A/N: Hey there :)
Everybody enjoyed last night's season premiere? I'm sure you did because it was awesome!! SWAC is back and I couldn't be happier. Life just regained some sense and purpose.
This oneshot is – of course – inspired by 'Walk A Mile In My Pants' or to be precise the ending scene. Because Sterling was amazing in it, beyond hilarious and I loved the doctor and the ridiculous diseases :D Stop SPS and LBS, people.
Disclaimer: Did you not see my name in bold, huge and shiny letters in yesterday's episode's credits? No? There's your answer.
Warning: Spoilers for everything up to 2x01 and minor cussing!!!! Other than that: You should be fine ;-)
Enjoy!
"I need your help."
A demand. Never a question. It was short. To the point. Four little words. No adjectives or adverbs to further explain the situation or emphasize a point. A perfectly harmless phrase.
It was Chad Dylan Cooper's death sentence. Or so he felt.
His blue eyes focused on a random – he shuddered. Bad word, bad word – spot on the wall behind her. Avoiding her eyes and that victorious glare that she was probably sporting right now.
He felt his palms starting to sweat in the pockets of his signature Mackenzie Falls pants. His right foot was developing a mind of his own, nervously tapping the rhythm of a song he didn't quite remember.
"My help?"
A question. Never a demand. Insecurity lacing every single letter. Over-stressing the former of the two words. No attempt to hide her incredulity. Her voice pitching at the end, a shuddered breath escaping her, she tugged at her plaid shirt. Brown eyes gazed questioningly at her companion who seemed so uncharacteristically stiff and silent.
Sonny had never witnessed Chad asking anybody for help. Much less her. A favor here and there, sure. But help? Never. 'Needing help' implied that Chad couldn't do this on his own; that he depended on her to solve whatever situation he had gotten himself into.
The sheer thought of Chad Dylan Cooper needing her help blew her mind.
Flashing her a quick, yet imploring look, Chad took a deep breath and reluctantly handed her a small scrap of paper.
"Doc told me the diagnosis this morning. I have LBS."
Sonny's eyes widenend in shock and concern. Truth be told, she had no clue what LBS meant, but his insecurity and unusual behaviour showed her that it had to be something grave. Very grave.
"And I need your help to conquer it."
The girl searched Chad's eyes for a moment, before tightly grabbing onto the note, taking a deep shuddering breath and reading the doctor's prescription.
"LBS? Chad, I'm so sorry. But to be honest, umm, well... What exactly is- WOAH wait. Huh? Read two books– Hold up, WHAT?!?!"
Shoulders sagging in defeat the blonde boy searched the hallway for possible eavesdroppers and onlookers, before firmly grasping Sonny's arm and dragging her protesting form all the way to the parking lot.
"Chad! Let me go! What the hell is going on here?! UGH. This is what I get for actually believing that you would seriously need my help with something for once. How stupid am I? LBS, pah. I can't belie-YEEOUCH! Chad Dylan Cooper!! PUT ME DOWN!!!"
Rolling his eyes for dramatic effect, Chad grabbed her flailing arms in one hand, while keeping a hold on her body with the other.
"Oh Sonny. Funny, little Sonny."
"Don't call me that!!"
"But Sonny, dearest, it is your name!"
"You know exactly what I mean! And don't call me 'dearest' either!!!!"
"Sure, whatever you want, baby."
"GROAAAH!"
A grin lifted up the corners of his mouth. She was so easy to tease.
"Now, stay still for a few minutes and I'll explain. CDC needs your help. LBS is a serious condition!"
Thankfully, his white BMW convertible was well in sight and the upset and protesting girl in his arms had – glare and pout aside – mostly given up and accepted her fate. Truth be told, this was new for him, too. Girls were usually anything but upset and protesting, while in his arms. Duh.
Unlocking his precious car, he unceremoniously dropped her into the passenger seat, which earned him an indignant huff. Chad tossed her a charming smile and laughed inwardly at the scowl on Sonny's face. It was quite the rare sight after all.
He climbed into the familiar driver's seat, put the seatbelt on – yes, CDC was a man of responsibility – and revved the engine, before leading the way out of Condor Studios.
"So. LBS, huh?"
"Yup."
