Hello! Welcome to the newest adventure that I've been wanting to start for a long time. I haven't done any Steve/Bucky stories yet and I'm really excited about this one.
I love the relationship between Steve and Bucky and all the shifts that happen throughout their story. Bucky is the only one who has known Steve for his whole life and who can really relate to him. Like Steve says in Winter Soldier, it's difficult to find someone with shared life experiences.
All rights to Marvel and their characters belong to Disney and no infringement is intended. I'm making no money. All rights an lyrics to Fight Inside belongs to the band Red and no infringement is intended.
Enemy, familiar friend
My beginning and my end.
Knowing truth, whispering lies
And it hurts again.
And it finds me
The fight inside is coursing through my veins.
And it's raging
The fight inside is breaking me again.
Fight Inside - Chapter 1
"I gotta get out of here," Bucky thinks to himself.
He's only been at the orphanage for a couple hours and he already hates it. There's not enough food to feed everyone as much as they need (which really is okay since the food is terrible anyway), there aren't enough beds for all the kids, and the Catholic Sisters who watch over the boys are easily outnumbered 30 to 1. Everyone is struggling right now to make ends meet and, unfortunately, poverty doesn't discriminate who it devastates. It strikes whomever it pleases, even children.
Bucky is one of those casualties along with hundreds of other kids here with him. It's hard for him to believe that he was happy and living with his family only a few months ago. They weren't rich, but they got by. He and his little brother, Henry, were best friends and all they needed.
Bucky was three years older than Henry and always had felt that it was his job to look out for him. Henry wasn't exactly a troublemaker, but he was always getting into trouble when he really meant well. There were quite a few times Bucky had to rescue him from the dumpster behind the grocery store when he would get stuck after he climbed in to throw scraps of food out to the hungry stray dogs that would run around the neighborhood. Or he would find Henry digging up holes in the city park searching for buried treasure or something outrageous he had read about in one of his books. Bucky remembers his mother always sighing when Henry came home full of dirt/garbage smudges and his hair messy from his adventures.
Most of Henry's adventures were fairly innocent, but every once in a while, Bucky would have to save Henry from one of the older kids in the neighborhood. Henry was quiet and a little shy compared to the other boys and that made him an easy target. But Bucky was always there to defend his little brother.
Life wasn't easy, but it was good. Then the Depression hit and everything fell to pieces. His father was out of work and they had no money for food or to pay their rent. His mother did her best to put on a happy face and support her husband, but the stress of raising two boys without any income was beginning to put a strain on their marriage.
The bills were piling up and the phone calls from collectors became more and more frequent and angry. In a last ditch effort to bring some kind of income home for his family, his father turned to gambling what little money they had. As gambling usually goes, it didn't end well. His father lost everything and ended up putting his family further into debt.
In an act of desperation, his father borrowed money from the wrong people. Men were coming to their apartment, demanding payment that his father didn't have. This happened night after night for weeks until, one evening, a rather large man knocked on their door. Things became heated between the man and his father and Bucky's mother pushed the boys out of the living area and into the bathroom.
"You both stay in here. Don't come out no matter what, understand?" the two boys nod. "Keep your brother safe, James," his mother kissed his forehead. "That's your job. You keep him safe and you take care of him." Bucky nodded again and his mother shut the door. That was the last time he saw her alive.
Shouting came from outside the door followed by screaming and gunshots. Bucky knew it was time for him to do his job.
"Go Henry!" Bucky shouted as he shoved his little brother to his feet and opened the bathroom window.
"But what about mom and dad?" Henry cried.
"Just go, Henry," Bucky ordered. They both nearly jumped out of their skin when someone started banging on the bathroom door. The hinges shook and the old door wasn't going hold up to the abuse for long.
Bucky quickly helped his brother out onto the fire escape when the door finally splintered and broke. Bucky was about to climb out the window after Henry when the large man grabbed his arm, pulling him back in.
"Get out of here Henry!" Bucky ordered, but his brother didn't listen. Instead, he jumped back through the window, unwilling to leave Bucky behind.
"Look out!" Henry shouted when the man pulled out a gun. Bucky ran and tackled the man with everything he had. The gun went off and Bucky dropped to the floor, covering his head. Slowly, he opened his eyes and saw the man on the ground with a splintered board sticking out of his chest.
Adrenaline pumping, he didn't waste a second. He turned to grab his brother to run, but his heart sank with what he saw behind him.
"Henry!" Bucky yelled and kneeled next to his baby brother. The gunshot had hit him in the chest during the fight and he was bleeding out onto the bathroom floor before Bucky's eyes. Bucky grabbed one of the bathroom towels and pressed it to the bleeding wound in a desperate attempt to save him. "Henry, you idiot. Why don't you ever listen to me?"
