Harry Potter and the Blatant Copyright Infringement!
Disclaimers: I don't own Harry Potter...hm, actually...considering the title, I could say I do and get sued! Whee! Ok, this is a parody of HP...just consider it another novel. I'm writing this with the help of my dear friend Mom.
Special! Rejected chapter titles!
-Harry Gets Blamed for Stuff He Didn't Do
-Harry Sings in the Shower
-Harry Sings in the Shower and Wakes up the Neighbors
-Malfoy Acts like a Git
-The Weasley Twins Make Things Blow Up
-Percy Acts like a Git
-Mr. Malfoy Sneers
-Hermione Knows More than Everyone Else
-Snape Acts like a Git
-Ron Gets Scared
-Dobby Acts Annoying
-Dudley Goes on the Slim Fast Diet
-Moby Dick
~*~*~
Chapter One : All the Titles Got Rejected
~*~*~
Harry crawled out from under his bed. He sniffed the air cautiously. 'Is that me?' he thought. He then blinked as he heard the hair-curdling, blood- curling screech of his Aunt Petunia.
"What are you doing?!" she yelled as she stormed into his bedroom. He scrambled to his feet. "It's Duddy-poonums-punkinpie-shnoogie-woogums' Special Day!!" She then paused and sniffed the air. "Is that you?"
"I know it's Duddy-poonums-punkinpie-shnookielumps-honeytoes- boogerbear-jacktheripper-pleasetakeanumberandwaityourturn- DarthVaderisLukesfather-whatwehavehereisafailuretocommunicate-ParisHilton- salsaverde-lobsterthermadore-holyhandgrenade-poo's Special Day," Harry said. "I was just... getting ready."
"Well, hurry up!" Aunt Petunia said and, with one last sniff, swept out of the room.
Harry was far less thrilled about the day than the Dursleys, who were celebrating that Dudley had managed to walk past the neighborhood bakery every day for the past week without eating it. Just then, Dudley barged into his room without knocking, eating the head off of a small child. He grunted to Harry, "Say, have you been blamed yet for anything you didn't do?"
Harry looked thoughtful. "Hmm... not recently, no."
Dudley nodded and swallowed the child's Nikes. "Just checking. It's pretty early in the book, after all, and you don't usually get in trouble for something until at least page 3 or 4." He sniffed. "Is that you?" Without waiting for an answer, he waddled off, belching "God Save the Queen" in the key of F.
Harry rolled his eyes as he heard Uncle Vernon say, "Isn't our Duddlelumps talented?" A pause. "Petunia, do you smell that? Is it that boy again?"
Harry galumphed down the stairs. Aunt Petunia called out, "No galumphing in the house!" There was a knock at the door.
"Knock, knock, knock!" went the knock.
Uncle Vernon said, "Answer that, will you, Dudley?"
"Well, all right, but I'll feel like a bloody twit," Dudley answered, and, turning to the door, called out, "Knock, knock, knock!"
"No, Precious. Daddy means open the door," Aunt Petunia said sweetly.
"Oh. Right." Dudley took hold of the door handle and pushed.
"The other way, Pookums," Aunt Petunia urged.
"Right." Dudley opened the door inwards. "Mum, Dad, there's a kid with his head on fire on our doorstep!"
"Oh, shut up," Ron said, pushing past him.
Harry blinked. "Ron! What are you doing here?"
Ron shrugged. "I'm here to help you make a daring escape. No one likes these chapters where you're at the Dursley's, anyways."
Harry nodded. "Makes sense," he said before looking at Uncle Vernon. "Can I go, then?"
Uncle Vernon looked back at him. "No."
"Ok, then. I'll stay here, then." He winked at Ron, and began singing, "I love yooooou, you love meeeee, we're a hap-py fam-i-leee, with a great big hug and a kiss from..."
"Get out!" all three Dursleys screamed, pointing at the door.
The two boys ran up to Harry's room to get his trunk and Hedwig. On their way down, they were singing gaily, "I-i-it's a small world a-a-after all! I-i-it's a small world a-a-after all! I-i-it's a small world a-a- after all! It's a small, small wo-o-o-o-orld!" With a jaunty wave, they were out the door.
~*~*~
Chapter one! Um...well, that was fun. Shall we continue? Shall we not for the sake of your sanity? Only you, dear reader, will be able to determine that. (Actually, we'll continue whether you like it or not, but we like to give you a sense of empowerment.) Review!