"Well, what is it? Because if it's something as ridiculous as SPS, then I'll-"
"LBS is Lack-of-book syndrome."
He so wasn't going to tell her the doctor's other definitions of LBS. Humiliation was not a good look on Chad Dylan Cooper.
Sonny did a double take and grinned, while crossing her arms.
"You? Lack of books? How fitting."
"Yeah, I know: Perfect opportunity to tease me and tell me you were right after all, blah blah blah. Can we skip that part? I need to get rid of this... disease, before it gets worse and interferes with my filming schedule."
The brunette girl giggled and leaned back in her seat.
"Sure. I'll let it go – for now. So... your medicine is to read two books?"
"Apparently."
"And how do you need my help with that?"
"Well, rumor has it that you're pretty book-savvy, so I figured you could help me pick out those two books."
You never know what to expect, when it comes to Chad. Sonny had learned that lesson the hard way right when she first joined 'So Random!'. By now, she expected the unexpected.
Nevertheless, moments like these still caught her off-guard.
She was positive that the only thing Chad had ever read, were scripts for the Falls or his movies.
And award nomination lists to check for his name.
And Tween Weekly – only articles about himself, of course.
And the "Chad Dylan Cooper: The Chad Dylan Cooper Story" credits because those essentially consisted of his name.
And...well, yeah. You get the point.
So Chad sincerely asking Sonny to pick out two books for him to read, baffled her beyond belief and had her staring at him in wonder.
"Wow, Chad. I was expecting you to blackmail me into reading the books for you, but this...woah."
"...."
"Chad?"
"Damn, why didn't I think of that?"
"Chad!"
"What?"
She rolled her eyes and watched as Chad pulled into the local bookstore's parking lot, the huge 'Barnes & Noble' sign in front of them.
Insert happy sigh right here.
Despite her valiant dedication to the walk-a-thon, Sonny hadn't bought – much less read – a book in a long time. Way too long for her liking. But her full-time occupation at 'So Random!' plus school regretfully left no time for reading.
"Sonny? You coming?"
She whirled around in her seat for a moment, her daydreaming interrupted by Chad's teasing voice. He must've noticed the glossy, dreamy look in her eyes. A soft blush covered her cheeks, as she nodded vigorously, unlatched her seatbelt and hopped out of the sleek, white automobile.
Locking his baby, checking for the wallet in his back pocket and casually stuffing his hands in the front ones, Chad lead the way out of the parking lot and into unknown territory.
A bookstore. Shudder.
"So, Chad, what do you want to read?"
The blonde boy looked at the girl beside him who – as per usual – was excited enough to cover for the both of them.
"Well, whatever you want to recommend. I have no clue what to read, you know, that's kinda why I brought you."
Sonny's eyes lit up, as she grabbed his hand firmly and dragged him hurriedly in the direction of … well, he had no idea, where she was dragging him. Chad had to jog, in order to keep up with her fast pace. Dodging customers and shop assistants, the young couple arrived at the very back of the bookstore. Nobody in sight. Darkness surrounding them. Totally hidden by bookshelves. Oh.
Smirk curling his lips, tongue quickly flicking out to moisten his lips, Chad took a hold of her hands and casually pressed her against an oak bookshelf. Her eyes widenend in shock and no words would leave her slightly openend mouth.
"Naughty, little Sonny. If that's how you wanna play, you just had to ask. CDC is always open for negotiation, you know?"
Gasp.
Kick.
Groan.
"YIKES MONROE! NOT THE FAMILY JEWELS!"
The comedienne rolled her eyes, pushed herself off the bookshelf and scanned the area for useful books Chad might want to read.
"You brought this on yourself, Chad. I would never..."
"-yes?"
Sonny lowered her voice to a mere whisper, "-make out with you."
"You say it like it's a crime."
"It's not a crime but it's disgusting!"
"Says the girl who made out with some guy at a Lakers game. Psh, yeah right."
"IT WAS THE KISS CAM!"
"Keep telling yourself that."
"..."
"You disappoint me, Monroe. Is this where your wit ends already?"
"..."
"Well, I can't blame you, I was bril-liant!"
"Want me to kick your balls again?"
Gasp.
Giggle.
Swallow.
"So... found a book for me yet, Sonny?
