He hates it when I call it a diary. He's a guy, so it has to be "journal." Sorry. This is quite random, and a bit idiotic, but RER! That is, Read, Enjoy and Review!
The Diary of Legolas
Here begins the diary of Legolas, son of Thranduil, son of... oh, forget it! I'm a Elfy prince, and this is my little notebook. Got it? Good. A couple things you should know about me before I start. I have the shiniest blonde hair in Mirkwood, I'm awesome with a bow, and I like to kill little nasty slimy things called Orcs, bigger nasty slimy things called Uruk-hai, and the occasional Gollum. Leave the Balrogs to Glorfindel and that wizardy guy. I'm scared of- I mean, they're too simple for such an Elf as me. Yeah, that's it.
Go to council
Ok, so Elrond whoever-his-guy calls a pow-wow at his crib. Once arriving in a totally cool, totally princey-who-thinks-he's-a-king way, I go to said meeting. Little shrimpy guy has shiny ring that has some sort of magnetic power over some chunky Gondorian's hand. Elrond and that wizardy guy with the pointy hat that I know I've met before make a big to-do over it and call it Some Thing, or the One Ring, or whatever they said. They say it has to be destroyed. Yeah, melt it down and make earrings for meeeeee! Wait, that's Gollum, sorry.
Wizardy guy yells some weirdo language that makes the sky go dark
And Elrond gets mad at him. Good, I think that wind ruffled my hair. I wonder if Glorfy's got a brush on him. Uh-oh, now some crazy dwarf tried to smack the Some Thing. I mean, the One Thing. I mean, the Some Ring. Grrr! I know what I mean. Anyway, the dwarf's axe shattered into pieces smaller than his brain. Meaning submicroscopic. I don't like dwarves.
Ranger with dirty hair and a squeaky voice starts yelling, too, but in a language I understand
"You cannot wield it! None of us can" Chunky Gondorian gets sassy, I be oh-so-noble (once I remember who this squeaky-voiced guy is) and recite his lineage all the way back to the beginning of the Third Age. Really, I could have just said"He's a king, got it, Chunko" But I felt like rattling off a list of names. Then Aragorn Squeak-voice acted like I did something wrong and told me to sit down. Yes, Master! Just because I decided to say you're a king doesn't mean you can pull rank on a prince.
Now everybody starts yelling
And of course I act noble again and save the brainless dwarf from my friends who want to kill him. Not that I would protest, I just wanna look good. Now little shrimpy guy says he'll take the Thing. I mean- whatever! Stupid short guy. Now Aragorn says he's gonna go with him, though I don't see why, he's just gonna get himself killed. Uh-oh, I think I'm supposed to go with him now. I don't wanna go! Waaaahhh! I mean, why should I go? Alright, alright, I'll do it, but not happily.
One of my friends tells me I get to kill stuff if I go
And I dash over there and tell the little guy that he has my bow, or something like that. That doesn't mean you can use it, shrimp! That means that I get to act cool when you're about to get killed and slaughter something. Yay! Oh, no. Valar, what next? Anything but the dwarf. He had to go getting all heroic"You have my axe" and all that. Too bad there's no brain to go along with his axe.
Dwarf and I exchange looks
And if looks could kill, we'd both be dead. But he'd be more dead than me. Cuz I hate Dwarves more than he hates Elves. Although that axe looks pretty scary. I mean, ehem, he looks like he might be a fair warrior, but much too short.
Yagh! I mean- Ai! More shrimps!
That's right! FOUR of 'em. What is up with that, man? But so anyway, more ho-hum about the thingy-thinga-ma-bobber, and off we go to Mordor! And I sing this to the tune of 'Jimmy Crack Corn:' "Gonna get killed, and I don't care, gonna get killed and I don't care, gonna get killed, and I don't care, cuz there are things to slay, HEY" Alright, one more time! ...Or NOT, you don't have to look at me like that, Elrond. He always spoils my fun. Ada is the same way. So off we go, and what a fun time we are going to have! And I say that with the utmost sarcasm.
What do you think? This might be a one-shot, just because I don't have the sense of humor for much more of this. But we'll have to see. Anyways, RR!
Legolas: What's Are-and-Are?
Kalayna: Rolls eyes For how long you've been watching me do this, you really are dense if you haven't figured it out yet. RR. It means Read and Review. In other words, I want people to read it, then tell me what they think about it.
Legolas: What if they don't like it? innocent puppy eyes
Kalayna: resists the urge to melt at that look Then they don't, and they flame me. And I blow it off because this is an insane piece of randomness anyhow! Peoples, just review!