Clarke stood frozen in place as her eyes scanned around the dining hall, consuming the finality of her decision at Mount Weather to pull back the lever and snuff out the light in the eyes of its inhabitants.
Mothers, fathers and children she saw not more than fifteen minutes ago on the monitors in the control room, all talking and going on about their lives and oblivious about what was about to happen in their home. What she witnessed now were a people burnt and blistered. Even the children wore the agony of pain that was unexpectedly thrust into their souls and Clarke could see it in each of them.
When the grounders attacked the drop ship, she did not see all the faces. It was not lost on her-the impact of their actions against Anya and her people, but they were there to kill them. It was self defence and they all understood they faced warriors, and warriors were battle-hardened and prepared for what could happen.
This was different.
She knew some of these people and they had helped her protect her people. They were more like her people than the grounders. The memory of what she had done here would be her punishment and she swore she hold it within herself for the rest of her life.
The lighting in the room was warm which was in contrast to the cold look of the concrete and metal facility. It reminded her of her first interaction with Dante Wallace. He had a kind face with pleasant words which spoke of peace and protection, hiding their facade behind walls and in cages. The rich tapestries that hung in the hall reminded her of the art she drew in her cell while she was on the Arc. Clarke wondered if she was really so different.
She understood they were only trying to escape from their own prison. They were doing what they had to for their people but there was no chance Clarke was going to let her friends and family suffer.
Clarke was unaware of how long she had been standing there. She kept telling herself it was Dante and Cage who brought this down on the mountain, but Clarke all she could see was her hand on the lever.
"I had to..." she mumbled to herself as her emotions began to get the better of her once again. Her eyes were still red from earlier but hey began again to fill with water when they rested on Maya.
The last to leave from this room was Jasper. The loss of Maya was clearly evident in the tears that ran freely on his face. Clarke understood he would likely become consumed by hate for what she was forced to do, even if it was currently not present in his eyes.
Not yet, but soon. she thought to herself.
A voice from behind startled her mind from future concerns to the present.
"Clarke, we have to go."
The sound of Bellamy's voice broke the nearly perfect silence of the room. Clarke brought her hands to her face and rubbed her eyes before she turned to face him. When she turned, he studied her and what he saw was the summation of all her decisions since they made it to earth— The 300 Warriors of the drop ship, Finn, Tondc, the betrayal by the Commander.
It was when she realized he was observing her, Clarke took in a deep, steadying breath. She readied the mask she wore when she lifted the gun to Dante's chest and fired. She was not done saving her people.
She saw the sympathy in his eyes. He carried the weight of their actions as well, but it was her plan to kill the people of the mountain. It was her idea to flood the facility with radiation that would destroy a civilization, the innocent alongside the guilty.
Her decision.
Clarke frowned, forcing the thought from her mind. She knew she made the right decision for her people and that gave her renewed strength. Steeling her jaw and forcing her shoulders back, her eyes took on a focus as she turned and headed toward the door and said, "Let's get our people home."
The pair moved quickly through the concrete hallways and metal bulkheads arriving at the large entryway for Mount Weather. Clarke slowed as she approached the large metal door of the entrance and before taking her first step outside she took in a deep breath, exhaling slowly. Bellamy was equally as interested in leaving the mountain and putting this chapter of their lives behind them.
Clarke wondered if she could ever forgive herself for all she had done to bring them to where they are now but deep inside, she knew there was something else she had to before she would feel like she had done all she could.
The duo emerged door and their senses seemed to erupt. The complete stillness within the bunker gave way to the sounds and smells of nature, the vibrant colours of the forest and wild flowers around them made it seem like they entered walked on to another world.
The slight breeze carried with it the voices of their people who celebrated their freedom and reunification with loved ones, there was also the moans from those still injured, who had managed to survive. Seeing her people alive should have comforted Clarke.
The pair surveyed those who sat on the ground or were leaning against trees and it did not take long before Clarke saw her mother with Kane leaning over her. His hands occupied in trying to bandage some of her wounds. She also noticed they had taken some stretchers from the medical facility in Mount Weather.
Good. Clarke said to herself. This will help them return to the safety of Camp Jaha much faster.
It was clear on all her people that this place has left more than the physical scars that come with fighting. None more so than on Jasper who sat at the base of a tree and refusing all attempts at consoling from others, including Monty.