The girl snorted loudly and waved him over to a nearby table, where she laid out a selection of books for him.
Chad rearranged the front of his pants quickly, while trailing behind her. 'Gosh, being kicked in the balls once by Sonny does more damage than wearing those pathetic skinny jeans for a month.'
After he sat down next to her, Sonny presented Chad her first choice.
Chad's brows furrowed and he sent her a questioning look.
"Pride and Prejudice? The story of a man too proud and a girl too prejudiced to see what's right in front of them. Do you want me to fall asleep reading?"
"Don't be ridiculous!It's a beautiful story! And how do you know the plot, anyways?"
Chad shrugged and lazily opened the book to skim a few pages, "Keira Knightley is hot."
Sonny rolled her eyes and grabbed the next book, "Of course, why else watch the movie?"
"Exactly my point," she had to admit: That silly, self-righteous grin curling his lips made her heart skip a beat.
"Moving on: Wuthering Heights"
"Girly book."
"Chad, it's a classic!"
"Yeah, a classic girly book. Next one, please."
She huffed indignantly and pushed the classic girly book and 'Pride and Prejudice' away from the pile.
"Lord of the Rings."
"Watched the movies, bored me to death."
"Doesn't mean you'll hate the bo-"
"Sonny."
"Ugh, fine."
"Good girl."
Sonny's shoulders sagged in defeat. This was going to take some time.
"Harry Potter?"
"Hmmmm... worth a shot. But I'll only read the first one, OK?"
"I figured. It makes sense to start with the first installment of the series."
"Blah blah blah, chronology doesn't matter. It's the thinnest of the books. I have no time to read 1000 pages worth of wizardy crap. Time is money, Sonshine."
"FINE."
He grinned, obviously satisfied with her answer, and nodded, "Fine."
Sonny ran a hand through her brunette locks in aggravation and set 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone' down in front of her. 'One down, one more to go. Deep breath. You can do this.'
"OK, so I think you should grasp this opportunity and at least read one classic."
"Why?"
"Chaaad, they're classics. Everybody should have read them."
"See, that's the point, Sonny: They cannot be classics, if CDC hasn't read them."
"Chad, you haven't read a single book in your life! So according to your ridiculous-"
"Hey!"
"-ridiculous logic, there are no classics at all!"
"That's not true."
That threw her off guard. Chad had read a book? Plot twist right there.
"It isn't?"
"Nope. CDC has read 'Romeo and Juliet'."
Nevermind. Major plot twist right there.
"Really?"
"Really."
"Wow, Chad. I'm pleasantly surprised. Never would've pegged you to be a romantic!"
"I'm not. In case you haven't noticed, 'Romeo and Juliet' is a tragedy."
"I know that!!"
"Just making sure."
Sonny eyed her friend curiously and searched the pile of books for – oh there it was.
"Sooo..."
"So?"
"Why did you read it?"
"Psh, Sonny. Remember, you're talking to the king of drama.", Chad did his signature collar popping move and gave her what she liked to call the jerkthrob-attitude: Smirk surrounding his thin lips, hazy blue eyes sparkling brightly and tone dripping with confidence and seduction.
"So not working on me, Chad."
"Damn it. You're good."
"Was that a compliment?"
"Yeah.... in retrospect, I can't believe those words just left my mouth. Painful, so painful."
"Thanks a lot, Cooper."
"I'd say 'You're welcome', but CDC ain't gonna lie."
Sonny shook her head and decided to let him be. Chad was unbelievable.
"....In any event, why did you really read 'Romeo & Juliet'?"
His feet shuffled awkwardly beneath the wooden table, "well, it is a classic, you know."
Sonny eyed him suspiciously,"it wasn't one before you read it though, according to your theory. So that couldn't have been your motivation."
"Ugh."
"Touché."
She chuckled and stood up, grabbing all the books – except for two – and sorting them back in the bookshelves they belonged. Chad gazed at her for a few moments, then looked at the books in front of him: 'Harry Potter' and an ancient-looking copy of William Shakespeare's 'Romeo and Juliet'.
He traced the loopy, elegant, golden writing on the cover and waited for Sonny to return.
"You coming?"
There she stood already, smiling down at him, Philosopher's Stone in hand – not literally of course –, waiting for him to accompany her to the check-out. He nodded absentmindedly and lead the way.
