This story is dedicated to Mickey and Jamie for always being my angels.
A note from me: All flashbacks are in bold.
I was putting him to bed when he asked me the question
I was hoping to not hear for a long time. Our little Gil, we had agreed
on that name Gilbert Julius Bertier, that is quite a name to go into grow
into. He was so tiny however Gil seemed to fit him better. I am rambling
aren't I? That is what Gil said when I started this way last night. So
I put him to bed and told him I would answer him in the morning. He was
disappointed but went to sleep anyway. I left the room and called Julius
then, I needed I am not sure what, he came over as soon as he could. He
brought over reels of film. Then he left telling me that he would be back
that next evening for dinner as we had planned.
Gil woke up early that day. The only Saturday I
had known him not to sleep in. He also woke up Krista and Mari bringing
them all down. They found me asleep on the couch with the projector flapping
the film as it went around. Gil woke me up with a little boy innocence
the one that tells you it is ok to wake up your parents when you are expecting
something. Like Christmas morning when the whole world is asleep but you.
So there we were the whole day and one question hanging before us.
I didn't bother with breakfast; I knew that they wouldn't take
the time to eat let alone give me the time to prepare it I pulled them
all into my arms trying to decide where would be the best place to start.
Where in the story to begin? They looked up at me with those eyes, their
father's eyes full of questions and a bit of impatience then I knew, start
after the Titans. Julius should tell that part. I would start the August
after that.
I am still not sure what made me choose the University
of Virginia. It was the complete opposite of what I knew in my town of
Cushing Maine. I lived in a small town, populated mostly by tourists in
the summer. Our old house overlooked the ocean. In the distance you could
see Monhegan Island where we would take frequent trips for hiking and painting.
We had two boats one was dad's lobster boat and the other a small motorboat
for the kids.
I was the only girl; I did have two younger brothers
and three older ones. I was the first to go to college. My older brothers
followed in my father's footsteps, but I wanted to go so I applied to different
places. All but one was in Maine, my teacher said the University of Virginia
was a good school and that I should apply. So on a lark I did. I got accepted
to all of the schools and was thinking of going to Boden, but my teacher
was there again telling me I should go to the out of state school. So I
finally decided to go there. My family was not happy to see me leave the
state and go so far away. It was done however and no one was going to stop
me. So there I was 18 and moving to another state by myself. Now that I
was leaving however I knew that leaving was the right choice.
Orientation was so overwhelming. There was so much
to learn before you even went into the classroom. I wanted to live on campus
but had not gotten a dorm; instead I had my own apartment two blocks from
campus. I was thrilled it had 3 rooms and was on the first floor. There
was another apartment across from mine but I hadn't met the people yet.
I spent the day buying books and trying to find my classrooms. I was hopelessly
lost by the end of the day though. I finally found my way back to the apartment
and after putting my books away decided to unpack the rest of the boxes
and get ready for the first day of college.
It was that day that I met him. I was walking across the quad when he knocked me off my feet. I am not being romantic that is what happened. He and Julius were playing football and he was wheeling his chair over to catch a long pass when he hit me. I don't know who felt worse Gerry for hitting me, me as I lay on the ground, or Julius who was trying to not laugh as he helped me to my feet.
Gerry asked me out to dinner as soon as I was back on my feet. He was quite the charmer. He would always say well 'I knocked her off her feet the second we met.' He would always give me a sly smile when he said that. It was our secret. I accepted and he told me he would pick me up at seven then started to roll away. Julius started to laugh and I joined him, as if getting the joke Gerry turned around and came back.
"Hi I am Gerry Bertier, and you are?"
"Jessica Marie Olsen. Please call me Jess."
"Well Jess we settled on seven right?" He asked
waiting for me to nod. When I did he continued, "Where shall I come and
pick you up."
"Wyeth Ave. 1A."
"I'll be there seven o'clock sharp." Shooting
Julius a look I didn't understand they both headed off.
Needless to say I was ready by 6:30 that night. I was so excited and scared. I was going out on my first date in my new home. I had talked to my family earlier and my brothers already hated him. Just because he was taking me out. They are just too overprotective. Mom was happy for me and so was dad, only he would never admit to it.
