Disclaimer: All characters belong to Lois Lowry.

Rated T: just in case. Enjoy :D

Jonas was exhilarated to see wooden houses lighted with rows of blinding light just some short distance away. His heart was filled with utmost joy upon hearing the sound he now know as music, because now he and Gabriel can live happily, enjoying the warmth of Christmas and then his journey will end right there, right now. A combination of happiness, relief and victory—that he later recognized as glory—crept fast and sure in his heart, and he felt he want to explode.

But of course, he must arrive there first, safe and sound, with Gabriel in his warm embrace. The thick snow coated the hill like a birthday cake with vanilla icing on top. Down and down they went, the hill went a little steeper by then, and Jonas felt again the awe-inspiring sensation of speeding downhill.

He never thought the runners won't slice through the ice, like the one in his memory of pain.

The sledge zoomed sideways in a zigzag pattern. Jonas yelped. Even before he was thrown away from the sledge, he can already feel the pain: flames licking his frayed bone and flesh, blood trickled from his face like a waterfall. He felt Gabriel's small face tensing, not knowing what was happening because he was covered in folds of tattered blanket. Jonas gritted his teeth. He tried to master his ropes but all he can do was to protect Gabriel from the bump ahead them.

Just as he expected, the sleigh skittered here and there before it ran to a bump. He was sent flying away, quite violently, and he rolled over and over, bear-hugging Gabe as they fall downwards. They tumbled, but this time Jonas was able to avoid broken legs, just torn flesh and grazes all over his skin. He hit the tree and they both stopped spinning. His head was bleeding very badly, and as he transferred the memory of kids playing in a park to Gabe, he collapsed.

He never remembered he had lost his consciousness until now, and he was rather puzzled when he remembered that the Giver has never given him any memories about passing out or anything like that. Maybe the Giver only gave him memories to be used in his journey, Jonas thought. He felt kind of proud to possess a memory of his own, even though it's not a really pleasant memory. He touched his forehead with the tip of his index finger, and detected the blood had dried up. He was feeling glacial, but when he started to recall the warmth, his foot felt like it was stabbed with numerous pins and needles.

Suddenly he felt very stupid because he hasn't check on Gabriel yet. He immediately woke up, bolt upright, and he felt that Gabe was not in his clutch. He sought for Gabe below the ruins of the sledge. The feeling of apprehension and guilt ambushed his heart.

Gabe was gone.

He stared at the ruins one more time, just to make sure. He can't help but to scold himself when he saw no being in the ramshackle sledge. Very foolish, Jonas thought. How can he pass out and let Gabe wander off? Jonas instantaneously stood up and set on his now trained, swift eyes to seek for the pale-eyed toddler. He set his feet and ran.

Jonas flew past bushes and pine trees. His feet felt like blocks of ice, and he was a little afraid that he might get frostbitten. He winced every time he stepped tiny, irregular pebbles hidden beneath the thick white snow. The pain really reminded him about the memory of broken sledge, and as he ran further to search for Gabriel, the red sledge began to evaporate little by little, before it was gone completely.

Now he can't come to the wooden houses he saw moments ago to go inside, Jonas thought. He must search for Gabriel first, that smart little tot. He ran uphill and saw Gabe right behind the bushes, foraging wild berries with his subtle, little hands. Gabe sounded really cheerful as he chanted "Bey! Bey! Blue bey!"

Jonas was somewhat flabbergasted when Gabriel chanted 'blue bey'—he meant 'blueberry'—again and again. How can Gabe keep colors at a very young age? Jonas felt a pang of jealousy as he saw Gabe has succeeded in plucking the blueberry of his choice. It took ages for him to have the colors permanently and now Gabriel has all of it right in his teeny-weeny being.

The phrase 'teeny-weeny' reminded Jonas of his father. Yes, that person who seems to nurture Ones and Twos and other toddlers with all his 'love' which is actually rather meaningless. He wondered about his father, and he felt a little twinge of hope that his father is going to miss him, or just to remember his existence in the Community days ago. No, perhaps it's not Father who will miss him, but the Giver definitely will, he went on. He missed the Giver a lot; he missed all the days when he is exempted from the Rule of Rudeness, the thoughts they shared together. He wished he could go back to the days when the Giver laid his hands on Jonas's back. Sometimes they were fiery hot, sometimes icy cold, depending on the memory he was going to receive.

The wintry breeze shook Jonas back to reality. He looked upon Gabriel and saw his mouth stained with purple juice.

"Gabe!" Jonas hooted to the little child at his front. Gabriel tilted his head curiously and was really happy when he saw Jonas's face. "Jon! Jon!" Gabriel recited again. He was calling Jonas from his bush and Jonas scurried to Gabriel's direction. He right away hugged Gabriel and wrapped him in warm, cozy-but-ragged mantle.

"I bet the memory really lighten up your day, huh?" Jonas nuzzled Gabe's head tenderly. Gabriel's soft pink, chubby cheeks really matched that innocent look in his eyes. He was glad to give Gabe a playful memory, because now he seemed to be extremely frivolous today, not serious or fretful like days ago. Gabe's pale eyes delve inside Jonas's as they look to each other, their eyes collided, and Jonas could observe the colorful reflections of the surroundings in Gabe's eyes.

