Author's Note: Okay guys, so normally I stay away from reading deathfics about Fili and Kili because I find them too sad, so for some reason I decided to write one of my own (there's some sound logic for you...). I actually had to stop through parts of this because I was getting too emotional. Yikes.

Because I am cruel, I was thinking about how awful it would be if only one of the brothers died, especially if it was Fili who died and Kili had to learn to live without his big brother. And thus, this was born. It's written in Fili's POV.

I hope you enjoy it. I cherish every review that is bestowed upon me!

Disclaimer: AU, with *SPOILERS* from the book-verse. I do not own these characters, but if I did, they would never ever have to die :[

Remember Me How I Was

It's over.
For me, anyways.

It doesn't seem fair, does it?
Far too soon, far too violently.
I was still so young,
But I guess that didn't matter.

Death is a strange thing.

You think about it more than you'd like to admit.
You dread it, you're terrified of it,
You feel it creep upon you as the years go by,
As it waits and watches, biding its time.

But when it comes, and you know it's coming,
It doesn't seem real.
Is this really it?
This is how I leave you?

Do you remember that time, when we were only children?
You had fallen into the river, too weak to swim against the current.
Against my better judgment, I dove in too,
And somehow, I saved us both.

Do you remember what I told you, when I brought us to the shore?
"I've got you, little brother,
I'll be everything you need and more."

I promised to always look out for you that day,
To always be there for you to lean on, no matter what.

I am so, so sorry, brother.

I don't want to leave you alone.

I want to be there as I always have,
Playing the role of the invincible big brother,
Undefeatable, always brave enough for the both of us.
Will you be strong enough to carry on without me?

I'll miss you so much.
I'll miss watching your unruly dark hair dance around your face in a gust of wind.
I'll miss seeing the corners of your deep brown eyes crinkling as you laugh.
I'll miss your infuriating stubbornness, your fierce loyalty, your gentle touch, and your endless love.

I'll miss you with a heart wrenching ache,
One that only grows as we approach eternity.

It will never get better,
And the pain will never fade.

Is this my punishment for failing you?

I couldn't have hoped for a better little brother.
For you gave me courage when I needed it most,
And the strength to carry on when I was weak.

I cannot thank you enough for making my life everything I wanted it to be.

I hope you will find another soul,
Someone who is not me,
Someone who gives you great joy.
Because just as flowers cannot bloom without sunshine,
One cannot live without love.

I hope you learn to live without me.
That you fall in love, have beautiful brown eyed children,
That you bear our legacy, provide heirs to the throne.
Do what I was unable to do.
You will be a marvelous king.

Please understand that some things are meant to be,
And that fate is a cruel mistress,
And that those who most deserve the beauty of life,
Are often those who are forced to relinquish it first.

Do not dwell on what we could not change.
Do not lose yourself in the possibilities
Of what could have been, of what you believe you should have done.
Accept what is beyond your control, for what choice do you have?
How can you change destiny?

Please do not forget me,
Remember me how I was.
Everything I ever did, was for you,
Because you are my whole world.
Keep my memory strong,
But do not let it bear down upon your heart.

I must embrace death, for now I no longer have much choice.
I will do my best to protect you in this life,
To do what I could not do before.
And when you find your way back to me,
I can fully be at rest,
Because anywhere without you is not truly paradise.

Do not worry for me, I will be fine, see?
The pain and uncertainty is gone,
I am in the care of our ancestors,
Patiently waiting for your arrival.

And when you finally come to us,
We will welcome you like the king you are,
With love and happiness,
To prosper in everlasting peace.
We can enjoy eternity just as we lived,
Together.

And so I will wait.
I'll wait for you at the gates,
With open arms and a smile on my face.
I promise it'll seem like we were never apart,
Once again, we will be whole after all this time.

So remember me how I was, brother,
And do not give in to the sorrow.
Look forward to when we see each other again,
Because next time we meet,
It's forever.

Please review!

Also, I might continue this and do another from Kili's POV when he is forced to live without Fili. Thoughts?