All the places I've been and things I've seen,
A million stories that made up a million shattered dreams.
The faces of people, I'll never see again,
And I can't seem to find my way home.
-Far From Home, Five Finger Death Punch

Chapter 1

I could have sworn my heart stopped when I saw him drop to the ground. The sound of gunfire echoed through the dark night as his gun misfired with him dropping limply to the ground with the deputy's knife stuck in his chest. The deputy held him while he struggled for his last breath, coughing up blood and staining the green grass with a syrupy, red liquid.

The wind seemed to be knocked out of me as I watched this scene from a few yards away, making sure the deputy didn't catch sight of me.

"Damn you for making me do this Shane. This is you, not me. You did this to us. Not me, not me," Rick Grimes howled menacingly into the darkness.

It was a beautiful night with the moon huge and full, dipping low into the sky and seeming to bathe them both in moonlight from the top of that hill. I felt my own knees begin to buckle beneath me as I sunk to my knees, teardrops falling from my eyes and sailing towards the ground.

Rick began to sob just as I was and started rocking back and forth, letting out the occasional wretched moan. He leaned over his dead companion from the fuzzy memory of high school and up until now, putting his head in his hands. Once again he rocked back and forth, his hands shaking and grief radiating from the man himself.

My mouth was wide open, still not believing that he was gone…for good. I couldn't wrap my head around the thought of him not being there ever again by my side, where he belonged. Shane was essentially my lifeline, giving me strength; even hope in this now hopeless world that had surely gone to hell…though with him it seemed like everything was tolerable and somewhat normal again.

It was Shane who'd walked me through how to handle a weapon. In the beginning I was terrified of guns, ever since I barely survived a school shooting back in middle school. The memories still haunted me but his stubborn nature proved to prevail over it all and though sometimes-harsh encouragement I was able to overcome it.

It was none other than Shane who'd given me the strength to keep moving on in this life even though what used to be was gone. Many of times I questioned the very worth and point to this life after the disease spread in ways unknown and turned my family, along with many others, to walkers. Through all of it though he was able to convince me otherwise and to turn the opinion around entirely.

Above all of the things that he taught me though, it was to love. Of course I'd had a few boyfriends in college and high school, but it wasn't like the love I knew deep down I felt for him. I knew he felt the same. Little things seemed to mean the most to us, whether it was sitting on Hershel's porch swing and sharing parts of our lives, sharing humor even in the darkest of times, or something as simple as taking some time away from the work to have target practice.

Even though he seemed to be cold on the outside once you really got to know him, Shane Walsh was a character. Though after Otis…he began to change and I knew it. He slowly became what would lead to his downfall, being self-centered and power hungry.

I watched him slowly change, but I didn't stop loving him, nor did he me. I also knew that he was the one that pulled the gun on Rick that night, because I watched him do it with my very eyes. He didn't know I was there, but neither did Rick. Over and over I watched him try Rick's patience and some part of me knew this was inevitable. I kept holding on to the belief that it was only a phase, not a permanent case of partial insanity. With me he was always the same, even until the end, though his actions and words towards others proved otherwise.

I could see him suffering, and most of his actions I blamed on being at the wrong place at the wrong time. The odds were against him and once again they came out on time.

"Not me, not me," Rick once again moaned, pulling me out of my memories.

"Dad?" a boy's voice squeaked.

Rick stopped short and turned around slowly, facing his brunette, baby-faced boy Carl. The boy looked horrified and angry at the same time. Rick slowly rose to his feet and wiped the tears away, coming towards his son with caution.

"Carl…" Rick croaked.

He began to slowly walk toward him, "No…you should be back home, with mom."

Carl's eyes widened as he pulled out a black handgun, raising it. Rick looked hurt even further, holding his hands up in surrender.

"Just, just…put the gun down," Rick pleaded.

My eyes were blurry with tears at this point, but I was able to see the horror that was right behind Rick. Stalking toward him with a hungry look in his eyes was Shane himself. I couldn't believe my eyes as I realized what he now was…a walker. My head spun with questions with the main one being, how?

"It's not what it seems, please," Rick croaked, his voice cracking.

