Diggle's getting married, after many hours of him arguing with himself about whether he should marry his brother's ex-wife or more importantly his nephews Mother he had decided (after one too many near death experiences) that he didn't care about the social teases he might receive, as long as Carly was his, he didn't care.
Digs had asked us to come, Oliver had said he would happily go and that even though his relationship with Laurel was rocky (when was it not?) he would invite her to be his plus one to the wedding. I however took my cousin, he was in town and it seemed like the best way to give him the opportunity to make friends. The wedding was been beautiful, simple and yet very Diggle and Carly.
We sat in a church, not the kind of 'god' is the reason we're getting married type service, but more God accepts and cherishes the choice they made to get married. It was beautiful, but it left me feeling bittersweet for a future date I may get married and the unlikeliness of that. How could I? Said partner would know I'm keeping secrets, they would know I was secretly crushing on the vigilante/Billionaire/My boss, just not necessarily why.
While listening to the Vicar I glanced over at Oliver who sat 3 seats to my right, he was concentrating on the service with a very small smile on his face. He was happy, happy for his friend's future happiness. Laurel's arm was draped easily around his arm, but even I could see she was trying to get more physical contact by taking his hand, but he didn't want it. He was just trying to enjoy the service without feeling anyone expecting anything of him… didn't she understand that?
"I do" Carly spoke with a bright smile. She looked so blissful I want nothing more than to express our mutual excitement with a big lung crushing hug. But I contained my excitement and once again took in her beautiful dress. It was simple, a simple silk dress, the dress she had worn when she married Diggle's brother according to her earlier stories. Diggle was dressed in a suit only slightly more charming than his usual ones.
"Do you John Diggle take Carly Diggle to be your lawfully wedded wife?" it always spoke volumes to me how even despite their same surname they wanted to get married, not for the legal reasons but for personal happiness reasons.
"You may kiss the bride" Diggle glanced at the Pyre where myself and Oliver sat, the second row behind their parents and Carly's son and he smiled that kind of smile I've come to learn means he's genuinely happy. They decided they didn't want brides mans or best mans as it'll end up being Felicity and Oliver and a couple of Carly friends, no one was too eager to have to spend extra money on hideous dresses no one would ever wear again.
The kiss was short and sweet, but everything most girls could dream off. The music started to play again, signalling for the happy couple to walk down the Aisle again. I saw Oliver, who sat at the end of the aisle shake Diggle's hand quickly before he continued on down the aisle and out the church doors to the surprise (at least for Carly) horse and carriage to take them back to the Queen's Manor, a gift from Oliver to stop their arguing about where to have the after party.
Standing outside the church between Oliver and my cousin waving Diggle and Carly off I felt oddly depressed, maybe it was because ever since the word 'Marriage' have been a regularly used in my life I've come to start dreaming about my 'perfect' wedding, the venue and the dresses always change, being a women I've come to accept that is not a bad thing, but the man to whom I'm promising myself to is always the same and he is the very same man who runs around in a Green Hood, is dating one of the best lawyers in the city and was deserted on an island for 5 years. The former playboy known as Oliver George Queen.
Why must my sub-conscious make the secrets in my life all the more complicated? Why can't I just like a normal guy? Like Dave from Accounting who I know has been wanting to ask me out for at least 4 months since he joined the company but never quiet finds the words. Why must I pick one of the most complicated men I've ever met and one of the most complicated friendships I've ever had and turn it into unrequited love?
"Felicity?" Daniel's voice shook me out of my inner most thoughts and I realised I'd been starring at where the horse and Carriage no longer was. Oliver was glancing at me with that 'is there something dangerous to your inner most thoughts' expression. My eyes met his and I smiled softly
"Shall we go?" I asked Oliver, he nodded seeming to understand the emotional issues I was having weren't related to the hood
"You sure you're okay with driving us Daniel?" Daniel had nodded
"I've been a lorry driver in LA for six years, one limo in starling city won't be a problem mate" Daniel's British accent coming through very clearly. Daniel was a sweet heart, My Aunt is half British and in turn raised Daniel in the UK. He's always talking about how he prefers tea to coffee or about how Gun's aren't part of normal life in UK or the fact that they say words 'properly' It was a cultural difference I've come to be very amused by and it had led to various visits from both parties, just to make a point about something in particular.
