Pairings: none intentional
Disclaimer: yo im dirt poor someone buy me coffee please
Burning pile
"Okay," Tsuna says calmly, because everything is okay.
"Okay," he tries again, because the first 'okay' doesn't quite convince him that everything is okay. He even considers adding another 'okay', because, as it stands, everything is not okay. He gives up instead. "Well, fuck."
Chrome watches from the passenger seat as the current Vongola headquarters flashes into view from between the trees. Or the smoking remnants of what is left of it, anyway.
A large part of the south wing is demolished, the grand entrance heavily damaged. And just before the estate disappears behind trees again, a flash of green and purple Flames shatter most of the first floor's windows.
"Boss," Chrome says quietly. "Enemy attack? No one called."
"I wish," Tsuna hisses through his teeth.
He pushes his foot down on the gas pedal, gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles turn white.
They've had their fights about it with both Hayato and Reborn, but Tsuna likes driving. He isn't natural at it like Hayato or Basil, but it was one of the things he'd learned to enjoy, so he stood firm on not having a driver. Sometimes he feels it is the only time he has control over his life, as usually his house right now worked pretty well as a metaphor for his life.
Tsuna snorts at that because, ha, yeah, his life is a lot like his house. A burning wreck perpetually headed towards complete chaos, courtesy of his dear Family.
Chrome glances at him with a vaguely appalled look on her face and twitches as if she wants to disappear. She can't though, at least not in a car going 120 kilometres per hour on a winding forest road. Not that Tsuna would ever crash the car, especially when there's someone in the car with him. He likes this road and knows it like the back of his glove.
He likes the location of the mansion, too. It's in the middle of a forest, an hour's drive away from the city buzz. 'In a bear's ass,' as Hayato had eloquently put it when they first moved in. Tsuna has no idea from which language that expression is from, but he rather likes it. Not that he'd ever say that to Hayato. Praising him for bad language would only encourage him.
The car protests as he shoves his foot on the break, stopping right in front of the entrance.
They get out of the car and Tsuna barely holds back a groan when he gets the full view of the damage. One entire outer wall of the south wing is just steaming rubble on the ground. Tsuna can see into the kitchen from where he's standing and he just knows they'll have to get take-away for the next few weeks.
Thankfully he doesn't see anyone inside, most workers in the mansion wise enough to evacuate with the first signs of battle. Tsuna had made sure they'd evacuate and that no one would try to play the hero in such situations. He threatened anyone who stayed behind with a pay cut.
He carefully climbs over the wrecked front door, avoiding the scattered nails and splintered wood. It's a shame, really. This door managed to stay upright for almost a full year and Tsuna had already been preparing for a tiny celebration on his own. He'll just have to send that bottle of wine to Xanxus then.
He goes to assess the extent of the damage further, only grateful that both Ryohei and Takeshi are out. Otherwise he'd be truly surprised that the north wing is still standing.
Just as he passes the dining hall he hears a shuffle in there and barely manages to duck in time as something flies over his head and shatters against the wall.
When he dares to look up again the hall is already empty, the sound of a battle coming from somewhere on the second floor instead. Though he does feel a faint, but familiar presence looming beside him. He pays it no mind.
The shattered thing, he discovers, is the mug Haru gave him for his 17th birthday. It's a tacky mug with the words 'World's Greatest Husband' written on it with large golden letters. Soon after that birthday Haru got over her crush on him and found… other interests. And still, even if Tsuna never used that mug, if Haru doesn't feel that way anymore, it didn't change the fact that he loved and appreciated the gift. As he loves and appreciates everything his Family gives him. Even the headaches.
"Boss? Are you okay?"
Tsuna thinks about that as he looks at the sad shards on the floor. Is he okay? He doesn't know.
So he breathes in, breathes out. Counts to ten. Claps his hands together. Pleads whichever god happens to be passing by to tell him what unholy atrocities he committed in his past lives to deserve this. Breathes in again, then smiles.
Chrome makes a sound like a wince and disappears with a quiet pop and a puff of glittering smoke. The other invisible presence beside him disappears as well, Tsuna barely getting a glimpse of a flash of indigo Flames. Always the performers, those Mists.
Tsuna does feel vaguely sorry for making Chrome disappear, after all, she's got nothing to do with this disaster. He'll have to buy her snacks as an apology later.
But for now he turns on his heel and leisurely strolls to his office in the north wing, his hands behind his head and humming off key.
-x-
The knock on his office door is almost inaudible.