Disclaimers: I don't own Harry Potter...hm, actually...considering the title, I could say I do and get sued! Whee! Ok, this is a parody of HP...just consider it another novel. I'm writing this with the help of my dear friend Mom.
Special! Rejected chapter titles!
-Harry Gets Blamed for Stuff He Didn't Do
-Harry Sings in the Shower
-Harry Sings in the Shower and Wakes up the Neighbors
-Malfoy Acts like a Git
-The Weasley Twins Make Things Blow Up
-Percy Acts like a Git
-Mr. Malfoy Sneers
-Hermione Knows More than Everyone Else
-Snape Acts like a Git
-Ron Gets Scared
-Dobby Acts Annoying
-Dudley Goes on the Slim Fast Diet
-Moby Dick
~*~*~
Chapter One : All the Titles Got Rejected
~*~*~
Harry crawled out from under his bed. He sniffed the air cautiously. 'Is that me?' he thought. He then blinked as he heard the hair-curdling, blood- curling screech of his Aunt Petunia.
"What are you doing?!" she yelled as she stormed into his bedroom. He scrambled to his feet. "It's Duddy-poonums-punkinpie-shnoogie-woogums' Special Day!!" She then paused and sniffed the air. "Is that you?"
"I know it's Duddy-poonums-punkinpie-shnookielumps-honeytoes- boogerbear-jacktheripper-pleasetakeanumberandwaityourturn- DarthVaderisLukesfather-whatwehavehereisafailuretocommunicate-ParisHilton- salsaverde-lobsterthermadore-holyhandgrenade-poo's Special Day," Harry said. "I was just... getting ready."
"Well, hurry up!" Aunt Petunia said and, with one last sniff, swept out of the room.
Harry was far less thrilled about the day than the Dursleys, who were celebrating that Dudley had managed to walk past the neighborhood bakery every day for the past week without eating it. Just then, Dudley barged into his room without knocking, eating the head off of a small child. He grunted to Harry, "Say, have you been blamed yet for anything you didn't do?"
Harry looked thoughtful. "Hmm... not recently, no."
Dudley nodded and swallowed the child's Nikes. "Just checking. It's pretty early in the book, after all, and you don't usually get in trouble for something until at least page 3 or 4." He sniffed. "Is that you?" Without waiting for an answer, he waddled off, belching "God Save the Queen" in the key of F.
Harry rolled his eyes as he heard Uncle Vernon say, "Isn't our Duddlelumps talented?" A pause. "Petunia, do you smell that? Is it that boy again?"
Harry galumphed down the stairs. Aunt Petunia called out, "No galumphing in the house!" There was a knock at the door.
"Knock, knock, knock!" went the knock.
Uncle Vernon said, "Answer that, will you, Dudley?"
"Well, all right, but I'll feel like a bloody twit," Dudley answered, and, turning to the door, called out, "Knock, knock, knock!"
"No, Precious. Daddy means open the door," Aunt Petunia said sweetly.
"Oh. Right." Dudley took hold of the door handle and pushed.
"The other way, Pookums," Aunt Petunia urged.
"Right." Dudley opened the door inwards. "Mum, Dad, there's a kid with his head on fire on our doorstep!"
"Oh, shut up," Ron said, pushing past him.
Harry blinked. "Ron! What are you doing here?"
Ron shrugged. "I'm here to help you make a daring escape. No one likes these chapters where you're at the Dursley's, anyways."
Harry nodded. "Makes sense," he said before looking at Uncle Vernon. "Can I go, then?"
Uncle Vernon looked back at him. "No."
"Ok, then. I'll stay here, then." He winked at Ron, and began singing, "I love yooooou, you love meeeee, we're a hap-py fam-i-leee, with a great big hug and a kiss from..."
"Get out!" all three Dursleys screamed, pointing at the door.
The two boys ran up to Harry's room to get his trunk and Hedwig. On their way down, they were singing gaily, "I-i-it's a small world a-a-after all! I-i-it's a small world a-a-after all! I-i-it's a small world a-a- after all! It's a small, small wo-o-o-o-orld!" With a jaunty wave, they were out the door.
~*~*~
Chapter one! Um...well, that was fun. Shall we continue? Shall we not for the sake of your sanity? Only you, dear reader, will be able to determine that. (Actually, we'll continue whether you like it or not, but we like to give you a sense of empowerment.) Review!