At 6:55 I heard the door across the hall opening. I wanted to get a look at my neighbors so I peeked out the "spy hole" as I called it. There they were, Julius helping Gerry maneuver out of the apartment. Now I knew what that look meant. I couldn't stay mad though, Gerry had a bundle of silvery roses in his lap.
I did make him wait for me to open the door though. I watched as he knocked and waited. Not purposely I really was nervous. When I finally found the courage I opened the door and stepped out ready for whatever was ahead.
"You look beautiful." Gerry said handing over
the roses.
Blushing I accepted them. "Thank you Gerry, you
look very handsome yourself.
"Are you to going to stand here all night or
go for dinner?" Julius asked with a laugh as we stood in the hallway. He
was still laughing as we left the building. We went to an Italian restaurant
just around the block. It was a nice little place.
"So where are you from Jess?" Gerry asked breaking
the silence.
"Cushing Maine. It is a small town near the sea.
And you?"
"Alexandria Virginia. I am what you might call
a local."
The rest of dinner went smoothly. We ended up
going for ice cream after dinner. Going back to the apartment we didn't
want the night to end.
"Well, Miss Olsen. It was certainly a wonderful
evening. We should try it again sometime soon."
"Yes I believe I would like that Mr. Bertier."
Leaning down I gave him a light kiss on his lips. Quickly I stood up and
went into the apartment leaving him alone in the hallway.
We started dating steadily soon after that. On weekends I would go with him for Sunday dinner at his house or Julius'. We were a regular trio. That did cause some problems. It wasn't all peace and harmony at the school and Gerry and Julius' living arrangements were a sore topic.
That Halloween their place was egged pretty badly. The smell was awful. We just cleaned it up and kept on going. I didn't really understand the problem. Gerry explained how he and Julius became friends and the problems they had. Still it was quite different then what I was used to back home.
We got an old video camera from Alan, once he bought a new one. We started filming ourselves whenever we could. Dates, parties, just hanging out, boring to anyone but us, we like it that way.
"Here we are December 11, 1972. The first semester
is over." Julius said to the camera set up on the tripod.
"Stop hogging the camera." I said with a laugh.
"Here is to the A's that we have all received on our finals."
"You mean you received." Gerry said coming over.
Pulling me onto his lap he gave me a kiss for the camera.
"Well there goes the idea of letting my family
see this." I said before kissing Gerry back. "Oh that reminds me," I said
standing up. Crossing the room I picked up two envelopes.
"Hey we said no presents till we got back," Julius
protested as she handed them out."
"They aren't from me you guys," I said sliding
back onto Gerry's lap as he wrapped his arms around me. "Open them."
"It's a ticket." Gerry said peeking inside.
"My parents sent them down they want you to come
up to Maine for the holiday. You leave three days after Christmas. Please
say you'll come." I pleaded a pout coming onto my face at their silence.
"Of course I will be there." Gerry said pulling
her even closer. "Now I won't be totally bored all vacation."
"I'll come to… someone has to keep this one out
of trouble." Jumping up I hugged Julius, and then returning to Gerry kissed
him. "We are going to have a blast."
We certainly did. I was lonely the few weeks that
Gerry wasn't around, but I was happy to see my family again. Christmas
morning was fun. I got lots of videotape since I had told my mom about
the camera. I also got a quilt from my mom. My brothers said my gift would
come later. As for my dad he got me a beautiful emerald ring for my thumb.
Gerry called that afternoon and we talked for an hour. Mostly about
how much we missed each other and how we could barely wait for that Saturday.
My brothers spent that time making gagging noises in the background. I
told him to say hi to his mom and to Julius for me.
Saturday was a cold day, not that I was bothered at all. I woke up bright and early to finish getting ready for my gifts. I looked at the ring surprised that I had gotten anything at all since I thought Gerry and Julius were my gifts. Train tickets and housing were not cheap no matter how you looked at it.
I let my oldest brother David drive me to the station.
Did I say, "I let" I mean David let me go with him to the station. Brothers,
what can I say? The train was late as usual although the way I saw it,
the train would never get there.