"Come in!" Tsuna sings cheerfully. He's doing paperwork, as always. There always is a lot of paperwork to do after meetings. It's mostly just a routine for him now. Read the paper, sign the paper, seal the signature with Flames if needed, if not, just a regular Vongola seal will do. It is also rather discouraging to know that after all the trouble he's going through with these papers, most of them will be burned as soon as the addressee finishes reading them, thanks to the code of Omertà. Tsuna hates paperwork.
"Eerm… I am glad to see you have safely returned, Tenth," says Gokudera Hayato, peeking in from between the door, but not coming in yet.
"Ah, Hayato! Come on in! Lambo, too! You know, I told you don't need to knock before coming in. It's not like this paperwork is going to bite you."
Hayato pales considerably and for a brief moment Tsuna thinks he's going to bolt. But he steps inside, dragging a reluctant Lambo along.
"So how can I help you two?" Tsuna asks, his smile honey sweet, all warm and inviting.
Hayato swallows.
"Well, you see, Tenth, we have a tiny problem. Umm… so maybe you noticed this already, but it appears that the south wing, well, suffered some damage."
"Damage? Oh no, that's not good! What happened? Did anyone get hurt?"
"No need to worry! Everyone's fine! Just a few bruises, not even worth a visit to the infirmary. What happened is that this idiot cow here," he grabs the back of Lambo's shirt and pulls him out from where he's partly hidden behind his back, "just had to let Mukuro know that Hibari is visiting today."
Crack.
"I see," Tsuna nods, never losing even a fracture of his smile. "Well, as long as no one is hurt, it's okay."
Lambo yelps and wriggles uncomfortably under Tsuna's sweetest smile, whispering under his breath. "Crack? Was that a crack I heard? Gokuderaaa, I know for a fact that he uses metal pens. Metal pens do not crack, Gokudera. And why is he still smiling?"
Hayato ignores him, but he's sweating too.
"I tried to stop them-"
"With dynamite!" Lambo quips and earns a whack against his head.
"-but they just wouldn't listen to the voice of reason."
"Your 'voice of reason' was dynamite," Lambo tries again and this time dodges the smack aimed at him. Then he turns back to Tsuna. "I tried to stop them too! I worked very hard to stop them!"
"You broke most windows!"
"You broke the entire kitchen!"
"Why you little-"
"Haha, that's okay, guys!" Tsuna doesn't raise his voice, but they both shut up immediately. "I know you both tried your hardest to stop the fight, so it's okay."
"You're not mad?" Hayato asks so gently and carefully, as if he's handling broken glass.
"Mad? Why would I be mad?" Tsuna laughs and they both stare at him with open horror.
"The pen, Gokudera, look at the pen."
"It's just a house, it can be repaired."
"It's melting, Gokudera."
"But you guys are my friends-"
"He's melting metal, Gokudera. With his bare hands. And he's still smiling!"
"-and I could never be mad at my friends!" Tsuna finishes and Hayato is pale as a ghost and doesn't even try to shove the crying Lambo away as he clings to him like to a lifeline.
Tsuna drops the disfigured pen on his desk with a faint splot and yawns lazily, stretching hands above his head, shoulders popping and cracking from the released stress.
"Well, I've got a lot of work to do, so if there's nothing else…"
Lambo's out the door before he even finishes the sentence. Hayato bows and Tsuna gets to marvel his perfect 90 degree angle for exactly quarter of a second before he escapes with a string of apologies in his wake.
Tsuna keeps smiling until the door clicks shut.
Then he groans and squeezes his hand under his arm, puts his head on the desk and taps his foot against the floor, waiting for the worst pain to pass. When it does, he gingerly brings out his hand and moans at the sight of angry red skin on his fingers, blisters already forming.
He sighs deeply, spends a few seconds regretting all his life choices, gets up, and stalks out of his office.
The house is quiet now, most having escaped either because of the destruction or because of Tsuna. He doesn't meet anyone on his way to his bedroom a few doors down the hall. He gets to the bathroom and sticks his fingers under cool running water, hissing from relief. Patiently waiting for the pain to fade, he takes out a first aid kit from under the sink with his other hand, digging out what he needs.
Bandaging his own fingers is a bit tricky, but he's gotten used to it over the years. However, as he finishes up wrapping his fingers in bandages, he frowns. Reborn would shoot him for how sloppy it looks and it most likely won't even hold for the night, but Tsuna really can't bring himself to care more.
He drags himself through his bedroom again and onto the balcony where he collapses into an exhausted heap on a straw lounger.
He closes his eyes and spends quite a few minutes just dozing, letting the last rays of the setting autumn sun warm him. He can hear Hayato arguing with Lambo somewhere far away, but all sounds of actual battle have died away. Most likely because Mukuro decided to skedaddle without really confronting Tsuna. How rude.
