I remember like it was today, our first date. Kendall shifted in bed, staring at the ceiling, he closed his eyes again, waiting for the rush of memories to flow trough his mind, like every night. I watched her crossing the street to meet me at the coffee house, how her smile brightened up my day just like that, how she sat across from me on the small table, how we talked about everything we could possibly remember, how beautiful she was. How beautiful she still is. Kendall sat up, a tear escaping his eyes and he quickly wiped them away, he walked to the kitchen for a glass of water. "These things have got to stop." He said with a sigh.
Kendall walked to the living room and sat on the couch, turning the TV on and flipping trough the channels, hoping he'd find something to take his mind out of that for a while, to take his mind out of her, for a change. He found some old cartoons and decided to go with it, it could've been seconds, minutes or hours, but he woke up to the feeling of her fingertips on his arms, to the feeling of her lips on his, her warm, inviting lips that would always make him want more, he opened his eyes with a smile, hoping he'd see her there. No such luck, it was just one of the many awfully realistic dreams he had. "Dammit." He got up and walked to the bathroom, not bothering to turn the lights on, he hated doing this, he hated being so submissive to mere memories, he didn't want to see it, sitting on the floor silently, he searched for the razor he'd hide under the math in an earlier occasion, and there he was, doing it all over again, a tear dropped to his cheek on the image of him swearing so many time this was the last time, that he'd stop, but the thing is; he couldn't stop, it was the only thing that made him feel better, he chuckled a sob at the thought of the better word, the fact is, nothing could make him better. He watched the blood dropping from his thigh to the plain white floor, the tears started rushing faster, his vision getting blurrier, he was getting dizzy, but the most upsetting thing was, he didn't care, all he wanted was to go, go away for this house, from this city, from this world. He made another cut, but now on his left wrist, he sobbed quietly, and dropped the razor to the floor, leaning his head on the wall, he cried, until he couldn't remember anymore.
"Come get me big boy!" She yelled between laughs, running to the water, they'd rent a house at the beach to spend the week, just the two of them. Kendall quickly ran after her, laughing and yelling for the whole word to hear, he just couldn't care less. She dived in the water and disappeared, Kendall looked around and sauntered deeper into the dark blue water, she appeared behind him and jumped on his back with a laugh, he stumbled a little but kept his balance.
"Got ya." He said, turning his head softly to the side, and she chuckled, the sound of her voice in his ear going straight to his heart. "Come here," He said and she jumped off his back standing in front of him, he placed his hands gently on either sides of her waist, pulling her closer. "I...I'm in love with you." He admitted shyly, but keeping his eyes on hers. He could see her expression change, her eyes gaining a new sparkle, she tried to stop the smile forming on her lips.
"I'm in love with you too." She said, he grinned softly and leaned down to cover her lips with his. His hands traveled up and down her sides, he wanted more, more of her, more of everything, but he wouldn't go before she say she'd be okay with, like she was reading his mind, she grabbed his left hand and placed it just above her bikini's string, and let out a soft moan in his lips to let him know she wanted as much as he did, he pulled apart to look into her eyes, searching for any doubt, or sign of insecurity, she just smiled and pulled him for another kiss, however, he pulled away again, and engulfed her in his arms, carrying her out of the water bridal style, he walked all the way back to the house and dropped her carefully on the couch, hovering over her, she ran her hands down his chest, stopping at the waistband of his shorts and smiling softly and nervously at the same time. And there was the first time they made love to each other.
Kendall woke up scared, he looked around trying to remember where he was, and what had happened, he stared blankly at his wrist and thigh, sniffling and getting up to take a hot shower. "Last time huh," He whispered to himself. "You're so weak, you can't even keep a promise, even to yourself." He mumbled, while scrubbing the soap on his scars. He let the water run down his body, his tears falling constantly down his face, his life just got to the point he didn't care anymore. He just didn't care at all.
He got out of the shower and put on his boxers and a pair of sweats. While searching for a shirt he saw a shoe box of pictures and shivered. He knew exactly what was there, a a part of him knew that seeing those all over again would only do bad to him, but another part of him was itching to see them. He opened them carefully and the first one was him and his brothers, he smiled gently and put them aside, the following one was him with his mom, a tear escaped his eyes but still, he was smiling. He stared at the picture for a couple more seconds, and looked inside the box, one particularly called his attention, it was upside down with something scribbled in his writing on the back. "Lils, summer 2010." He turned it around to see her face, it was only her face, nothing else, it was the same say at the beach, her hair was up in a messy bun, her face almost full covered with her sunglasses and her shy smile, the one he loved so fucking much.
"Come on, lemme take a picture of you," He pleaded, she shook her head no with a wicked smile. "But you look so beautiful babe, please." He scoot closer to her, kissing her cheek softly. "Please." He whispered in her ear, kissing her sun kissed skin. She sighed heavily.
"Fine." She gave the quickiest of the smiles and when the picture got snapped it seemed so natural, he smiled and looked up trough his sunglasses.
"You're gorgeous." He said, pulling her into a hug, their warm skin from being out on the beach. "I..." He nervously chuckled. "You're very gorgeous." He tried to change the subject and she smiled softly.
"Thanks Kendall." She said softly, he leaned his shoulder and she rested her head there, staring at the vision in front of her, the bright blue sky, the sun, the sea, Kendall by her side, she could've never ask for better. "And thanks for bringing me here. I mean, the house is incredibly beautiful, this beach, is breath taking, and you," She straightened herself and looked at him. "You're perfect to me." She smiled and he rested his palm on her leg, she placed hers atop of his and they stayed there, enjoying each others company.
"Don't thank me," He whispered after a few minutes. "I'm as thankful as you are here." He smiled and kissed the top of her head. She giggled lightly and kissed his shoulder, then his lips. They were so happy, nothing could rain on their parade.