Then they were there. Dave helped Julius get Gerry of the train. Ok
so maybe it was a good thing that he came along. As I drew closer to them
I saw bows on their jackets. Gerry handed me a card that said Merry Christmas
Love, David, John, Matt, Dan, and Jack. Now I knew where my presents came
from. Poor Gerry I hugged David first before giving him one.
New Years Eve came to fast for us. I was more then ready to go back. Let me tell you having your boyfriend live in your house is not as fun as it sounds. Especially not with five overprotective brothers, we managed somehow.
"Come on everybody the ball is going to drop soon."
"Jessica Marie, get off of Gerry this instant." My father said as he noticed me sitting on Gerry's lap.
"Yes Dad," I said sighing I was used to hearing that phrase.
"Look there it goes." my mother said ignoring the commotion around her.
As the clock struck midnight, Gerry and I shared
a kiss. The sound of giggles and applause drew us apart. Blushing
we noticed everyone watching them with Julius again behind the camera.
Spring semester was harder for all of us. We spent much of our time studying at one of the apartments. Dinner was usually Chinese or pizza, as long as it was delivered. We all had keys to get in and out as we pleased so whoever got home first ordered the food.
The whole team would come for visits a couple of weekends. That was a lot of fun. I had Sheryl stay over some weekends. She really is the spitfire Gerry talked about. She stayed over while her father coached Gerry, he wanted win the gold in shot put at the Olympics. Another activity added to the list. On those weekends we went shopping. Sheryl liked some of the shops as long as she didn't have to try on any dresses.
I decided to stay there for the summer. Gerry had some competitions and I wanted to be there. I invited my brothers down for a few days as well. They agreed although they did want me to come home. I took a few classes over the summer so I wouldn't be that busy next year. That was Olympic year and I wanted to be able to go.
Gerry did really amazing in the competitions over the summer. We went to places like Baltimore, Miami, Gettysburg, and Nashville. We did take a week off to make it up for David's wedding though. Gerry quickly became the favorite to take the gold. I was so happy for him. I even used that camera when Julius couldn't make it. The team always tried to be there. Alan, Sunshine, and Rev made it the most though. They were also in college then. Coach Boone came whenever there was not a practice cheering as loudly as any of us in the stands.
My brothers came to some as well. Cheering Gerry on with the rest of us, even though there was a kid from Cushing also competing. That is how I knew they accepted Gerry. Gerry and Mike, the kid from Cushing, were up against each other for the last event. Talk about pressure, but Gerry one and we were thrilled. I gave him a big kiss in the stadium much to the embarrassment of my brothers.
Then school started much to our dislike. It broke
the comfortable pattern we had fallen into. I had a roommate now since
the school was over crowed. She arrived three weeks before classes
started. Two weeks early. My brothers had just left and the place was a
mess. The whole team was coming up to help me clean up and move the furniture
around later that night.
Gerry was at the one match that Julius and I couldn't go to, the final
one. I was cleaning and Julius had a final. I was in bathroom mopping the
floor when Julius got back. As usual he let himself in and started to help.
I started dinner as he finished sweeping the living room for me. Gerry got home soon after and told us that he was going to the Olympics. We were in the middle of the room celebrating as she came in. Ok, so Julius was filming the good news and I was in Gerry's lap as he wheeled us around the room in a dance. Then I kissed him and she walked in. She brought her parents as well.
I am not sure what was worse, my on Gerry's lap kissing him, or Julius filming this all while laughing. Yes I do the team deciding that was the perfect time to arrive. As they arrived, they ran into Coach Yoast and had heard the good news. I think the whole building could hear the Titans singing as they came into the door. Yes that was when hell broke loose and Mrs. Susan May fainted.
Southern belles, doesn't that act ever get old? I guess not since it worked for her. The family was from Georgia and came from old money. Apparently they also like the old traditions that went with the old money. Mrs. Susan May is my roommate's mother. Luckily my roommate only has one name Sara. I know I have two names but the Marie is never used unless I am in trouble, or Gerry is being romantic. Mrs. Susan May is always Susan May.