Carl evidently saw what I did because the second gunshot of the night echoed through the land as the bullet lodged itself in Shane's skull. Rick whipped around as Carl lowered the gun and was fighting tears, breath coming in gasps. He turned back to his son with tears in his own eyes and brought him into a hug, holding him tight.

I couldn't hold it back any longer and began to sob uncontrollably, wailing into the night and wondering why he had to be taken. The whole part of him being a walker was the farthest thing from my mind at that point. He was gone; my heart ached at the words.

Slowly I curled up into a ball in the grass after crawling a bit. He was my whole world, how could he be gone just like that? So many had been lost already, including the biggest softie, teddy bear you could ever ask for, Dale. Not to mention Andrea's sister Amy, Jim, Sophia, Jacqui, and so many others I had long ago lost count. It seemed like all this group did was suffer loss, get smaller, and somehow recover. The fight for survival with us versus the world…well let's just say we were beginning to lose.

I didn't even notice the footsteps approaching as I felt someone brush back my long brown hair. Through teary eyes I made out the form of Rick who was crouching above me with sympathy and sadness flooding his gaze. My mood went instantly from suffering to anger in a matter of seconds. I pushed his hand off of me and shot up to my feet, glaring down at the deputy with rage in my eyes.

Deep down I knew that he did what he had to and after all it was Shane that attacked him first. It was Shane who had broken his trust over and over again. It was Shane that pushed him to the limit. I was blinded by my rage toward his killer and my love for him that was far from gone.

Rick looked sad, "Sarah I-"

"Don't touch me," I snapped, rubbing my arm and shooting a glare his way.

Carl was standing a few feet behind Rick looking very emotionally confused with tears brimming his eyes. I flipped my hair over my shoulder and took off in a fast walk toward Hershel's farmhouse, anger and denial burning through my veins. "Sarah wait! I'm sorry…It…he…" Rick stuttered, trying to figure out something to say to the younger girl.

For once Rick Grimes didn't have something encouraging or particularly wise to say, he was stumped for words as she walked away. Carl looked back at his dad who took him into another hug as they too began to head for the farmhouse.

I stomped off and made sure not to look back as I broke into a tear filled jog toward the camp. My nose was running as I was gasping for breath after the long run, approaching the house and hearing the gravel of the driveway crunching under my boots.

"Sarah, what's going on, we heard gunshots-" Lori's voice said.

I sniffled and wiped the angry tears on my sleeve, shooting a glare up at the deputy's wife. I'd never really liked her, she was too self-centered and seemed to care about only herself. Another reason was of course her past intimacy, that was apparently just 'confusion', with Shane. The woman was confused on who she love. That was before I'd known him though…still I was wary at the way she seemed to be attached to Rick and Shane at once. Shane had been mine and I think she knew that, it was just the desire to have what you couldn't that made me catch her sneaking glances at him when Rick wasn't looking.

Maybe I was wrong, maybe it was just misjudging the woman or being too harsh but my opinions stood.

"Oh my God…" Carol breathed from beside Lori.

By now everyone, T-Dog, Glenn, Maggie, Andrea, Beth, Hershel, Jimmy, Patricia, Carol, and Daryl was coming out of the house and onto the wrap around porch. I turned around from where I was on the ground below and gasped, seeing what Carol saw instantly. A huge group of walkers were dragging their flesh hungry bodies towards the farm, hundreds of them in one big herd.

"Patricia, get the lights," Hershel breathed.

"I'll get the guns," Andrea said running back into the house.

"Is that the same herd we passed on the highway? Should we just go inside?" Glenn asked.

"No unless there's a tunnel downstairs I don't know bout'. A herd that size'll tear the house down," Daryl said, looking at the mass that was coming toward them.

I began to breath heavy, sadness replaced by horror and the realization that I could to die tonight. Hell, any of us could. It was such a real possibility that in that moment for the first time real terror flooded my veins. Andrea's boots slammed against the deck wood as she ran back in with her blonde ponytail bouncing, carrying the precious gun bag.

Maggie began passing out guns and handed one firmly to Glenn, who looked surprised.

"Maggie…" he said.

"You grow up country you pick up a thing or two," she replied breathlessly, beginning to load the shotgun.

"They got the numbers, it's no use," Daryl said.

"You can go if you want," Hershel started.

"You're gonna' take em' all on?" Daryl questioned.

"We have guns, we have cars," Hershel replied.