The saleslady smiled at the young twosome, as she put the two books in a paper bag and accepted Chad's check card. Sonny bid the woman goodbye, before Chad tugged her out of 'Barnes & Noble' and in the direction of his precious car.
They piled into the convertible and quietly started their way back to the studios.
Usually, there were no awkward silences, when it came to Sonny and Chad. Just banter, vicious words and the occasional sweet and heartfelt moment. But Sonny never counted on those. Sweet Chad popped up at the most random of times.
"I read 'Romeo and Juliet' because it was my grandmother's favourite book."
Seems like now was such a time...
Sonny shifted awkwardly in her seat, not knowing what to respond.
"She was the coolest person ever. You would have liked her, she was very.... sunny."
The girl smiled genuinely upon hearing that and gently touched his leg. Chad flashed her a quick grin.
"She always went on about how there wasn't a single story out there more touching than 'Romeo and Juliet'. She knew the balcony scene by heart and I strongly believe she attempted to blackmail my mum into naming me 'Romeo'. Thank you, mommy, for not doing that."
The brunette laughed heartily at that and grinned adoringly at Chad.
"So you decided to read it because of her?"
"Well... You see, my parents got a divorce, when I was twelve. I grew up seeing them fight and scream at each other. Because of them I didn't believe in love. Then there was my grandma. This....warm, loving person who I aspired to be like. When she died it was like the very last piece of hope and love was sucked out of my life. I decided to read the drama, hoping to see and understand, what she saw in 'Romeo and Juliet'"
"So? Did you?"
Chad chuckled bitterly, "No, not at all. I feel like it's full of crap. Romeo is a fool and Juliet is a weak character. The Mackenzie Falls writers would have done a much better job, let me tell you."
The boy fully expected her to lash out at him for that, needing her to break the tension and switch topics. He had revealed enough of his private life for one day.
But when Sonny remained uncharacteristically silent, he glanced at her quickly, only to see her biting her lip nervously.
"Sonny? What's wrong?"
"Huh? Why would anything be wrong?"
Chad raised an eyebrow in suspicion, but focused back on traffic.
"Well, for one, you aren't jumping down my throat for saying that 'Romeo and Juliet' is a bunch of crap. Shouldn't you be all: 'OH EM GEE Chad! Don't demean the classics!' ?"
Sonny briefly glared at him, "First of all, that sounds nothing like me and secondly: It cannot be a classic, when Sonny Monroe hasn't read it."
Chad gasped and had to summon up all of his willpower to not do the dramatic 'slam on the brakes and stare at Sonny wide-eyed' thing. Thanks to the Falls, he had that look down perfectly.
"Say what?"
"You heard me."
"Still. It's a classic girly book!!"
"I know, I know. If it helps rebuild whatever world view of yours I just destroyed, I made you buy a copy, so I can borrow it and read it."
"Sneaky, Monroe, sneaky."
"Props accepted."
He grinned at her and made a right, finally reaching Condor Studios. After pulling into his usual parking space, he pulled the key out of the ignition and stepped out of his BMW, Sonny imitating his move.
She handed him the paper bag and was about to make her way to Stage 3, when Chad started talking again.
"Sonny?"
"Yeah?"
"You can pick up the book tomorrow, after my appointment at the doctor's. Just to make sure."
"Sure. Thanks, Chad."
Chad watched her brunette, pretty hair bounce gently, as she walked away.
"Oh and Sonny?"
"Yes?"
"If you don't feel like reading the book, there's no need to, really. It's not that good."
"Yeah, I faintly remember you sayi-"
"Plus, I can tell you one or two things about 'loving a loathed enemy', Random."
A cheeky wink, signature clicking noise and off he went. Sonny stared wide-eyed at the spot he was previously in, not believing what he had just said.
Damn that Chad Dylan Cooper.
Et voilà, mes amis. That's it for today :)
Liked it? Hated it? More? Less? Of what? If you want to answer any of those questions (or tell me something else, of course :D ), the 'Review' button is your friend. I'll make sure to reply to all the signed reviews!! To all my anonymous reviewers: Thank you for reviewing!!! It is very much apreciated :) I wish I could tell you in person, but this has to suffice :(
Love you all,
Mona