Rating: NC-17 (due to subject matter)
Pairing: Yoosung Kim/Kira (I named the MC for ease of writing, you can change the name in your head since it is just MC)
Warning: Past Trauma, Implication of Past Forced Relations, Insecurities, Past Verbal Abuse
Summary: It had all started like any other day, Yoosung was heading off to the clinic and she was going to work from home. At least, it should have been until her past came creeping in from the back of her mind. How could she keep her happy marriage without burdening her husband with her scars?
It had all started like any other day, Yoosung was heading off to the clinic and she was going to work from home. She gave him one last hug before letting him leave, smiling and waving brightly until the door was shut. The smile crumbled and her hand fell heavy to her side. She knew she should probably talk to him, open up to him but she just was not able to even think about it today. It had been on her mind for some time now, though they had been married maybe a little over a month. How she had managed to land an adoring and sweet partner like Yoosung Kim was an enigma to her.
Especially with how my first marriage, this is a miracle. She frowned at the thought. It was an arranged marriage, one her father insisted on and pushed for. She argued with him to hold off and give more time, but the verbal battles always went the same: aggressive and insulting. The sharp words flew everywhere, at her and her mother. To keep the peace, she only hoped she was doing the right thing by saying yes. Sadly, that was not the case at all. A year passed and she realized he was not all that interested in getting to know her. He only wanted to have sex, believing that sex was only allowed after marriage. She also had been saving herself until marriage, but she never thought it would have been forced on her so suddenly and in such a twisted way.
She numbly walked to the curtains and pulled them shut to black out the sun that just seemed all to bright right now as she recalled the verbal matches she had with her ex-husband. He had promised they would take time to get to know each other but then he went around spreading lies about her to his mother and her father. He cooked up all sorts of things to feed her father who was enraged by her lack of being a proper wife.
A proper wife, what is that even? She chewed at her lower lip as she started to tidy up the place. She always questioned if she was doing right by Yoosung. She cooked when she could, though he did when he was free and sometimes they cooked together. He took her out on dates and she made sure the house was always clean for him which he always failed to notice but when she knew where something was he would praise her endlessly for being the best person to ever be born on this planet. An angel just for him.
She could not help but wonder, if she was an angel why was she put through such a relationship? She had never even dated a guy before her ex-husband and suddenly she was thrown into a marriage. She knew it would be tough, she knew communication was pivotal, she was working at it alone. Picking at the hem of her shirt, she rolled a little ball of fuzz that came off between her fingers as she recalled all the criticism she was given by her ex-mother-in-law, her own mother who had no idea what was truly going on, and her husband who lied to her face only to turn around and tell her he had said those things and how justified he was until she finally just gave in and had sex with him.
He promised how everything would be better, and yet nothing changed. He demanded more and was angry when she would have her period, as if she had control over that. He was utterly terrible as well. Not that she was anyone with experience, but the had not even kissed and she never felt comfortable with doing anything except letting him put it in her. The thought of it made her stomach coil with disgust and she quickly shook her head and took a few deep breaths.
"I'm sure there's a movie I can stream...yeah, just do that." She tried to convince herself and forced the memories to the back of her mind. The room was dark except for the flickering lights of the television. Huddled up on the sofa with a blanket thrown around and empty bags of snack food piled on the floor was Kira. She was looking at the screen, but it was clear she was elsewhere. Gripping the blanket tighter, she leaned over until she was toppled onto the sofa before curling up further into her warmth. Squeezing her eyes shut, she took a few practiced breaths to force the acrid nausea that threatened to take over her. It was nothing new, she was used to this by now.
It's not like this is the first time I remembered...so why am I like this now? She grit her teeth as his face came to mind. The one person she never wanted to think of when it came to this. Someone she hoped would forever be untainted by her. A cold scoff left her lips. I was always dirty...I just didn't want to admit it because ignorance is bliss right? He doesn't know how defiled I am...no one does. She clenched her jaw as she swallowed the bile that threatened to rise up in the back of her throat. Forcing herself off the sofa, she headed to her bathroom. The icky feeling was too much and she needed to clean herself of the grime only she could see.