Laurel was speaking to Oliver as we started the walk towards the car, linking her arm once again in Oliver's with no consideration to how he hated to be touched without permission. I blocked her out, realising if I paid attention to her words I might just start to like her and that would make my already confusing emotional state, heart-breaking.
Laurel climbing into the Limo first as that was the rule apparently. Oliver would open the door and she would just wait until he paid enough attention to open the door for her, she'd step inside sliding along the back seat so that Oliver could slide in comfortably. When I got to the door however I looked down at my shoes and took the opportunity to use the door of the car as support so I could pull the heels of my feet.
I handed one to Oliver, who gave me an amused look before holding out his hand to take the heel silently, before I used the strength of his arm as a support to pull the other one off. Once both feet were firmly on the solid ground, Oliver handed me the other shoe, knowing I only required him to hold it for a moment.
I had expecting him to make some quirky remark that I'd come to enjoy from Oliver or to just simply turn back to Laurel who had been talking the whole time as if I wasn't there. Oliver seemed to be offering his assistance subconsciously, he kept his hand held out and I used it to support myself into the Limo and sit on the seat on the side, furthest away from Oliver.
I set my shoes down on the chair beside me and started rubbing my feet, completely aware of Laurel give me odd looks while she was babbling about some old memory of Oliver, herself and Tommy as kids. Oliver had been perfect, socially laughing at her jokes, smiling and nodded with his eyes on her.
But every few seconds he would glance at me rubbing my feet, I didn't feel self-conscious, more uncertain as to why he was look at me with such an amused looked. The drive to the Manor was going to be a long one and I set myself up to once again to socially deny any and all emotional connections to the billionaire.
A silence had dragged on for about 10 minutes, Daniel was humming behind the closed glass of the limo, Laurel seemed to be fascinated by continuous texts she was getting and if you know Oliver, you know he loves the silence. To my surprise Oliver, a person so comfortable in any silence spoke up.
"Felicity is that a new dress?" The question shook me, the fact that he paid enough attention to my wardrobe to realise that this was indeed new, was touching. If only every time he did something slightly remarkable to notice my existence my heart didn't thud like a knife was at my throat, or perhaps a better metaphor to explain it is, an 'arrow' in my back.
"Erm… yes. Diggle has already seen me in all the nice dresses I own, so I splashed a little and brought the dress and the shoes, the shoes however are 2 inches higher than I am used to and they were killing my feet, hence why I took them off, do you think Thea will mind if I burrow a pair of hers? I know she hardly knows me and I shouldn't ask, but I don't want to be 6 inches shorter at the party than at the wedding, that's just slightly creepy and… I'm doing to stop talking now" I knew my cheeks were burning red but Oliver just smiled, he'd always been surprising patient with my babbling.
"It's looks wonderful" He spoke softly, almost smiling at me "Any person who wants to talk shoes with Thea will be able to burrow hers cuz she'll instantly be your new best friend" I laughed at that, he had always said Thea loved to shop.
"Thank you, do you think Diggle will mind if I disappear for 10 minutes to change shoes?" Oliver smiled, Laurel texting on her phone must have been what gave Oliver the sense to talk to me.
"I think he'll be too busy starring at his beautiful wife to realise anyone is even missing" I smiled at the comment, it's probably the most romantic thing I've ever heard him say.
"Would you ever want to get married?" I asked before my brain could process "Sorry you don't have to—" He cut me off and Laurel's interest in our convocation seemed to be sparked anew.
"It's okay Felicity on days like to today I've been asking myself that question. The answer is I honestly don't know. I know I want it to be perfect and I know that if I do get married it'll only be once… Marriage to me is the idea of foreverness, it's not about the way to legalise your living together. It's about wanting that person in your life for the rest of your natural breathing life and even long after"
Where those words coming out of Oliver's mouth, they seemed so very un-Oliver I was blinking at him and he seemed to realise my surprise.