Tsuna doesn't, however, hear the silent footsteps approaching him, neither does he hear the distinctive click of a gun being cocked.
"I know what you're gonna say," Tsuna drawls, keeping his eyes closed. "'Vongola Neo Primo shouldn't be so pathetic. If you don't get off your lazy ass right now and deal with your Family, I'll personally shoot you into next week.' And then you'll sigh and say, 'You really are pathetic, absolutely useless Dame-Tsuna. As punishment for being so pathetic, your training will be tripled for the next two weeks, until you're coughing out blood and guts and possibly a few lungs.' And then I'll dodge the bullet you're gonna shoot at me and I'll yell and run off right into that trap you've already prepared." He frowns as his Intuition happily gives him an impromptu hint. "Pitfalls, bear traps, and… er… either gasoline or nitroglycerin, not sure which one. Probably both.
"But you know what? I'm tired so I'll skip the yelling and dodging and running around part today. So you can just go ahead and shoot. Aim well and don't hesitate. I won't dodge."
The man with the gun in front of him shrugs and the following gunshot ripples through the not so quiet air around the mansion like thunder. Tsuna feels torturous pain in his chest as his lungs fail him and he can't draw another breath. He feels his strength leaving him as he fights to fill his burning lungs with oxygen again.
"Huh," a familiar voice says. "You really didn't dodge."
"Owwww," Tsuna presses through gritted teeth when he can finally breathe again, pressing a hand against his side. "I think- ughh… I think rubber bullets- damn… hurt even more than… than normal ones."
He peeks through squinted eyes as Reborn shrugs and settles down on the seat next to him.
What is he now anyway? Twelve? He looks twelve. And is it just him or does Reborn look a tiny bit happy that Tsuna figured out exactly what kind of torture he had planned for the Vongola boss that day? Or is the super sadist from hell just happy because he could shoot Tsuna?
"Ah," Tsuna says distractedly, carefully feeling out his chest. "I think I fractured a rib."
"Eh, your own fault for not dodging." Reborn doesn't sound particularly remorseful. "What happened to your hand?"
Tsuna doesn't move his bandaged hand from where it's pressed against his side. "My pen melted," he says flatly.
"Idiot."
"Yeah."
"I should shoot you again for how sloppy it looks."
"Yeah," Tsuna agrees, but weirdly enough Reborn doesn't shoot him.
Tsuna doesn't want to think too much about that.
"What are you doing here anyway? I thought you were in Sweden."
"Sweden was boring. And I heard your house got destroyed again so I thought I'd come play with you a little. Aren't I nice?"
"Demon."
"Yup," Reborn confirms cheerfully. "So how did the meeting go? Any interesting assassination attempts this time?"
"Other than your cute little assassination attempt just now?" Tsuna cringes as his side throbs. "No, it actually went unexpectedly peacefully. The Piccione Family asked for alliance with Vongola and assistance in ridding their town of some overgrown gang. Apparently some local criminals are selling drugs and kidnapping young girls to sell them to brothels. The Piccione have sent people after them before, but every time they're about to catch them, they find themselves all alone in an alley, against one overwhelmingly strong gang member. I think the gang might have a Mist with them, maybe also a Lightning or a Storm. Well, I don't think they're very strong, but the Piccione Family doesn't have any active Flame users which, I guess, is why they have so much trouble with them."
"So let me guess. You offered both an alliance and assistance in dealing with their little problem?"
"Mmm… not quite. I refused the alliance."
"Oh?"
"Signor Gambino probably only cares about the issue because it hinders with their own drug sale rates. I don't think he cares about the civilians all that much."
"I see your Intuition has improved. So what are you going to do?"
Tsuna shrugs. "Well, I'll assist them, but not in the way they're hoping for. I want to investigate why such a small no-name gang has active Flame users so I'll flush them out. And then I'll make sure Piccione either loses their funds and support or gets a new Don."
"I see. You'll go alone?"
"I'd like to send Hayato, really, but I don't think his injuries have fully healed from his last mission. So I'll send Lambo, I-Pin and Takeshi to retrieve the girls while I go undercover to deal with the rest. The timing is perfect, actually. The kids are itching to do some work and I haven't done any fieldwork for a long time either. Also, I could really, really use a break from watching my house get demolished fortnightly." He pauses. "And don't give me that, 'It's because you can't control your Family that they keep making a mess out of everything' look, Reborn. You know as well as I do that every single one of them is insane and that there's not a force in this entire universe that could control them. Besides, I have faith in them. I'm sure they'll learn. Eventually."
"So how are you going to punish them for this mess?"
"I'm not going to. Not really."
Reborn considers that.
"Do they know you're not going to punish them?"