"Kill as many as we can," Andrea added, "and we use the cars to lead the rest of them off the farm."

"You serious?" Daryl asked.

Hershel's eyes changed to a steely blue, something no one had ever seen that just burst inside of him and was overflowing into his actions. He looked not just like a stubborn old man but also like a fiercely protective individual with strength that no one could take on. He picked a black shotgun out of the bag and popped it open, loading it with red shells and fiercely closing it with a click.

Hershel looked at all of them with a stern look, "This is my farm, and I'll die here."

Daryl shrugged, "Aight'. S' gooda' night as any."

I rushed up on the deck and grabbed a pistol from the bag to defend myself if I had to. This trust with weapons that I now had…it brought me back to Shane once more, which hurt like a new stab wound to my heart each time.

Daryl loads his crossbow and drops off the edge of the rail and lands easily, headed to where his motorcycle is parked by the cars. Maggie, Glenn, T-Dog, and Andrea sprint off to the cars with loaded weapons. Too shocked to do anything, I stay poised on the deck, with my hands clasped over my mouth.

A few walkers now were getting inside the fences close to the house but Hershel wasn't about to let them get close to the house. He stood in front of the steps in his blaze of glory, nailing one after another and watching with satisfaction as they crumpled to the ground in a pile of rotting flesh and disgust.

"I checked the shed and I can't find him anywhere," Lori says, frantically.

"He's not in the cellar or the attic!" Carol replied.

"Why can't he listen for once!" Lori exclaims.

Lori passed me and points to the woods, "Okay, okay, if he followed his daddy he would have gone that way."
"No you'll lead them right to him! We can't stay here!" Carol yells.

"But that's my boy!"

"You're gonna have to trust! If we find him he's going to need his mother! We gotta go!" Carol protested.

Lori looked on the brink of crying and was breathing heavy as Carol pulled her along, "Get the others!"

"Carl!" Lori cries into the dark night.

I stood off to the side with Beth whose thin form was shaking out of fear. Carol gathered us and called for Lori, who came reluctantly.

Back in the cars they were taking out a few here and there with everyone working diligently and swerving back and forth to get as many as they could without getting ambushed. It just wasn't proving enough and before long they were more than overwhelmed.

"They're all over the place, it's no use. We're gonna run out of ammo before we make a dent," Andrea exclaimed, taking down another with her pistol.

"We need a game plan," T-dog agreed.

I looked up from my spot on the porch, taking all this chaos in and not being really able to move, as I saw a light to my right. My jaw almost dropped as I realized the barn was going up in flames, with an orange blaze creeping up the wood of the many years old barn. How had I just noticed this?

"Hershel!" Lori yelled.

"Hershel it's time to go!"

"Come on, now! Hershel!"

The old man ignored them and kept shooting, taking out walker after walker but deep down knowing there was too many.

"We have to go!" Carol said, tugging Beth, Patricia, and I towards the car.

We ran in a mad dash to the truck with Beth and Patricia behind me. I heard a scream from behind as I was getting in the truck. Patricia's neck was being bit as a walker held her by the shoulders. Beth still had her hand and was screaming in horror as the woman was dragged to the ground and surrounded by undead bodies.

Lori managed to get her to the car, smashing herself, Beth, and I in beside T-Dog. Andrea jumped out with her pistol poised, running towards where she knew Carol was, being surrounded by two walkers. Andrea took the two out easily and breathed a sigh of relief. Carol's face distorted in fear, "Look out!" Andrea spun around just in time and shot the walker at point blank range, where he then fell on Andrea.

T-Dog hit the accelerator and we were jolted backwards, Beth and I were in a state of shock at what had just happened. We had no way of knowing if anyone would make it out…Carol, Andrea, Glenn, Daryl, Maggie, Hershel

The cab was silent except for Beth's crying as T-Dog found the road and sped off, leaving behind the one place we all fooled ourselves into thinking was safe.

A/N: The idea came to me after listening to Five Finger Death Punch's song, Far From Home. For whatever reason that triggered the story to pop into my head! xD Well, please review and let me know if you guys like it so far! Working on chapter two now :)

This is going to be a ShaneXOC and eventually DarylXOC fic :3

I do NOT own TWD or the song Far From Home. All rights go to their owners!