It´s been seven whole days ... Seven whole days ...

I remember that I couldn´t stand a minute without him and now , here I am , testing my own limits , breaking my own heart into pieces , bleeding to death ... willingly

I always try to distract myself . Whatever that means . But it doen´t work . The pain is always there , 24/7 . Nobody can free me from this ordeal because I am doomed into pain and suffer ... I deserve it that way ...

I still wonder how on Earth did I gathered this supernatural courage of walking away from him .

I still check from time to time , to make sure , that my heart remains in my chest or there is a dark emptiness instead ... to find out that ... no ... it´s not there ... it never was . At least not from the day I met him . He has taken everything . He unburied all those emotions I was desperately trying to keep deep down into the depths of my soul . Burn them down if possible . He brought them back on the surface with a single touch of his ... just like that ...

So , I ended up being where I was in the first place . Before all this mess happened .

My home ...

Actually I don´t feel like calling home a bunch of buildings ...

For me home meant being in his arms ...

But wait , no , I am not going to fall for this . Where is all of my pride now that I need it the most ?

Milking cows doen´t seem lame any more . It feels more like having something useful to do without being a murderer . I´ve missed those peaceful days , when the birds would fly carelessly on the Summer breeze , singing an audioful song ... When the waters of the river would run gently , trying to get nowhere ... just running ...

I stare up in the sky . All I see is what it takes to make this agonizing pain calm down just for split second , allowing me to breathe a relieved long breath after holding it for what it seemed like an eternity ...

I let my thoughts rest on the serene surface of the sun ... And that was when I felt it ... This searing warmness hotter than any kind of burning flesh I´ve ever felt ... Hotter than the torrid pain in my chest ...

And when I turn in the way this sweet warmness comes from , I see it ...

" Aphrodite ? " ...