Hey, it's me, Captain Crazy-Nonsense, here to give you... a guide! For surviving Necromorph outbreaks! ... Yeah, I just felt like writing it, okay? This list will be put into a larger, better story, like how one of my other stories (White Marker) got turned into a better one (USG Colorado).

Oh, and by the way: My name isn't James Foral. Okay? This is the point of view of a character I made up. I'm not actually this evil. I just want to conquer the world, that's the only way you can claim I'm evil.

Disclaimer: I don't own Dead Space. I never will own Dead Space. EA owns Dead Space. Visceral Games owns Dead Space. Stockholders own Dead Space. I don't. The end.

This is James Foral. I'm a survivor of a terrible incident here in London. One of a few, from what I'm aware of. I've survived this long, so I guess that I'm still going to be alive for a little longer. Might as well pass on some information that I've learned so far about staying alive.

I should begin with this situation. The city has been overrun by creatures that I call Necromorphs. Feel free to call them whatever you want, but I call them Necromorphs. And if you've found this text log, well, you already know what it is I'm talking about. I'd better begin. This is James Foral's Guide to Surviving Necromorphs.

1. Aim for the Limbs

This is vital information. Do not waste any of your ammo taking chest or head shots. Those things won't die that way. They'll only stay down once you've taken off their limbs. And if you do take chest or head shots, be sure that you don't go near it. The Necromorphs can pretend to be dead, and they will jump you once you've turned your back. What I'm saying is this: aim exclusively for the limbs. I know that they're small targets, and hard to hit, but unless you've taken the limbs clear off, the Necromorphs will keep coming after you, and they will try to kill you.

2. Get Good Equipment

I know that this sounds pretty vague, but you need to make sure that you've got stuff to fight the Necromorphs off with. Don't use normal guns, like Pulse Rifles. Those don't exactly do much to hurt them, and they don't have the accuracy that you need to tear off limbs. Find a department store and try to find a plasma cutter with some ammo. It can make cuts at just about any range, and it has an indicator to assist you with aiming. Like I previously said, aim for the limbs. See if you can jury-rig it to shoot more shots without needing to reload. Benches have the equipment you'll need for that.

3. Use "Special" Equipment

That sounds even vaguer, I admit. What I mean is that you should find a RIG to wear, and hook it up with some equipment. Depending on your occupation, you might have a RIG available at a Store. I didn't, though, so I had to go through the very complicated process of getting a dead guy out of his RIG. The RIG's can take some blunt force trauma for you, and you'll need that protection. Also, I got REALLY lucky with this, but if you can, get Stasis and Kinesis modules. The Kinesis can help save some valuable ammo if you've got any sharp objects around. The Stasis can help get you out of a few sticky situations by slowing down time, if any Necromorphs get nearby. Just make sure you're a good distance away from your target before using it. (Consult a user's manual before you use either. Make sure they're on the right way, etc.)

4. DO NOT STAY IN ONE PLACE FOR VERY LONG

Necromorphs seem to be able to hunt for us humans, so they will find you if you idly stand around waiting for help. I've seen it happen to lots of people. They try to hide, and then Necromorphs galore horde around their hiding place. When I say this, I mean don't try to hole up in, like, an armory. You'll run out of bullets faster than you think. I'm on the move while writing this. I suggest you get moving, too.

5. Pay Attention to Everything around You

I'm aware that this is contradictory to what I just said, but pay attention to everything. Only be semi-focused on this text log, and focus on everything. You don't want to stumble across a Necromorph playing dead, I can tell you that. And also, be careful around bridges. They have a nasty tendency to collapse under you.

6. Stay the Hell Away from the Vents

Like aliens in all of those movies, Necromorphs can use air vents to move past any of your fancy fortifications, if you decide to ignore #4, like someone who's about to be dead. Do you know how many vents the average building has? Unless you're holed up in your house, (good luck with that, by the way) you'll never be able to keep the Necromorphs out of the building you're in. Hope you had a good life, dumbass. If you have to pass by vents, do it carefully, or you might end up with a few pieces of metal through your neck, or you might have a dead body on top of you that's trying to rip your face off.

7. Don't Aim for Obvious Targets

If you see a really fat Necromorph, or one that's body parts are glowing, DO NOT SHOOT AT THE GLOWING PARTS! These things will explode, and that explosion will mess you up if you're too close. If you're sure you can hit, and you're too far for a small explosion to harm you, take the shot. But make sure you don't miss. It might cost you your life.

8. Don't Bother Having a Conscience

If you pity the Necromorphs, because they're clearly dead people, stop now. That will get you killed, easy. This is doubly true for the baby Necromorphs. The glowing ones are little suicide bombers, and those weird ones with the tentacles growing out of your back will, in no particular fashion, shot your god damn head off. And they don't aim to miss. Like I said, don't pity the 'morphs. They won't pity you.

9. Now is the Time to be a Lone Wolf

Don't group together with others. They're a liability, just one more thing to worry about. And, if you're doing things right, just one more Necromorph to kill later on. If you run into any other survivors, it might be better to just kill them off. The Necromorphs can do something to your head, and you don't want to be there when they snap. If you run into me, do your best to kill me. I'll be doing the same to you.

10. Don't Just Try to Leave the City

You'll need to remember this. If you're in a city that has a Necromorph outbreak, just remember that Necromorphs are like a virus. They spread, fast. Try to find a helicopter or a shuttle, and get as far away as physically possible. I actually arrived in this city after fighting my way out of another. It obviously didn't work too well. Try to find a city that hasn't been affected by Necromorphs. It would make sense to go somewhere cold. Like space. Or Alaska. The temperature would probably cause the Necromorphs to freeze up and die before they get to you.

11. Cannibalism

I know that it sounds a little wrong, but if you manage to find a dead body that hasn't been affected by the Necromorphs, eat it. You'll need the energy and the nutrients. Like I said earlier, forget your pity. Your life matters more than your morals. Don't trust any boxed food. I opened a box and got a face-full of tiny Necromorphs that managed to chew their way through my RIG's armor. Not a very pleasant experience.

12. Don't Be a Hero

This was already established in #9, but don't try to be a hero and save people. I get how you feel, "Oh, yay, zombies! Now I can save the day!" Don't do it. If you meet anyone like this, put them out of their goddamn misery. It's suicidal to think like this. If you try to be the hero, you'll probably only get yourself killed. Or worse, you might end up like one of those unlucky bastards on the walls; still alive but somehow turned into a Necromorph.

13. It's Okay to run like a Coward

If you find yourself in a hopeless situation (13-to-one in a narrow corridor, I was just in this situation) and you aren't entirely confident in your abilities, and you don't want to die, RUN. If you're fast enough, they won't be able to catch you. If you aren't… nice knowing you.

Okay, I'm running out of space on this text log, and I'm dropping it wherever you find it. Hope that it helps. Hope I don't run into you. Hope I'm long gone by the time you find it.

And there's the Guide. Feel like something should be added to it, or should be edited? Feel free to leave a review telling me, and I'll be sure to consider adding it.

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