"So, this is it." Said Sirius Black, holding his arms out proudly. "My new flat. What d'you reckon?"
"It's got a certain charm," James offered, taking in the peeling walls and faded carpet as he stepped over the threshold. "A certain 'there'll be a break-in every other Tuesday' charm, granted, but charm."
"James." Admonished Lily Evans as she entered after him. "I think it looks lovely, Sirius."
Sirius wasn't wholly certain why Lily bleeding Evans had to be here in the first place. Other than, oh yeah, these days James Potter would rather be parted with his left testicle than with his new girlfriend. Still, she'd brought a housewarming gift, and that was alright. And despite the fact that this gift consisted of a pot of begonias (which she'd set on the table), it was still better than what James had gotten- to be exact, fuck all.
"Cheers, Evans." He said. "It's not quite as posh as James's parents', but reckon all it needs is a woman's touch." He turned to James. "Prongs? You willing?"
"And able." James returned good-naturedly, as Lily snickered beside him. Positive character development, that. A scant two years ago she'd've just done that funny disapproving thin-lipped thing which always reminded Sirius of McGonagall and kept quiet. Not because she didn't possess a sense of humour or anything, but just because it was James and Sirius and one Miss Lily Evans would not lower herself to laugh at the antics of such as them due to the fact of that stick up her bum the size of a telephone pole.
"For starters," Continued James. "You've got to do something about these walls."
It was true- the walls in question were covered with the remains of a garish nightmare of wallpaper, all pastel pinstripes and little dotty rosebuds. Something had to be done, something drastic.
"Yeah, what I'm thinking is, floor to ceiling enlarged photos of scantily clad women, like I've got at Grimmauld. Only enlarged."
"Do that and I'm never setting foot in here again." Lily said, a crisp edge of ice in her voice.
To be honest Sirius could probably live with that... except that it by extension meant the absence of James as well. Bugger. "Only joking." He grumbled. Well, he'd been sort of half joking.
"You could still put things up on the walls." Lily suggested, picking at the wallpaper thoughtfully. "Get rid of this mess, paint it over. And then you can put all sorts up. Your funny revolution things, band posters, small degrading pictures of women. Like a collage!"
Bitterness welled up unbidden at her word choice. "Regulus made collages." Sirius said, moodily. "Death Eater shit, he'd cut it out and stick it up on his wall, didn't he?"
"Oh." Lily fell silent at that, turning pink with embarrassment.
James stepped in to help. "Doesn't have to be a collage. More like a jumble, really. A jumble of things on the wall."
"Which would, all intents and purposes, be a collage." Sirius heaved a sigh. She looked so dejected, and it wasn't exactly the fault of Lily Evans that his brother was a first class wanker, was it? "Look, it's fine. It's a good idea, actually."
Turning towards the modest little kitchen, Sirius looked for a subject change. "Fridge big enough for a decent supply of booze, definitely an asset." He indicated the oven and stove. "Lots of useless cooking things I'm never using. S'pose I could put things on top. Or inside."
"You won't cook?" Asked Lily, sounding scandalised.
Sirius met her disbelieving stare with a glare packed with all the rebellious apathy he could muster. "Let me see- uh, no."
"Sirius can't cook." James explained. "Not even toast, and all that's involved there is your basic heating charm."
"Yeah, well, unlike some, I never had a decent house elf show me how, innit? All I had was Kreacher, and he'd sooner teach me to poison myself." Sirius pointed out. And he was perfectly capable of doing toast, thanks. "And Mum hardly gave a shit about household stuff. Besides, it's not as if I'll starve. Every other building on this street does takeaway."
"At least keep it clear." Lily cajoled. "Next time I'm round I might make something."
"Alright." Sirius conceded, throwing the cupboards open so that his visitors could appraise the contents, namely random bits of kitchenware and precariously stacked plates and cups. "There's all sorts of stuff here if you want to use it."
"Now show us the fabled bedroom, then?" Prompted James impatiently.
"Over here. You'll love it, it's brilliant."
Alright, so maybe he had banged on a bit incessantly about the bedroom, but in his defence the room in question was excellent. It was windowless like the rest of the flat, but spacious and perfectly circular. According to the realtor who sold it him, the shape was due to the building having once been a winery. But, honestly, how wicked was a circular room? Wicked enough for Sirius to pass over some of the slightly more habitable places he'd seen, at least.
