A/n: This is another story written for the 2015 Event: Grand Battle Challenge hosted by the Diagon Alley II forum. [link in my profile.] Just FYI, the challenge is a battle between the Order [led by yours truly] and the Death Eaters and this story is the submission for the Order. WE SHALL WIN RAWR. Anyway, all the underlined words are the prompts I have used in the story and I've mentioned said prompts at the bottom so as to avoid cluttering the very beginning of the story.
Summary: They lived their lives in darkness. One feared it and the other thrived in it. One found it a curse and the other, a cure. But in both their worlds of darkness was one constant pinprick of light. To one, it was a cure and to the other, a curse. The darkness and the light. To each their own panacea. A Rily story feat Severus Snape.
Panacea
Darkness.
Complete and unadulterated darkness.
It wasn't new to him; neither did he dislike it. In fact, he preferred the absolute blackness over the dull, lifeless hues that the world seemed to be painted in. He preferred if everything was in monochromes, without even the slightest splashes of colour. It made living life so much easier.
Happiness would be light, sadness would be dark. Joy would be light, sorrow would be dark. Elation would be light, grief would be dark. Victory would be light, defeat would be dark. Life would be light, death would be dark. Love would be light, hate would be dark.
Love would be light.
Hate would be dark.
And the only thing he could see was darkness. Everywhere he looked, there was nothing but darkness. The darkness wasn't the sort of darkness that grew lighter as your eyes got adjusted to it, either. It was the complete kind of darkness that was only black and nothing else. It was dark. It was empty. It was black. It was absolute.
But even in his eternally dark world, there was always one spark of light. One miniscule pinprick that refused to vanish no matter how far away he banished it. No matter how much he tried to erase it; no matter how much darkness he smothered it with…its brilliant light would never go out. It would always be the cure that drew him out of the hole of darkness he had fallen into.
An eternal light in his eternal darkness. An eternal cure to his eternal curse. His panacea to everything.
"—ev! Sev! Severus, wake up!"
He groaned as he felt the sharp prick in his side where she was incessantly poking him. He swatted her hand in irritation as he pulled himself up. "Alright, already, I get it! Stop poking me, Lily!"
She pursed her lips at him and poked him again, just because that was the kind of person she was. He sighed and began to stand. She stood up beside him and watched as he brushed down his robes, dusting off the grass clinging to it from him having slept under a tree for so long. He could feel her steady, curious gaze on his face and he had to quell the sudden need to snap at something. Never her, he would never snap at her.
"So," she began, once he was done dusting his robes. He eyed her sideways as she continued, "I heard you went after James Potter again."
"I did not go after that filth, he came after me!"
Lily scowled when he had spat the word filth and then sighed. "Sev, you knowhow he is. Why must you bother yourself with him?"
"Why must you always make things my fault, Lily? I told you, he came after me!"
"Yes, but there was no reason for you to hit him!"
He frowned at his shoes, refusing to look at her. He hated it when she spoke about them. Those good-for-nothing troublemakers whose only aim seemed to be to make his life miserable. As though he didn't know he was pathetic and pitiful without them making a show of it every other day. As though he didn't know it was nothing short of a miracle that Lily Evans, the beautiful, wonderful, amazing Lily Evans, was his friend. No, his best friend. A title not even filthy little James Bigheaded Potter could claim. And that was the only thing that kept him going. That was the only reason he didn't use an Unforgivable on the bespectacled fool—that, and the fact that using an Unforgivable was punishable by law.
"Sev, are you listening to me?" Lily asked, leaning forwards and sticking her face in front of his so he couldn't not look at her.
"Of course," was his automatic reply and she smiled at him as she straightened up, the autumn breeze rustling through her fiery hair.
"Anyway, as I was saying, you shouldn't have gone after him like that. There are four of them and one of you! What if you had gotten hurt!"
"There were actually only two of them; that Pettigrew is too much of a coward and Lupin is a Prefect, he would never get into a fight."
He noticed that she jolted slightly when he said Lupin's name and he glanced towards her without turning his face. As he had suspected, her cheeks were tinged pink and she was biting her lip as she stared ahead with shining eyes. He sighed.
Every day his suspicions of Lily being smitten with Lupin were being confirmed. He didn't know if he was resentful towards the fellow or glad that she had chosen him—who was the only one of the four who ever spared him a second glance and bothered stepping in when things were starting to get heated—instead of James Arse-crack Potter.
He felt her fingers on his forehead and jumped, his heart racing in his chest. She pouted at him and reached forwards again to brush the large swelling that he had got from head-butting Potter. She folded her hands and looked at him crossly.
"Severus, what is that swelling on your head?"
"It's nothing, I just got it from earlier today."
"How?"
He sighed. "Come off it, Lily, it's not that big a deal—"
"Tell me, Severus."
He bit back a groan as he watched her serious expression. No matter how he tried, he could never get away from her. He finally raked a hand through his hair and looked towards the Great Lake, where a young Merperson was showing off to several of her friends by doing backflips, and sighed.
"Well, I head-butted him—"
"You what!"
