All Babylon 5 characters and settings belong to JMS, Warner Brothers, TNT and anyone else with legitimate legal claim. No infringement of copyright is intended by this work. Only a few select characters are mine, and should the Great Maker need them, or anyone similar to them, I can probably be bought off with a story credit. ;-)
As a spoiler warning, this is set after "Sleeping in Light".
Tuzanor, Minbar
Susan Ivanova stared at the screen before her, knowing that she should leave one last message, something for those history books that already said too much about her life. They knew so much, her family, her life during the Wars, her rise to General and beyond.
There was one story that they didn't know, a story known by only three people in the galaxy. Of them, she was the sole survivor.
Stephen Franklin was gone. His ship had been reported missing out near the Rim over a year before. Earthforce had searched for him for months before giving up on the man who had single-handedly saved the world. The young Earth president had declared a day of mourning for the man who had managed against impossible odds to find the cure for the Drakh plague. Susan could still remember the expansive memorial service as if it were yesterday.
Her friend, her confidante, was gone forever.
Yet she remained.
Leaning back in her chair, she began.
"Personal log, Susan Ivanova. December 30, 2286.
"In two days, it will be over. I thought I should leave something to explain it. Something so Michael and Delenn would understand. They've both tried so hard to help me these last few years. They'll never make it here in time to stop me."
Her fingers wrapped around the pin on the desktop, every curve of the metal, every miniscule facet of the Isil'zha crystal burned into her memory for all time. She could still remember taking it from him right before they closed the cryo tube.
Holding it in her hand every day.
Reminding herself of every second.
Even the day Delenn pinned it on her vest as she took up the mantle of Ranger One.
For twenty-five years, it had never left Susan's possession. She would take it with her to her grave.
"I still remember," she continued. "The history books haven't said one word in twenty-five years about what happened, but I know. All I have to do is walk over to the Valerian Temple if I ever have a doubt."
*And, damn it, I still love him. But there's no way in Hell the history books are going to know that.*
A bleep preceded the window that appeared on her display. Susan fought the urge to groan at the sight of her rather overeager young Minbari aide.
"Yes, Mirann?"
"Respects, Anlashok-Na, but the shipment you were awaiting has arrived."
*Finally.*
"Thank you, Mirann. Have it taken to the Temple with the rest of the equipment."
With a bow that would have made Lennier proud, Mirann acknowledged the order. The small window disappeared, allowing Susan to once again view what she intended to contribute to history.
"It's been a difficult choice, but it has to be done. I can't live like this anymore. In two days a message will be sent to the Grey Council with my recommendation for the new Ranger One. I only hope she agrees to take the job."
With a shake of her head, she brought her thoughts back on track. "But this was about him, not me. He should be the one in this chair. He will be, someday. I should have listened. I trusted him more than I've ever trusted anyone in my life, before or since."
Leaning back, Susan longed for a mug of steaming hot coffee as she began to tell the story, surprised at how easily it came. For the first time in twenty-five years, she put the burden down. From the first time she met Marcus Cole to his final confession and beyond, she laid her soul bare.
"For twenty-five years everyone has searched for a way to get him back. John never made it public knowledge, but I know he had a team of scientists assigned to it. Delenn . . . the last I saw of her, she was taking White Star Two off on some insane mission the Valerian priests thought might work.
"I let her go.
"You don't stop Delenn when she's determined to do something."
Susan smiled sadly. "Just like Stephen."
*Guilt can be an amazing motivator, can't it, Stephen?*
"I still remember spending most of that night crying on Stephen's shoulder. Nobody knew what Marcus had done except the two of us, and I think it stayed that way. Sure, people had ideas, but that's all they were.
"I've been the one to carry the whole truth around all of these years.
"I've been the one to live with the memories
"the weight of his head on the pillow . . .
"the touch of his hand. . .
"the sound of his voice as he finally told me that he loved me
"the feeling of his life as it slowly became mine.
"Twenty-five years hasn't done a damned thing to dull those memories. Twenty-five years of searching, and I can't get him back without something short of divine intervention.
"The miracles ran out for me a long time ago."
