"Attention." Says the attractive brunet man on the screen of your television, computer, or phone. He has suddenly appeared, and you sit up to pay attention. "My name is Itachi Uchiha."
Squeals are heard in the background.
"I would like to let you know, I am not gay."
More squealing.
"Yes, thank you. Anyway, I don't like men. No one in Akatsuki. Not my foolish little brother. However, my main point today, the reason that I had... a friend... hack into the world's television/telephone/computer population, is to tell you all that I most certainly do not love Kisame Hoshigaki. I have no idea what it is you think I see in him, but there is nothing. He is merely an associate. A pawn, if you will." He looks around. "So, how do you shut this thing off?" He asks.
A girl wih long black hair and a clipboard walks onscreen.
"Itachi-kun, a listener is on line two." She says, handing him a small black box with red clouds. He peers at it for a moment, and presses a flashing button.
"Hello, do you have any questions I may have missed?" He asks.
"Ita-kun, where's the jelly? I can't find it." Itachi blushes.
"K-Kisa-chan... It's b-behind the butter..." He says, quickly pushing another button to turn it off. Another button flashes. "Kami be praised..." He murmurs as he pushes it. "Yes?"
"...Is it true, Aniki? Are you really gay...?" Itachi pauses, confused, and then pinches the bridge of his nose.
"As if you have any room to talk, Sas-UKE."
"Hey! I'll have you know, I'm always on top!"
Itachi shudders.
"Bad thought... bad thought... peaches and cream... peaches and cream..."
The screen goes blank, and a messege in gold lettering appears.
Please excuse Itachi-kun while he goes to his happy place.
You stare blankly at the television screen as it resumes regular programming, then shrug and go back to watching the Yoai Channel News.
--
Bells- Well, enjoy. This is revenge on Akira-chan for falling asleep on the phone earlier.