In no time she was standing in a freezing cold shower, her body shaking from the drops that felt like pelting ice but she was not sure she really felt it at all. She stared at her hands, frowning a little. She was separated from him for one year before she was finally able to gather a divorce. It was like her life had finally taken a turn for the better as she met a group of unique individuals who were so welcoming and warm, the members of the RFA. Among them was her now current husband, which she knew she would forever be grateful for. Of course there were troubles with the unknown hacker but they found their peace finally...that is until her body started to fail on her. Apparently all the stress she had been holding in finally took a toll on her, that was what the doctors had told her to explain the random seizures she woke up with one morning.
It was minor at first, but the frequency increased to the point that she was no longer able to hide it. Jumin had been a great help in finding a good doctor who gave her medicine that has been helping. She just wished they would go away just as quickly as they had come and she could finally start building confidence to take a step further in their relationship. She did not get why he wanted to marry a mess like her and even stay with her after all this. She felt so guilty that she was not able to be with him like a couple should be because of her own insecurities.
"Maybe they were right, maybe I'm just useless." She mumbled to herself, balling her hands into fists. "I'm such waste." Squeezing her eyes tight, she took in a few shaky breaths as she imagined the water was purifying her in some way. She was not sure how long she was just in there in a daze, her eyes were not exactly focused on anything when she heard pounding at the bathroom door. She noticed she was sitting in a tub full of water now, the water must have shifted to scalding hot but it was no longer at that temperature. "I few more minutes," she mumbled, letting her eyes fall close again. Hey, don't keep shouting my name like that...you'll make people worry...I'm fine. She thought to the person shouting her name as the door knob rattled until it stopped.
She thought she was just hearing things when the door was suddenly kicked in with a large bang, the force ripping out the top hinge as it clattered and slammed against the wall. She had slipped away just before Yoosung had stepped in. He had ran here to see her, since she was not responding to anyone's texts. He had a bit of a gap between patients so he hopped into his car and drove back. He was greeted by a dark room with the television on and her phone was lost in the puddle of a blanket. He had laughed off the scene as a cute lazy moment but when he heard a lack of response from him calling her name he began to worry. He looked around, thinking she may be in her room only to hear the exhaust on.
"Kiki?" He knocked on the door. There was no answer. She probably didn't hear over the exhaust. "Hey, Kiwi! It's Yoosung, you ok?" He knocked a little louder and raised his voice. "Sweetie?" He rose his voice again and knocked, rattling the knob. There was only silence. He waited a minute, rationalizing that she probably was going to step out any moment now so he paced the room. Still, all he heard was the sound of the exhaust so he tried again, this time slapping his hand on the door with the heel of his palm as he fiddled with the knob. The more silence he got, the more panic had set in. What if she had fallen and hurt herself? What if she had a huge seizure of some kind and was unable to call for help? As the train of thought began, it quickly hurdled into the depths of his worries as he suddenly wondered if she had been unconscious in the bathroom for hours and none of them had known. As his panic rose, so did his efforts. Unable to get a response, he kicked the door in with all his might and quickly rushed in to the overly steamed bathroom only to feel his body run cold with his blood. His wife was lying in the tub with an empty prescription bottle on the floor.
"Kira?!" He shouted her name repeatedly as he quickly fished her out of the tub, not caring about his clothes as he quickly brought her to the bed. "Shit, what do I do? Did she overdose?! No, stop that! You know she wouldn't...ok, you better not have Kira! I swear I won't forgive you if you did!" He snapped, trying to shake her awake. "C'mon Kiwi...please." He pleaded, lightly smacking her cheek to see if he was able to get some reaction from her. Never had he felt so terrible for not becoming a regular doctor instead of a Veterinarian as he did now in this moment. "Shit, c'mon sweetie...let this be some overdone joke of yours! Just tell me Seven put you up to this, anything...just, please!" His voice cracked as he held her tight. "Open your eyes Kira, c'mon. I'm sorry I didn't notice...I'm such an idiot! I swore I'd be there...dammit, I'm such a failure. Please Kira...don't leave me." He tried to coax her, about to lose hope when he noticed her start twitch and flinch. As relief washed over him he suddenly felt boneless as he fell to his knees beside the bed and hung his head as she came to.