Her fingers gently touched the display. The sight of her own hand surprised her. The creases in her flesh, the tightness of the skin around her joints, were disconcerting.
*Wardogs like me don't get old. Not like this. I'm running out of time.*
*Again.*
She pressed the touch screen, calling up one of the plethora of security cameras she'd had installed in the vicinity of the Valerian Temple's laboratory. While she watched, a long black tube was placed onto a table and technicians began working.
"They brought him here after I took over. With Babylon 5 gone and neither one of us getting any younger, Stephen agreed to let the Minbari scientists take over his quest. Our quest.
"I never told the people that I assigned to him precisely who it was in that cryo tube. Over the years, Marcus became something of a legend to the younger Rangers. Delenn always said that he was an example of the best of us, even if he had set foot on his path for the wrong reasons.
"I tend to agree.
"No, they won't know who is in that tube until they can wake him up and ask him themselves. That's one secret I intend to keep for as long as it takes. And, if things go according to plan, that could be a very long time.
"Maybe even forever."
*****
"Are you certain that you wish to go through with this?"
Susan looked up into the kind grey eyes of the head of the Minbari scientific team. "Yes, Celonn."
"With respect," Mirann softly interceded, "Delenn will return soon. Do you not wish-"
Susan quickly shook her head. "No, Mirann. Delenn.Delenn would try to stop me. Do you understand?"
Mirann nodded solemnly. "Of course."
Susan grabbed Mirann's hand as the young acolyte was turning. She could feel the tortured morass that comprised the Minbari's thoughts.
*At least that part of me still functions. Amazing. Seems like nothing else does since they started the treatment, but it's the only way I'll survive.*
She hated the battery of medications that the scientific team had been administering these last two days. They had assured her that slowly lowering the flow of blood to the brain before they began would reduce the damage.
They had also assured her that it would be as simple as falling asleep. A sound, dreamless sleep until the time came for the awakening.
*I just hope it isn't a thousand years from now. And it could be. God knows the Minbari were doing this stuff when humans were still wearing suits of armor on a regular basis.*
Projecting as many comforting thoughts as she could manage into Mirann's mind, Susan let go of the young woman's hand. It was the least she could do for an aide that had been forced to follow in Corwin's footsteps.
*God, Corwin. If anyone would know why I *have* to do this, it's him*.
"Mirann," she softly instructed. "I want you to contact someone for me. He'll help you."
Mirann nodded. "Captain David Corwin?"
Susan smiled. She had almost forgotten that her young Minbari aide was also a telepath. "Yes. Promise me you'll contact him?"
Mirann bowed with a solemnity that Susan had never before seen. "I will."
"Will you tell him something for me?"
"Of course."
Susan stared into space for a moment, trying desperately to think of the last thing she would say to one of her most trusted friends. She'd left a final message, of course. The automated system would send it tomorrow morning. This was different, however, more personal. It required something short, but significant.
"Tell him.tell him I'll see him again. I'll be there when he makes general just to show him how to do *that* right, too."
Mirann smiled. "I will tell him, Anlashok-Na. Now I must return to my duties."
Her heart tightened as Susan watched the young Minbari walk off. She was immensely thankful that none of her other close friends were there, the tears were near enough to the surface as it was. Now was the time for strength, and she wasn't very certain that much was left.
"Celonn, let's do this."
The scientist bowed. "Of course. Lay back, Anlashok-Na."
"Susan," she corrected.
"I am sorry?"
"Please, Celonn, right now I just want to be Susan."
Celonn nodded. "Then Susan it shall be."
"Thank you," she said with a small smile. Gently laying back onto the angled bed, she watched Celonn as the aging Minbari worked.
She knew the procedure by heart, having studied and studied since making the decision to go through with it. She was going to die again. There was no way to avoid it, but it would only be a clinical death. Her heart and respiration would stop. After that, it got interesting. Her blood would be replaced, her body cooled to the temperature of liquid nitrogen.
