I own nothing except for the computer I wrote this on. …maybe. You'll never really know, now will you?
"Can we just… sketch?"
The silence that followed as Charlie moved to her sketchpad to begin to draw was deafening. Fiona leaned against the wall, her breathing irregular and laced with anxiety. God, Charlie probably though she was just playing around or leading her on now. She wasn't though, really. That kiss… it had been amazing. So much better than any she'd ever had with any other boy; Adam included. Though her heated make-out sessions with the boy had been much better than kisses she'd shared with her previous flames it still paled in comparison to what she felt in that kiss with Charlie.
It had been great. Really, really great. But they had been moving so fast, and the way Charlie's tongue had found it's way in Fiona's mouth kind of scared her. This was a woman she had met just days ago after all, and side from knowing her name and that she liked scooters what else did she really know? Oh god, I don't even know how old she is. The girl's eyes widened just slightly as the panicked thought entered her mind. She had let almost a complete stranger in her home. She had let almost a complete stranger shove her tongue in her mouth. And as much as Fiona loved it, that fear gripped her heart. It made her feel nauseous. The fear tightened in her chest even further when another traitorous though took root within her skull.
How eager are you to find something, anything, to muffle your love for Holly J?
Fiona almost cried out at the thought, tightening her hands into fists and clenching her teeth. She hated it! Why couldn't she just be normal for once, for Christ's sakes. This was supposed to be her normal year, and instead she got abused, addicted, fell even further for Holly J, used an innocent guy to mask that love, and now she was using a girl. Everything would just be so much easier if she didn't constantly feel like this. Everything would be easier if she had never met Holly J.
Blinking back the tears that threatened to spring from her eyes at the thought, the brunette tilted her head up slightly, towards the roof. She let her mouth open just slightly to take in a shuddering breath at the prospect of a world without Holly J in it. Fiona wasn't certain about what would happen if she or Declan had never met the redhead, but Fiona was certain it would have been no good. After all, she had been there for Fiona through it all. She was the only one that believed Fiona was being abused straight off the bat, and the only one aside from her mother that seemed to care she was ruining her life by drinking. The girl was also the most supportive of Fiona being a lesbian, even going so far as to try and find her a nice girlfriend.
And look at how that had worked out for her. Fi rolled her head to the side, tears banished for the time being, and took in Charlie's form. She seemed to be extremely concentrated on her task, probably feeling just as awkward about the whole thing as Fiona. Okay, maybe not quite as much.
Numbly, the Coyne girl wondered if the other brunette had wondered more about Fiona's relationship with Holly J. Recalling the other day, and Charlie's innocent wondering if Holly J was her girlfriend, Fiona tasted bile. She'd be lying if she said it didn't sting, and still didn't. Rub some salt in old wounds, why don't you? She cursed silently, pushing back the bitter and angry thoughts yet again. It hadn't been the model's fault, not like she knew. If she did, she probably wouldn't have tried to make an effort with Fi at all.
After all, who would ever make an effort with a bitch of a lesbian with mental issues upon mental issues eternally pining over her straight best friend? And frankly, Fiona knew, she was exactly that. Contrary to what she had told Holly J, she'd never get over the redheaded overachiever. In fact, she'd be astonished if Holly J had believed her, considering it had to be pretty obvious that she'd had feelings for her for a long while now. Even before she had pulled Declan off of her and kissed him just to spite her!
Even now, as Charlie marched over to her to re-position her slightly, the slight buzz she felt at the skin-to-skin contact was nothing in comparison to when Holly J stayed over and slept in Fiona's bed. It was kind of sad, she figured, that she got less satisfaction from a hot entirely available lesbian with her hands on her when she herself was half-naked, than with a very straight and completely unattainable girl sleeping on the other side of her super king-sized bed. It said even more that though an amazing kisser, her kiss with Charlie had been beaten out for top spot by a kiss that lasted only a second with Holly J, and an almost-kiss in a dream.
"…Fiona? Hello, Fiona?" The brunette shook her curls, clearing her mind and banishing her traitorous thoughts.
"Uhm. Sorry, what was that?"
"I said I'm done. Like four times, but who's really counting?" Charlie cracked a nervous half-smile which Fiona shakily returned.
"Oh, sorry. I kind of…"
"…spaced out?" Fiona winced slightly, but nodded.
"Yeah. Sorry."
"You've already said that. Anyways, I guess I'll see you at the next art class?" Fiona nodded as she pulled her housecoat back on and secured it. A blush had crept onto her cheeks, which she bowed her head in an attempt to hide both her embarrassment, and arousal from just thinking about Holly J. She walked Charlie to the door, offering her a short wave goodbye as she departed. Fiona's eyes lingered on the closed door before half-falling half-leaning into it, before muttering out the statement of the century.
"I'm so fucking screwed."
A/N: Nothing miraculous, but I hope everyone who read this enjoyed it. As much as I loved Fiona and Charlie's interactions so far, my love of angst and Folly J seems to have won this round. x)
In any case, review?