"Head-butted—"
"Sev, you dolt! When I said use your head, I didn't mean to literally use your head!" Lily said crossly and he winced. Of course that wasn't what she had meant, but Black had been holding his arms behind his back and head-butting Potter had been the only option, then. He was about to explain that to her, but was interrupted by—he groaned—Lupin as he came running towards them.
"Snape," Lupin said kindly with a nod towards him and then turned to face Lily—who was now smiling rather idiotically, according to him, even if she looked absolutely stunning—and said, "Lily, the Prefects have been asked to assemble in the library for a sudden meeting."
She nodded a little too enthusiastically and began walking away. He felt his stomach sink at the thought that she had completely forgotten about him and he had begun to walk in the opposite direction, when he felt her thin arms wind around his waist and her warm lips press a feather-light kiss to his cheeks.
"I'll see you at supper, yeah?" she asked him and he nodded with a smile. She grinned at him and with a wave, ran off to where Lupin was waiting. Even Lupin inclined his head in his direction in acknowledgement as the two made off, chattering amicably.
He sighed and walked back towards the tree he had been lying under, lay back on the spot he had just vacated, and shut his eyes, breathing deeply and letting the darkness take over.
There was an eternal light in his eternal darkness; the eternal cure to his eternal curse; but the light seemed to fluctuate every now and then. And maybe, sooner than later, it would go out completely and leave him all alone in the complete blackness that he refused to admit he actually feared.
He groaned as he felt another wave of nausea wash over him and clutched at the stonewall to steady himself. He shuddered as another wave of coughs wracked his body, causing him to double over and vomit a copious amount of blood. He breathed in deeply, willing his blurring vision to refocus and his trembling knees to stabilise. The moon was almost at its peak and his health was spiraling downwards uncontrollably.
He pulled the flask that he had started carrying around lately and took a swig from it. He frowned at the taste, instantly identifying the wine that it was, mixed in with the Blood Replenishing Potion it was meant to be. He vaguely remembered Sirius saying something about how his cousin, Andromeda, had said that mixing the potion with wine would help ease his pain and help replenish his blood faster. He wasn't quite sure how far that was true; he had a feeling the cure for pain was more thanks to the alcohol than anything else. Not that he was complaining.
He sighed as he felt the nausea slowly slip away, to be replaced by a calming warmth that slowly spread through him. He closed his eyes, swallowing thickly. Unable to find the strength to continue on with his patrol, he slipped to the ground and leaned his head back, wiping his mind clean of all thoughts and focusing on the darkness that surrounded him.
He slowly let himself slip deeper and deeper into the darkness, reveling in the peace and solitude it brought him. There was nothing in his empty, black space. Nothing but darkness, and he found it greatly placating to the extent of wanting to leave his physical body to be part of the darkness. He relished the instant quietude that settled over him with the veil of darkness, covering and wrapping around his mind with its warm touch. The darkness was his cure. The cure of darkness for the curse of light.
The serenity of his escape from reality left him aching to remain in his bubble of darkness and never resurface to the movement and colour of the real world. He wanted to stay there; within the infinite darkness; within his self-constructed bubble of emptiness, where there was nothing. No emotions, no problems, no people, no studies, no Lycanthropy, no full moons. Or at least, no full moon till it poked its head from behind the clouds and forced him to change into the beast that he was.
He groaned as the darkness began to dissipate even as he desperately tried to reconstruct it around himself. He took several gulps from his flask as he slowly pried his eyes open and looked up to see Lily sitting beside him, one hand intertwined with his and the other, holding a small bowl full of Treacle Tart.
"You weren't there at the table, so I thought I'd get you some dessert," she said sweetly and he smiled, brushing his thumb against the back of her hand.
He had the unquenchable urge to lean forwards and kiss her, but his principles and his Lycanthropy wouldn't let him—even if the effects of the alcohol were slowly clouding his judgment—so to make up for the awkward silence, he said the first thing that came to mind; "Is that really Treacle Tart? Because you seem to have stolen my heart."
She raised her eyebrows at the unbelievably foolish pickup line and he flushed, his smile faltering as her emerald eyes twinkled and she smirked at him.
"Are you sure you're not on the Quidditch team? Because you're definitely a Keeper," she murmured, drawing closer to him and causing his breath to hitch and his heart to race uncontrollably.
"Y-You don't have to use Accio to make me come to you," he whispered almost inaudibly, feeling thoroughly foolish, but wanting to stall the kiss that seemed to be drawing inevitably closer.
"Did you just say Expelliarmus? Because your smile is absolutely Disarming," she purred and he felt his heart drop straight down past his stomach. She was almost straddling him and he was almost lying on the floor as he tried to lean away from her.
"Lily," he hissed, trying to push her off without actually pushing her off. His head was buzzing and his vision was spiraling and he didn't want to accidentally do something he wasn't supposed to do.
"Remus," she whispered back, this time, reaching forwards to grab him and hoist him upwards. He sighed as he felt the cool stone against his neck and brought the flask to his mouth again.
"Yes, you've had quite enough of that," Lily's commanding voice said and the flask was whisked away from his hands. He heard her shake it and the liquid sloshed around inside the metal container. "My goodness, Remus, how much have you had? There's barely any left!"