"S-sorry," Henry stuttered.
"Just shut up and stay with me," Bucky begged.
"Bucky," his brother rasped. "Run."
It took him a moment, but he finally heard what Henry heard; footsteps. More men were coming up the stairs. Bucky ran into the other room, closing his eyes as he ran by his parents laying dead on the floor. He slammed the door shut and locked the deadbolt before he returned to Henry.
"We don't have much time. Can you stand?" Bucky asked when he returned to the bathroom, but Henry didn't answer. "Henry?" Bucky shouted and shook his brother, trying to wake him, but he never did. "No. No no no no no," Bucky pleaded. His shoulders shook as he wept, gripping Henry's blood-soaked shirt in his fists.
More pounding on the door pushed Bucky to move. "I'm sorry," he sobbed and slowly pulled himself away from his brother's body. "I'm so sorry," he took one last look into the small apartment where he was happily eating dinner with his family only hours before. With one jump, he left his home and family behind and ran. He didn't know where he was going or what he was going to do. He just ran.
A couple months later, the city picked Bucky up after he'd been caught stealing food. When they found out he didn't have any parents or legal guardians, his choices were the orphanage or juvenile detention. He chose the orphanage, but after arriving, he decided there really wasn't much difference between the two options.
The fenced off courtyard is bare and filled with unwanted or abandoned kids, but he finds a quiet corner and begins to lay his plans for his escape when he catches something out of the corner of his eye. He looks over to see what is probably the scrawniest kid in the whole place standing in front of what is probably the biggest kid Bucky's ever seen. It reminds him of the story of David and Goliath his mother told him when he was little. Bucky finches at the happy memory, but quickly turns his attention back to the scene in front of him.
At first it just looks like they're talking, but it all goes south when the Giant punches the little Kid. Bucky stands and watches for a moment, waiting for one of the Nuns to step in and help, but none of them even see the altercation or they're busy intervening with other troublemakers.
"Just stay down, Kid," Bucky watches when the kid stands and throws a punch of his own, but the Giant easily deflects his attack and shoves him back into the dirt, snatching the kids lunch and his inhaler away from him.
"Hey!" Bucky shouts, not able to just stand by anymore while this Kid gets himself beaten into the ground. "Why don't you pick on someone your own size?"
"Why don't you keep moving and mind your own business," the Giant turns around to face Bucky. The kid is seriously huge and more than a little intimidating.
"Give the kid his lunch and medicine back and we can all walk away," Bucky stands firm between him and the little Kid who just watches him with wide-eyes from the ground.
"Maybe I'm hungry," the older boy shrugs. "I already ate my lunch and this sandwich smells pretty good."
"Looks to me like you've already had one too many sandwiches," Bucky pokes the chubby boy. Mistake, he thinks to himself.
Bucky ducks to dodge the fist from the Giant and shoves him back. He charges at Bucky, but he dips to the side and sticks his leg out to trip the lumbering bully. He stumbles and quickly picks himself up to face Bucky when he sees that one of the Nuns finally noticed the scuffle going on right under their noses.
"You got lucky today, Runt, but you'd better watch your back," the Giant threatens and throws the kid his lunch and inhaler back before he leaves with his group.
"You okay, Kid?" Bucky turns around to the little, blonde boy on the ground as he takes a puff of his inhaler. He keeps his head down, holding his scraped up arm, and nods. He offers up the small paper bag with his lunch in it to Bucky. "I don't want your food, Kid. Besides, you look like you need it more than I do."
The kid looks up at Bucky with big, blue eyes and smiles a little before he munches on his sandwich. "You should have one of the Sisters look at your eye, Kid," Bucky frowns at the shiner the kid is already sporting from when he got hit.
The Kid doesn't say anything and Bucky turns around to leave. He makes it half way across the yard when he stops and turns to find the little boy following him. He stops in his tracks and looks at Bucky, unsure of what to do and looking a little panicked. Bucky thinks it looks like he's going to run away, but, instead, he sheepishly holds up half of his sandwich to Bucky again.
"Thanks, but I told you, Kid, I don't want your food," Bucky shakes his head, but the Kid stands firm and puts the meager food offering in Bucky's hand and slowly turns to walk away. Bucky sighs. "Hey, wait," the kid stops and looks back to Bucky. "You wanna eat with me?" The little boy nods and sits next to Bucky on the ground.
Bucky studies the little boy for a moment. He's small and thin. The clothes he's wearing are way too big for him, but it's probably all the orphanage had to offer him. His bright, blue eyes shine bright from behind his scruffy blonde hair and there's dirt smudged across his face, arms, and knees. "What's your name, Kid?" Bucky finally asks.