Dinner was a delight all awkward silences and meaningless conversation. I didn't blame any of the Titans for leaving after dinner, something about a practice. Gerry stayed so did Julius. I was so thankful for that I did not want to be alone with them ever.
Mrs. Susan May and her husband decided to go to the hotel soon after dinner leaving a very unhappy Sara behind. I told Gerry that it was ok for him to go, and I would call him if I needed him. I gave Julius a big hug for staying. Then gave Gerry a kiss. Ignoring the gasps from Sara. Shooting me pitying looks they left. I was wrong before hell broke out then.
"Well I am glad that is over with aren't you."
"Yes I am, I don't think my friends had a very good time tonight." I answered deliberately misreading the question.
"That… I mean…well" Sara fumbled to say. "At least they won't be back again while I am here." She stated finally.
"I don't know why you say that, Gerry and Julius both have keys and the boys come over when ever they can."
"Not Anymore."
"First of all it is not your apartment it is mine. That is the name on the lease. Second if you have a problem with that then you don't need to stay here." I stood there waiting for a response as Sara stood there her mouth hanging open.
I don't know what I would have done if the phone hadn't rung. It was David wanting to know how Gerry did with his last competition. Everyone at home was thrilled to hear the news. I was told that Mike's mother was not happy with our behavior though. We talked for a little longer and then said goodbye.
Sara was still standing there although she had managed to close her mouth. "You will tell them not to come over here." With that she turned around and slammed locked herself in my bedroom. My bedroom!
Sara stayed but I got my room back thankfully. For the most part she ignored us whenever we were together. That was really uncomfortable so we would spend more and more time at the guys place. My parents would call there for me first since that was where I was. That and they didn't really like talking to Sara much either.
The semester continued without much excitement. The Titans won another championship and we were there, the third in a row. Gerry continued to train getting ready for the games in April. We only took a few classes in the spring so we would be able to go the games in California.
I went home for Christmas but came back soon after. Mrs. Bertier wanted me to spend new years there that year. It was very different from Maine. Slightly warmer and she didn't mind Gerry and I cuddling.
Spring semester was spent with Gerry practicing for the most part. We had Sundays to spend with each other. Sheryl had moved in much to Sara's dislike, but she had her own problems. She was failing her classes. Besides with Coach Yoast training Gerry it was easier all around for Sheryl to live with me. Sheryl and I would go shopping and I taught her how to play hockey. She was a natural on the ice. Then it was time for California
The plane ride over was so much fun. Sheryl, Coach, and Julius shared a row of seats. Gerry and I were right behind them. The rest of the Titans, our families, and Coach Boone were taking a road trip to California and were going to meet us there. Sunshine had found us all places to stay with old friends while the games were on.
"Are you awake?" Gerry asked as linking our hands together.
"Yeah I am." I responded picking my head off of his shoulder. "Why?"
"I was thinking about things and I wanted some company."
"Well I am here so what were you thinking about?" I asked twisting slightly so I could see him better.
"Well in high school you said things right away in a relationship, that was the way of things a right of passage. With you I never felt that I had to rush things or say things I wasn't sure I meant. Anyway I was thinking about us and the things that I hadn't said yet that I want to say." Taking a deep breath he continued, "Jessica Marie I love you."
I was crying by then, those words were just so beautiful. "Well Gerry Bertier I love you to."
With that Gerry leaned over and kissed me running his fingers through my hair. Pulling me closer to him then ever before.
"Gerry I don't have the camera on now!" Was the exclamation that drew us apart.
"I know" Gerry said with giving my hand a squeeze.
The rest of the plane ride went smoothly and cheering
squads met us at the gates. Gerry had to go to practice so we all went
to the Sunshine's grandmothers for dinner.
The games were amazing. So many people came out
for the games from all over. Gerry won of course, not that we ever had
any doubts. The stands were full of Titans cheering him on.
After the game we all went to Hollywood. That was
a fun day. Both Alan and Julius had video cameras. I put my hands in Marilyn
Monroe's slab and they were a perfect fit. Gerry loved that.
