Someone ought to put a strip of duct tape around the Doctor's mouth!
It was just a normal day in the TARDIS, with the Doctor, Jack, and Rose all sitting around reading various Harry Potter books. Rose, the sixth. Jack, the third. And the Doctor, who had already finished the entire series and quote unquote "cried" at the last one, was only pretending to reread the seventh to come up with ideas to ruin their lives as they were reading the series.
"Hey Rose?" he said sweetly.
Rose smiled and looked up. "Yeah?"
"Dumbledore dies at the end of the book." he managed to get out before she gave him the infamous Tyler slap, hit him over the head with the book, slammed it down on the table, and ran out.
"Wait, really?" Jack asked, reaching over to get the book and flipping to the very last page. "Wow, indeed. Wait, and Harry and Ginny are together?"
"Yeah. Also, Harry's doing better in Potions than Hermoine."
"That sounds awesome!" Jack said, returning to the Prisoner of Azkaban.
"You really haven't read any of those books yet?" the Doctor asked, a small vengeful smile on his face.
Not noticing, Jack replied with a short "Nope".
"Oh, cool. By the way, Pettigrew is Ron's rat, and Sirius is Harry's godfather who means well."
"Oh, awesome." Jack replied cooly. The Doctor frowned, realizing he was going to have to try harder to disturb Captain Jack Harkness.
Delving into other books, the Doctor says, "And also, Ron and Hermione end up together."
"Good for them."
"Malfoy turns out to be alright"
"Awesome."
The Doctor smiles, realizing he's about to crush Jack's dreams with his next statement.
"Oh, and Snape was in love with Harry's mother ever since they went to Hogwarts together, and she almost went out with him, and he was a spy for Dumbledore, and then Voldemort killed him."
This, as the Doctor hoped, was the last thread with Jack.
Jack slammed the book shut in a very Rose-like manner, screamed "YOU DALEK!" and stormed out.
Smiling in victory, the Doctor pulled out Allegiant. He was stuck near the middle, and he couldn't really figure out what was happening at the Bureau.
Jack, of course, caught all of this.
He knocked on Rose's door, only to receive a rather mean "GO AWAY, DREAM KILLER" back. "IT'S JACK" he screamed back.
She let him in, and he closed the door behind him and stood at the doorway.
"Revenge." was his one word.
"Like what?" giggled Rose.
"Divergent. You've read to Allegiant, right?"
"Yeah," she responded, "The ending was heartbreaking"
"Agreed," said Jack, "And our Doctor isn't finished with it yet."
"Awesome!" said Rose, and they began to plot revenge.
(A/N) alright guys, this one's gonna have a huge Allegiant spoiler in it, so if you haven't read it yet and plan to, I recommend skipping to the next A/N, just to be safe.
They snuck up behind the Doctor, sick with excitement.
Simultaneously, they grabbed either side of the book, tossed it away, turned the Doctor toward them, and screamed at the same time,
"TRIS DIES AT THE END!"
The Doctor's face sunk, his eyes widened. "NO! NOOOO!" He lunged for the book and flipped to a page near the end, reading it and soaking it up.
(A/N) SAFE TO LOOK NOW!
"NO! YOU HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE PEOPLE!" the Doctor screamed, with tears rolling down his cheeks. He threw the book at them and left.
"Nice one, Rose."
"And you, Jack."
"I HEARD THAT!" yelled the Doctor.
And, it spite of themselves, Rose and Jack traded a high five.
So, yeah. I hope you liked it, I tried my best to warn you about any spoilers. Stay tuned for updates on both of the stories.