Yeah! Erk has finally been promoted to a sage and can use staves! Just like Serra! Wait…Erk…being…just…like…Serra…? Poor Erk…Blessed Serra. Tired author.

Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem…(…blunt) and I actually don't own the plot of this fic. Starreaver thought it up and I was forced to write it (erm, persuaded.) So…blame him. Yatta! And by the way, when I said "Erk being just like Serra" I meant a male version of such…he won't be all …[trails off]…[points to her lab partner]

[…]

Matthew couldn't help but grin as he spread out today's winnings on the floor of his tent. "A little gold here…and little gold there…ah! And what's this?" His eyes landed on a small ring that almost seemed to blend it with its golden surroundings.

"My, my…a ring. I could get some handsome coins for this…" Absently, he placed it on his fourth finger and frowned a bit. "Too feminine for my taste actually…" However, his eyes suddenly found a small inscription along the base of the petite jewelry. "Guilding ring…guilding ring, eh?" Matthew removed and pocketed the ring as he made his way to a neighboring tent.

[…]

The thief pulled open the tent flap without a sound and took a second to scrutinize the scene. The very same mage who had retreated to his tent halfway through the nighttime meal to read was now pleasantly asleep, a tome open on his chest, and a bit of drool inching its way towards one of his purple strands. It was times like this he wish he had some way to capture the moment, what with blackmail being worth so much these days.

"Matthew, please, you mustn't show that to Serra! She'll carry it everywhere! She'll show everyone! Please Great Matthew!"

"Hm, well…for a fee…"

"Here! 3000! 5000 gold!"

He had to muffle his laughter with his hand clenching an edge of his cloak, giving him a slightly evil appearance. Of course, the mage remained asleep, informing Matthew that he had to do it the hard way.

"Rise and shine, Erk!" He picked up a stray book and dropped it upon the unsuspecting victim's head.

"I'm awake, Serra , I'm awake…" Erk moaned, having shot up from his sleeping position and cupping the side of his head in his hand.

"Serra?" Matthew questioned, an eyebrow rising. "Really, I think she would be offended if she were to hear you say that." He paused for a second. "Actually, I'm offended too."

Erk sighed, bowing his head to hide the pink in his cheeks. "Sorry about that, Matthew. Its just that it's usually Serra who drops books on me when I need to get up."

"Ah…" Matthew nodded. "Anyway, my apologies for irking you at this time."

Erk glared.

"Pun intended, of course," Matthew grinned.

Erk continued to glare.

"We'll call it payback for the assuming me to be the hyperactive cleric girl, then."

"Fine…so why did you come by?"

"Well," the thief began, pulling the ring out of his pocket and letting it dance between his fingers tauntingly, "I happened to be steal- er, working my way though a town, and I happened to come across this ring."

"I think one of the girls would appreciate that more than myself, Matthew."

"True, but I'm sure you would like it just as much, if not more if you look closer." With that, he held the ring so that the colored stone on the top was caught in the glow of lantern. Its facets reflected upon the two men's faces. Erk slowly arose to inspect the ring at a closer distance.

"Is…that a guilding ring?"

Matthew smiled, his eyes bright with greed. "The very same…one to promote monks into bishops…shamans to druids…mages to…"

"…Sages…"Erk finished, taking the ring and holding it between his thumb and forefinger, studying it.

"Ahem," Matthew cleared his throat, awakening the infatuated person before him. It took a second for Erk's glittering eyes to dart back up to his visitor's.

"Oh, uh, thank you, Matthew. I appreciate this." The mage nodded his thanks once more before returning to a small desk to study the ring more so.

Yet again Matthew cleared his throat, sticking out his hand this time and gesturing towards it with a nod of his head.

"You're kidding me," Erk sighed, upon realizing that the thief was still there.

"Those things aren't free you know."

"You stole it."

"Nonetheless, some gratitude would be nice."

"Cant I just promise that I'll heal you first out of every injured person, since Ill be able to use staves."

"Really, Erk, it irks me to think that you'd heal a measly ol' thief when I could easily steal some medicine to use."

"So how much, although you realize you wont be gaining much since were on the same side," Erk sighed, purposely ignoring Matthew's overused pun.

"Mm, you are right about that…Alright, a mere 100 gold will do. 200 if you never want me to say the I-word again."

