She rubbed her eyes and kicked an empty wine bottle from her path. Pouring herself a quick shot of vodka to rinse out her toothpaste, Roxy searched her bathroom. Removing her shirt and tossing it on the ground she grabbed the bandage. Wrapping it around her chest she winced. Tighter and tighter. She breathed in a quick breath tightening it as tight as possible around her chest. Her breasts were almost unnoticable when she had a shirt on, she put on some cargo shorts and tube socks then sported tennis shoes. She surveyed her reflection in the mirror and cursed her perfect vision. This was what dirk liked right? Guys? Jake? She rubbed her temples. She wasn't drunk enough, she searched through her medicine cabinet for some form of liqour. Empty. Empty. Empty. She had stumbled through it all when she found a small pint size bottle of red wine. She fumbled with the top and swallowed the drink in a few seconds. She was going to do it, it was the closest Dirk could get right? She was going to get him, but there was no way in hell she was doing it sober.
She ran downstairs finding the liquor cabinet. Ripping a cork out with her teeth she took a large swig. She had finished the bottle on her run to Dirks house and she took a quick breath and hesistantly rang the doorbell.
The buzz was setting in when Dirk opened the door, "Roxy! I wasn't aware Halloween was coming early?" He referred to her attire raising an eyebrow over his tilted shades.
She avoided eye contact and he grabbed her shoulder bringing her in, "Ya look nice Rox."
He smirked showing her to his living room. There was definitely a party going on, a few dozen people she didn't know, but she could easily recognize Jake and Jane's bodies in the crowd. She looked back at him. She pointed to Dirk's chest with her finger and said with low eyelids, "You betta hav enoogh alcol for me dick!" She corrected herself, "dirk." Walking into the dimly lit room, she gazed about in wonder. She had never been inside Dirk's house before, and the colorful lights spasming about the room weren't helpful. There were plastic cups filled with booze all around. She grabbed one and chugged it down.
The day before Dirk had come out and as an ultimatum everyone had to accept his sexuality to come to this party and to even talk to him in general. It was sudden, abrupt, but everyone was obliged to accept it, no one wanted to lose Dirk. Especially Roxy. He took care of her. When she did something stupid, it was Dirk who would swoop in and make sure she was okay. He was the parent she never had. She could be so reckless and not have a care in the world because she knew that Dirk would be there and that all the troubles would be gone because he would make them go away.
She shook her head out of her soft feelings. She grabbed another half full cup from another person's hand and chugged it. She heard a rejection from the person and in return threw the now empty cup at his fairly pissed face as she rudely parted people and made her way to Jake. "Oh hey Rox!" He beamed his buck teeth and raised his cup to her. She stomped forward heavily, "Dunt u shine tose big teeth at me!" she shouted at him trying her hardest not to sound drunk. He slouched against the wall, "Ey Rox, something the matter?" He said hurriedly, she was in his personal space which he obviously did't like. He was starting to perspire, his eyes darting from side to side avoiding Roxy's tough glare form below. "Do you like Dirk Jake?" She said this so fiercly and without slurring one bit, Jake looked away yet again immediately blushing and scratching the back of his neck nervously. She didn't care about the answer, she was telling the competition right now who was in charge. "Good because he's mine." His facade then changed, he was no longer shy about this. Offended and feeling threatened he puffed his chest out slightly and pushed off the wall leaning down to Roxy's level with a pushed her away lightly chuckling under his breath slightly. He cracked his neck and she backed away. He looked down on her in a provoking way, "Don't you think you're a bit… hmmm what shall I call it?" He tapped his finger to his chin with mock consideration. "Girly? for his tastes? Honestly Roxy what do you think he's gonna do? Look at you and just turn straight? Thats not how it works Rox. You think you can turn him straight Roxy?" Scorn and spite dripped off his lips. Roxy shrunk under his accusations. She was suprised at his commanding state. She merely checked her face (not wanting to show submission) crossed her arms and tried to put on a scary face. She spun on her heel and gave him one last final glare before finding the kitchen.
No one talked to her, the night was at it's peak and she sat on the top of the staircase, with a bottle in one hand and having a glass in the other. She saw the people pass by, drinking and laughing and having fun. Even a few lovers in a corner smashing lips together practically fucking each other in plain sight. She rolled her eyes in disgust and finished off the bottle. The she laid her eyes on Dirk. Memories took reign of her hazy mind.