"When did I get out here?" She mumbled, slowly sitting up but was suddenly hit by a wave of dizziness and almost fell back down as her elbow buckled under her weight. "Damn...I must've sat in the heat for too long." Her voice came out in a rasp, throat dry when she finally noticed someone was beside her. Not just anyone, a very wet and crying Yoosung? Wait, why is he crying? "Yo-Yoosung?! What are you, h-hey why are you crying?!" She fumbled to sit up when his hands grabbed her shoulders and pulled her into a crushing hug.
"Never scare me like that again! I'm so glad you're safe...thank gawd your safe!" He whispered in to her hair. "Why...why would you do that? If you were having a rough time why didn't you tell me?!" He scolded her. He knew he should call for medics but right now he was not sure if he ever wanted to let her go. He was afraid she would disappear if he let go.
"Wait, what? Yoosung, what are you...I fell asleep in the tub...that can happen you know." She frowned, rubbing his back to try and soothe him as she felt him shake in her arms. "I must've gotten overheated and didn't realize.
"What…?" He suddenly pulled her away and stared her right in the eyes. "Don't lie, I saw the pill bottle. It's completely empty."
"Pill bottle…empty...? Oh! No, that's not-I took the last pill in that not all of them. I have a refill in the cabinet waiting to be cracked open. Yoosung, honey, did you think I overdosed?" She raised a brow at this.
"Can you blame me? I've been here for like an hour and no response from you. I had to kick the door in just to get to you and then there was the bottle!" Kira looked over at the bathroom to see the busted door and gaped at the fact.
"I'm really sorry! I had no idea, I just was a lot more tired than I thought!" She fumbled for the right apology but he pressed a finger to her lips as he pulled her into another bone crushing hug. "I guess the drowsiness the medicine sometimes causes plus the heat just knocked me out."
"It's fine, it's fine, I'm just glad you're safe." He mumbled, holding her tight when she suddenly started to fidget. He looked down to see her cheeks are pretty red and frowned at this. "Are you still feeling a bit overheated?"
"Uh...no, just...uhm...I know you came in to save me and all...but uhm, can I have a towel or something?" She whispered, trying her best to over the essentials of her body. It took a moment for the reality to register, Yoosung's face burning up almost identical to hers as he quickly grabbed her robe and handed it to her. He forced himself not to stare by turning his back to her and tried to wish away any and all primal reaction that replayed the feel of her soft nude body pressed so tight against his. He muttered an apology, clearing his throat.
"It's fine, really. You had good intentions...it's fine." She laughed off. "I'm all wrapped up now so we're good. You can turn around again." She cleared her throat, tightening the belt and holding it closed over her chest. He carefully turned back towards her, kneeling down once more as he grabbed ahold of her hands.
"Even if you didn't overdose...I've noticed you've been a bit off. Sweetie, you know you can come to me anytime right? I'm your husband after all. I want to protect you from everything...even from yourself." He kissed her knuckles and like magic the wall came tumbling down as tears slid down her face. Curling over, she cried as she spilled everything to him. From her terrible past experience to her current lasting insecurities and health. Silently, he listened and just as she imagined she saw the pain in his eyes. She opened her mouth to apologize for the umpteenth time but she silenced her with a kiss and pressed his forehead to hers as he pulled her onto his lap.
"Kira, thank you for telling...thank you for letting me." He whispered. "Thank you for trusting me and please, don't ever apologize for something like this. I'm your husband, of course I would want to be there for you...but don't think I'm just waiting to have sex with you. I mean, yes, I would like for us to...but when you're ready as well. I don't mind waiting for you, I told you that on our wedding night and that still stands to this day. I love you for you and we will take the next step when you're ready...but know this, no matter what you think you like I know you're beautiful...and so strong. You've been so very strong on your own, but you have me now so lean on me more. Just like I have you, you have me. Remember that ok?"
She sniffled softly as she gave a silent smile, letting him pepper kisses randomly on her face until finally kissing her on the lips. Seeing her shy smile back on her lips he felt his heart soar. She was genuinely smiling this time and he knew it. He frowned a little though as he noticed the time. He had to get back to work,
"Wait, Yoosung! You were at work! Don't you have patients?" She quickly jumped off his lap and dragged him over to the closet as he explained he came since he had time and she was not answering the phone. The two of them change once dried and once again he was out the door, however this time they both were genuinely happy and closer than before