Ratchet and Clank: The Glory Hole
Clank
Chapter One- Plumber Gentleman's Club
"Well, Clank, if it is what it is, I'd have to say I think the plumber has found his calling."
Another standard metropolis evening with Ratchet gone well. We were watching another episode of my award-winning series, Secret Agent Clank. Let's just say, this season, we found something worth more than the riches. *eh-he-he-he-he-he*. With Ratchet finally putting down his gloves as a mercenary, we had a surplus of time for the things that really mattered in life. Food, drink, auto repair, women, money, cars, money. The good things. At least in my life, for one of the new episodes a while back, we had a beautiful young singer come in to play my damsel in distress. As Ratchet and I sat there watching television, she served me my favorite drink- a motor oil martini with no olive.
"Thanks so much, Lilia." I replied when she handed me the glass.
"Anything for you, Clankie!" She giggled.
Ratchet smiled, "Clank, you're a lucky robot. Barely in the prime of your youth, and you're already happily married. Makes me feel inferior sometimes." He then laughed.
I thought for a while, thinking Ratchet was depressing. "Its fine Ratchet, you're still only 28. And you've had several girlfriends. And when you think about it, the median marital age is now in the low 40s. Statistically speaking, I would have to assume that you are in good shape. Plus, it's fine to feel inferior. You are shorter and less academically intelligent than the median…" I spoke without processing. "I'm sorry."
He gave me a joking slap on the shoulder, "I know, buddy. And frankly, I couldn't give Captain Quark's a…"
Ratchet was interrupted by a commercial on the Holovid. I always tell him to get a holoDVR, so we can skip the ads, but for some reason he is consumed by them. Especially this raunchy blather.
Hi, it's me, the Plumber. Are you lonely? Unmarried? Did somebody you like a lot get married? Did someone else you like become one of my dancers? Then, get on over here to the Plumber Gentleman's club! The only pipes and poles I'm working with now are the pole posit… well, come along here and find out what I mean!" Just ask my newest dancer, Angela Cross!
"I used to work for megacorp. And it was mega-boring! Now, I have an exciting job working at this creepy place!"
Ratchet jumped from the couch, "WHAT! FIRST SASHA RUNS OFF WITH AL AND NOW ANGELA WORKS IN DEBAUCHERYLAND! WHAT THE…URGH!"
He put his hand to his head, shaking it in disgust. I walked up to him, "Ratchet, its fine. You don't need them. You had Helen, and Kylie, and Cleo, you're fine in the relationship department."
"Clank, I'm single. I've been single since Cleo said she didn't want to risk having a Markazian-Lombax hybrid baby. I wasn't even going to marry her!"
I processed for a second, "Cleo was Markazian?"
Ratchet sighed, "Yes. She was."
I shouldn't have said what I did next.
"How's Talwyn?"
"I don't know! We were just friends and siblings in arms! I need to get out for a second. See you later Clank. Oil's in the drawer if you need it."
I didn't know what he meant. "My sprockets are lubed, though."
Ratchet chuckled, "You know what I mean."
I had to say something.
"If you want to ask her out, just do it. She can only say no!"
He gave me a thumbs up. Then he jumped in his hover car and peeled off.
SORRY ITS SO SHORT! MORE COMING!