Erk gratefully pushed 200 of his best-spent gold into the thief's hands. "Pleasure doing business with you!" Matthew grinned as he walked away, leaving the mage to study his ring.

[…]

Erk decided it would be best to leave the ring for the morning. No use in doing it this late, but for some reason he just couldn't get to sleep. His eyes kept drifting over to the glittering trinket topping a pile of books like some sort of cherry being the final addition to a mountain of ice cream…His hungry stares finally got the best of him and without a second hesitation he was drawn to the ring.

"It wont do any harm…" he muttered out loud, preparing to place the ring on one of his left fingers. "So…this…will make me more powerful I guess…I'm sure Lord Pent will be glad…and then I'll be allowed to use staves too… just like Serra." At this thought he suddenly froze, instantly picturing himself in a frilly lavender dress with his violet hair done up in two small ponytails. His imagined-self spun with the staff in his right hand as small sparkles escaped and random people around him applauded.

He shook so quickly that he almost dropped the ring. "W-What am I thinking? I'll probably wind up having nightmares now, because of her." He stole a quick glance at the ring before making his final decision. "This is for my own good, for the group's own good." He closed his eyes and with a deep breath placed the ring on the appropriate finger.

…He didn't really feel any different. He looked himself up and down. Nothing new. He frowned at the thought of the ring being a fake and paying 200 gold just to get Matthew to stop saying 'irk'. Perhaps his facial appearance changed for some reason. Just a little bit of proof to show that he wasn't ripped off. And it was already too late to borrow a stave from Serra to try it out.

He walked over to a polished wooden chest that he used to store most of his books during traveling periods. Apparently, the craftsman had a bit too much time on his hands and upon leaning over the chest did Erk see his reflection almost as clear as if it had been a mirror. However, much to his disappointment, there was no change either. He appeared to be the same ol' mage, just with a nifty new ring.

With a sigh he turned his face this way and that, praying for something, anything, that he could have missed. "Why do I have a horrible feeling I just got tricked…although…" he trailed off, keeping his face steady and cupping a cheek with one hand. "I never did realize how cute I looked…" After a few more moments of admiring something in his brain snapped.

"…What did…I just say?" He shook his head quickly, trying to get rid of the thoughts. Following this with a deep breath he assured himself it was just his imagination. Of course it was.

"Its…just late," Erk finally concluded. "I must have over exhausted myself…I'm alright. Some sleep and I'll be all right in the morning."

With that, the now sage(or at least he prayed) crawled back beneath his blankets, hoping that in the morning, he'll actually seem something more like a sage…and less like Serra.

[…]

Things didn't seem to be getting better. Erk could sense this after he awoke with a relived smile, greeting the sunrise as it streamed through the few old holes in his tent. He shook his head back and forth, amazed at what just happened. He had actually awoken before Serra's 'wake up call' and was actually glad to be up early enough to see the sunrise. One could even go as far as to say he was feeling perky. He blinked several times, trying to understand why.

"Erky! Wake up!" Serra's wake up call seemed to be right on time. "You mustn't keep people like myself waiting!"

Now Erk was one to think before he spoke. He already had the words implanted in his mind and on the tip of his tongue. "I'm already up, Serra. I'll be there in a second, just please quiet down a bit…" But for some reason when he opened his mouth another shout reached the cleric's ears. "I shall escort you soon, sweet Serra!"

His hand quickly covered his mouth as his eyes went wide. The silence outside confirmed that the reply was heard. He cleared his throat awkwardly, checking to see if it was actually his own voice.

"Erk…did you just call me…sweet?" He could actually hear the smile in her voice, with a small giggle at the end.

He cleared his throat yet again and put on a confused façade. "I think you're hearing things, Serra. Maybe you're actually beginning to deafen yourself." That sounded right. A 'hmph' was the only reply he could hear as the girl walked away, mumbling beneath her breathe.

"I just could have sworn he said…"

Erk sighed in relief. It must be too early, he assumed. He obviously went to bed with so much on his mind that he had woken himself up and didn't realize what he was saying. He ran a hand through his hair, wincing when something caught a singular strand. Bringing his hand to eye level, he noticed he still had the guilding ring on.

"Oh yeah, I'm a sage. Awesome," Erk grinned, his words not seeping in as of yet. The mood lasted as he stood up and stretched, looking himself up and down.

