Promises Whispered Like Prayers
show: Young and the Restless
central character(s): Victoria Newman Abbott, Billy Abbott, and a mention of Chelsea Lawson, unfortunately.
summary: She sighs shakily against Billy's shoulder, as he holds her and promises it'll be okay. / Or, in which Victoria is waiting to wake up. BillyVictoria.
notes: This is just me exploring her inner turmoil, after the realization that Billy did indeed father a baby by Chelsea. Or could have. Basically, this is just Victoria being plagued with Billy & Chelsea's encounter in Myanmar, and still letting Billy in, even though he hurt her. Again. Oh, how I love this couple (Billy & Victoria) so!
disclaimer: Consider it disclaimed. I'm just an average undergraduate student in CBS's world. I don't own "Say It Ain't So" covered by Mozzella, but originally by Weezer. Title is a song lyric from "My Skin" by Natalie Merchant, which is hauntingly beautiful.
She feels herself falling, like Alice downdowndown the rabbit hole.
.
Victoria doesn't know how to handle it, so she finds herself alternating between suppressing the urge to throttle a pregnant woman, feeling completely helpless and hopeless (the Newman name is irrelevant here), and borderline depressed even when Billy holds her close, and tells her it'll be okay.
The ground is suddenly shaky underneath her feet, and there is a fury building up just under her skin.
She sighs shakily against Billy's shoulder, even when her husband isn't running away and he promises to fix this – this mess, this nightmare Victoria is just waiting to wake up from.
Billy promises it'll be okay, and really, Victoria has no choice but to believe him.
(United front, remember?)
.
Victoria is falling apart, bursting at the seams as the threads of her rationale start to snap.
Yet the same man who rips her apart is the very same one who keeps her together.
(Love, don't let go.)
.
"However this comes out, it'll be okay because we're facing this together," Billy says, as Victoria looks deeply into her husband's blue eyes and finds the purest form of honesty, and even a little bit of fear. Oh, dear God, she's scared too. It's the most scared Victoria has been in a while. "I love you."
It's really her skin that keeps her calm on the outside, and Billy actually acknowledging this mess, and Victoria respects him more for that.
Victoria's heart doesn't stop racing – not because Chelsea breezes in and out her and Billy's home, like she's entitled to and uses something like rape as a game – but because Billy is here with her and through the wrong (it's all sososowrong), the feel of Billy's hand in her shaking one, and his lips against hers, still feels right.
Victoria smiles, wryly. Her eyes mist over with tears but she loves this man with all of heart.
Billy, being here with her, and fathering a child that isn't in her womb hurts slightly less than Billy disappearing and not being here at all.
"I love you, too."
And then he kisses her, and it pushes back to shadow of Chelsea Lawson and the ghosts of Myanmar back temporarily, for fragmented peaceful silence and the sound of settling.
A/N: I had something longer planned but this will suffice. I thought of adding Nick, but then I thought about it, and decided against it. It would just be random and make it weird. But I was happy to write this for you guys. Now, I can focus on academics without this torturing me in the wee hours of the night. This is the shortest thing I've ever written.
Message me on Sinful Desires message board, (the ultimate Billy/Victoria fan gathering - join! You're missing out if you don't) or on Fanfiction . net (if you have accounts) if there's anything you wanna talk about.
Um, I will be writing that other oneshot I promised ions ago but life is getting in the way and education trumps fanfiction every time. Sorry. Wait until about the 18th of February and I'll have something put together. That's my Reading Week.
I encourage you to have a look at my other Y&R related stuff if you'd like.
As always, feedback is appreciated. Lemme have it!
Peace, Love & Burnt Cookies,
-Erika