Chapter 1

So this is a story that I have had in mind for a while and finally decided to write it. It does have abuse in it and mentions of rape so if that kind of thing makes you queasy, this may not be the best story for you - don't say I didn't warn you. But for everybody else, read and enjoy J

"What would you like?" I asked running my hands down my waist apron and looked at the drunk greasy man before me. Men like this were the types that made my skin crawl.

"Give me a straight scotch," he slurred.

I sighed and turned around pouring two fingers worth in a glass and handing it to him.

"Seven dollars thanks," I said holding my hand out for the cash but the man just placed the ten dollar bill on the counter, not even looking at me but instead feasted his eyes on the young girls that just came up to the bar in their short skirts and low tops.

I used to be like that. I had a boyfriend that loved me, parents that adored me, friends that wanted to be with me and a five bedroom house.

Now I have a ex boyfriend that hates me, parents that deserted me, friends that betrayed me and a shitty one bedroom apartment.

My boyfriend, Sebastian Verlac and I were high school sweethearts. A year before graduation I fell pregnant. I told my best friend Simon Lewis when he found me having a panic attack in the bathroom one day at school and he was there to calm me and reassure me that everything would be ok. After all I was the girl that had everything. I had a loving best friend, my parents were always there for me when I needed to talk, and Sebastian seemed to be the most perfect boyfriend. It was what made me fall in love with him so quickly.

But that afternoon when I had told Sebastian, he had kissed me on the lips and hugged me, telling me that everything was going to be ok.

It was because of him that gave me the courage to tell my parents that night over dinner. But it was the worst thing that I could have done. My father looked at me with disappointment while my mother yelled at me telling me how stupid and idiotic I was. That I had just ruined my future and through my career out the door. She yelled at me, so I yelled back. And from there things escalated. I stormed to my room and packed a bag and told them I was going to stay with Sebastian and my mother had told me to not bother coming back and that if I ever did I would just be turned around back to the curb.

That is how I stood on the curb crying into my phone as I called Sebastian, telling him what happened and asking him if he could pick me up.

Ten minutes later and I was driving to his house with him where his mum had accepted me with open arms.

I continued going to school, but when I was seven months pregnant I had to drop out short of graduation. My grades were failing because of the absences and people were noticing me and pointing fun at me, so Sebastian said that it would be better if I stayed home with his mother. And that's what I did.

When I had the baby, Phoebe Verlac, Sebastian turned into the caring and loving father that I always imagined him to be. He would kiss Phoebe good night and would give her chocolate when he thought I wasn't looking. Sebastian graduated becoming valedictorian of the year and gave a brilliant speech at graduation that included his "beautiful girlfriend and his daughter" that made me end up in tears of happiness.

After that year Sebastian got a high class job that paid well. He would come home with jewellery for me and a new toy for Phoebe. We were the image of a perfect family.

Two years after Phoebe was born we had our second child - Lexi Verlac. Sebastian picked her name because it sounded 'badass'. but there was one problem after Lexi was born. We were running out of room in Sebastian's mother's house, so Sebastian brought us a lovely Five bedroom house with open plan living and dining and a pool out the back, and a sand pit for the girls. But after Lexi was born I started to notice small differences in Sebastian.

Sebastian would be coming home later and later from work, some nights he would be smelling of beer and cigarette smoke. He stopped tucking Phoebe into bed and he didn't call me anymore during his lunch break.

I was starting to lose hope and grew depressed thinking that our marriage was failing, but four years later when Phoebe was six and Lexi was four, I fell pregnant again and that is how we had our son William Verlac. He came home from work on time and he began to stop smelling of beer and smoke. He started calling me again on his lunch breaks and I thought things were looking up again. Sebastian gave everything to William and I noticed that he was paying all of his attention to Will and that he began to ignore Phoebe and Lexi all together. At first I ignored his behaviour, playing it off that he was just excited about his new born child. But I snapped after one night when Phoebe was begging 'daddy' to please read her a bedtime story and he told her to "go away you little whiny bitch." Phoebe came to me crying her eyes out so I settled her and read her a bedtime story myself and kissed her forehead after she had fallen asleep. Once Lexi was in bed with her stuffed bear and Will was sound asleep I confronted Sebastian about it in hushed voices in our bedroom before we went to bed that night.

He told me to "Mind my own business and that he would raise his children the way he saw fit." and when I told him he couldn't favour one child over the other his hand cracked across my face leaving a stinging red hand print. Sebastian looked at me in shock before he stormed out the house and I cried myself to sleep for the first time in six years.

