Title: Legion Clinic
Rating: K
Pairings: slight TW/PG
Summary: The Legion of Superheroes, working at a clinic? What do get when the Legion of Superheroes work as nurses, receptionists, counselor, assistants and doctors? You get a lot of humor!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything. This piece of writing is not meant as infringement and LoSH belongs to its respective owners.
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I want to thank all of my loyal reviewers! I had no idea that my Job!fics would become so popular! I've started a TW/PG fanclub at the Forum, so for all you TW/PG fans- please sign up! Also, I've started a community called Phantom Wolf. It's got TW/PG stories, please check it out. Staff are welcome!
The Legion members will be using their real names, so here they are: Cosmic Boy: Rokk Krin, Saturn Girl: Irma Ardeen, Phantom Girl: Tinya Wazzo, Lightning Lad: Garth Ranzz, Bouncing Boy: Chuck Taine, Triplicate Girl: Luornu Durgo, Superman: Clark Kent, Cham: Reep Daggle and Brainy: Querl Dox.
Bffl: I sent you a confirmation email, all you have to do is accept it. I can't send it to your account, it gets sent to the one you signed up with. You can change the account your messages get sent to though, it's on the webpage that opens when you log-in. I got your email address, but I can't send you anything because I'm not on your address list or something like that. I think you should write some Job!fics, you have a bunch of ideas for those!
Aniki-Yura: Thanks for your kind words! I hope you join my community, Phantom Wolf! I hope you like this one!
LoubaTotoaygo: Thanks for reviewing my stories and joining Phantom Wolf! I hope you enjoy this fic!
4thFromTheFurnace: Thanks for reviewing my stories and joining Phantom Wolf! I hope you like this fic!
Marth HEART Smallville: Don't worry! There's still this Job!fic that needs to read! I'm glad you like my tripletfics, along with my other stories. Enjoy!
LadyGuardianofKeondes: Thanks for reviewing! I added a Brainy/Vi moment in the fic, just for you!
Arden Anam: Thanks for reviewing, they always make my day!
AnimeGirl 144: Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you enjoy my stories. It's always music to my ears when someone says my work is hilarious!
DisasterCode7: Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you liked the 'sitting in a tree' song and the pajamas!
Thanks again to all my loyal readers and my loyal reviewers!
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Cosmic Boy was about to start the grand unveiling of the new Legion HQ. All of the legionnaires had come and were eager to see their new home. Everyone was gathered at the building, which was at the moment, cloaked.
"Legionnaires, our new headquarters for our team-" Cosmic Boy started but the building was unveiled before he finished. The new building was small, white and square shaped.
"Please tell me this isn't our new headquarters! It's so… boring!" Lightning Lad complained.
"Lightning Lad, you didn't let me finish. We came up short on the bill to our new building. We'll have to um… get jobs again," Cosmic Boy explained.
"WHAT!?" Phantom Girl and Kell cried.
"But, if we don't sprock up this job, then we'll be done! I found out where all of the money in society goes! We'll become doctors!"
"Doctors? You're kidding right?" Timber Wolf asked as Cosmic Boy led them through their new office.
"Well, some of us have to counselors, nurses, assistants and receptionists, but in a word-Yeah"
After the group had put together the office (without the guys' help in furniture), Cosmic Boy sat down in the lobby and picked out everyone's jobs. They were called back into the room for Cosmic Boy's announcement.
"I have meticulously decided on your jobs, based on your powers and skills," Cosmic Boy started.
"I hate to rain on your parade Cosmic Boy, but we have no formal training in medicine," Brainy warned.
"What people don't know, won't hurt them," Kell said as he leaned against the wall.
"What if we harm a patient?" Saturn Girl asked, concerned.
"We have to get malpractice insurance anyway. Ahem, as I was saying- Saturn Girl will be the psychiatrist,"
Saturn Girl shrugged and picked up a pink and white white-coat on her way out.
"Lightning Lad will lead the anger management counseling,"
Lightning Lad's became red with anger. "Why can't I be a doctor!?" he stomped off, but not before picking up some blue scrubs and some 'safe' footwear.
"Timber Wolf and Phantom Girl will be the nurses,"
Phantom Girl smiled and Timber Wolf growled. They both took some scrubs and headed towards the nurses station.
