Sergio

by phoenixprentiss

Sorry I've had to upload this three times now, the formatting was being wonky! "I was just lying in bed, and I couldn't sleep. I was thinking about her again. And then somehow I remembered Sergio. And I just can't bear to think of him being all alone. He probably hasn't eaten in days, the poor thing."

AN: I'm so sorry for the issue with formatting the first time!

Ever since the events of March 16, 2011, JJ felt like she'd stopped talking. In fact, ever since those nights in Paris, she felt like she'd gone silent. No more words, no more tears, sometimes not even thoughts. So when a call came through from Penelope Garcia, JJ hardly registered the words they exchanged.

"Sergio."

"What?"

"Em— Emily's cat. He's probably just wandering around the place. We have to get him. Don't you have a spare key? I'll take him home."

"Do you want me to come with you or do you just want the key?"

There was a short, quiet pause. "I don't really want to go alone."

JJ sighed. "I'll pick you up in ten."

"Thank you!" Penelope exclaimed, and JJ hung up before Pen could ramble on further about the cat.

She wasn't in any mood to go out, and certainly not to Emily's apartment. But if it was going to make Penelope happy, especially these days, it was worth it. She herself was grieving even though she knew the truth.

She dug the key to Emily's apartment out of the drawer of her bedside table. It even had a little keychain on it labeled with an 'E' so that she would know it was Emily's. She strapped her gun to her waist as well. It was habit. Plus, it was dark outside, she told herself. Better to be safe than sorry. She pulled on a sweatshirt and a pair of boots, grabbed her own keys, and was out the door.

Penelope practically came bounding out of her apartment as soon as JJ pulled up. With her was a cat carrier that she put in the backseat.

Here came the whole back story. "I was just lying in bed, and I couldn't sleep. I was thinking about her again. And then somehow I remembered Sergio. And I just can't bear to think of him being all alone. He probably hasn't eaten in days, the poor thing."

"I know, Pen. I know."

JJ knew the way to Emily's perfectly from memory. She tried not to focus on where she was as she led the way up the stairs and down the hallway. Penelope didn't say anything as JJ deactivated the alarm, inputting the code from memory as well.

The cat came running in, reacting to the first sign of noise and movement in weeks. Penelope scooped him up and helped him into the carrier but JJ just stood there.

It was too empty. All JJ could see was what wasn't there anymore. Emily wasn't in the kitchen pouring wine or cooking dinner. All the nights she spent curled up on that couch, her arms around Emily. Waking up in a bed that was unfamiliar for a second until she remembered she was next to Emily. All the time she'd spent in this apartment. Those days were over. And who knew for how long.

JJ didn't realize how long she'd been standing there until Penelope's voice broke through her thoughts. "Jayje? You okay?"

"Yeah, Pen, I'm fine," She sighed, knowing she wasn't at all fine. Penelope probably knew that too, but believed her anyway. "I just wish we could do more."There's nothing to do, though. She's… she's gone, JJ."

JJ nearly told Penelope the truth in that moment. That no, Emily wasn't gone, she was just hidden away in a small apartment somewhere in Europe. But even just one more person knowing could possibly risk something. Even someone as innocent as Penelope Garcia.

Penelope voice piped up again. "JJ?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you love her?"

JJ turned. "We all did, Pen."

"No, you— were you in love with her?"

"Yeah." JJ answered. She'd always imagined telling the team, and always knew they'd tell Penelope first. She just never thought she'd be doing it like this. Without Emily. Hell, she hadn't imagined doing anything in the future without Emily by her side. And now everything was different, everything became the unknown, because Emily was supposed to be dead.

Penelope didn't know what to say after that, so since it was getting later, she said, "Let's go."

JJ dropped Penelope off with the cat and then it was back home she went. She didn't want to be alone but didn't want to bother Penelope any further.

Not for the first time since March, JJ felt achingly alone. In the past she'd dealt with the loneliness by either drinking or crying herself to sleep. She was too awake to sleep, despite how dead-tired she also felt. She felt her fingers inch towards her phone on the table. She picked it up, opening the phone app.

She wasn't supposed to have this phone number. But Emily had insisted on giving it to her in Paris anyway. So she called. For the first time.

"JJ? Is anything wrong?" JJ almost cried at the sound of her voice. Of course Emily was worried about JJ first.

"No," JJ breathed. "Pen and I went and got Sergio just now. I— I just thought you should know."

"Oh," Emily replied. "Thanks."

"Yeah," JJ answered. She was conscious of every heart beat as she waited for Emily to reply.

"Jennifer, tell me what's really wrong."

"Emily, you're four thousand miles away and you're dead. What else could I be struggling with?"

"I know, JJ. And I want to be able to help you, but I can't. There's no way I can help you from four thousand miles away. I wish I could, I really do." Emily answered, sighing.

"You can talk to me."

"About what?"

"Anything. Just hearing your voice… I don't know. Tell me about Paris."

"Okay. Let's see… I'm in a flat, on one of the higher floors so I have a pretty nice view of the city. My neighbors are nice enough, one couple just stays in their apartment all day or leaves during the night or something. Suspicious business. There's another single woman who I'm pretty good friends with, we've gone out for coffee a couple of times, but don't worry, she's not replacing you. Coincidentally, her name is Émilie, except of course, she can't know that that's my name as well. I know I'm supposed to be laying low but I have this fake identity so it can't hurt to be social with it, right?"

Emily stopped talking to hear if there was a response from JJ, but the woman on the other end of the line was quiet. Emily could hear her breathing; it was no longer heavy and now more relaxed and steady. She didn't know what else to say. Everything else, JJ knew.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," Came a soft reply. "Thank you, Emily."

"Of course."

"I love you," JJ whispered.

"I love you, too."

JJ set her phone back on the table slowly, repeating Emily's words in her head. She loved that even just a few words from her, just hearing her voice, could calm JJ down from just about anything. That night, JJ was able to sleep well for the first time in weeks, despite being in a cold and empty bed. Emily's voice lingered inside her, relaxing her, but still leaving her far from content.