WELL WELL WELL WELL WELL.

YOU'D THINK THAT THERE'D BE MORE INTERESTING THINGS TO DO IN THIS DIMENSION OF MINE, BUT NO.

AND SO HERE I AM.

YOU SEE, A TRIANGLE LIKE ME CAN ONLY BE AMUSED BY SKINNING INNOCENT CHILDREN FOR SO LONG BEFORE IT GETS BORING, SO I HAD TO RESORT TO DESPERATE MEASURES.

BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL WAS A LITTLE TRICKY, BUT BOY WAS IT WORTH IT. I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW I MANAGED TO SURVIVE SO LONG WITHOUT THE INTERNET IN MY LIFE. I MEAN SERIOUSLY, THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS.

YOUTUBE.

TUMBLR.

NETFLIX.

AND THEN I FOUND THIS PLACE. . .

I MUST SAY, YOU AND YOUR "SHIPS" UTTERLY DISGUST ME.

PINETREE? AND I? IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP? I'D TAKE DONALD TRUMP MULTIPLIED BY CANCER ANY DAY.

I HAVE SEEN THINGS I CAN NEVER UNSEE.

BUT ANYWAYS.

HEY. HELLO. SALUTATIONS, MORTALS OF EVERY KIND.

JUST A WARNING HERE, DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP AND EXPECT ME TO ACTUALLY TELL A STORY HERE. I'M NOT SAYING THAT I COULDN'T TELL A STORY, I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE IT.

DON'T DOUBT MY STORY TELLING ABILITIES.

SO I BET YOU'RE WONDERING, "BILL, WHY ARE YOU WRITING IN ALL CAPS?"

A GOOD QUESTION, AND I TOTALLY DIDN'T ACCIDENTALLY BREAK THE CAPS LOCK. THAT WOULD BE A COMPLETELY WILD AND UNJUSTIFIED ACCUSATION THAT HAS NO EVIDENCE WHATSOEVER AND WHAT ARE YOU SUGGESTING.

SO FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M NOT YELLING.

IT'S JUST THE WAY I AM.

MAN, IF YOU FIND THIS ANNOYING, I COULD MAKE IT A WHOLE LOT WORSE. WATCH THIS. JUST GIVE ME A SECOND, YOU'LL SEE WHAT I MEAN A FEW SENTENCES FROM NOW. I DON'T ENTIRELY KNOW WHAT TO SAY HERE, I JUST REALLY WANT TO GET MY POINT ACROSS. WORDS. WORDS. LETTERS. SENTENCES. WORDS. MORE WORDS. HEY GUESS WHAT, MORE WORDS! I MA GNIOG OT YRT DNA ETIRW SDRAWKCAB OT EES FI ENOYNA SECITON. ETIRW 'NISNOCSIW' NI TAHT WEIVER XOB FI UOY DNATSREDNU. I BET YOU'RE GETTING ANNOYED JUST LOOKING AT THIS WHOLE MONSTROSITY OF A PARAGRAPH. YOU PEASANTS SHOULD BE GRATEFUL I DON'T DO THIS ALL THE TIME. I WONDER, IS ANYONE ACTUALLY READING THIS RIGHT HERE? YOU'VE GOT GUTS KID, MOST DON'T MAKE IT THIS FAR. MOST LOSE THEIR WAY IN THIS RAGE INDUCING SEA OF USLESS WORDS AND LETTERS. IT'S A LONG AND PERILOUS JOURNEY. NOT TO MENTION EXHAUSTING. HOW MUCH MORE DO I HAVE TO DO THIS TILL MY STATEMENT MAKES SENSE? THIS IS ALMOST AS BAD AS ALL THOSE CRAZIES OUT THERE WHO WANT THAT DIPPER KID AND I TO GET TOGETHER. WAIT, HOLD UP JUST A SEC. I THINK I CAN MAKE IT WORSE. YES, MUCH WORSE. THIS MAKES ME FEEL POWERFUL. VERY POWERFUL. HAVE YOU HAD ENOUGH OF THIS NONSENSE YET? GOOD, ME TOO.

THAT WAS FRUSTRATING, WASN'T IT?

LONG STORY SHORT, I DO WHAT I WANT. 'KAY?

SO, AS LOVELY AS ITS BEEN, I HAVE LIVES TO RUIN AND DREAMS TO BURN. YOU KNOW, THE IMPORTANT STUFF.

FEEL FREE TO ASK QUESTIONS, BUT UNTIL THEN, JUST REMEMBER-

REALITY IS AN ILLUSION THE UNIVERSE IS A HOLOGRAM BUY GOLD

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.