Author's note: Please imagine the following dating steps being read out loud by a narrator from a 1950's education video.

Step 1: Be confident but courteous when asking a girl out.

"A-April?" Donnie looked down at his twiddling thumbs.

"Yes?" He darted a glance and saw April turn her head and smile at him, that dazzling, resplendent smile that belonged in a toothpaste commercial . . . ah no, wait, focus. They were alone in the lab for right now, but someone could barge in at any second. Plus there was already a very good chance at least one of his brothers was listening at the door. He had to act fast.

"I was . . . uh, wondering. . ." Donnie needlessly adjusted his mask and cleared his throat. "Would you, I mean we, like to, go. . . together I mean. . . Saturday seems doable-"

"Donnie, are you asking me out on at date?" April turned her whole body now, giving him her undivided and nerve-wracking attention.

"I, uh, think so, but I mean if you-"

"Okay."

"Wait, what?"

"Saturday sounds fine. Pick me up at 8." April glanced at her watch. She had lost track of time hanging out in Donnie's lab. Throwing her bag over her shoulder, she glanced back for a second to beam at Donnie again. "See you soon," she said, before heading for home. If she noticed Donnie's jaw hanging open, she pretended not to.

Step 2: Punctuality is key.

That Saturday, at exactly 7:59, Donnie landed on the O'Neil fire escape. After yet another breath mint and a prayer to whoever might be listening that this all didn't blow up in his face, he knocked on the window.

April immediately pulled up the window sash. "Right on time."

Donnie grinned. "Shall we?"

Step 3: After asking a girl out, plan the date out. Make sure it's something she's comfortable with.

"Two orders of pizza goza, please."

"Coming right up." Donnie and April sat down at the counter. Despite being a Saturday night, the place was empty. Murakami-san stood at the stove, throwing in various ingredients in a boiling pot.

Step 4: Keep the conversation on a first date light. Don't talk about religion or politics or plans for the future.

"Oh, I think it's ridiculous. 5 cents really isn't going to stop anyone from using plastic bags." April took a sip of her black tea.

"Well, they already implemented it in Ireland, and I heard they cut down on plastic bag production about 90%." Donnie was so focused on his point he didn't notice April lean towards him slightly.

"Huh. That is something to think about. I always wanted to go to Ireland and learn about my heritage. Maybe I'll study abroad in college or something."

"Do you have any ideas about where you want to apply? I mean it's early, but a lot of people say sophomore year is a good start."

"Well, I know I want to study journalism. . ."

Step 5: The boy should always pay.

"Oh, don't worry," Donnie said, holding his hand over April's wallet. "I got it covered. Murakami-san and I have an arrangement."

Cleaning a toilet in a small restaurant in New York City would cause a lesser man-or mutant- to probably vomit in said toilet. But Donnie grew up in a sewer and once more, a sewer with Mikey. He could handle it.

Plus at least the toilet didn't have lobsters. Evil little buggers.

"I'm done Murakami-san."

"Thank you, Donatello. If you could just empty out the trash."

"On it."

"Well, okay," April said. She stuck her wallet back in her pocket. "But next time it's on me. Deal?"

"Deal."

Step 6: Besides planning at date the girl will approve of, try to make it memorable.

"Okay, just a little further." Donnie pulled out a paperclip and began picking the lock.

"What if someone sees us?" April crossed her arms, shivering either from the AC or nerves.

"Don't worry, we'll be fine. And here we are." The door swung open. A large broom closet with boxes of cleaning supplies stood before them. The teens crept in, and Donnie flipped on the light.

"So, what exactly are we doing here in a janitor's closet in. . ." April's eyes widened. "No way."

"Yes way." Donnie went over to the back and removed a couple of boxes. Behind them was a small hole. April scrambled over and peeked out. She saw curtains rise and lights shining over a stage. In the pit, they played the opening notes of a song she knew so well. April practically bounced with excitment.

Donnie grinned at her obvious excitement. He sat down next to her, almost but not quite touching.

"Goood Neeews. She's deeead. The Witch of the Wets is dead!"

Step 7: Even if it all goes right, the boy is not entitled to any so called "canoodling."

Donnie rubbed his head nervously. They were back at the fire escape, and neither person was quite sure what to say.

April looked at her window for a second. Her dad probably wouldn't mind if she invited him in per say, but it was almost curfew.

"So I guess I'll, uh, see-" Before Donnie could finish his thought, April grabbed his shoulders and put her lips to his. Despite years of sharpening his reflexes, Donnie froze. She stepped back before he could even close his eyes.

"Yeah, I guess you will." April shoved open her window and quickly climbed in. "Bye." She waved, and with that she was gone.

Step 8: If there is canoodling, the boy may pat himself on the back.

"And then she kissed me! For like, four seconds." Donnie usually used his notebook for scientific research, but this was important. Plus if he told his brothers they would probably say something in front of April that would make both of them cringe. After all, he would do the same in their shoes.

"This has been," he wrote, "the best-albeit only- date I ever had."

Donnie closed his notebook hugged it to his chest. Then he sighed.

Too bad he had to wait three days to call her.