oh good god toph i love you

toph is literally my favorite character in atla next to zuko. angst backstory? immediate favorite character.

warnings: KATARA BASHING no really there's a lot, SLIGHT TOKKA, i think there's CURSING, and desperate ANGST

words: 1054 words

disclaimer: i do not own avatar: the last airbender

canon setting: early season two, possibly a few episodes after toph joins the gaang.

Understanding

Toph was going to throw a fucking fit.

Yeah, she was new, but she sure as hell didn't deserve this fucking treatment from Katara. She sure as hell didn't deserve being bossed around like she was a child.

Well, she was a child, but she was strong. Who cared that she was small, tiny(or so they said), or only twelve-years old? Who gave a fuck? She was an awesome earthbender who had the gall to prove that she could do a lot of things.

And don't get her started on the fact that she's blind. Honest, she didn't understand how blindness automatically labeled her as "fragile" and "innocent". She knew more curse words than the number of times her father dismissed her. She took down more earthbenders (who were quite muscular) than the number of hairs in her father's mustache. And she's fragile?

Like hell she's fragile. She's Toph Bei Fong, the only daughter of the Bei Fong family by day, kick-ass earthbender by night. She's learned how to cope on her own because all her father cares about is money.

All her mother cares about is her outward presentation. How she acts, how she speaks, her attitude…

But she cares the most about her appearance.

To Toph, appearances are bullshit. The one fact she loves about being blind is that she can really get to know people. She thinks it's funny when sworn-to-secrecy suitors visit, dressed in Ba Sing Sei's best, only to figure out that she's blind. It's downright hilarious. Then, they have this God-awful personality that practically screams "all I want is your money and your kids". And at the end of the day, when her mother asks her how the suitor was, she replies, "Rude, disgusting, just awful," because they really were.

But Katara, oh God, Katara's this annoying little fucker who just won't go away. Yes, she's got passion that's up to par with her waterbending, but she can be so damn annoying. She's in everybody's business like it's her own. Doesn't she understand that sometimes people need space?

To her, Katara is like those annoying flies that buzz their way into her open window when she's in her room. When she opens up the window for them to fly out, they just fly deeper into her room. It's like she doesn't get the fucking memo.

Let's be honest though, Katara was actually warming up to her. A little bit. She pitched in a bit, but never did a lot of the heavy work. She'd love to help unpack, but how are you supposed to earthbend sleeping packs off of a giant flying bison? Starting a fire? She told them to go find that prince chasing them. Putting up the tent? She told them to go find someone with dainty hands, like Twinkle Toes.

These were her usual remarks, and sometimes, Katara even laughed at them. But one day, one day, when she actually tried to help, but ended up burning the food, Katara got pissed. She got up all close to Toph's face and whispered in a deathly voice, "You just wasted our week's worth of food, you insolent child!"

In her defense, Toph thought that it was dumb that Katara even asked her in the first place. Did she not know that she was blind?

But those weren't her thoughts when she ran off into the woods.

Now, she sits, alone in yet another one of her rock tents. They're oddly comforting. They isolate her, but surround her with a sort of safety that can't be find anywhere else - for her, at least.

She's sobbing. Sobbing because she's worthless. She's better at fighting, not housework. She's better at bad mouthing and persuading, not coaxing and deep talks.

She wish they'd understand.

She wish they'd understand what it's like to be alone for twelve years. What it's like to have the whole world kept from you. What it's like to be kept a secret. What it's like to be told this and that. What it's like to be someone you're not. What it's like to be fake for half of your life. What it's like to be suppressed and not let free. She wished they understood.

But in the end, she knows that none of them will understand her suffering. She says that she's strong and awesome and can toss you in a heartbeat, but emotionally? She's cracking and repairing with cheap-ass apologies. Her mind aches at night and her heart yearns for at least a sliver of friendship, but she knows she'll never get that.

So she sets up walls. She sets up emotional barriers, like these rock walls holding her in right now, safe from the world. She doesn't want anybody knowing how she feels. She doesn't want their pity, not even for a second. Her life isn't a sob-story, but it's worthy of a few tears here and there. Like that time her dad forgot her fourth birthday, or that time her mom bluntly said, "Your face is grimy with dirt!" and scampered off to wash off the dirt that wasn't even there.
In a way, she wanted to be friends with Katara, she really did. She wanted to understand Katara, but she could never be friends with someone who didn't take the time to understand her, too.

She's still sobbing, but she can hear pounding. The pounding of fists and Sokka's voice pleading with her to come out. She can hear Sokka apologizing instead of Katara, and it's sad that the older girl can't even ask her to come out and beg for her forgiveness, unlike Sokka, who didn't do anything wrong.
After an hour or two, Sokka stops pounding, but he's still there. She can hear his heart beating soundly and his breath sighing in and out with the innocence of sleep. She comes out, because she wants someone, at least someone, to understand her.

And maybe Sokka will.