Brushing her hair from her face, Clarke straightened her back, lifted her chin and addressed her people, "Everyone," Clarke yelled loudly to gather the attention of her people.
"We must get back to Camp Jaha as quickly as possible. There are still dangers in the forests and our injured need medical attention."
Everyone turned to look at Clarke and although their focus had been on the injured or their loved ones, they understood what Clarke was saying. Some presumed it was due to the Commanders betrayal and worry that grounders might take this opportunity to attack them while they were vulnerable, some because of the animals that might hunt them.
Clarke could not say it aloud but it was the proximity to this place of death that she wanted to escape from, hoping distance would somehow help ease the pain of what she had done.
From her seat on the rocky ground, Abby watched her daughter as she spoke to them all. Her memory picturing the strong blonde girl who at Camp Jaha, freed Emerson and told her mother that she was in charge. She hated that this world forced such tough decisions on her daughter and how it had changed her from the young blonde girl she knew on the Ark.
When Abby looked past Clarke to Bellamy, their eyes met. He saw the concern in her eyes for her daughter. It was only when Kane and Monty began to move Abby on to her stretcher did she stop looking at Bellamy, squeezing her eyes closed in reaction to the pain that coursed through her.
They left Mount Weather early that morning and the weather had been cooperative which was a relief to the weary Skaikru. Many of them feared a confrontation with the Grounders would occur but Clarke believed that if Lexa and her people were going to attack, they would have been attacked coming from the mountain when their people were tending to the wounded.
They had been hiking for the better part of the morning when Markus approached Clarke. She kept a rigorous pace and never took her eyes off the path in front of her, rifle in her hands as she kept her eyes to the tree line. When he reached her side he glanced over, appraising her.
"Clarke, we need to rest."
"We will rest when we reach the gates of Camp Jaha." she said firmly.
"It doesn't do any good if our people die of exhaustion on the way home."
Clarke stopped and looked up to the sky. The sun was at its highest point in the day and she realized that they had been hiking for more than four hours without a break.
"Fifteen minutes and we continue." It was an order, not a request.
"Thirty. There is a stream near here and we need to refill our canteens." Marcus knew Clarke would not cause harm to her people and when her shoulders dropped, he smiled.
"Thirty minutes." Was the last thing she said. Clarke had yet to look at Marcus when they spoke. Her voice was tired and she looked like she wanted to fall over
"Thirty minutes and you rest as well." he amended. "You are pushing yourself too har.."
Clarke's head quickly swung in his direction and addressed his concern, her eyes were tired but firm.
"I'm fine. Go back and look after everyone. I'm going to make sure the path is clear ahead."
Marcus nodded and held out his canteen to her. "I am sure we will be fine."
He had the same belief Clarke had when they were not attacked by warriors outside of Mount Weather. The path home was likely clear, though, it didn't stop his eyes from carefully watching the environment around them.
Clarke accepted his water and opened the canteen, taking a couple large sips. She couldn't hide that she was thirsty and the cool water rolling over her lips was welcome. She didn't remember the last time she had something to eat or drink. Perhaps it was before, with Lexa. Before she was standing alone.
Clarke knew the breaks were necessary. She was being selfish in forcing her people to march behind her at such a heavy pace. She feared that every time they may stop for rest, her mind would return her back to the memory of the control room, the smoke slowly climbing from the barrel of her gun and Dante with a growing red mark in his chest. She needed to keep moving.
She didn't know who she was anymore. She attempted to reconcile her actions with the safety of her people, but that was always her excuse.
No matter the enemy. No matter the cost.
Is that all there is to life on the ground? she wondered.
"Clarke," called Raven, pulling her attention back toward the group.
Clarke was standing 30 feet further down the path when she heard Raven call to her. She turned to see Raven with Lincoln, Octavia, Monty, Bellamy, and Harper. They were on the ground eating some dried meat and sipping water from bottles. Raven waved at her to come over and join them.
Clarke forced a smile and raised her hand in refusal.
She didn't want their thanks or to answer questions about the decisions she was forced to make which was always something that happened when they were together. Before she could turn away from the group, her eyes fell downward and she took a deep breath.
Bellamy saw she was not going to come over and started rise. It was Lincoln who reached forward and placed his hand lightly on Bellamy's shoulder, ceasing his attempt to stand.
"She requires time." he stated simply and calmly.
Bellamy looked back at him and the others who were resting on the ground. Bellamy wanted, no needed to help but when he took another look toward Clarke, her back was now to the group and she was slowly moving down the path.