"Don't act so surprise we all have a romantic side" I scoffed
"Yes but yours is buried under a lot of other emotions. Anger is your go to emotion for anything… then it's guilt even if you're not directly involved, hmm… then it's confusion and the concentration. They are the four I see most in you" Oliver's eyes spoke shock, but his body expressed relief, as if finally someone was seeing him. I really should stop talking, this convocation was getting very close to where Oliver would usually tell me to back off and leave his brewing and his secrets to be just that.
"I didn't realise you noticed" He spoke, almost shy.
"I thought it was obvious… or maybe I've finally turned into that stalker I always assumed I'd be" That seemed to end the seriousness of the convocation as Oliver's face read amusement and confusion.
"Stalker?" I shrugged.
"With the way I babble and the way I notice details I really shouldn't, most of my friends nicknamed me 'The stalker' as I know things without them giving any indication of said fact. So I said I'd find some hot rich guy and stalk him. Make him fall madly in love with me and then explain to him how I stalked him for months to make him fall in love me with, steal all his money after we're married and I'd live richly ever after" Oliver blinked in shock before let out a full belted chuckle, Laurel almost jumping at the sound.
Oliver never laughed, not like this and it set me into a fit of giggles too. But after a few moments I come to realise it's probably the most beautiful sound I've ever heard.
"And who says you don't have a romantic side Felicity" I shrugged
"Money can't buy you happiness, but I'd rather cry in my Ferrari Oliver. You should know that" Giggling slightly "I've never been materialist, just realistic in my belief that most men will end up breaking you heart" Oliver raised at silent eyebrow at me
"Most?" He questioned and I should have figured he'd be that observant.
"I'd rather believe there's some guys out there who want nothing more than to be my everything Ollie or how else to I make all the heartache make sense?"
That seemed to strike a deep nerve in him and I was almost about to apologize but it's the look on laurel's face and realised the car was slowing down as we came to the familiar location of Oliver's home that made me reconsider. Oliver starred at me as if wondering if I could possibly be sitting right here right this moment.
I smiled softly at him and that seemed to confirm whatever decision he was making in his head. The door opened as the car came to a stop. Oliver climbed out first and then help laurel out, who didn't stay at Oliver's side, instead she rushed inside as if to avoid some haunting truth, was I being completely oblivious to the obvious again?
I went to climb out on my own determined I didn't need Oliver's helping hand at least that's what I thought until I tripping on the hem of my dress. My right foot hit the floor inside the dress and I fell forward right into Oliver's chest. His lightening reflects caught me before I could even feel myself take in another breath. One hand wrapped gently but strongly around my upper left arm while the other held the right side of my waist. I blushed and scrambled to my feet. Trying to avoid the way being that close to Oliver felt so right, felt so normal.
We seemed to have been one of the last to arrive and I got the impression by the smile on Daniel's face as he finally re-joined us in the living room/dance floor that he'd deliberately driven the very very long way back to the manor to see how our convocation would go. The kitchen counter had been turned into a portable bar and I could almost imagine it being better stocked than the Verdant stock room.
I was having a good time, despite the fact that even Thea's heels were starting to play havoc with the heels of my feet. I had sat down on the large round tables that had be in set in the garden. The living was like a mini-club, just with more wedding music than party music. The double doors within that living room opened up to a patio, but the second set of double doors on the patio opened to the kitchen/bar area. There was only about a hundred people within the party, a few of Carly's old friend and those who couldn't attend the wedding like Moira who had a previous engagement and Thea had said she'd feel awkward at the actual wedding so would only come to the party.
Taking in the evening air, having already spoken to Carly and Diggle. I had spent a good few dances in Diggle's arms, laughing about what it'll mean for our 'work' with him now being married. Oliver had disappeared half way through the night, I only searched because I was going to ask him for at least one dance (at least that's what I told myself) but himself and Laurel had disappeared. I spent some time with Diggle's nephew and the few other kids running around related to the happy couple, I sent a little while with Diggle's parents and decided they'd probably kill Oliver if they found out just what he was doing. But the people I found myself spending most the night with was Thea and Moira.
