A/N: Callen meddles with the very best of intentions. Set during season 9, semi-sequel or follow up to my other story 'Beggars' (apparently I only use clichéd titles now, but what's new?).
What Friends are For
Sam types in a few words, tabs down to the next box in the form he's completing and pauses briefly before resuming his typing.
"You know, there'd be more room for Otis too." Sam sighs, his hands stilling on the keyboard and turns to Callen who waits expectantly.
"I am not buying a bigger boat," he says doggedly, not bothering to enumerate the reasons why once again.
"And Otis has never been on my boat," Sam adds as an afterthought, just to quell any possible rumors that he allows sea lions on his boat.
"Yeah, because there's not any room," Callen says and any hope that this conversation might finally end is well and truly gone. "There'd be plenty of room for Otis and Kam and Aiden when they come to visit if you got that one I showed you last week," he continues as though he doesn't hear Sam's irritated sigh.
"Not to mention, when you babysit Kensi and Deeks' kids."
"Aiden and Kam spend most of their time at Keatings and I'm definitely not buying a new boat for nonexistent kids," he retorts just in time for Kensi and Deeks to appear, fingers linked.
"Who's buying a new boat?" Deeks asks immediately, his eyes darting back and forth between Sam and Callen, with the look of someone who senses mischief in the air.
"Sam," Callen replies before Sam can say anything.
"That's great," Kensi says with an earnest smile in Sam's direction. He shakes his head in grudging amusement.
"That's not-"
"So he can babysit your kids," Callen says, once again overriding Sam's attempt to set Kensi and Deeks straight. Their eyes widen comically for a moment before pandemonium sets in.
"Wait, what now?" Deeks blurts out.
"Guys, we're definitely not-" Kensi babbles, gesturing between her stomach and the lower half of Deeks' body. She looks so delightfully uncomfortable that Sam almost forgives Callen for starting this all. Almost.
"I mean, not that we're not planning on having kids soon, just not yet," Deeks finishes awkwardly.
"Which will give Sam plenty of time to buy his new boat and get it baby-proofed," Callen adds. He's wearing the tiniest of smirks and Sam knows he's enjoying himself immensely.
"I never said I was babysitting their kid."
"You did in Vietnam," Callen argues, ignoring Sam's obvious irritation.
"Why were you guys talking about us in Vietnam?" Deeks asks suspiciously. Callen turns to Sam, clearly expecting him to provide a plausible excuse.
"Oh no, you got yourself into this mess, this is definitely one time when you're getting out all on your own," he says smugly. Callen shakes his head with a look of supreme betrayal and then turns back to Kensi and Deeks who are still waiting for a reply. Sam admits they present a somewhat frightening pair with their matching raised eyebrows and crossed arms.
"Fine. The subject came up when Sam mentioned how much he's looking forward to being Uncle Sam," Callen answers in a low, confidential tone, as though he revealing something deeply personal.
"You want to be our baby's uncle?" Kensi asks in a soft voice, turning towards Sam with a touched expression and apparently forgetting her earlier objection to her impending motherhood.
"I didn't mean it like that," Sam blurts out, immediately backtracking as he realizes how it sounds. "I mean, of course, I'd be honored to have a place in your hypothetical children's lives but this is getting blown way out of proportion."
"You know, once you get past the creepy part where you guys were discussing us procreating, it's actually not a bad idea," Deeks says consideringly. "You can teach him or her Hindi and martial arts."
"I don't speak Hindi," Sam protests and Deeks turns on his very best puppy dog expression.
"Yeah, but you'd learn for your niece or nephew, right?"
"No," Sam says, fighting back the irrational urge to laugh. He is beyond annoyed now but somehow he can't stop himself from smiling just a little with only encourages them more.
"For Baby Deeks," Kensi adds.
"Ok, for the last time I'm not buying a bigger boat! Not for Aiden and Kam, not for Kensi and Deeks' kids, and certainly not for Otis," Sam interrupts, directing the last part in particular to Callen.
A sharp whistle stops any further comments, drawing their attention to Eric, standing at the top of the stairs.
"Hey, sorry to interrupt but we have a case," he says. "I guess you'll have to put your boat shopping on hold for a little while, Sam."
"Eric, I'm not buying another boat," Sam shouts at his retreating back while the rest of the team walks past him, heading for the stairs.
"Yeah, I'm not really sure how I feel about Marty Deeks Jr. being on a boat. Seems kind of dangerous." Deeks says with a frown.
"Deeks, I told you we are not naming any of our kids 'Marty'," Kensi says, jogging slightly to catch up with Deeks whose now starting up the second set of stairs.
"What, you don't like my name?" he asks.
"Of course I love your name, but…" Kensi says, voice fading as she reaches the top and turns the corner.
"You are so buying a new boat," Callen says from annoyingly close behind him.
"I am not buying a new boat," he repeats half-heartedly. Callen slaps a hand on his shoulder urging him along as he heads up the stairs and says,
"I know a guy." Sam hangs his head in resignation. He almost assuredly is buying a boat whether he likes it or not.
"Please just tell me it's not Arkady," he begs.
"Nah, it's this guy I met last I was undercover in prison. He can get you a yacht for $10,000 if you pay in advance and give him a week's notice."
"I hate you," Sam says without any heat. Callen pats him on the back again and jogs the rest of the way up the stairs, clearly pleased with himself.
"Well, that's what friends are for," he says happily.
A/N: I did my best to find a language that Sam doesn't speak, but I could be wrong. If he does speak Hindi, let me know.
P.S. To other NCIS: LA writers out there who may be reading this: please keep writing LA fics. The fanfiction archive for this fandom has been so barren lately and I'm going through withdrawal. Please write!