Author's Note: Alright, I know this probably isn't the best thing to start off my Tenchi fics here on Fanfiction.net, but the idea got stuck in my head so I had to write it down. It's Ayeka and Ryoko acting out the Kids In The Hall skit, "Not Fat". And of course, I don't own the rights to either Tenchi Muyo! or the skit, they belong to...uh...other people. I think I adapted it well enough, but there are some things I didn't change for lack of something to put. Anyway, the credit goes out to the Kids In The Hall for the original skit and if you want to read the transcript for it and all their others, go here: http://www.kithfan.org/notfound.html. Hopefully I'll have my first serious Tenchi done soon. Anyway, I've rambled on enough. Enjoy.
NOT FAT
[Ayeka is sitting on the bridge of a small ship damaged ship, sending out an emergency beacon. From outside we see Ryo-Ohki stop in front of her ship. We cut back to the interior of Ayeka's ship as Ryoko's face appears on a monitor.]
Ryoko: Need a lift, chubby?
Ayeka: Yes. Thank you very much.
Ryoko: Well, hop on in, fatso. [Beams Ayeka into Ryo-Ohki.] So, where you headed, lumpy? Where's a great fat thing like you off to?
Ayeka: Well I was going to Earth. But, you can drop me off anywhere that's convenient.
Ryoko: Soo. . . what's a big lump of lard do on Earth? I mean--what's a planet like that have to offer wide-ass two-ton hunk of humanity, like yourself? Cuz, you know, it's a small planet; you sure you'll fit? That's what I'm worried about; will you fit? So, I gotta ask, why Earth, hmm, you walkin' talkin' sebaceous gland?
Ayeka: Well, my brother Yosho is living there. So I might stay there for awhile.
Ryoko: Ooo. So, the family Fat's having a fat family reunion, huh? A whole flabby clan gathered together in the front yard playin' lawn darts on wobbly thighs. Is that the idear? Am I paintin' an accurate portrait of this spectacle? Huh? Oh my God! There's an elephant in the ship!!
[Ayeka looks around the cockpit.]
Ryoko: Rogue elephant! Rogue elephant! Save the children. Oh, it's just you. Oh boy, am I hungry. You know, I guess I haven't had anything to eat in about, uh. . .an hour. You ever done that? You ever gone a whole hour without eating? Guess not, not a woman of your remarkable girth. [pauses] Boy, are you fat.
Ayeka: I am not fat! I used to be fat, but I lost sixty pounds. That's why I'm leaving Jurai. I'm tired of being though of as "The fat girl." I'm going start a new life, at a new weight, on a new planet. I'm not fat! I'm never going be fat again!
[Ryo-Ohki suddenly stops.]
Ryoko: Get the hell out of my ship, fatso! C'mon, drag your cavernous stretch marks outta my ship.
Ayeka: I'm not fat! [gets beamed out of the ship]
Ryoko: Yeah, go shout it from the mountain! Wait a minute! You are the mountain! [starts the ship moving] God, I hate fat people. I hate what it says about their personality. Why, would you look at that space freighter. [shakes her fist at the screen] Hey! Why don't you get that fat thing outta my way, ya fat bastard! Jeez.
NOT FAT
[Ayeka is sitting on the bridge of a small ship damaged ship, sending out an emergency beacon. From outside we see Ryo-Ohki stop in front of her ship. We cut back to the interior of Ayeka's ship as Ryoko's face appears on a monitor.]
Ryoko: Need a lift, chubby?
Ayeka: Yes. Thank you very much.
Ryoko: Well, hop on in, fatso. [Beams Ayeka into Ryo-Ohki.] So, where you headed, lumpy? Where's a great fat thing like you off to?
Ayeka: Well I was going to Earth. But, you can drop me off anywhere that's convenient.
Ryoko: Soo. . . what's a big lump of lard do on Earth? I mean--what's a planet like that have to offer wide-ass two-ton hunk of humanity, like yourself? Cuz, you know, it's a small planet; you sure you'll fit? That's what I'm worried about; will you fit? So, I gotta ask, why Earth, hmm, you walkin' talkin' sebaceous gland?
Ayeka: Well, my brother Yosho is living there. So I might stay there for awhile.
Ryoko: Ooo. So, the family Fat's having a fat family reunion, huh? A whole flabby clan gathered together in the front yard playin' lawn darts on wobbly thighs. Is that the idear? Am I paintin' an accurate portrait of this spectacle? Huh? Oh my God! There's an elephant in the ship!!
[Ayeka looks around the cockpit.]
Ryoko: Rogue elephant! Rogue elephant! Save the children. Oh, it's just you. Oh boy, am I hungry. You know, I guess I haven't had anything to eat in about, uh. . .an hour. You ever done that? You ever gone a whole hour without eating? Guess not, not a woman of your remarkable girth. [pauses] Boy, are you fat.
Ayeka: I am not fat! I used to be fat, but I lost sixty pounds. That's why I'm leaving Jurai. I'm tired of being though of as "The fat girl." I'm going start a new life, at a new weight, on a new planet. I'm not fat! I'm never going be fat again!
[Ryo-Ohki suddenly stops.]
Ryoko: Get the hell out of my ship, fatso! C'mon, drag your cavernous stretch marks outta my ship.
Ayeka: I'm not fat! [gets beamed out of the ship]
Ryoko: Yeah, go shout it from the mountain! Wait a minute! You are the mountain! [starts the ship moving] God, I hate fat people. I hate what it says about their personality. Why, would you look at that space freighter. [shakes her fist at the screen] Hey! Why don't you get that fat thing outta my way, ya fat bastard! Jeez.