"Cham will be the janitor,"
"Why do I always have to be the janitor?" Cham asked angrily.
"Can any of us turn into a mop or plunger? I didn't think so." Cosmic Boy said as Cham walked away, grumbling. "Brainiac 5 will do surgery and Shrinking Violet will be his assistant,"
Brainy picked up a white coat and Vi got some purple scrubs.
"Bouncing Boy, you'll do Sports Medicine,"
"Awesome!"
"Triplicate Girl, you'll do Family Practice,"
She nodded and smiled as got white, orange and purple white coats before leaving.
"Superman will do optometry,"
Superman gave a weak smile before taking his white coat and leaving.
"Kell, you and I will work at the front office."
"Joy, it's only been my life long dream to be a receptionist," Kell replied sarcastically.
OoOoOoOoOoOoO
Cosmic Boy and Kell waited at the front desk for the patients to come. They had a 10'o'clock under the name Sarya. At 10'o'clock sharp, the Fatal Five burst through the wall, leaving a large hole.
"Hey! Our damage insurance doesn't cover giant holes in our walls! We'll be charging that to you!" Cosmic Boy called out to the Fatal Five.
Emerald Empress wore the hideous, puce sweater Tharok had giver her. The Fatal Five looked ready to attack, but instead she walked up to Kell at the front desk.
"Nice scrubs, handsome," she laughed at Kell's pink puppies outfit.
"Nice sweater, Empress," he said to her. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
"My group and I are the 10'0'clock, under Sarya," she told him, pulling out her insurance card. "Is Evil HLRC alright?"
"Yep," he scanned the card. "Rokk will show you where to go."
"Is that you Rokk?" Tharok asked.
"Um," he started. "Let me show you where to go." Cosmic Boy showed the Fatal Five where their appointments were. After he left, Imperiex burst through the wall.
Kell rose with anger. "Why couldn't you use the same hole- the one that the Fatal Five already made?"
"I have an appointment," Imperiex took out his insurance card. "Is Evil HLRC valid?" Kell nodded and filled out some paper work.
"Please take a seat, we'll let you know when your appointment is," Kell said, motioning for Imperiex to have a seat on the egg shaped chairs in the lobby.
The Dark Circle burst into the lobby, creating another hole. Kell sighed.
"We have an appointment," the leader gave him an insurance card. "Will Evil HLRC work?" Kell nodded. "Great, you're the only place that's takes this kind. I was afraid my men wouldn't be able to get their annual check-up!"
"Please take a seat," Kell requested. The members of the Dark Circle began fighting over seating arrangements.
"What happened here?" Cosmic Boy asked as he noticed three holes in the lobby.
Kell pointed in the direction of Imperiex and the Dark Circle. "What does Evil HLRC stand for? I swear, every sprockin' villain has it for insurance."
"Evil HLRC stands for Evil Highly Limited Reimbursement Company," Cosmic Boy explained.
OoOoOoOoOoOoO
Timber Wolf was unhappy with the scrubs he had. Phantom Girl had insisted that he wore the pink puppy ones. Thankfully, they didn't have pink footwear his size. Timber Wolf never appreciated having big paws with claws that got in the way of wearing shoes. This is so embarrassing. He thought. Phantom Girl wore pink puppy scrubs too. They were currently working on their nametags, except Timber Wolf's paws were getting in the way.
"Allow me," Phantom Girl said. She scribbled something on the nametag and put it on Timber Wolf's shirt. It read 'Hello, my name is Puppy'
"You're kidding, right?"
"Nurse Tinya, Nurse Puppy," Cosmic Boy snickered. "You have some patients."
The Fatal Five walked into the room and each of them sat down on a bed. Timber Wolf took a deep breath in.
"Empress- vitals are stable, high blood pressure," Timber Wolf called out to Phantom Girl who was writing all of it down. He took in another breath and said, "Tharok- vitals are stable, cybernetics unstable. He did the rest of the team and Phantom Girl gave them lollipops before they left.
Kell walked into the nurses station to pick up the reports on the Fatal Five. "Wow, I guess I'm not the only subject to this atrocious attire," Kell said as he noticed that Timber Wolf and Phantom Girl wore pink puppy scrubs too. "Can I have the reports?"