The shy boy looks at him hesitantly.
"What? I'm not going to bite your head off, Punk," Bucky elbows him and smirks, trying to put the edgy kid at ease.
The kid pauses before he answers. "Steve," he says so quietly Bucky nearly missed it.
"Nice to meet you Steve. My name's Bucky," he nods and takes a bite of the sandwich. "Thanks for the grub."
Steve silently nods back.
Over the next couple weeks, Bucky finds himself keeping an eye on Steve and Steve has been following Bucky all over the place. It suddenly hits Bucky one day why, out of all the kids in this place, he's become so attached to Steve; he reminds him of Henry. The kid is always happy and doing something. His face usually smudged with dirt, he's quite shy and reserved. It's taken Bucky days to get him to say more than a few words to him, but even though he's shy, he's gutsy. Bucky has lost track of how many times he's had to step in to save Steve from a beating because of his gutsiness. Just like Henry.
"What was the reason this time?" Bucky sighs and pulls Steve into the bathroom to clean up a cut on his forehead. The kid uses his inhaler when he starts to wheeze.
"They were picking on Ben," Steve flinches when Bucky wipes the wet washcloth on the wound.
"So you decided that you were the one who had to step in and take on those goons?" Bucky shoves his thumb out the window to the gang of boys outside.
"Someone had to," Steve shrugs and looks out the window. He's about to run out the door when the bullies start to shove some other kids out of the sandbox, but Bucky grabs him by the back of his shirt and drags him back.
"Hold it," Bucky orders. "Let it go, Kid."
"I'm not a kid," Steve shrugs his shirt out of Bucky's grip. "Those guys can't just kick those other fellas out."
"You need to settle down or you won't live to see your next birthday, Punk," Bucky sighs and continues to try to clean Steve up.
"My birthday is in a couple of weeks," Steve smiles.
"Yeah?" Bucky smirks, happy to have Steve momentarily distracted from running into another fight. "How old are ya gonna be?"
"Six," Steve beams proudly.
"Six?" Bucky looks at Steve. "Geez you're a baby."
"Hey, I told you, I'm not a baby," Steve frowns. "I can take care of myself."
"Yeah, after seeing how you handled those guys back there, I'm sure you can take care of yourself," Bucky answers sarcastically.
"I had those jerks on the ropes," Steve grumbles.
"Huh," Bucky laughs. "Well, all I can say is that it's a good thing I'm here now. I'm ten and much older and wiser than you are."
"I've been here for almost six months now and I've managed just fine without you," Steve frowns.
"But don'tcha ever get tired of fighting, Stevie?" Bucky frowns. "Don'tcha ever wish you could just do nothing and run away?"
"Sometimes you don't have a choice," Steve shrugs. "I've had to fight for my whole life, Buck. If you start running, they'll never let you stop." Something in the tone of his voice tells Bucky that he's not talking about just throwing punches.
"Why are you here, Steve?" Bucky asks and Steve just sits silently for a moment.
"I'm here because my parents are gone," Steve mumbles, but Bucky stays silent, waiting for him to elaborate. Steve sighs. "My dad walked out on me and my mom when I was a baby," Steve finally answers. "I guess I was real sick when I was born and things were...difficult. So, he left. Said he couldn't handle us anymore. It was just me and my mom for a long time. She took care of me and brought me to the doctor a lot. A couple times I had to stay at the hospital. I remember her crying because the doctors said I might not make it. She told me that I had to fight. I had to try to get better for her."
"After I got better my mom met another guy, Nathan, who worked at the hospital and she married him. When they were dating, he took care of us and my mom looked happy for the first time in a long time, but then, a few weeks after they got married, everything changed. My mom would be out at the store and just me and Nathan would be home. The first time it happened, I accidentally broke one of his trophies in his den. I just wanted to look at it, but he was mad. Real mad. He grabbed me and hit me. I tried to fight back, but he was too strong," Steve diverts his gaze to the floor as if he's the one who should be ashamed.
"He told me that he only wanted my mom, not me. That I was baggage, whatever that means," The little boy's face twists, hurt by the memory even though he doesn't know what 'baggage' means, but he figures it's nothing nice.
"He said that I'd better not mess anything up between him and my mom by telling her about anything that happened while she was away because he was her one chance to be happy again after I wrecked everything with her first marriage. So I stayed quiet. I didn't say a word," Steve sniffs looks up at Bucky with tears filling his eyes. "I tried to tell him that I didn't say anything. I swear I didn't," he cries as if he were trying to convince his step-father all over again. All Bucky can do is just hug him tightly in his arms.