The first time they met, they were all so happy and giddy and it was marvelous. She remembered the first time having a party with them. She had gotten herself so drunk that she tried to sleep inside the pool. She woke up and dirk was the one with his lips pressed against hers, he was the one slapping her to get awake. He was so passionate with it, it was silly. Then there was the time jake and jane had gone off on their own, trying to date which inevitably failed. Leaving them all alone, at that point she had instinctually laid her had on his shoulder, he was suprised but didn't reject her. She put his arm around her shoulder and they watched the stars he said "This is nice." She was pretty sure at that moment she fell in love with him. Then a new scene appeared, they were all about fourteen and she had finally got them to drink with her and to celebrate: booze. Somehow they all ended up playing spin the bottle, truth or dare or some kind of shit like that and of course those little horny boys dared Roxy and Jane to kiss. Of course as a hormonal teenagers they were all questioning their sexuality. Soon they were a large pile of tongues and spit exchanges. Practically everyone had had everyone's tongue down their throat. That night she had seen his eyes. She demanded the glasses off. Soon their hands were all over, between breaths they managed to get to a bed, and soon his shirt was on the floor. She maneuvered a leg over his legs and sat on him, her drunk face could've been mistaken for extremely seductive. The they were on the bed, tongues fiddling in caverns of saliva. Her nails scratched up his back and their hips ground together in rhythm. Then his lips were on her neck, her hands tangled in his hair and his mouth was biting, nipping and trailing tongues and bites down her neck to her collarbone. She gasped and his orange eyes sparkled with that smirk of his. She brought his face up to hers and they kissed sweetly once more. They fell asleep there but when she woke up he was sleeping with jake.
She couldn't help but frown at that scene and waved it away with her hand. She looked again at the room below her. Roxy then threw herself into doing anything to keep her mind off of him. She dropped the bottle on the carpeted floor and stumbled down into the arms of an attractive stranger. Intensely flirting with him they got a drink. Roxy could barely get her word out before his hands were around her waist. She felt something poking at her. She remembered Dirk. She tried to push away, his smirk grew and his grip tightened. She yelped out and Dirk came to the rescue, punching the stranger in the gut justly. He left immediately.
Few people were here now. Her head hurt and she longed for him, his smell, the feel of his lips against hers, the passion he had. She dragged herself up the stairs, keeping hold of the rail she made her way to Dirk's bedroom. She would wait for him, forever if she had to. Her stomach felt faint and her eyes were dropping. She dived into it and took in the scent, it wasn't an attractive scent but it was Dirk.
Then woke up and deva ju tickled at her hazy memory. There dirk was, hovering over her shaking her to life. "Roxy go home everyone's gone!" She practically shouted out of exhaustion and frustration. He was walking away when she shouted. "Wait! Dirk!" He turned around agitated. "What Roxy? You need a jacket or something, it's cold outside." She laughed lightly at how even when he was mad at her he still took care of her. The words came out easy now. It seemed natural. Simple. Like they were meant to be spoken. Like they were meant to be understood and reciprocated. She smiled as she said, "I love you." It seemed small, like the everyday ones. "Yeah Rox, sure love you too," he stampered out the words in confusion. Now he was there with an over sized jacket. "Here take this." She threw the jacket down and looked at him with sparkling intoxicated eyes. She took his shades off and looked deeply into his eyes. "I love you." She said this like she meant it with all her heart. Like the world depended on those words. That those words would satisfy him if said back. She truly loved him, and he could see it in her eyes. He was taken aback by this and kind of breathed lightly. "Roxy you do remember right? I'm kind of…" Her eyes snapped back at him. "Jus-just try Dirk! Remember! Remember that time? We were fourteen and…" She trailed off grabbing his hand placing them on her waist. "Sure you remember. Li-like this?" She lowered her lids and cupped the sides of his face. Leaning in Dirk's head turned, her lips hitting his cheek. "Di-irk please." "Roxy, I'm gay you think I'm just going to change?" His hand were off her waist now. She grabbed them and held them against her chest. "See, flat, practically a boy Dirk!" "Roxy, I-I can't…" She looked at him with tears in her eyes. "Bu-but you felt something back, back then right?" "Roxy I was drunk and horny and horomonal you don't honestly think that was real?" Then she was on him and her alcohol tipped lips smashed against his. Her hands were tangled in his hair and his hand cupped her face. He kissed her passionately, with awareness. This wasn't like that one night, alcohol blood level aside he was fully aware of what he was doing. His eyes were closed and he was trying. He was trying so hard to feel it to feel something. She could tell but it didn't matter her dreams were coming true. She imagined how it would end, he would look her deep in the eyes and say he loved her and that he was stupid, only saying he was gay for attention. Then he pulled away and looked her in the eyes. He leaned in close to her, as if to kiss her, but surpassed her face and went to her ear and whispered harshly, "I felt nothing." Then he walked out. Leaving her in his room horror struck and on the verge of screaming.
Well if you read this far, Kudos to you! Thanks for reading maybe you could review this and my a girl happy? This is it there is no more for this.