I'd never much got on well with teenagers, I wasn't exactly socially expectable within school years myself of having to socialise with a teenager, no matter how matter always reminded me of how awkward I was when I was her age, with braces. But once Moira had disappeared to go and talk to the happy couple, Thea had asked how my heels felt (after having already burrow them early in the evening) and a convocation spark and before we knew it we were sipping wine and laughing our heads off at certain TV shows she'd shown a surprising interest in.
I had been so caught up in my own reruns of my convocation with Thea and then other people who'd made my night more enjoyable than a night I've head in a very long time. I almost didn't hear Laurel scream coming through form the kitchen and obviously been searching for me specifically.
"This is all your fault" I glanced up to see Laurel, her usual composer gone and replaced with tears. Replaced with anger and despite her emotional state my mind fell back to the day of the undertaking, how Oliver had spent a good few hours with Diggle on that rooftop before he came back to the club to help her out of from where I was trapped.
"What did I do?" Laurel scoffed
"Like you don't know" I stayed sitting where I was as she paced in front of me, the few guests who still remained eagerly looking upon the scene.
"I honestly don't know what you're talking about Laurel" Saying her name made my heart hurt.
"Oliver and I broke up" The words were a whisper, but my heart did a leap of joy. Could I dare hope? No of course not because his heart will always be Laurel's. That thought sobered me, not just emotionally but probably Alcohol wise too.
"How is that my fault?" Still not understanding her logic behind such reasoning.
"He loves you" Her tone was of jealous, of hatred, of painful honestly. I burst out laughing, was she high?
"No he doesn't… he love you" Laurel looked at me a moment, as if assessing my worth and despite the fact I've had this glance aimed at me more times than I dare count, by my parents when trying to assess just how to punish me next. The bully's at school wondering just what torment they can throw at me next, the names on the list as they assume I'm an innocent yet mouthy trouble-maker of a blonde (shh I keep Oliver's secret remember?). But this glance, from this person set my heart in a twist that almost had me clutching my heart in pain.
"You really believe that don't you?" I shrugged, not sure what the hell was going on. Where was Oliver anyway?
"What's not to believe Laurel? He was with you a few nights before the Undertaking, he's helped you through the grief of Tommy dying by being at yours almost every night for months, he talks about you all the time. I don't see how you can think he loves me Laurel, you two are made for each other" Laure laugh was hollow as she slumped down into the chair besides me.
"He stayed with me because he felt guilty, he feels like it should have been him there protecting me as our relationship was heading towards serious at the time. He stayed every night till I felt safe enough to fall asleep" I felt no safer than when Oliver was in the same room, but then she didn't know just how well verse he is in self defence
"Then he'd been gone when I woke up, even half an hour later when I wake up to get changed and into bed. He doesn't love me anymore… not since the affair with Sarah I don't think" I scoffed
"You were the only thing that kept him going on that island, that and his family obviously. I'm new… I'm nothing special" Laurel shook his head
"The memories of me is what kept him going. When he got back and I'd changed, I knew I'd changed… how could I not? The man I loved was the reason my sister died" I shouldn't have said it aloud, but my mouth never listening to my brain
"Loved?" I whispered and Laurel's eyes seemed to focus on me, a single tear falling down her cheek.
I felt sorry for her, it'd taken Tommy dying for her to realise Oliver is never going to be what she really wants, but took Oliver breaking up with her properly for her to realise she's not been in love with him for a while. I almost felt myself sigh, so much for not creating an emotional connection with the 'Girlfriend'.
An odd silence fell between us. Laurel starred off down into the obviously familiar garden to her and once again an odd pang of jealous hit.
"I'm sorry" she mumbled, I glanced at her confused. "For yelling at you. He can't help who he's loves just as much as you can"
I should at least try and deny it, but I couldn't not after months of strength it has taken to deny it to Oliver and try hopelessly to do the same for Diggle, of course Diggle had seen through it and taken to leaving us alone for long periods of time and always announcing his entrance as he comes in, what he expected to find when he entered I rather do not know.
"No I'm sorry for falling in love with your boyfriend" She smiled sadly at me. She reached over and grab my hand
"Make him happy like I never could" She whispered, I scoffed at her, no real emotion behind it
"I said I love him, not that he loves me back" Laurel laughed shaking her head probably thinking 'Felicity, Felicity, Felicity' in that tone that makes me want to either hit her or hug her all the while still holding my hands in hers.