"Look Jess a perfect fit. I told ya it would be."
"No you said only Monroe would fit in her
hands."
"That does sound about right, that means… Hey
guess what I have my very own Monroe right here." Gerry said pulling me
onto his lap. "Let's see you beat that."
"Jessica Marie"
"I know dad get off of Gerry." I said laughing.
Unfortunately we couldn't stay in California forever,
so it was back to school and finals. Finals went better for the three of
us then Sara. We studied in California and she partied at school. She did
pass however and decided to stay at the apartment. She was the only one
thrilled about that since it was so close to school. Oh and while we were
away she had moved into my room. It was bigger she needed the space.
I decided to some apartment hunting that summer
in hopes of finding a better place. I also found out that if I took 3 summer
classes I could graduate a year early. I decided to take the class and
spend another summer in Virginia. My parents weren't really happy at that
they wanted me to come for the summer, but they did give in.
Gerry and Julius were staying as well, both hoping
to graduate early as well. Julius so he could be the first in his family
to have gone to college. Gerry just wanted to keep up with me, or at least
that was the joke. Sara also stayed to retake some of her classes. It was
shaping up to be a interesting summer.
There were apartments to be found but none on the
first floor. It would have been fine if there had been elevators but no
it was 1974 and apartment buildings with elevators we way out of my price
range. So Sara and I would be roommates again for another year. I didn't
care too much that she had taken my room; she didn't break anything moving
it around or lose anything purposely on accident.
I decided that it was time I reclaimed the place
though. So I started with a surprise victory party for Gerry. Complete
with all the trimmings I invited Sara since she did live there, besides
it was time for her to learn some new lessons.
"I am not allowing you to throw this party."
"Well I guess it is good I am not asking permission
to have it in my apartment then."
"Then I won't come. I'll sit in my room and study
for a test."
"Fine, we will try and not be really loud then.
"Quick they're coming everyone hide!" A scrambling noise and hushed giggling followed those words as the friends struggled to hide in any place they could find. The door opened and Julius and Gerry came in.2 hours later
"Surprise!!!!!" Everyone yelled coming out of their spots and rushing forward.
"Who did this?"
"Jess did, she wanted to show you how proud we
all are of you."
I got a big kiss and a many thanks for that party.
We went on late into the night talking, singing and having fun. Sara did
come out for a little bit. She sat next to Alan and tried to start a conversation.
It didn't work that well Alan joined the singing after a while and she
was left on her own. It was Rev who really got her to talk.
She wasn't totally convinced that hanging out with us all the time was a good idea, but at least it was comfortable again in the apartment. Sara even let Julius help her in her classes and she did pretty well. By the end of the summer we were on better ground all around.
Fall of that year really seemed to fly by for all of us. One minute it was September and the next it was December. Gerry and I spent more and more time together whenever we could. He was still training but not competing, as much so the weekends were ours. We took trips on the weekends to different places. We got to go to Disney for free or at least Gerry did, I was his guest. A perk of winning the Olympics, some of the other trips were as well but since they were free we took them as little vacations. Savoring them all. Julius even let me borrow the camera to tape some of the stuff we did.
We decided to drive to Maine for Christmas that year
and come back to Alexandria for New Years. It was easier since we were
closer to the school come January. Driving up there was great. We took
it nice and slow stopping at little inns when we were tired.
Pemaquid Point was our last stop. I wanted to show
him the lighthouse in the snow at sunset. We sat in the car watching the
sun set into the Atlantic. There was a storm coming you could see it in
the choppy waves off the point. We stayed and watched as the light came
on twisting and turning over the sea. After a few minutes I untangled myself
from Gerry's arms and backed the car back onto the road.
"Can't we stay just a little longer?" he pleaded
as I moved the car. "It is so beautiful here."
"I know but the waves are rough and I want to
get home before the storm hits. We can come back in the summer when it
is warm and see the light. Then you can even see Monhegan's light in the
distance."
"Is that a promise?" He asked sitting back into
the seat and closing his eyes.
"A promise."
