A/N: I don't know about you all, but I already love Cruella. And maybe it's just the brittish accent but I think she and Zelena would be awesome together.

Description: Zelena and Regina are sisters and friends with Cruella and Maleficent. Cruella has a bit of an issue with gin and getting the material for her new collection, while Mal is too invested into finding a man to share a certain fetish of hers with. Then, there is Emma and Regina obviously hiding something and Elsa, (who we see later, in second chapter) isn't as innocent as she seems.

AU, no magic.

"Cruella, be a dear and lay off the gin. I'm running out of hiding places" Zelena chastised, her usual tact showing.

The eccentric woman just rolled her eyes and poured herself another glass. "Please…like you couldn't open a pub any given minute with your stock."

It was Zelena's turn to roll her eyes as she sorted the last of paperwork on her desk. They were in her home office, very much the usual go to when off work. Mainly for the alcohol supply.

She poured herself some red wine and joined her friend on the sofa near the fireplace."What's bothering you? Another bachelor went awol?" She asked with a smirk.

"No, that's Mal's problem" Cruella waved her hand and Zelena chuckled. Finding a kinky man surely proved much harder that was to be expected.

"Did you know that dots are making a comeback this season?" At her friend's raised eyebrows, she went on. "Ignore that, last time I saw you, you wore a skirt made of…wool. Anyhow, those hideous checkered pieces were bound to make their downfall someday. What is bothering me…" another sip of gin later "is the evolution. Humans are devolving and animals evolving" she stated dramatically with her throaty british voice.

Zelena wasn't sure was it the wine, or gin, or the woman next to her simply made no sense. She was leaning towards the latter. "Are they now?"

"Sorry. Go on." Zelena had no choice but to add upon receving a despiteful look. Sipping on her wine, she adjusted herself on the sofa, motioning for Cruella to continue. "For the fourth time this week, did my henchm…kmh…asociates returned empty handed. How hard could it be to kidnap a bunch of puppies?"

"Well...I think it's safe to say it surpassed their abilities" Zelena taunted. "But what's wrong with fake fur or whatever it is you're going for?"

…

…

If looks could kill.

"Nevermind" The redhead backpedaled and got up to pour her friend another glass of gin, her way of appology.

"Have you tried hiring someone else?" Zelena suggested. She could lend a hand or two to a friend in need, after all.

"I did, as a matter of fact. And they look promising." Cruella laughed evily, Zelena joining in. "To success" they clinked their glasses when suddenly, Cruella's phone interrupted. A smile spread on her face. "Yes, Jasper. I expect you have good news for me?"

Meanwhile, on the other side of town…

"Wait…" One door slam later "Your loss! Pathetic excuse of a man…"

Retreiving her phone from her purse and typing up a couple of numbers, it didn't take long for a male voice to be heard from the other end of the line "Hey beautiful! It's been a while…I'm glad you called" she could almost see his smile through the line. She just hoped he was enough into her for what she had in mind.

"Hey Landon. I was hoping we could meet" Maleficent purred.

After a successfully aranged date, the blonde put her favourite pink robe over her seductive pink loundry and called her best friend.

"How did it go?" came the slightly breathy and irritated voice over the line.

"He ran, just like the previous one. And the one before that and…so on" Maleficent added disinterested, a strand of hair between her manicured nails, expecting it for damaged roots, before letting go and focussing back on the conversation. "But I have another one on the hook" she said with a smile. Walking back to the bedroom, she realized she had more time on her hands than she expected, and no idea how to spend it. Just as she intended to suggest they go to lunch, Regina cut in. "Have you thought about seeking a professional help about your problem?"

Hearing that, Mal perked up. How come that didn't cross her mind earlier? Well, maybe she wasn't as desperate before, but as time goes by...

"No, but it's an interesting suggestion. Are there any gigolos in town?" she asked, already planing on scanning certain websites.

"What?! How am I supposed to know? I meant psychological help…" Regina cut in, irritated.

Maleficent scoffed and hung up, looking at the phone. How dare she…she's just mad I interrupted her gym day again

"Who was that?" A kiss.

"Mal." Another kiss.

"Again with the fetish?" A kiss and a light bite on the side of brunette's neck.

"Yeah" Short nails scratched the sides of her thighs before dipping lightly into her wet heat.

"Emma…"

P.S. A fun fact: Zelena in Croatian means green, it just pronounces differently :)

Also, any guesses on what Maleficent's kink is? And what could Zelena and Cruella's ship name be? Crullena? Wicked DeVil?