"Oh he loves you, that confession about his romantic side in the limo, which was evidence enough. Him laughing like that? I was 70% sure. Him breaking up with me? Telling me he didn't love me anymore? Now that was the last clue I needed Felicity. You make him honest, you never assume to know his behaviour other than that he'd go to extreme lengths to protect those he loves. That comment you made about making the heartache worthwhile was what made his decision tonight, he told me so"
I had the strangest sense that this convocation had been watched since it had first started and I was always mad at Oliver for spying.
"Why?" I mumbled "I was making a joke about stealing some rich guys money" Laurel laughed
"Because you aren't just stealing his money, you're stealing his heart too. Difference is in this story you won't leave him and steal his money. You'd rather have him than all the money in the world" I couldn't argue with that. As much as I wanted to, as much as I wanted nothing more than to disagree with every word coming out of her mouth, I couldn't…
"Well some money would help, you know for at least a comfortable pair of shoes" I could imagine Oliver smiling that sideways smile that meant the comment was amusing but he was trying to be serious.
"Oh shoes are very important" Laurel spoke softly. After a few moments, she still held my hands in hers, her running mascara all but given up on as she smiled at me again.
"Your cousin Daniel? Said he's going to give me a lift home considering his hotel is around the corner from my flat. I do hope that's okay. You should go speak to Oliver though" I smiled at him
"I have a feeling he's been listening to us since you started yelling. He has a habit of eavesdropping on Private" Shouting the word out to emphasize it "Convocations" Laurel found it amusing however.
"Oliver' hearing isn't that good Felicity" I bit my tongue to not spill information that might turn back to Oliver in a negative way.
"One thing I've learnt never to do is under estimate Oliver Queen" Laurel nodded
"Maybe that's my problem, maybe I'm too focused on all his past flaws I can't even see his new ones" I sighed, I should be upset that she's being so nice, her being mad at me was so much easier. Daniel's hand found my shoulder at that moment, making my jump slightly as I hadn't heard him coming.
"Sorry to interrupt love, but Laurel wanted a lift home" I glance at him but he was too busy smiling at Laurel like she was the light of his life. It was nice to see but I couldn't help but imagine how awkward things would be if they got serious.
"That's okay Daniel… just, be sure" He raised an eyebrow at me but I just gave him a small smile and let him silently lead Laurel out of the party.
I should have been surprised when Oliver sat down 2 minutes later in the same place where Laurel had previous sat.
"You knew I was listening?" He asked and I almost laughed, that was the part of the convocation he wanted to concentrate on? Not the fact that he'd just heard laurel say she wasn't in love with him anymore or the fact that I was infact was.
"Oliver, you're always listening" Oliver smiled then, the kind smile that said once again he's realised something.
"Nice to have someone notice" Oliver whispered. My eyes snapped up to meet his, I had expected to see the look of guilt as he tried to put me down easily so that I would be his IT girl but not his IT girl.
"Oliver just don't okay?" Too tired after a long day to deal with the subtle yet death inflicting heartache he was about to bring upon me and he didn't even need an arrow to do it.
"Don't what?" He asked, obviously confused at my outburst.
"Don't try and make what Laurel said out to be nothing, I know you don't love me okay? I know you know how I feel and I will continue to work with you and Diggle, I will continue to be your friend and help you out with your extra curriculum activities. Just don't tell me you love me, but not in that way. I'm not naïve to think Oliver Queen, super star in almost everything he does to fall for a babbling IT girl who can't even understand the art of subtlety"
Tears were already streaming. Who was I kidding? I couldn't look at his gorgeous face and body all day and be reminded of what I want but can never have. I couldn't joke around with him about love and relationships anymore without this making everything more awkward and frustrating.
"But…I do love you in that way Felicity" I didn't look at him, once again believing it was my sub-conscious trying to make sense of what I was feeling, trying to make me cling to some hope I know was useless.
