Stay

A Stellar/Shinn Short

By artstaar

Shinn point of view.

Maybe it was a mess up in fate's process. Maybe you weren't supposed to leave me. Maybe I should've been the one under Destiny's blade. Maybe I can't bring you back.

Or maybe, we can have another chance, Stellar.

Its over now. Chairman Dullindal, Captain Talia, and Rey have died. The Destiny Project has failed, and my Destiny has been destroyed.

Two years have passed. I didn't know whether I should head for PLANT or not. I had no place to go, ZAFT was my home. But then again, I felt as though I should part ways for now. My hands are stained with death, and it'll take some time to wash these scars away. I still think about Mayu, and my mother and father. I still think about Athrun and Attha and everyone else. I think about the Freedom pilot and about Meyrin and Rey. I see Luna all the time, when she visits me here in Aprillus City in PLANT. She is one of my best friends, she has always been there for me. I think a lot about her.

But most importantly, Stellar, I always think about you. Always. You are haunting my thoughts and dreams and I just can't forget about you and what happened. I feel my heart aching and my gut contorting, Stellar. It has gotten so bad, to the point where I began to blame you. Oh, Stellar, I blamed you. One night, no more than a month's worth time ago, I felt very sick with guilt. I felt repentance. I'm so sorry, Stellar, but I got angry. Why did you have to leave? Why didn't you wait for me? Why didn't you stop when you heard my voice? So many whys, Stellar. I was cocky, maybe. I thought I would be able to do what no other could; stop you. But I couldn't. I was sick to my stomach, and I got so upset, I started to think it was you, you wanted to leave me and you were a selfish girl. I'm so sorry, Stellar. I never wanted to feel that way, not for a second. I didn't understand why I was so angry. Oh, no. Wait.

I remember the day Messah was destroyed. I became unconscious, or maybe I was asleep. But that was when I saw you Stellar. That was the last time I saw your face. You told me you had been given a tomorrow. A tomorrow where we can be together. And I've been waiting for tomorrow since then.

Is there something I must do? Was it just an illusion? Don't give me false hope like that, Stellar. I don't think my body can sustain so much.

I've changed. I've become mute, socially-inept, and blank. Not just from you, but from my family's death, the war. So many more people are dead. Dead. Not from natural causes, not from sickness. But from my actions, as well as yours, Athrun's, Luna's, the Chairman's. I chose to be apart of this kind of destruction to avenge my family. When you died, it was to avenge you. But was I being blind? I kill others because others were killed, then be killed for killing? I remember when Athrun spoke those words. They stuck with me like clouds in the sky. But it didn't stop me. I continued to take lives like they were mere poker chips. I played the game of life, and won victoriously. This is why I'm blind, Stellar. Because I killed for you and Mayu, but neither of you are back, and here with me. So I accomplished nothing. Well, nothing holy and good, anyways.

I'm still waiting here, Stellar. For tomorrow.

I enjoy digging my feet deeper into the wet sand, I don't care if it gets under my toe nails. I also like humming to Lacus Clyne's songs. I was doing both. I was on my usual spot on the beach were we spent the night, where you almost drowned, where you scratched my face.. Where we first met. I come here often, just to relax and clear my heads. It had been the 16th time coming here the past two weeks. The weather has been coming down as well. I shivered under my thin long-sleeved shirt and shirt. I easily could've walked over to my car to retrieve my coat, but I didn't. I stayed because I was in my moment.

During this moment, I sit and think of nothing but the ocean. I've grown to love the water, actually. I learned that you had a love of the ocean, and I guess I grabbed onto the habit. I sat and watched the sun set on the waves. How cliched.

I stopped humming and closed my eyes. I saw you, your violet eyes, your soft hair, your immature, childish smile. You can always keep my young. I miss you, Stellar.

Then I see you screaming in pain, the sound making me wince. You killed many people mercilessly. But it wasn't your fault. But maybe it was mine. I was there, Stellar. I could've stopped you from destroying everyone, from destroying yourself. I pleaded with you to stop, and for a second I thought I had you. The way you said my name, I was sure it would all stop. But something triggered you, and you went all out. Then Freedom came, and you were gone. The Destroy exploded, right before my eyes. I could've stopped you Stellar. I could've. But I can never actually do it. I said I'd protect you, but I couldn't. I'm so sorry Stellar. I'm sorry.

"I'm so sorry, Stellar." I whimpered quietly, hot tears falling from my closed eyes. I rested my head on my knees and wept. "I'm sorry, Stellar. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.."

"You can stop, I know already!"

I rose my head, and blinked twice. Have I fallen asleep, or maybe an illusion? Your hand grazed mine, as you sat yourself down beside me. "Gomen nasai, Shinn. I'm late."

That damned voice. That soft, pale yellow hair. Those fucking beautiful eyes. They didn't avert from eyes, you just stared at me. And there I was, staring back like some fool. But what was I to do? I didn't dare to touch you, I was afraid that a single finger laid on your pale skin would cause you to shatter. And I didn't want you to leave, after waiting so long.