Tsuna opens his mouth to answer, but then clamps his teeth together again with a click. It takes Reborn a full second to figure out why. Damn that Vongola intuition.
The door opens silently and a person steps onto the balcony.
"Baby. Little animal," greets Hibari Kyouya, the shining star of this night's show.
"Kyouya," Tsuna returns as Reborn tips his fedora.
They spend a long moment glaring at each other. Then Tsuna sighs and waves his bandaged hand.
"Look, my hand hurts and my ribs hurt and I'm tired and sad and my house just got destroyed. Again. I'm reaalllly not in the mood to spar with you today. You'd just wipe the floor with my face and be done with it and that's not fun for either of us, is it? So. Purple folder on my desk. Call if you have questions, call if you aren't interested. Or let Kusakabe-san call. Either works."
Kyouya lets out a disdainful huff before he turns to leave.
"By the way, how's it going with the secret base?"
"Orange folder on the desk. If you have questions, don't call," he says without stopping.
"Okay, okay, got it. Oh, and Kyouya?" He looks over his shoulder and meets the Guardian's eyes and smiles the brightest, most genuine smile he can manage. He's had a lot of practise with those. "Thanks for coming today! It was a pleasure having you over! I'll return the favour and come visit sometime in late November. We can spar then!"
Kyouya leaves without saying anything, and if Tsuna didn't know any better, he would say that the Hibari Kyouya fled the scene.
Tsuna does know better, though. He knows that he and Reborn both will take this knowledge to the grave.
Reborn waits a few more seconds until he's sure Hibari is out of earshot.
"They don't have a clue, do they?"
Tsuna looks up into the sky, the setting sun dying the horizon amber gold. The air is clear and still, not even a breeze shifting through the leaves. There's not a cloud in sight and even the autumn sun dipped behind the treetops a while ago.
He loves his Family. He really does.
"Nope."
Reborn pauses.
"You've grown into a fine demon."
Tsuna smiles at that. "Thanks. I had a good teacher."
Reborn smirks. The sun sets, the sky darkening enough to allow the first stars blink into view. Another reason why Tsuna likes this place. He can see all the stars at night.
"Tsuna?"
"Yeah?"
"Would you have dodged if I'd used real bullets?"
Tsuna thinks about that. Then he smiles. "I wonder."
Reborn actually laughs at that. "Don't think you can sass me and get off easy. Tonight's just a grace period. You'll get your punishment tomorrow."
"Yaay, can't wait," Tsuna says, but he's smiling.
They sit in silence until it's dark enough to see the Milky Way and Tsuna feels his exhaustion catching up to him.
"Oh, Reborn?" he slurs before the comfortable heaviness pulls him under.
"Hm?"
"You know," he drawls, "fractured ribs really hurt."
-x-
When Tsuna wakes up on the balcony, he doesn't expect the blanket covering him, protecting him from the early morning chill. His neck is stiff from sleeping on a lounger, he has a dull ache in his side and his hand stings, but he's grateful to see a bottle of painkillers and a glass of water on the small table.
He downs two pills and pockets the few grape candies on the table before heading to his office, determined to finish the paperwork he should've done last night. He'd go down for breakfast first, but he knows the kitchen is still a wreck and doubts anyone would be willing to make him something more than just a hot drink.
He's truly surprised to see the mug on his desk. It's just as he remembers, except the ridiculous golden letters claim him to be the 'World's Greatest Idiot' instead. He smiles as he taps the rim of the mug with a finger just hard enough that the illusion shatters, revealing the cracked thing Haru gave him. There are glue stains all over it. A part of the handle is missing. But that's okay.
Next he opens the orange folder and idly flips through the pages before stopping short. He blinks rapidly at what he sees. It's the blueprints of the base and a detailed report on the building progress, just as he expects. What he doesn't expect is the aerial photograph of Namimori, taken early in the morning when the town is still hazy with sleep. He can faintly make out the school and even his house.
Tsuna really loves his family.
*'Karuperses' or 'in a bear's ass' is a wonderful saying in Estonian, equivalent to 'in the middle of nowhere'. Gokudera most likely doesn't know Estonian, but I'm sure some other languages have that expression too. Or maybe not. I don't know and I don't particularly care either cause, hey, I only speak two languages more or less fluently and I headcanon Gokudera speaking many many languages. So basically. Don't worry about the legitimacy of my jokes~
Author's notes: So! I'm fashionably like 10 years late to the fandom and therefore this is my first time writing for the KHR fandom. And, well, I hope y'all enjoyed! I certainly enjoyed writing this fun piece.
And hey, I could use more KHR content on my dash and timeline so hmu on tomblr or twit. My handle's ThaBlueSheep basically everywhere.