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All constructive criticism is appreciated! I do wish to improve:)

Thanks, Singing Violin, for helping me clean it up:)

Enough

by Chocobo87

She knew she deserved it. She'd had her chance for seven years and had wasted every minute. Now it seemed it was too late. She wanted to kick herself hard, then break into tears and cry her eyes out. Hell, she wanted nothing more than to cry her brains out. If she lost her mind she'd at least be oblivious to everything else she'd lost.

She looked thoughtfully into the glass in her hand. Three hours she'd just been sitting in the dark, cradling it, like she cradled her misery. Not taking a single sip, just thinking. Thinking about him, about herself. About them. Everything they'd experienced together for the past seven years. And her. And them. Everything that had happened among all three of them, as well as between herself and him, herself and her and…him and her. How had she not seen this coming? Surely these things didn't just happen at the push of a button? Yet…she'd spent so much time with both of them, especially him, and had remained ignorant through it all. As far as she knew, they had hardly spent any time together. Not in contexts that allowed for much talk other than of the professional sort anyway. She'd probably still be ignorant had it not been for the admiral.

How had she found out? The day they announced their engagement? The worst part was that knowing, she still couldn't think of any signs along the way she should have picked up on.

When did this happen? Full of frustration, she threw the equally full glass at the bulkhead bordering to his quarters as she let out the scream she'd been holding back since hearing the news.

She was violently ripped from her reverie at the sound of the door chirping.

"Come in!" she snapped angrily. This had better be important.

"Hello, Kathryn," her first officer said from the doorway. Her back was already turned to him.

"What do you want?" she seethed.

"To talk to you," he replied matter-of-factly.

"About what?" Her patience had been sucked out of an airlock the moment he'd entered, and she no longer cared to disguise her feelings from him.

Sure, that had been the plan all along, to remain at a certain distance while she was his superior officer. Then, upon reaching home, she would tell him everything. How she'd longed for him for seven years, though she'd only been aware of it herself for the past five. How…no. She wasn't going to dive into that pool of contemplation now. Not while he was standing right there. In her quarters. How dare he come to her quarters?!

"I don't know if I'm imagining things, but your joy at coming home seemed to wane fairly quickly. I came to see if you were all right." Dammit! That manly, yet softly sympathetic voice that always went straight to her very soul. She couldn't lie to him. She'd hidden enough. She'd had enough.

To hell with this unforeseen factor. She was going to tell him how she felt. Here and now. Then it would be entirely up to him.

"No, I'm not all right."

Chakotay was stunned. He wanted to ask who are you and what have you done to Kathryn?, but thought better of it. He'd been worried before, but now he knew she must be in a far worse state than ever before since he'd known her. He reached out to put a concerned hand on her arm. She immediately jerked away.

"Don't touch me!" she hissed as she spun around to face him in the same movement. Then he saw it.

This was not only really Kathryn, this was the true Kathryn. The one without any emotional barriers, completely free. Obviously he had to tread very carefully.

"Okay, I won't," he assured her while taking a step back, hands where she could see them. "Want to tell me what this is all about?"

"You know what? I do. I want to tell you everything. I was planning on telling you everything when we got home anyway; I guess there's just suddenly more to tell than I thought there would be. Is there perhaps something you want to tell me, by the way?" She stared at him angrily and expectantly.

"What would that be?" he asked confused.

"Ooooh, I don't know, maybe something about a certain tall blonde? You always did have a weakness for blondes, didn't you Chakotay?"

So the admiral had told her. This was not quite the reaction he'd expected though. According to the admiral the terrible thing she'd come to prevent was Seven's death. She'd said nothing against their union. He hadn't thought she'd had any reason to. Kathryn was always so cold and distant now. Once, there'd been an unmistakable spark between them, but lately…he thought she'd lost her capabilities for all emotions except the guilt for stranding them. Apparently he was wrong.

"I can explain," he pleaded.

"Well, good for you!" She let herself drop down onto the couch and crossed her arms and legs, still looking at him expectantly.

"Seven and I have only had four dates. She asked me to dinner once, and having no prior engagements, I politely accepted. It went surprisingly well, so I decided to accept her next invitation too, and see where things went. I figured you for a lost cause, that you had let your guilt swallow you whole and would never let me near again. It seemed foolish not to move on."

"That's great. That's wonderful." Her sarcasm couldn't hide that her fury was turning to tears.

"What were you planning to tell me, Kathryn?" he searched her face.

"Well, I suppose you might as well know everything now." She took a deep breath and took the plunge. "I was going to say I love you. That I started falling for you the moment I looked into your eyes for the first time and have only fallen deeper in love with you every single day since. I was going to ask if you still had any romantic feelings for me at all…or or maybe I was going to chicken out and just ask you to dinner and explore gradually. But now…well, I guess it's not going to be quite as I imagined it," she sighed hopelessly.

Chakotay sat down next to her. "Thank you…for telling me that. Now I know what I want again."

"And what's that?" she whispered, afraid to hear the answer.

"Seven is…an interesting…and…undoubtedly…beautiful woman…, but she's nothing…compared to you." At the last word he ventured to put his hand over Kathryn's. She met his gaze, which had been on her profile since he'd sat down.

Her breath started catching. There was no way to help it, the floodgates were breaching. No turning back. It was only a few seconds of undecidedly shifting her gaze between him and different corners of the room, as if she was unsure whether to stay or make a break for it and run to her bedroom.

To Chakotay's relief she chose the former and threw herself into his welcoming embrace and let the gates open wide. Her arms around his neck, her sobs against his chest, she clung to him as though she would never even consider letting him go. He didn't intend to let her.