"Let her have her space, Bell." Octavia added.
Raven continued to watch Clarke as the others began to converse about the events in the Mountain and speculated on what would happen between their people and the Grounders. She cursed her body for being too sore for her being unable to go after Clarke.
Since they left the underground facility, Raven had been watching her. With every step they all took toward Camp Jaha, the further Clarke seemed to be moving away and everyone was just letting it happen.
Clarke wandered further down the path and the conversations behind her had begun to mute in her ears. After deciding she had gone far enough, she fell against a log next to the path that was covered in a soft green moss.
Her mind brought her back to when they crashed on the Earth and they all emerged from the drop ship. They were in awe of the tall green trees, the rick brown dirt beneath their feet and moss that enveloped much of the forest. She looked up to where the sun hid behind large trees and recalled the first time the sun danced through the canopy when the slight breeze coaxed the leaves from remaining still.
Everything looked different.
They had no idea what their future had in store for them. They saw promise and a future on the ground that was limitless in potential. It was their world and nothing could go wrong.
"But it did." she whispered quietly.
The group behind her started to pack up as Marcus gave the order to ready themselves for resuming their journey to Camp Jaha. Clarke did not hear the group until they had begun to walk past her, trapped in her thoughts and unaware until they already walking past her, everyone glancing at her with understanding as she sat with the weight of her actions holding her down.
She stood up slowly from the log she was sitting on and took one last look into the forest around her. Not so long ago all she saw was wonderment when they landed. Now she no longer saw the beauty, only the shadows where those who would do her people harm hid and tried to listen for the possible snapping of a twig announcing they were being watched. The forest did not share its secrets.
The group slowly arrived near the edge of the clearing that led to Camp Jaha. She walked behind them at a slight distance since their last rest stop, stating to Marcus it to keep watch for anyone or anything that might be watching them. She knew at some point Lexa would have ordered scouts to watch them.
She was meticulous in the regard of collecting information and Clarke knew her green eyes would not stray long from her or her people.
Throughout the last leg of the journey, her friends would slow their pace and allow Clarke to catch up to them, offering her a drink from their canteen. They tried to speak to her, but Clarke would only accept the water with a nod. She did not speak and offered no optimism for conversation. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to her friends, it was she had no idea how to talk to them.
Entering the clearing, exhaustion and relief flowed like waves over them all. They had been running on adrenaline and being so close to home, the events and the journey of the last day wore on them all. Relief and anguish seemed to envelop all who made the exhaustive trek back to their home and commotion could be heard at the gates from as far as the tree line.
Once it was found to be their own who were returning, people rushed forth from the open gate and started to help carry the wounded, taking the strain off those who were exhausted.
Water was readily passed around and silent celebration sat in everyone's eyes for those who were fortunate enough to return. It was only when they reached the gate and took their first steps through that a small sense of relief poured over them.
It was a feeling of safety they had not known in what seemed like ages.
Bellamy stood at the gate watching everyone walk through. He led the group through the clearing and yelled for them to open the gate. He took position at the entrance and waited for the one person he knew would enter last. He knew she couldn't come in until everyone was safe.
As Kane And Abby entered, he reached down and took Abby's hand. They looked at each other and found what comfort they could in hope that the worst was behind them all.
Almost everyone had entered and Raven spoke for the first time since she had left Mount Weather in an almost whisper, "Jasper," causing him to stop and walk over to her. Reaching behind Wick she produced his goggles and extended them toward him, "You almost forgot."
Speaking with a subdued tone, "My goggles, thank you." was all he could reply. He didn't smile, he simply continued into the camp with the rest of the group.
Bellamy turned his head saw Clarke standing about twenty feet from the entrance to the camp. She was talking with Monty and when it seemed like they were done talking, she pulled Monty in for an embrace.
After the hug, Monty stepped back and looked down as he walked away from Clarke, momentarily glancing at Bellamy which caused Bellamy to study him. Something was wrong. Monty pulled his sweater tight to his chest and continued past Bellamy trying his best to avoid his eyes.
He approached Clarke with concern. He could see her hesitation.
"I think we deserve a drink" he remarked, trying to cut the tension he felt build up in his approach to Clarke.
She fought the idea of entering the camp and having that drink with Bellamy and her friends. The entire journey from the mountain, she argued with herself. She questioned who it was she had become in her mind.