Phantom Girl tossed him some paper. "These aren't the reports," Kell said as he held up some caricatures of the Fatal Five.
"Whoops," she shrugged. Kell sighed as he left the room. "Timber Wolf, you make a great nurse," she complimented. He raised an eyebrow. She gave him a peck on the cheek before walking out.
OoOoOoOoOoOoO
"Mr. Persuader, is there a problem?" Saturn Girl asked, concerned.
"Dr. Ardeen, I've been feeling really sad lately," Persuader confessed.
"Why might this be?"
"We've been losing a lot of fights"
"That's not really what's upsetting you. Look deep down,"
"Imperiex is getting the Legion's attention?"
"Hmm," she said thoughtfully.
"Sometimes I feel like ripping the Legion to pieces and other times I feel like ripping my own teammates to shreds,"
"Hmm," she took some notes and leaned back into her chair.
"Its like one moment, I want to take over the North Pole and the other and I want to take over the South Pole!"
"Hmm"
"OH NO! Am I…bipolar?"
"Hmm"
"My teammates have been telling me that I'm seeing things that aren't really there. I'm afraid that I've been hallucinating," Persuader was worried.
"Hmm"
"Stop that!" Persuader took out his ax. "What's wrong with me?"
"Mr. Persuader, you've got a bad case of depressed bipolar dementia. The only way to reverse it is to renounce evil. There is no medicine that I could prescribe you," Saturn Girl said gently. Persuader nodded and left the room, creating a hole in the wall of her office. "But that's because I'm not a doctor," she called out to him.
OoOoOoOoOoOoO
Cham was walking around the office, looking for something to do. Cosmic Boy was really getting on his nerves. He walked into the nurse's station to find Timber Wolf and Phantom Girl leaning against opposite counters.
"How's it going you two?" Cham asked
"Great!" Phantom Girl replied.
"I hate Cosmic Boy, when we get-" Timber Wolf growled.
"Did someone say they hated Cosmic Boy?" Kell asked as he walked into the nurse's station. "Because, believe me there is no one who hates Cosmic Boy more than I do."
Cham noticed that Timber Wolf, Phantom Girl and Kell were wearing matching pink puppy scrubs. He burst into laughter.
"Don't start," Kell warned.
"Why are you guys wearing…" Cham fell to the floor, laughing.
"Phantom Girl conned me into wearing…this" as he motioned to his attire.
"And this was the only set of scrubs left," Kell answered. After Cham's laughter died down, he continued his job. Cham found a bucket that said 'Biohazard'. He emptied it into his trash bag and before he knew it, they orange bag had exploded all over his head.
"Oh, grife!"
"Nice hair-do!" Kell chuckled as he walked by Cham.
OoOoOoOoOoOoO
"So, Brainy- Validus has come for his annual brain control check-up," Violet said, reading off of the holo-chart.
"Dr. Dox, Violet- Tharok and Validus have arrived," Cosmic Boy informed them as Tharok and Validus walked into the operating room.
"Mr. Tharok, I'm Dr. Dox and this is my lovely assistant, Violet," she blushed. "Please take a seat," he motioned to the exanimation tables.
Tharok sat down, as did Validus. The examination table he was on broke into pieces.
"Validus- sleep," Tharok commanded. Validus did as he was told. Tharok turned towards Brainy. "Implant these chips our brains…or else," Tharok narrowed his eyes menacingly.
Violet smiled at him and injected an anesthetic into his robotic arm. Brainy altered the computer chips while Violet was working. "Whatcha doing, Brainy?" she asked.
"I'm modifying the hardware Tharok gave us. If I can get this…Perfect! Validus will purposely rebel from Tharok. I'll get Tharok and you do Validus," Brainy handed her a chip.
Brainy extended his fingers to intermingle with the robotics in Tharok's brain. After some shifting and a few curse words, Brainy was done. Violet shrunk herself and flew into the incision she made in Validus's forehead. Some evil nanobots and cybernetic hardware later, Violet had successfully removed the old chip and replaced it with Brainy's green one.
"Nice job, Violet"
"You two, Dr. Dox," she laughed/snorted. "This is kinda fun, fighting evil in this…clinic."
"Yeah," Brainy flashed her a smile.