"She saw the bruises on my arm and asked me about it. I lied about what had happened, but she found out. I lied to her," Steve cries as if that's the part that hurts him the most. The fact that he lied to the one person that he cared about the most. "She asked Nathan about it and they started shouting at each other. That's when he started hitting her. I tried to stop him, but he pushed me away. That's when my mom hit him back and he pulled out his gun," Steve pauses, not able to tell Bucky anymore.
"The neighbors had called the police when they heard the shouting," Steve says quietly and Bucky releases him from his grip. "They took Nathan to jail and brought me here."
"Stevie," Bucky doesn't know what to say.
"That's why I fight, Buck," Steve turns his face from Bucky. "It's not because I want to. I don't want to fight anyone, but people like Nathan and those guys out there; they're bullies and I don't like bullies."
"Alright," Bucky nods. "I get it, Stevie. I get it."
"Steve?" Bucky whispers late one evening. "Stevie, you awake?"
"Mm-hmm," Steve mumbles on his side from his spot on the floor beside Bucky in the boy's sleeping quarters.
"Hey, I'm serious. Are you listening?" Bucky pokes him.
"Yeah," Steve mumbles and rolls over, but never opens his eyes. " 'M listening."
"Steve," Bucky elbows the little kid in the side.
"Ow, yeah," Steve grumbles and sits up on his elbow, rubbing his eyes. "I'm up. What is it?"
"I just... I wanted to let you know that I really care a lot about you. You've kind of become like a little brother to me over the last few weeks."
"You needed to tell me this at 2am?" Steve asks.
"Forget it, Bucky gives him a frustrated look and rolls over to go to bed.
"Bucky," Steve frowns. "Hey, I'm sorry. I feel the same way," Steve scoots closer to Bucky.
"Yeah?" Bucky asks.
"Yeah, Bucky," Steve yawns. "I don't have any family left and, well, I guess I just figured that you were my family now."
Bucky just looks at the little blonde curled on his side next to him and smirks. Steve is already starting to drift off again and Bucky doesn't have the heart to wake him up to tell him that he's leaving tomorrow. He can't stay here and, after squirreling away food and supplies for the last few weeks, he's finally ready to escape this place. Maybe it's best he doesn't tell him anyway.
It kills him to leave Steve behind, but he's better off here. Bucky doesn't have any way to take care of himself, let alone Steve who is much younger and has health problems. He needs medicine and Bucky can't give that to him. He has to go on his own.
The next morning, when the sun is just starting to rise, Bucky sneaks away. He makes it to the outer edge of the fence in the courtyard and he starts to climb.
"Where are you going?" Bucky nearly drops to the ground when the little voice scares him.
"Steve," He sighs in relief that it's just Steve and not one of the adults. "What the hell are you doing out here?"
"Are you leaving?" Steve asks, confused.
"I can't stay here anymore, Steve," Bucky frowns. "I need to get back out on my own again. I'm going crazy in here."
"So you were just going to leave without even saying anything?" Steve can't help but look a little hurt.
"Don't look at me like that, Punk," Bucky sighs when he sees how sad Steve looks. "I was going to tell you last night. I need to get out of here. Go back inside. The Sisters will watch over you and make sure you get the medicine and care you need. I can't give you that where I'm going."
Steve watches silently as Bucky climbs over the fence and hops down onto the other side. "I'm sorry," Bucky looks one last time at Steve. He starts to walk away when he hears the fence rattle and he turns to see the little boy climbing the fence.
"Steve," Bucky pauses. "Steve, what are you doing? Go back inside."
Steve ignores him and continues to climb.
"You're going to hurt yourself. Get down."
Steve says nothing and just keeps climbing, determined to make it over.
"Steve, will you just listen to me, you idiot?"
He makes it to the top of the fence, but he slips when he started to shift over to the other side.
"Steve!" Bucky runs back to the fence when Steve nearly drops, but grabs onto the fencing and holds tight. He can't get his footing back and Bucky nearly has a heart attack when he falls.
Bucky runs to catch him and the two boys end up in a pile on the ground.
"Are you okay?" Bucky picks himself off the ground and checks on Steve. "What the hell were you thinking?"
"We're family, Bucky," Steve frowns at him, hurt that he would even think of leaving without him. "You don't leave family behind."
"Steve, I told you, I won't be able to take care of you."
"Good thing I can take care of myself, then," Steve pants and takes a breath with his inhaler.
"Yeah, you're proving that more and more everyday that I know you," Bucky rolls his eyes.
"You're not leaving without me," Steve stands and the determined look in his eyes tells Bucky that he's not going to win this argument. "I'm with you, Bucky. Till the end of the line."
"Till the end of the line, huh?" Bucky sighs and Steve nods. "Ugh. Shoulda let the Giant pound you into the ground when I had the chance. I guess I'm paying for my choices now and I'm stuck with you."