Disclaimers: These guys aren't mine, they don't belong to me, worst luck, so don't bother me.
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Note: For Bill...feel better.
Wardrobe Malfunction
"Tighter, Alf, c'mon, I need to cut down on wind resistance."
"I believe you'll find that may well end up being the least of your problems, Master Richard."
"Yeah, but you know I can't do what I have to if I have anything too loose—is my costume is too baggy it can snag on something and I'll end up road salad or something."
"'Too loose' is hardly a concern in my opinion."
Nightwing studied his image in the full length three-way mirror, assessing his image, making mental notes as he turned for the best angle. "It's still sagging in the rear."
With a barely audible sigh Alfred reexamined the area is question. "I beg to differ, in fact the current fit leaves little to the imagination and I decline to make any further adjustments as there is absolutely nothing which could be considered baggy, sagging or too loose. This is a costume for crime-fighting, not pornography."
Dick met the older man's eyes in the mirror, returning the stubborn look with his best version of the Batglare, something which had little to no effect. Accepting that the good fight had been fought and lost, he gave a single slight nod. "Fine, I'll live with it for now." The last was said with none too good grace but signaled the end of the fitting. Saying nothing but exuding an air of satisfaction, Alfred silently withdrew.
The next morning Alfred began the preparations for the master's breakfasts, and as was his habit, he had the kitchen TV turned quietly to one of the morning news shows as he worked.
"And, this just in; it appears that Nightwing's wardrobe malfunction late last night has confirmed his reputation as herodom's 'Best Butt'."
Slightly grainy and badly lit footage, seemingly shot by a cell phone filled the screen. Three young men are seen running down a street, road glistening with rain, streetlights and neon store signs giving the only light as they attempt to escape the police sirens heard in the background. Suddenly the figure of Nightwing is seen flipping into the shot, dodging bullets as he chases the thieves. Skidding, slipping slightly on the wet pavement a soft but distinct ripping sound is barely heard. As Nightwing cartwheels through a car's headlights his nether regions are highlighted, an expanse of white skin bursting through black fabric as the footage ends.
"Well, it looks to me like his reputation is assured as soon as this goes viral, Marcia."
"No ifs, and or butts about it, John."
6/6/13