*Well,* she thought darkly, *I'll finally live up to that Ice Queen nickname.*
She turned her head toward the black tube that had been brought in just two days previous, the tube that would be her home for the next God-knew-how-long. Once she was properly prepared, Susan knew the tube would be taken into the small adjoining chamber. It would be placed beside its twin, a tube that had been taken from Babylon 5 over twenty years before. A tube that had seen more homes than a cryo tube had ever been intended to see; first Babylon 5, then Mars, then Earth after the cure had been found, now Minbar. Here was where it would stay until a way could be found to retrieve its contents.
And she was determined to live to see that day, even if it meant joining him.
Her fingers worried over the pin in her hand, running over the sculpted figures on each side of the bright green Isil'zha crystal. One human, one Minbari. She could still remember when Lennier had explained it to her. Two halves of one soul coming together.
She clutched the pin tightly to her chest. When the day came for the awakening, she would return it to its rightful owner.
"Susan, it is time to begin," Celonn said.
She nervously nodded. "Do it."
A small prick at the back of her hand was all she felt as the needle was inserted. She watched as a white solution dripped slowly into the clear tube attached to that needle. Her mind fought to think of the drug's name, but came up empty.
Her eyelids began to feel heavier and heavier.
Turning her gaze toward Celonn, she fought through a progressively blurring vision to see the man working. She felt a hand wrap around hers and realized that the Minbari was attempting to comfort her in her final conscious moments.
But consciousness was no comfort.
It hadn't been for so many years.
"Goodbye," she whispered, finally giving in to the effects of the medication.
She felt her body turn limp, every muscle giving up the ghost. The last sound that registered on her mind was the long blaring whine of a heart monitor.
Then she was standing beside the bed, looking down at a lifeless, old body. The face she had seen in the mirror for fifty-six years looked like a stranger.
*God, I didn't realize how old I really was.*
The sound of a door sliding open registered on whatever passed for her ears. She turned toward the noise and saw a large white tunnel.
*Where was *that* the last time?*
Somehow she knew that to pass into that tunnel meant that she would never return. She backed away from it slowly, frightened for the first time that she could recall. Death was staring her in the face. Real, unavoidable, no-turning-back death.
*No. I won't go through. I can't.*
The urge to cross over was so real, so undeniable, that she had to fight it with every fiber of her being. Almost everyone she had ever cared about was on the other side of that tunnel, Sheridan, Ganya, Sophie, Andrei. Was Marcus there, too?
As she backed away from the light, she walked through tables, equipment, everything that existed in the corporeal world. It was all nothing to her. Her entire universe had come down to her spirit and that tunnel.
Until a hand came to rest on her shoulder.
Stifling a scream, Susan attempted to still herself as she turned toward the new presence.
"I'm here, Susan."
If she'd still possessed a physical heart, it would have been in her throat at the sight. "Marcus," she whispered.
A soft smile appeared. "Yes."
Relief, warmth, affection, emotion after long-dead emotion flooded back into her being. Wrapping what she perceived to be arms around him, she felt as if she had finally come home after being away her entire life.
"How long have you been here?"
His green eyes turned toward the ground between them. "Ever since it happened. Susan, I-"
"Never wanted me to do this?"
His dark hair fell forward as he shook his head. "No. I wanted you to live, not spend your life mourning a man that didn't deserve it." He gestured toward the still swirling tunnel of light. "Go, cross over. Spend eternity with the ones you love. I'm sure they're waiting for you."
"No," she stated. "Let them wait. It's eternity. What's another few years to wait for me?"
She had never realized how beautiful those eyes were until she saw the light of hope behind them.
"You mean-?"
"I'm staying here."
"But-"
"No but's, Marcus. Or did you forget how stubborn I can be?"
She turned toward the tunnel, watching its swirling light. "We'll get the chance to cross someday. They'll still be there."
"Or we could both cross now," he whispered into what passed for her ear.
"No. We still have too much to do. Besides," she smiled darkly, "I promised Corwin I'd be there when he made general."
She felt the soft breath of his quiet laugh against her shoulder. "Then we stay here," he stated.
"We stay here."
While they watched, the door slowly closed. The radiant white light vanished, leaving them alone in what felt like limbo, trapped between worlds.
Forever.
*****