But now the colors weren't as appealing as the ones he saw in the Community or the shades he glimpsed when he pedaled his bicycle hastily. The colors he saw now were murky and they were dimmer, as if a tint of grey was infused inside his 'mental palette'. Everything was still cheerful as always, but they all definitely lack some sparks. Perhaps the memory is more vivid back in the community, though Jonas wasn't so sure about this idea.

He picked up Gabe who was still busy munching and carried him in his arms. Gabriel stirs frequently; he doesn't want to leave the bushes yet. "Next time, Gabe, next time we will come back. But right now we need to get shelter and food over there, in one of the houses."

And with his hands touching Gabriel's back and transferred the memory of a quiet, peaceful midnight, Gabe sank to a bottomless slumber (which Jonas found pretty convenient). Jonas wiped the sweat in his forehead with his left hand right after he transported the memory.

Jonas never felt as exhausted as now, after he transmitted the memory to make Gabriel sleep. Usually it didn't take that much energy—oh no, not at all—to transmit memories but today was different. It was such a pain to remember those memories, even the happy ones, and Jonas felt a little tingling feeling of sadness inside his heart. Maybe that's why the Giver sometimes told him to go right away home without any training inside the Annexe Room, because it will be hard to bring the memories back and to transmit it to another person.

But the Giver just told him to recall the memories as if he was recalling his memories when he was still a One, and now that all didn't make any sense for him. He really wished he could acquire more wisdom so that he could solve this matter. He walked slowly downhill, and the snow is getting steeper and steeper. There it was, the forsaken scarlet sledge waiting for him, but Jonas didn't want to take the risk anymore. Instead he walked again, and his legs started to ache terribly. He screamed, but he was afraid to wake Gabriel, and so he toppled right to the snow.

It was Christmas Eve and he really wanted to go to the cluster of houses right now, but his body won't compromise. Instead he tucked Gabriel in his blanket and laid himself beside the baby, below the tree nearby the bush. Gabriel began to stir again, but now Jonas only needs to whistle a simple tune and then Gabriel will doze again. As if trying to catch up with Gabriel, Jonas went off snoozing.

It was really queer, that night's sleep. Jonas experienced no dreams of his memory at all. No Stirrings, no war games, no sunshine, absolutely nothing from his memories or his past. But he dreamt something else. He was together with Gabriel, alright, but something was wrong. He saw no colors, only shades of gray. Did he just lose his ability to see-beyond? He felt as if he was still a new Eleven, the time when he'd never throw the apple before. In the dream, he was together with Gabriel in the Annexe. Now this is unusual, Jonas thought, because the Giver wasn't there, and there is not even a sign that the Giver ever lived there. It was only him and Gabe inside the Annexe, with Gabriel, now a Twelve, lying down in the lush sofa, his pallid back facing Jonas. Jonas felt like he was the one who already lived in the Annexe since more than 10 years ago, and as he gazed the room, the feeling surged stronger.

Then, unexpectedly, Jonas positioned his hands on Gabe's back. Now he's going to transmit memories to Gabe, Jonas thought. And he did just like what he thought he will. But he wasn't giving Gabriel sadness, pain, or anything like that. In contrast, he was giving him all the blissful and precious memories he earned from the Giver to Gabe. He gave him birthday parties, celebrations, peaceful solitude in the garden, and even Christmas! And not only that, he also gave him all the pleasant things he before possess: the warmth, the happiness, the love for all the members of the Community, the everlasting gratitude towards the Giver, just everything.

After all of them were transmitted, he felt nothing but pain and remorse blazing in his heart. He had flashbacks of war, loss, hunger, hatred, and all things dark and horrible. As he reached Gabriel again to shed some of his nasty memories, Gabe was gone. Jonas was left there, all alone; flinching and whimpering, begging for Gabriel to come back. He felt his eyes were evolving into waterfalls, and after 10 minutes waiting, he moaned Gabriel's name persistently until his tears went dry and his eyes went lifeless like the boy who begged him for water in his memory.

That was surely a nightmare, one of the scariest nightmare he ever experienced in his life. Jonas shook his head and he can feel himself trembling. The day was a bit gloomy and now he feels quite sorrowful. This is the effect from the nightmare, Jonas guessed. But there is no time to mourn. He was preparing to stand up, carrying Gabe, and run to the vicinity of huts over there, but something was wrong. He checked his feet to make sure they are okay. He tried wobbling them, but his feet felt like blocks of ice and they were terribly hard, like they were made of blocks of solid, icy concrete. But he knew that deep inside the skin, the tissues are still soft and they are still able to move. He saw blisters blackening all over his feet, but he didn't mind all of those, even though the pain was too much to bear, especially when he tried to warm his feet up. As long as he can walk, he is okay. He began to march towards their destination.