"It's alright, I suppose," James said disinterestedly, pushing past him and walking along the circumference of the walls, running his fingers along the brickwork.
"Reminds me of Hogwarts dorms." Observed Lily, smiling at him. "I can see why you chose this place."
Sirius snorted. "What, 'cause I'm a rebel and four walls are for nancies?"
"Yeah, 'course." She laughed. James completed his circuit and re-joined them by the doorway, slipped an arm around her waist and tugged her to him.
"And notice the incongruously good quality of the bed." Sirius said, walking towards where it sat in the centre of the room. "Didn't fancy the one the place came with, so I tossed it and found me a new one."
"What was it, bed bugs or something?"
"That, and a general air of Victorian asylum. Unfortunately minus the leather straps." He sat down on the bed, brushing a hand over the red duvet. He'd been tempted to go for red and gold, but had decided against in the end. Hanging up Gryffindor scarves was one thing. A themed bedset was a little too poncy for Sirius's tastes. Plain red would do just fine.
James was now whispering something into Lily's ear, mouth curving into an evil smirk against her hair. In response to whatever nasty thing being whispered she made a little shriek-giggle noise and half-heartedly batted at his chest in complaint.
Disinterested, Sirius got up to head back to the sitting room sofa.
James called to him. "Mate, Lily and I were wondering-" He covered Lily's protests with a hand over her mouth. "-Alright if we take your new bed for a test drive?"
The indignant redhead finally wriggled free. "That is not what we were wondering! I wasn't wondering it, at any rate."
"You two do anything of the sort under this roof and Prongs's face will be taking my fist for a test drive." His beautiful new bed, soiled by unholy acts? And unholy acts not performed by himself? Wouldn't do at all.
Besides, these two already got in enough shagging for about three average couples. Let's just say, the urban legend of Wholesome Head Girl Lily Evans was a regular sack of bollocks. Instead there was the reality of I Love Giving Head Girl Lily Evans. A laugh at first, perhaps, but there was only so much walking in on his best mate's bare arse in the air a bloke could take. Also, trying to sleep properly with the knowledge of what was going on a bed over- not exactly fun. Thank Merlin for silencing charms, because that was a particular Moonlight Sonata which Sirius would rather be spared.
He plucked a beer from their designated spot by the settee and plopped down with a sigh. All this hostess-ing was well tiring, and combined with Lily's irritating ginger presence he was exhausted.
"So," Began James, sitting beside him.
Sirius looked around for Lily, but she had evidently stayed in the bedroom.
"I asked Lily to wait in there for a bit," James explained. "I sort of wanted to talk to you."
"All ears," Sirius said, taking a swig of beer. It was awful stuff, bought at the corner shop down road with the little Muggle money Sirius had had on hand at the time.
"You sure about this, mate?"
Sirius sat up, looked at his friend. He'd expected some sort of reprimand for how he'd been treating Lily that day, and it took him by surprise. "Come again?"
"You sure about this? Moving out, I mean? Moving here? I mean, Brixton?" James wrinkled his nose to demonstrate precisely what he thought of that.
"Sorry if it's not good enough for your posh little bum." Sirius snapped, rolling his eyes.
"That's not what I- look, doesn't matter." James said restlessly. "I just mean, you know you're always welcome with us, right?"
"'Course I know that," Sirius replied, even though he didn't. "Look, this is just something I've got to do, alright? I like it here. It suits me."
"Looks like a bloody Azkaban cell, so I reckon you're right."
Sirius laughed. "I think Azkaban's got nicer walls."
"Probably," James agreed, laughing as well. "I'll miss having you around the place."
It was something Sirius had been trying not to think about- not waking up only a few rooms over from James, not seeing him every morning at breakfast, not seeing him before he went to bed. It hurt to hear it out loud.
"I'll definitely see you at Christmas, though? Mum'll kill you if you miss it." James said, breaking the heavy silence.
"Definitely," Sirius said quietly. He looked down at his knees.
"Shall I get us some food from one of the places round here?" James offered, standing up. "What d'you fancy?"
"Don't mind." Sirius said. "Go and ask Lily what she wants."
James nodded, ran a hand through his hair, and went to ask Lily what she wanted.