"You two done?" Tharok asked grumpily as he rubbed his head. "I hate surgeries."
"Then it's a good thing that we adjusted the chips you gave us. They'll be good for another 50 years," Brainy told him.
"Validus, rise!" Tharok commanded.
"What if I don't want to?"
Tharok sighed. "Come Validus."
Validus crossed his arms. "What if I don't want to?" Tharok sent a menacing glare in his direction. Validus followed him out of the room. Brainy and Violet burst into laughter.
OoOoOoOoOoOoO
"Hello there!" Bouncing Boy bounced into the room where Mano was. Mano growled.
"I'm Dr. Taine, specializing in Sports Medicine," Bouncing Boy looked through the holo-chart. "So, you strained your right wrist in battle. I see…"
"Are you going to fix it doc?" Mano asked.
"Well, this kind of stuff gets pricey. Your insurance company, Evil HLRC, specifically doesn't cover injuries out in the field. Are you sure you want to get treated?"
"Yes!" Mano raised his right hand to fire at Bouncing Boy. "Ow!"
OoOoOoOoOoOoO
Imperiex walked into the padded room. He spied the Legion of Supervillians waiting.
"What's up guys?" Imperiex asked as he joined them. They sent glares towards him.
"Hello, everyone. I'm Garth and I'll be leading this anger management group session. Managing your anger is very important. If you can't handle it properly, then you might go down the wrong path in life," Lightning Lad said with a fake smile.
"A little late for that," Imperiex mumbled.
Garth was wearing dark blue scrubs with yellow lightning bolts. "I am going to hurt Cosmic Boy when we're done with this," he mumbled angrily.
"Can we get on with this?" Wave asked.
"Now, close your eyes," he commanded. "Imagine that your worst enemies have defeated you. What do you do?"
All of them grimaced. "I'll tell you what to do! You count to ten, slowly in your mind and then-"
"AH!" battles cries were heard. Hunter, Esper, Tyr, Wave, Ron-Karr and Imperiex attacked.
"Help," he squeaked.
OoOoOoOoOoOoO
The members of the Dark Circle sat down on the various examination tables. Triplicate Girl walked in, already divided into her three selves. "Welcome, I'm Dr. Durgo and I'll be seeing all of you today." She divided herself into three parts and they scattered across the room.
She took their height, weight and temperature, along with the current condition. Things moved along rather quickly, because she saw patients three times faster with her other selves helping.
"Thank you, Dr. Durgo" as she gave each of them a lollipop.
OoOoOoOoOoOoO
Emerald Empress was sobbing when Superman entered the room. "Are you okay?" he asked.
"You must be the doctor. There's something wrong with my baby!" she cried.
"I'm Dr. Kent, your ophthalmologist, now where is the patient?" Emerald Empress pointed to the corner of the room where Eye was repeatedly running into the wall. "Oh, dear."
"Can you do anything for him?" she sobbed into her puce sweater.
Superman went towards the eye and brought it over to where they were standing. "Can you get the Eye the aim at these targets?" she nodded. The Eye did as it was told and missed horribly.
"Hmm… I'm going to exam it with my um…thingy," Superman said as he took out an eye examiner. "Hmm…"
"What's the verdict, doc?"
"It appears that Eye will have to get glasses," Superman explained.
"Oh no!"
"If you come back for a follow-up appointment in a few weeks, we might be able to get him contacts," Superman sympathized.
"Thank you, doc" Emerald Empress left the room in tears.
OoOoOoOoOoOoO
"How'd we do today, Cosmic Boy?" Violet asked at the end of the day. All of the legionnaires had gathered in the lobby.
"Well….You guys did great, but we didn't make any money," Cosmic Boy explained.
"But that was the whole part of us working!" Phantom Girl complained.
"I know, I know. There's a reason no one accepts Evil HLRC insurance. They don't pay you…. It's evil!" he shivered.
"Maybe that's why it's called Evil HLRC," Timber Wolf said.
"Anyway, we might have to get jobs again…."
"WHAT!?" Phantom Girl and Kell screamed.
"I thought we had a benefactor, R J Brande," Saturn Girl told them.
"I knew that," Cosmic Boy said lamely. All of the legionnaires glared at him.
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