It was barely discernible at first. A slow stutter in his voice, a slight hitch to his step. To anyone but Dorian, all might have seemed normal. 'Just fatigued from the journey' Cassandra had assured. 'Who wouldn't be after that?' Varric had added. Even Vaxus himself waved the concern off. 'Tired', he'd agreed with Cassandra. Yet none of these assuaged Dorian's fears.
Each night he awoke in a cold sweat, nightmares plaguing him even behind his waking eyes. Each time he looked at his love, each time he watched Vaxus stumble or pause to catch his breath. This was not right. It was not normal. Dorian knew. He'd seen it before.
That look in the eye, that same pallid color of the once vibrant gaze he'd associated with his amatus. The light in his life. That light was flickering, fading like an untended fire. It was just like Felix. That same, horrible descent into death. The inevitable becoming more real with each landmark they passed back to Skyhold.
Dorian remained unusually and painfully quiet for the duration. Tired of having his concern waved off, tired of seeing the man he loved slowly spiral away from him. Away from his grasp. Away from saving. His heart wrenched each time he looked at him until Dorian could do nothing but stare at the growing drifts of snow stretching out before them.
Until Vaxus collapsed. It was a slow thing, really. A painful topple from atop his steed. Dorian could do little but leap from his own mount, rushing forward to the groaning pile of his boyfriend in the snow. Varric and Cassandra were also off their steeds and approaching, concern awash in each face that lay eyes upon their Inquisitor.
Dorian swallowed the lump in his throat. In the time he'd spent avoiding letting his eyes linger on Vaxus, matters had taken a turn for the worse. Tears pricked behind his eyes as he cradled Vaxus in his lap, unconcerned with showing his affection in that moment. Varric and Cassandra could be damned. They didn't listen to him anyway. He knew. He knew all along. This was his worst nightmare come reality.
"You were right," Vaxus croaked. "We…" He coughed, wheezing to catch his breath. "We should not have gone."
The tears threatened to spill over and Dorian tensed in a futile effort to keep them at bay. Dorian ran a hand down his cheek, noticing how pale and sickly Vaxus now looked. His stomach churned.
"For once in my life, I have never wanted more to have been wrong," he whispered, hoarsely.
"Perhaps we can-"
"No," Dorian cut Cassandra off sharply. "There is no cure." The words stung to say, but Dorian knew they were the truth. Knew if there was something that could have been done, it would have been done for Felix. And if a Tevinter Magister could not cure such an ailment, Dorian had no faith in the mages or healers of the south.
With a sharp intake of breath, Dorian reached over and snagged a dagger off of Varric's belt. His hand wavered as he held it over the heart of his love. The soul who had made Dorian feel truly alive and happy for the first time in his life.
His warrior trembled beneath him, one hand reaching out to grasp Dorian's wrist. Vaxus pulled the dagger closer toward his chest, a pleading look in his eye. One of regret, of sorrow, and of love.
"I…" He coughed, hands shaking as he wheezed a rattled breath. "I love you, Dorian."
"I love you, too, Amatus."
In one swift stroke, Dorian lodged the dagger into Vaxus' chest. A few more gasps escaped the fallen warrior, blood gurgling up in the process. Until the last gasp for air brought peace. The pain washed away from his face, head tipping away limply from Dorian.
Dorian bowed forward, curled over the body of the man he loved, tears falling freely down his cheeks. His body trembled and shook, no amount of sympathetic words or gentle touches to his shoulder from Cassandra or Varric able to calm him.