The blizzard was raging violently and hordes of dagger-shaped crystals zoomed downwards, an array of pretty snowflakes and painful ice. Jonas embraced Gabriel closer to his body to armor the baby. He trotted sheepishly as he tried to fight off the nasty wind currents that forced him to go back. He had left his own mantle back at the ruins of the sledge, carelessly leaving it there, near the wooden huts below. Now he acquired the word blizzard again, and now he obtained the phrase bone-chilling cold. He felt warmness had sneaked away from his body. Strangely, Gabe was still as warm and cozy as before. He went running again and seemed to feel a little tingle of lifelessness inside him. He ran and saw a flicker of daylight covered by triangular, impassive rooftops. His heart jumped awkwardly in delight.

He can hear the music again; the faint voices of kids singing some nursery song, little bells chiming different but harmonious tunes. He can see the pleasant sight again; the rays of sunlight breaking the dawn, the rows of light that now began to fade away. He wanted to run faster to go there, but something is stopping him. It seems that something has gone wrong with his feet. He had run miles and miles in extreme cold, and now and then he felt his right foot turning waxy—and yesterday his right foot felt like it was poked with pins and needles—but he didn't mind even one bit. Right now it seems that he can't even sense if his foot was still there. He staggered, his back clashed with the white snow. He stared at his right foot. Then he gasped.

There it was, with its toes now sickeningly black. The foot is now deceased, and Jonas tried to search in his memories on what kind of foot went black. Then the word crashed to his mind.

It was frostbite.

He only remembered a few things about frostbite, but one thing he was sure about is that the tissues in the extremities, like his foot, can be permanently damaged. Frostbite is related to hypothermia, and if it is really bad, then the organ must be amputated.

Despite the frostbite, Jonas held his right foot and hopped with his left foot. Eventually Jonas lost his balance and went off tumbling. He hugged Gabriel tight, but now he felt that almost all his hopes were sucked, and Gabriel eventually went cheerful. This hope-sucked-away accident was way too familiar.

He felt his foot getting warmer from the exercise, and then his foot was gaining its life, making it worse. The pain was throbbing; Jonas almost cried his eyes off. As they roll downwards, with Jonas's body shielding Gabriel and the utmost pain that surged horribly from his right foot, Jonas's eyes were starting to lose its colors. No way, Jonas objected in his thoughts, this was just like his dream last night. But he still needs to get to the houses right away, and he doesn't care about himself, as long as Gabriel is safe. But how can he do that when his foot won't survive that long?

It was unbearable. Jonas howled in pain.

They both eventually stop rolling just a few blocks away from a house. The nearest house was right in front of them, with its door open. He can smell roasted meal from the house, and he can hear giggles of children. But the pleasant smell was then to fade, and he could see Gabriel was delighted to go inside. It is exactly the same like the one in his dream. Jonas swept his hand over Gabriel's thin, downy hair. This innocent baby was going to snatch away Jonas's most beloved things he could ever possess.

Jonas stammered. His voice was awfully weak, but he managed to speak.

"… So, this is farewell, huh… Gabe?"

Jonas hugged the toddler one more time. He cuddled Gabriel, and Jonas felt it's not fair that he have to suffer to safe Gabriel, but he set that thought aside. He loved Gabriel so much he's willing to die for him. Gabe has kept him away from being lonely, and now it's time to repay the favor, even if it's such a high price to pay. And now, after weeks leaving the Community, he now found what he was trying to gain for such a long time: wisdom.

He wasn't able to walk again, so he rolled through the snow. His head went flighty and most of his exposed body parts were stained with fresh blood. The other foot was going to get frostbitten too, but now he completely doesn't mind anything about it. His purpose is now over and it's time for him to be released. He rolled to the front of the house (which was a pretty silly thing to do if he still has his foot working) and gently bumped the door. He can hear rustle and bustle from the house, footsteps scurrying to the front door. He hugged Gabriel, and he felt a drop, no, several drops of tears running down silently to the snow-covered ground. He felt more warmth was taken. He can sense Gabriel's body radiating pleasant heat.

"Bye, Gabe. See you sometimes later, okay?" Gabe whimpered silently in his arms. "That's alright, I-I'm glad you're alive," Jonas was almost unable to let out those words in the middle of his sobs. A part of him was still with Gabriel, but other parts of him were in various places: in the middle of a war, in the ruins of a temple, on the verge of breaking down, as one of the victims of genocide in the past.

Out of the blue, Gabriel put his hands on Jonas's neck. Jonas was surprised. Some of his awful memories gave way to Gabriel's hand, and a tiny part of Jonas now felt like he was going to take a nap in an extremely cozy hammock, and he can feel the balmy breeze blew soothingly. Gabriel was transferring the memory to him. Now his feelings were a bit better now, and he couldn't contain his tears anymore.

"…I-I love you… Gabe. Now go…" Jonas whimpered to Gabriel, and Gabriel started to crawl near the doorstep. Jonas could see a pair of crumpled hands reached for Gabriel, along with two other delicate, clean hands. He heard whispers of joy from the kids inside the house once they saw Gabriel, and then one of the children, possibly a female, reached for the door knob.

The door was closed, leaving Jonas all alone. Hordes of nasty memories overcome his mind with only one memory of happiness for defense.

End

Thanks for reading! Reviews are always welcome~

I hope the story wasn't too boring, was it?

-spray