"I had been fully intend on just spending the party with laurel, with once again ignoing the guilt I felt for loving you but staying with Laurel. But Laurel saw it, she saw how close we are, how I don't just need to, but want to give you my complete honesty. How I want nothing more than to forget about her and wrap you in my arms, just to make sure you stay safe"
I dared myself to look at him and the look in his eyes scared me, not because I wanted to run and hide but because I don't think I've ever seen him so serious about something 'Oliver' Related, I've never seen him so scared of something I might do. To think I could hurt him like that made my heart ache.
"Don't say what you don't mean Oliver… I… I just can't do it"
I went to move away from him, to go anywhere but where he was, but who was I kidding Oliver can keep up with criminal's who are running for their lives, I stood no chance and besides this is his house, where did I plan to escape to? Damn Oliver for making me feel so stupid.
I had barely taken two stepped before he grabbed my arm, what surprised me is there was no frustration in his grip. He seemed desperate that I understand what he was saying, that I took him at his word.
"You don't need me Oliver. You can survive without me as a friend and I'm sure you'd find a way to be do the work at the club without me" Both of Oliver's hands found my face, but I refused to look at him, it too painful to bare.
"You are right" he spoke crushing my already fragile heart into thousands of piece "I don't need you as a friend or to work in the club. But I do need you to love me…" my eyes found his pleading ones.
"I need you to keep me sane Felicity. When I'm perusing someone, I want to kill every single one of them as once their dead they can't cause us any more issues and it's another person who's failed this city off the streets to keep everyone, but more importantly… you, safe" Was I actually hearing this? Or had I fallen asleep at the table after Laurel left and this was just yet another disappointing fairytale
"You're the reason I don't kill them because every time I kill someone, I see a little more of that innocence in you die" He whispered at me, that same scared look haunting his eyes, we were practically alone in the outside garden as the sun had set and the air was starting to turn bitter cold, despite the sunny day.
"Oliver I…" Ready to deny him once again, but before I could even process what was going on his lips were presses against mine.
His kiss was slow and passionate, but the message I got from the kiss was to stop denying what I wanted. His hands on my waist pulling me into his body and I was just about to start enjoying the fact that Oliver Queen, the Billionaire wants nothing more than plain old boring me. I was just about ready to fall into a blissful oblivion when he pulled away.
"You're remarkable" He whispered into my ear as he pulled me into a soft hug.
"Thank you for Remarking that" I whispered into his chest and I could feel his smile radiate from him like the warmth in his skin.
Was I really doing this? Starting to date Oliver Queen? The man who was part of my fantasy dream wedding, the man who turned my life around in the worst and best ways all at once. The man who doesn't say much but speaks a thousand words in that silence. The man whom I was hopelessly in love with.
"Don't go breaking my heart" I glanced at him, his hand once again around my face. My words pleading with him and his smile reassuring me
"I couldn't if I tried" I smirked up at him, wondering if he'd meant to say those exact words.
"Oh Honey if I get restless" He pecked my forehead
"Baby you're not that kind" We both laughed and I let my arms warp around his neck as if I belong there.
"I give the happy Couple at least 10 minutes before they come over and tell us 'it's about time'" Oliver let out a soft laugh.
"Well then dear, shall we go dance while they watch us?" I nodded and let Oliver Queen direct me back inside his house and onto the dancefloor.
The number of guests were getting smaller and smaller as time went by, but Carly and Diggle were still around chatting with friends, just enjoying the 'normal time'. As I rest my head against Oliver's chest while we dance to another slow song my eyes find Diggle's and he's giving me the kind of smile that I hope to one day have on my face. The smile that says I have everything I could possibly ever want or need. I had to start wondering what I had done to deserve all my dreams starting to come true.
My eyes started searching the crowd and I caught sight of Moira and Thea. They were clinging to each other, both giving me looks of pleasure. Thea was nodding at me in that way that meant I was now her sister and Moira was giving me that 'look after my son' smile and I smile right back at them both to tell them silently I got the message. I then found Carly's eye and she winked at me. I lifted my head up and found the most important eyes of the lot, Oliver Queen's. The blue eyes that sparkle with more emotion that even I can believe. He leans down and kisses me again and I realise….
I'm Home.