"Blood Replenishing Potion," he mumbled, pointing at the pool of blood beside him that he had forgotten to clean up.
She stared at the blood, then at him, then at the blood again, and pulling out her wand, Scoured the flagstones clean. She then pressed her cool palm against his forehead and his eyelids fluttered shut as he sighed. That felt good.
"Really, of all the times and of all the places to get pissed, you had to choose the middle of the night and the middle of a hallway. What were you thinking?"
"Oh, no need to get your knickers in a bunch, I'm fine," he slurred and tried to stand up. He could see the look of disapproval on her face as she helped him to his feet and supported his weight as he leaned heavily on her.
"Alright, I'm taking you back to the dorms—"
"No!" She eyed him sideways and he had to pause to steady his breathing and let his swimming vision settle. "No," he said again and she bit back a sigh.
"Stop it, Remus. You haven't eaten a proper meal in ages, you barely sleep, you're dead on your feet, and now I find you in a crumpled heap in a hallway, drunk out of your mind!"
"I can't go back," he said forcefully, stopping so she wouldn't just drag him off towards Gryffindor Tower. She sighed but left her arms around his waist to steady him. He took in a deep breath and reaching up, caressed her face with his hands. She immediately leaned into the caress and closed her eyes with a sigh.
"Lily," he murmured and she opened her eyes slowly to reveal shining emerald orbs.
"Yes?" she asked softly and he leaned forwards and rested his forehead against hers with a sigh.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled quietly and felt her arms tense around him. He saw her perfect lips part in order to respond to his apology, but a sudden light appeared beside them and they both turned their heads sharply, squinting from the brightness.
"Who is it?" Lily demanded in a strangled voice that betrayed her nervousness. His own heart was thundering in his chest.
"It's me," came a quiet voice, after a pause, and the two of them relaxed at the familiar voice.
"Sev, what're you doing out of bed at such an ungodly hour?" Lily asked gently, reaching one hand out to shield her eyes.
Snape dropped his wand so his Lumos spell wasn't blinding them and shrugged. "Couldn't sleep. Was just out on a stroll."
Lily said something else, but Snape's eyes weren't focused on her, but on him. He sighed, but couldn't find the energy to say anything. He took in a deep breath and felt it snag in his chest as he doubled over and trembled violently as another attack came over him. He could feel the splatter of blood against his palm where he had covered his mouth and he could taste the bile along with the metallic taste of his own blood.
Lily was saying something urgently, but he couldn't hear the words beyond the incessant ringing in his ears and the slow vignette of darkness that was creeping closer along the corners of his vision. He felt another set of hands ease him to the floor and fell sideways against Snape, his own body too weak to support his weight.
His breaths were ragged and tore painfully through his chest. His eyes stung from the tears that streamed down his face. His heart beat wildly from the panic attack that was slowly pushing him into the unconscious. His vision finally clouded over and he fell limply in Snape's trembling arms, unable to see or feel or hear or sense anything.
The darkness had finally taken over him and with it came the familiar feeling of tranquility that caressed his very soul; his aching, crying soul. He let it swallow him up completely and floated in the complete blackness like a foetus would; unbeknownst to the world, an existence that could vanish at any moment. The darkness was his sanctuary and he did not fear it. He reveled in it. He worshipped it. He yearned for it. It was his cure. An eternal cure to his eternal curse. His panacea for everything.
But the dot of light that was always present in his realm of darkness; that minute, unfathomable point of brilliance that he could never get rid of; it expanded and turned the darkness into light and although for others, the light would be their cure, to him, it was a curse. The curse of life. The curse of fate. The curse of reality. The curse of light.
And as the darkness slowly faded away and the light drew him to the surface once again, he could hear her voice murmuring the spell that would bring him back to the mortal world and away from his dream world of nothingness.
"Rennervate."
Dialogue Prompts:
Are you sure you're not on the Quidditch team? Because you're definitely a Keeper. 4 [If you choose this, you have to choose Lily Evans or Remus Lupin to use it.]
When I said use your head, I didn't mean to literally use your head! 3
Character Prompts:
Severus Snape 5 [If you choose him, you may not choose ANY Marauder Pairing Prompts.]
Andromeda Black 3 [If you choose her, you may choose ONE extra Spell Prompt less than 5 points.]
Lily Evans 4 [If you choose her, you may not choose ANY Spell Prompt that is more than 5 points.]
Pairing Prompts:
Remus/Lily 9 [If you choose this pairing, you may not choose ANY Spell Prompts MORE than 5 points.]
Word Prompts:
Treacle Tart
Knickers
Autumn
Vomit
Creature Prompts:
Merperson 2
Spell Prompts:
Expelliarmus 1 [If you use this, you may choose Severus Snape's Character Prompt AND a Marauders Pairing.]
Accio 2 [If you choose this, you may choose TWO Dialogue Prompts.]
Rennervate 5 [If you choose this, you may choose TWO Spell Prompts less than 5 points even if you choose a Creature Prompt.]
Total: 42 points
A/n: A penny for your thoughts and a ginormous cookie for your reviews!
Lots of love x