Star Wars: Qui Gons Quest for the Sloppy Slut
Qui Gon Jinn was a horny old man. He needed to get his dick wet, and soon. "Why in the FUCK do I have to be a perma virgin whilst in the Order?" "Because a faggot you are, and focus on your force powers you must" replied Yoda. Jin was sick of this shit. He lied about going on a mission and hit up the strip club 30 levels down in some dark alley way. "How much for a…a private dance?" he said to a Telosian with 4 tits. "200 credits gets you a half hour, old pedophile" "DONE" He whipped his robe off so fucking fast using the force it knocked everyone else into a coma. "Now listen very carefully cause what I'm about to tell you is important. Suck my cock and don' stop sucking till your mouth is filled with CUUUUUUMMM!" he blew his thick stringy maple syrup directly into her eyeballs then turned around and sprayed jedi shit all over her face "Psyche!" Qui Gon flew off in his speeder.
Yoda was curious why Qui Gons balls were so small the next day (Jedi had to undergo a nude health inspection when checking in to the temple, for health, you see) and questioned him thoroughly. "Small nuts, you have. Care to explain?" "I had a wet dream, I am sorry master. I nut my bed so hard I woke up soaked in semen. Is that what you needed to hear?" "Ohh hahaha, fucking with you , I was" Yoda waddled off leaving a trail of crumpled poop nuggets as he lost control of his mini ass.
"Blow you fat English muffin load in my intergalactic alien meat wallet!" Qui Gon had lost it. He was butt fucking every sexy slut hole that came near him and spreading his Jedi Genes throughout the galaxy. "Man have I been missing out. I'm quite the Maverick!" he blew his beans and immediately lept out windows, doors, into speeders, any exit nearest just so he didn't have to hear a slut nag or talk/cuddle. "Fuck that shit, I want to pump n dump all these hoes." Qui gon looked into the camera and said "Jews have infiltrated and owned the US and most other 1st world countries since the end of WW2."