"It's a pity I didn't become cuter or anything…if that's possible…" he finished with a smirk. "But I guess it wouldn't hurt to change the appearance a tad…" He loosened his cloak and readjusted it so it appeared a bit off center, and let the hood fall to his back. Curling a strand of hair between his fingers, he contemplated what else could be done.

"Since I wont be wearing the hood I guess more attention will be brought to my hair…so…" A stray piece of fabric happened to catch his eye and his face lit up. "Perfect…"

[…]

"If Erk had truly been up, he would be out here by now. What is taking him so long?!" Serra growled beneath her breathe as she decided to check on what she thought was her escort/mage/Erky.

As she pulled open the tent flap, her stave raised over her head in preparation for an offensive attack, Serra nearly choked.

Before her, Erk beamed, putting the finishing touches on his dragontail at the base of his neck, leaving two stray strands to follow the curve of his cheeks. For as long as she had known him, or for as long as he had been her escort at least, she had never once seen him smile, let alone beam while in her presence.

"Sorry for the delay- had some matters I had to attend to," he winked as he strolled past Serra as if she was some lowly fan. If it were even possible, her jaw dropped even lower, and it took her a full second to snatch him by the edge of the cloak to keep him from exiting the tent.

"My gosh, Erk! You look so-" her voice died as she noticed that even his eyes seemed at least 10 times brighter. Maybe this was his evil twin…or…the good one.

"Charming? Adorable? Reasonably appearanced?" he guessed happily.

"Just so cute!!" she squeaked, clasping her hands at her mouth, like a child receiving a birthday gift a week early. "What on earth happened?"

"I am, officially, a sage."

Serra didn't even let the words sink in before commencing her mini-victory dance. "My escort's a sage! My escort's a sage! My es-" She stopped abruptly, giving her new toy a quizzical look. "Wait, so you're only cuter?" She gave small sigh. Although she was pleased with this advancement, she wouldn't have minded some more ways to kick anyone's butt who dare insult her.

"Of course not! My abilities have become so powerful that now I can kick the butt of anyone who dare insult you- faster than ever," he grinned as if reading her mind. "And, if anyone dare harm you," he paused, tapping his finger on her nose, "I can heal you too."

"You can use staves? Yay!" she grasped Erk in a firm hug, burring her face in his cloak. "You're just like me!"

For a second the words echoed in the sage's head. 'Just…like…Serra…staves…guilding ring…the ring!' He quickly glanced down at his limp arms, numbed by Serras' bone crushing hug that was still alive and kicking. With all his might he tried to find someway to remove the jewelry, but the cleric's oncoming words overpowered his true self once more.

"I'll get you one of my extra staves!" And like a bullet being shot through his skull, Erk had become his new self once more.

"You're so generous, Serra," Erk smiled, what with having what was left of his sanity screaming on deaf ears. "A reward…" he trailed off planting a small kiss on her cheek.

She stood frozen for a moment, unable to comprehend what had happened. "I don't know what happened, Erk…but I love you being a sage!"

"Your escort's stave please?"

"Gladly!" And with that Serra quickly rushed out side, taking a detour before picking up the necessity, leaving Erk to smile in the center of his tent.

At least until something in his head snapped back to consciousness. His eyes widened and he felt his mouth gap open in a combination of horror and fear that he had never felt before in his whole life. His legs gave way and the sage fell to the ground upon his knees. He brought his hands to his head and massaged the burning skin.

"No…No…I...didn't…I…did…not…Lord Pent…Saint Elimine…dear lord above all lords…I…did…not…"

Much to his horror, Serra's high pitch cry confirmed him of the truth. "Erk kissed me! Priscilla! Erk kissed me!"

"Heh, congratulations, Serra," came an uneasy reply.

"Erk kissed you? And after he rejected my advice on women?! Impossible!" Sain's doubtful words followed.

"He sure did! But I have to get my escort a stave now! Yay! Erk's a sage! Erk's a sage!" Serra's voice gradually grew softer and softer, leaving Erk's horrid flashbacks to taunt him. He fainted seconds before Serra reentered the room.

A/n: this entire story will have only three chapters…its like an incredibly long one shot, heh heh. Anyways, please comment, it always encourages. And yes, I am aware of the plothole: What about Priscilla? Well…[points to Starreaver]