"Have one for me." she suggested.
"Hey. We can get through this." Bellamy said.
"I'm not going in".
Bellamy turned to Clarke and fought with his words. "Clarke, if you need forgiveness, I'll give that to you."
A moment passed as they stared at each other. Clarke fortified herself against his appeal. She didn't know what she wanted, but whatever it was, it was not inside the camp.
"You are forgiven" he continued. Clarke looked at him and her eyes returned to the camp. Bellamy saw his words affected her. He fought harder. "Please come inside."
"Take care of them for me".
Bellamy pleaded with her, "Clarke,"
"Seeing their faces every day, It is just going to remind me of what I did to get them here"
He countered, "What we did. You don't have to do this alone."
Looking back at the people in the camp. The wounded were laying on the ground and people were helping everyone who returned from Mount weather. Turning back to Bellamy, she shook her head, fighting back the memory of Finn, the drop ship, Tondc and Mount Weather; all things that took parts of her and made her into what stood before Camp Jaha.
"I bear it so they don't have to."
"Where are you gonna go?"
"I don't know."
Bellamy fought the tears that were trying to form. She was leaving and he could do nothing to stop her.
Clarke moved forward and kissed him on the cheek and pulled him into a hug that he embraced. Her voice was strained when she spoke, her chin on his shoulder, "May we meet again".
After a moment she pulled back and looked him in the eyes, nodded and walked back to the tree line they had walked from to return to the camp. Bellamy couldn't watch her go. He knew if he did, he would leave with her and he had to stay.
Staring straight forward into the clearing, he stood between the only two things he cared about. Clarke who was moving farther and farther from him, and his sister Octavia who he swore to always protect.
Swallowing hard, he whispered, "May we meet again."
Clarke continued into the forest and found herself running. She ran from the surge of feelings that rumbled forth in her chest and threatened to consume her. Her eyes were red and tears were freely flowing. She didn't know how long she had been running, but it was only when exhaustion forced her to her knees did she stop.
Her grief wanted to consume her the moment she stopped, but Clarke withstood the urge to indulge in her sorrow and forced herself to focus on the here and now. The nights were getting colder and she had to get to shelter.
She decided her first stop would be to the drop ship before they had reached Camp Jaha. There were rations there and fresh water that she made sure were stowed away for emergencies. Clarke figured this was an acceptable one. Once she would gather what she could from there, it would be on to find a safer shelter that would give her privacy.
Clarke stood up from the ground and brushed the dirt off her pants. She glanced around, recognizing some of the tree and realized she had been running in the direction of the drop ship. Wiping her eyes with her fingers, she focused on getting where she needed to go and was unaware three figures had been following Skaikru since they had left the Mountain since the grounder army had left. They had been ordered to remain with Skaikru until they were relieved, but knew they should inform Polis of what had they had witnessed.
The largest of the three walked out from where he had been watching from and over to one of camouflaged scouts nearest him, giving what sounded like an order.
"Kamp raun emo tri. Ai op Skaikru."
"Sha, Koma." The man replied, making his way over to a tree and climbing up the solid branches to get a better view of the Skaikru camp and the happenings within its walls.
He turned to the other scout and directed him to approach. When he was close, Koma spoke to the smaller man after placing his hand on his shoulder.
"Mafta em op." he ordered, pointing to Clarke who was now out of sight but moving quickly enough to leave a clear trail in the direction she was moving.
"Sha, Fos." was the simple reply, the voice not as stout as the man barking the orders, turned and walked off into the forest after the blonde girl.
Koma waited until he was sure the Skaikru girl was far enough away, he whistled for his horse. It appeared in moments and with a graceful jump, he was atop his horse and quickly moving quickly in the direction of Polis.
As he rode he found himself thinking on the events he witnessed that day. He knew All the clans wished for Maun-de to be beaten but there were few who could truly believe that the day would ever come. Their weapons were too powerful an obstacle to overcome and always had been. It seemed fated they would live in fear of Maunon forever but if Skaikru could defeat Maun-de in less than a day? He was certain that it was a concern for all twelve clans.
Understanding that he would be able to reach Polis by nightfall if he rode hard, he urged his horse on quickly to inform the Commander of what has transpired in her lands.
"Kamp raun emo tri." - Take the trees.
"Mafta em op." - Follow her.
"Sha, Fos" - Yes, First.
"Maun-de" - Mount Weather