My voice choked as I finally began to speak. "S-Stellar, what..?" I couldn't force myself to speak anymore. I wasn't sure of what I should say. What if I said the wrong thing? What if you disappear with one blink?

"Tomorrow has come." you said simply, your gaze shifting to the ocean. I felt like crying, like pouring myself out into that ocean. Oh, Stellar...

"I missed you so much," I said suddenly. "I've waited so long for you, and I never gave up. And y-you're here! And I'm here! A-and, we're here, together!" I couldn't control the immense amount of emotion rushing into my lungs like the air. I began to tear. "Stellar, I can't believe-"

"Shinn." you said sternly and suddenly. Your usually frail and gentle voice had turn hard and monotone, and I was beginning to question whether it was really you. But you sensed my doubt, and smiled. "Ano, there is something important I must share with you."

I still doubted. Her playful, shy personality has become so serious and demanding. Maybe my memory of her has faded a bit?

"I'm very glad I'm here," she said calmly, sighing as she watched the sun dip into the water. I nodded and said, "I am too, Stellar."

Then there was this epic silence between us. I opened my mouth to let words just roll off the tip of my tongue, but she was so fragile. I didn't want to say anything; maybe we could stay like this in a picturesque moment. And I didn't turn my gaze away, either. I never wanted my eyes to leave her face.

She sighed again. "But," she said ever so slowly and sadly. I knew what she was going to say. So, I wrapped my arms around her petite body, holding her so close to my heart. I could've sworn our heartbeats were aligned. I stroked her head and buried my face into the smalls of her neck.

"Don't." I whispered into her hair. "I can't let you go now."

I felt her fingers run through my hair as she parted herself from me. My tears silver-lined my eyes. Her eyes looked so deeply into mine; I felt more exposed than I have ever been.

"You know I can't," she said so softly yet bluntly. "You've always known." My mouth fell open a bit. I couldn't help but nod. Fighting would only waste the little time we had.

"I-I just.. I wanted to see you so badly." my voice choked up. I couldn't speak. But in a fraction of a second, she gracefully placed her hand against my cheek, and I calmed. You wouldn't believe what magic her mere fingertips can do.

We turned back to the ocean. It was as beautiful as it was when I first saw it.

"There's something you want?" Stellar's dainty voice whispered. I blinked a couple times before I could answer.

"I want.." I sighed midway. "I'm sorry, Stellar."

She smirked. Strange. "Is that really what you think?" she said amused. I didn't move, but my eyebrows rose curiously.

"What do you mean?" I asked her. She chuckled.

"When I was alive," she began. "Well.. You know that feeling you get when you're in a narrow, closed corridor? So tight, it's almost suffocating? It's a scared and worried feeling. And I always felt that." She let out a longer, heavier sigh. "My life was controlled, Shinn. Why do I look to the ocean so much? Because I yearn to be as open and loose as it is. I cannot move so freely like the waves.

"But then, after a near-death incident, I met you. I was more scared than I have ever been. You see, death is such a mysterious thing to me. I took lives so easily, yet I could never want any life more than I wanted mine. I didn't want to die..." As her voice died, I stiffened.

"... Then." She added. "But meeting you widened my horizons, gave me more chances than God himself could give me. Or maybe God sent you to me to be my savior."

I smiled. "You believe in God?" I asked. Her gaze shifted.

"I believe that there is a larger than life being out there. Even after I died, I am yet to discover who this being is." She said, giving this statement such a larger-than-life feel. Since when has she become so wise and optimistic?

"I never resented you, Shinn." She said, her voice the most beautiful I had ever heard. "I never resented you once."

When I turned my head to look at her, she was already gazing at me with such large eyes. "Ask me anything, Shinn. Right now."

Her time was running out, I knew it. I bit my bottom lip. "Stellar.."

Before this moment, I had thousands of questions I wanted to ask Stellar. But now, I had nothing. I could barely even move my lips.

"I cannot ask you for anything, Stellar. I don't know what to ask." I said sadly. She smiled and wrapped her arms around mine. "Then let just watch the water!" she said briskly. I smiled as well.

When I opened my eyes, I was on the beach, my head in the sand. I had no shoes on and the water was tickling my toes. Stellar was not there.

For a second, I thought I had been dreaming. I thought I would still be waiting for tomorrow. But then I remembered the words whispered into my ear before my heavy eyelids came to a close: "I'll see you then, Shinn."

I smiled and silently began to hum. I love Stellar. I love her like the flower loves the sun. I love her more than a normal human could. I am, after all, a coordinator. But is it because of my altered genes that I feel this way so strongly?

I didn't think so, because I could feel Stellar's love for me, and it was just as strong.

I then remembered what Stellar wanted me to do. Ask her a question... And I asked myself again, "What can I ask her when we meet again?"

And as my eyes closed, a silent thought replied, "Stay.."

The End.

Okay, okay, I know I should continue with La Vie en Rose, but I found this unfinished story in a folder. I have exams, people, and I'm trying my best to update my stories XD.