This is kind a reflection of my own thought and feelings. Planning to do 2 continuation stories so stay tuned)
P.S. English is not my native language, so bear with me if I made some mistakes. I tried to check everything as much as I cold.
If you review and tell me what you thought it would make me very happy
Сколько волка ни корми, он всё в лес смотрит (It doesn`t` matter how much you feed the wolf he will neverthless look in the forest)
It was an early morning of the day the first snow of this year fell. We were in the safe house in the middle of nowhere, the one we always go to after bad missions. I can say that we were stuck here. I still wasn`t cleared for duty. How do the put it? Unstable? Something like that and a lot more of dull like that, that I didn`t bother to remember. She said that it was for the best, that I needed the vacation, but it doesn`t feel like that.
She stayed with me here. Physically. She was cold and distant, insisted that we would sleep in different beds. For fucks sake we were lover for years now. I can figure out what is going on in her head. Whenever I try to ask her about it, she tells that she`s fine and I need to start thinking about myself and dealing with my problems. I don`t know why people still think that I have troubles.
I was making and thinking all this thought I couldn`t find the answer too. Pancakes and orange juice. She always sais that Russian blini are so much better than American version, but she can`t cook shit so she`ll eat what is given.
-Tasha. Breakfast!
I wait for a while setting the plates on the table. When she didn`t come in after some minutes I decided to go looking for her.
I find her on the porch swing. She`s covered in blankets and is reading a book.
-I made breakfast.
With her eyes still in the book she signed.
-Clint, I`m reading.
-You can finish later. Come on, lets go.
I offer her a hand to get out of the swing. She frowns, but sets her book aside and takes my had. She hates it when I play gentleman as she puts it. But I secretly love taking care of her, not that I`ll ever tell her that.
-You're freezing. Put on a coat or something.
She goes in to the house and starts looking for a coat. And again I start thinking, what`s wrong with her? Few months ago she would chew my leading hand off if I tried to command her.
As we sit and eat, she`s telling me again that pancakes are just a cheap parody. And that she want`s bilini with smetana. She`s still reading her book. It`s "Мёртвые души"(Dead souls) by Nikolai Gogol. And I just like that I was stunned with realization what`s wrong. How didn`t I get that before? She was giving me all, but I couldn`t decode it. She never just says what is bothering her. I should have known better.
-You want to go to Russia?
She finally looks up at me.
-Why you think that? And ether way it does`t matter what I want, it`s not like we could go.
We? She wants to go there together. Maybe everything is not as bad as I made it out to be? She didn`t wait for my answer and resumed talking.
-You are still not ok after what Loki did to you. I don`t want to risk it, just cause I have a stupid case of nostalgia. Why I even miss it? It`s not like I really remember my good days there. I don`t even know if my memories are real. How could I miss something I not even sure that I`ve known?
She was talking very fast and emotional. And as always when she gets like that her old accent comes back and she starts blending her words together. And it`s starts to be difficult to read her lips.
-Hey, Tash. Slow down. And as I said many times before, I`m fine. You should stop worrying about me. If you really want to go we should.
She finally put her book down and just looks at me with those sad eyes of hers. Looking at her now she didn`t looked like a deadly Back Widow many know. With her hair pulled in high ponytail and in grey sweatpants and a blue sweater with a cat on the belly, I got it for her on one solo mission as a joke, she started to wear it in revenge, but then she gown to like it, saying that it`s warm. She just looked like a lost, sad girl she really was. And I wanted to make that girl happy. You make call me a sap, but I would do anything to see that happy glow of her eyes again. Even if it means going to Russia in the winter and god know how I hate cold.
-And besides you took care of the Red Room. There`s nothing to fear.
-I know. It just subconscious talking. I`ll always think that there is dangerous.
She stood up, taking dishes with her. She placed them in the sink and turned around to face me.
-I`ll think about it.
Do you ever get the feeling that you are stuck in your life? There is a russian saying "I am like a bee stuck in syrup" and I am feeling just like that. I don`t really know how mush of this I can take, getting sick and tired of the job and my way of live in general. But I just have no idea how to change it or if I will even enjoy different life. I am just so confused and Clint isn`t helping. He really started to annoy me with all this trying to figure out what`s wrong with me. Yesterday he got in his mind that I miss Russia. And suggested that we go, thinking that it`ll get me out of my funk. It was a good idea actually. It`s going to be already cold and snowy there. I can wear my fur coats.
Whit this thoughts I smile rolling over on the bed, nuzzling in his biceps. He still asleep and lightly snoring. I always say that I hate his snoring, but actually I find it kind a cute. I lay like that for what feels like hovers, looking at him. He is very handsome. I started lazily running my fingers up and down his chest, getting tickled by his chest hair. He is starting to wake up, rolling on his side facing me, placing his arm on my back, tucking me closer and burying is face in hollow of my neck. Placing open mouthed kisses there, humming. My smile grows impossibly wide and I start to feel this strange ache in my chest that I`ve been getting lately in his presentence. I now all I want is to get as close to him as possible, so I run my fingers through his hair tugging on it to bring his mouth to mine. We shared lazy kisses, we both didn`t give a damn about morning breath. After some time our kisses became more heated and judging from his hand witch skipped from my back, through my side and settled between my hips lightly rubbing my crotch, we ain`t going to make it out of the bed soon.
I moan as his fingers my panties to the side, slipping through my floods to lightly rub my clit. I feel like I`m in haven with his fingers on my me and his stubble scratching my face as we kiss. After some time I am dine with all this playing around, so I reach to get him out of his boxers, tugging on them to get them of. He stops playing with me to help me. After that he hooks his fingers I the elastic of my underwear, tugging them of as I on the same time get my shirt of. He sits up between my legs and just looks at me with the smile on his lips. I get my hand to his face to nuzzle his cheek. At that gesture he rolls his eyes in ecstasy and smiling comes down between my legs, covering my body with his. My legs warp around his waist on their own accord. We don`t often fall I this position, but when we do it`s very intimate. More intimate then I would like on a normal day, but now my body and my sole is aching for him. I probably sound like a sap right now, but I don`t know what is happening to me lately. Finally he slides into me and this felling of need doesn't go away, it`s only increases. I want to get him closer and closer. I run my hands over his shoulders and grip them tightly, because I am already trembling on the edge and he makes most delicious grunts in my ear and hitting just the right spot deep inside me. His trusts become rapid and I know that he is close to. And soon we both falling over the edge. He is biting down on my shoulder and I`m screaming his name, not that he would hear it.
After we lie tangled together on the sweaty sheets watching the snow fall thought the window. And I sign to him
-I thought about it. I want to go.