don't think that I'll ever forget about you or anything if we're apart for long, yeah? And for you… don't constantly think about me, but don't forget me either. I'll be waiting for you always, you know."
Somehow, it's enough. It stops his tears and takes some of the hurt away. It comforts him. Madara's waiting for him, but Hashirama knows he's going to have to wait a long while.
He picks himself up off the ground and dries his eyes. He's going to pull himself together, because that's what Madara would have wanted. Hashirama smiles. It feels as if a weight had been lifted off of his chest. He can breathe easier now. He feels better about the world.
His sadness is one of those things that are ephemeral. It won't last much longer; he's already feeling better, and Hashirama is, for once since that dreadful day, happy.
He's sure that Madara is, too.
Probably.
so, um, sorry if it's sad. I mean that was my intention but sorry if you cried. Anyways, I hope you liked it and sorry if anyone's ooc. I tried to make sure that didn't happen, though.