We managed to beat the storm home. Christmas was
a magical winter wonderland that year. The ground covered in snow like
never before in our little village, and all our worries about school seemed
to melt away. I think we left them at the lighthouse to drown in the waters.
The gifts from that year were fun and unusual. My
brothers bought me a red and gold lava lamp with the name Titans drawn
on the side, David adding a note saying congratulations on becoming an
aunt in three months. My mom gave me a photo album full of pictures from
my college years that she had gotten from other people. There were even
newspaper clippings that I was in. My dad gave me an emerald necklace to
match the ring from freshman year.
"I was going to wait to give you my gift since Julius and the camera are not here, but I can't wait."
I walked over to where he was sitting near
the tree looking out the window. 'So Julius will have one less moment of
our relationship on camera." I replied with a small laugh.
"Well I talked to your father last Christmas
trying to sort everything out. He really helped me just like my father
would have. Jess I have known you for almost three years now, and from
the second I bowled you over so to speak you have been there for me. You
supported me throughout my dream and allowed me into your heart. Jessica
Marie Olsen, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife." He pulled out
a small pearl ring, remembering my fondness for anything that came from
the sea.
I was crying so hard by then I could barely see.
Falling into his open arms all I could do was nod. Finally I calmed down,
"Yes, Yes, Yes I will marry you." I gave him my hand to slip on the ring
before kissing him.
"Welcome to the family son, although you
have been a part of us for awhile now.'
"Thanks dad."
We were so happy and according to everyone I was
glowing. Julius was a little miffed that he hadn't gotten it on camera,
so we reenacted it for him. It wasn't the same according to Julius but
Gerry's mom was thrilled to see it.
Spring semester was very busy for us. We were seniors
and classes were hard. There was the job application process and of course
the wedding plans. We decided to get married at Pemaquid two weeks after
graduation. The Titans were all invited and Sheryl was going to be my maid
of honor. She even wanted to pick out the dress for the wedding. Sara was
invited even though she was mad that she wasn't in the wedding. Sheryl
and Julius were the wedding party. Oh and Rev he was going to marry us.
I invited my teacher as well she had played a part in the story it just
seemed right.
Well we all passed with flying colors as was our
trademark for finals. Julius was going to be valedictorian of the class.
Gerry and Julius both got jobs near Alexandria so Virginia was about to
become my home permanently. As for me I decided that free-lance journalism
was the way to go for then at least.
Gerry was going to work as a newscaster. The local
celebrity, I thought it was cute. Julius was hired by T.C. Williams as
the new counselor, lucky him. Graduation was bittersweet. We were all excited
about what lay ahead, but worried about it as well.
The wedding went off without a hitch. It was at
noon, not sunset. The light was wrong at that time according to Alan. I
had a wonderful dress with a small lace veil that covered my hair. I wore
my hair down as well and it blew gently with the breeze.
"Jessica, since the moment we first ran into each
other, you have been a part of me. Your constant support, grace, and innocence
keep inspiring me to reach past the stars. You cheer me on no matter what
the circumstances, even if that means cheering against someone you know.
You followed me to California when I asked, to follow my dream. You did
that never questioning what you were leaving behind. It was there I realized
I had found the woman of my dreams some one I could share my soul with.
So here I pledge in front of God, family, friends, and the mighty Atlantic
to love, honor and cherish you till the waves stop pounding these rocks.
"Gerry, before I saw you, I knew that you would
be a part of my life. Your strength, courage, and determination constantly
light my way. You conquer anything life throws your way and bring me along
with you. No matter what happens I know that you will be there walking
along with me past one bend in the road to another. I know that I have
found the other half to my soul, my Titan, in you. I vow here in front
of God, family, friends, and the mighty Atlantic to cherish you until the
tides refuse to turn."
Everyone cheered when Rev told Gerry to kiss the
bride. It was the first time ever my dad didn't say anything when I was
pulled onto Gerry's lap. We stayed and watched the sunset that night.
Then saw the light from Monhegan that night. Keeping the promise from that
Christmas to see the lights dance together.
The honeymoon was amazing. We drove through Canada
looking at the sights and I decided to write a book. I didn't tell Gerry
though it was going to be about him. We came back home in July both relaxed
and ready for the year to begin. I got a job writing articles for the New
Yorker and another writing about local talent for the Gazette. Both Julius
and Gerry liked their jobs and the house that we had gotten. Four bedrooms,
the place was huge and beautiful.
It was Christmas again in no time. This year we
were celebrating at our house. I got a typewriter from Gerry. Not romantic
but what I wanted. I gave him a pair of baby boots. He nearly dropped them.
I mean really, it isn't like they would bite or anything.
Yes I was pregnant. We had a little girl around the time of our wedding. We named her Marina, although she was quickly called Mari. She was an angel from the moment we brought her home. She like all my children has her daddy's eyes. She has my smile though.
Julius was married that year. He and his wife moved
to a house down the street. It was strange not having him live with us
but Mari kept us busy. We were as close as always having dinners on the
weekends and Julius was always willing to baby-sit if we needed him.
A year later in 1977, the twins, Gil and Krista were born. Gerry
could hardly wait to teach Gil football. Julius and his wife had a child
this year as well. Another boy named William Gerry. I know big names for
little boys, but they will be men someday.
Four years later our world came apart. It was June
and the children and I were going to the doctors, the yearly checkup. Gerry
had gone into Baltimore that day for a gift. He had it specially made for
our anniversary. A beautiful hand made snow globe of Pemaquid at sunset,
a bride and groom sitting on the rocks. It was us. I keep it on our mantle,
a reminder.
He was halfway home when the accident happened. They
told me that it was a drunk driver. That is was quick and he didn't hurt.
That didn't help the pain or stop the nightmares from coming. The ones
of where he was in pain and I couldn't help him. I would wake up with silent
screams those nights, sobbing into his pillow, the one that still held
his scent. I would wear his shirts as well anything to feel like he was
still with me. The only thing left unharmed, the snow globe. I nearly broke
it when the cop handed it to me I was shaking so hard.
The funeral was a blur for me. Gerry brought all
the Titans back to Alexandria. He was buried next to his mother who had
died only two months earlier. The cemetery echoed the haunting line
" Na na na hey hey hey goodbye" as we left. I barely made it to the car
before I broke down in tears. We went back to the house where Sheryl was
watching the children. The Titans staying to protect on of their own till
I was ok again.
The children didn't know what was going on. Their
daddy was gone and I was sick. I could barely make myself get up in the
mornings and when I did it I couldn't keep anything down. I was always
in one of Gerry's shirts and had an empty look in my eyes. Gerry was gone
and I didn't know if I could go on without him. Julius and his family moved
in for a while to help out. A month or so after the…well, I realized why
I was so sick. I was once again pregnant. That was what finally made me
realize that what I was doing was unhealthy. The baby was my last gift
from Gerry.
Four months later I published my book, about Gerry
and his accomplishments. I was going to tell him that I had sold the manuscript
but I had only found out a day before…. I added a chapter for the book
calling it The Titan completing the book in a way I didn't want. A few
months after that I went into labor a little boy.
I named him Gerry Herman Bertier. He was his daddy all over again; I could see that the instant I held him. There is very little of me in his face. Best of all he has Gerry's smile the one that if you didn't know him you would wonder if he was about to cry or laugh. He is a little over a year now and his first word, Titan.
As for the film reels Julius brought over, they were for me. It is a tribute on film to our love and our life together. It took him two years to finish it piecing all the film together and getting the Titans to talk on camera all to help me. Two years later and I am still feeling empty inside at times. Julius says I still have a hollow look in my eyes whenever he says Gerry's name.
I never thought till last night about how grateful
I was for that camera and truthfully about the films I had never wondered
where they were. It was to painful.
Julius and his family brought over Chinese that
night. He found the five of us on the couch watching the films. Gerry was
asleep in my arms; Mari and Gil had their heads in my lap, and Krista had
her head on my shoulder. Gerry was the only one of us not in tears.
They left the food on the kitchen table and went
to their home for the night. Julius knew that it was a family night and
as much as he was family, he knew Gerry needed to be with us that night.
Please let me know what you thought.