Sebastian didn't come home the next day until the kids were well and truly in bed and he came to me apologising profusely about hitting me the night before. I eventually forgave him when I saw one tear slide down his cheek and Sebastian stood up and took me into his arms and kissed me.

But Sebastian started to back to the way he was when Lexi was born. He came home later and later and began to smell like beer and cigarette smoke. He stopped calling me again, and when he was home he ignored his children except for when he ordered for phoebe to get him a beer out of the fridge.

Sebastian and I fought nearly every night and he got upset over the littlest things. Once I was too busy feeding Will his bottle to heat up his dinner in the microwave and to take it to him and when he came in to see why I wasn't delivering his meal he slapped me, making Will cry and me to blink the tears back that sprang to my eyes. He told me that he was more important than the 'ungrateful brat' and that he should come first. When I told him that Will's bottle couldn't wait and that he had to be fed before I put him down to bed, Sebastian grew angrier until he lost it. He slapped me again, harder this time and punched me in the eye. I held Will to me tighter so that I wouldn't drop him and shielded him with my arms so that Sebastian wouldn't hit him. So I was unable to protect myself.

Once again Sebastian stormed out and didn't come back the next morning. When the next morning came and I was giving Phoebe and Lexi their bowls of coco pops Phoebe asked what happened to my eye and I said that I fell. But Phoebe just looked said and told me that she heard "mummy and daddy yelling" last night and I cried telling her that everything was fine.

When Sebastian came home that night the Lexi and William were asleep and I was tucking Phoebe into bed. When Sebastian caught sight of my eye instead of looking guilty and sorrowful, he looked at me with masculine pride. It made my heart plummet painfully.

This continued on for another year and Phoebe was now eight, Lexi was four, and William was two.

When I didn't do something that Sebastian had asked or liked he would slap me. If he was trying to watch the football on the TV and the kids were crying he would slap me and tell me to attend to my child and to shut them up or he would do it for me. In fear for the kids I would hurry to quiet who ever was crying down and play a game with them. Sometimes it would be go fish, other times it would be connect four.

One night I reached the breaking point when Sebastian came staggering home at two thirty in the morning reeking of beer and smoke once again, but this time his shirt was untucked and wrinkled and there was a lipstick stain on the collar of his shirt. I screamed at him, forgetting that the kids were asleep and I slapped at his chest as tears of betrayal and anger slid down my cheeks. Sebastian got mad and slapped me back but harder. He pushed me into the corner making my hip bruise painfully. He them grabbed me by my hair and pulled me to the bedroom where he threw me on the bed and he forced the clothes off my body and held me down. This was the first time that he had forced himself on me and it was painful, he wasn't gentle like he usually was. He told me as he moved over me that he owned me and that he could do whatever the fuck he wanted because I was his wife. He said that I was not permitted to question him and that if I did he slapped me to show what would happen if I ever did. When he finished, I cried and threw my fists at him crying with pain and anguish. Never had my lower half stung like that before and it made me sick that my own husband had down that and that I couldn't fight him off.

Sebastian only reacted by grabbing me and throwing me off the bed which made me whack my head on the bedside table on the way down, knocking me unconscious.

I woke the next morning with Phoebe leaning over me calling my name over and over again. I felt my throbbing head and realised that I was still bleeding and that when Phoebe found me it probably looked like I was dead.

I was so scared in that moment, looking into my oldest daughters face as she cried with fear. I realised then that I had to get out, so I packed as much as I could into one suitcase and grabbed nappies for Will and Lexi's stuffed bear and made my way out of the house and to a hotel, not looking back.

I filed for a divorce against Sebastian and a month later I found out that I was pregnant again. I cried when I saw the positive sign on the test because I knew that this pregnancy wasn't planned or wanted, and that it happened that night when Sebastian had raped me.

Six months later I was seven months pregnant sitting in a court room with a crying William on my lap and Lexi and Phoebe on either side of me. Not once did Phoebe let go of my hand as she was my only source of support when the judge declared that Sebastian was innocent and that he didn't have to pay child support and that I had to pay him back two thousand dollars for all the money he gave me for the kids instead of me getting a job. Sebastian's lawyer told the jury that Sebastian was a loving father who would never raise a hand against his wife and that I was 'Unfaithful' and that Sebastian couldn't be sure if the baby I was pregnant with was even his.

Sebastian got everything in the Divorce, but the one thing I still had was the kids. Sebastian said that he didn't want to take care of bratty children that he couldn't be sure if one of them wasn't even his. So I got full custody of the kids.

That is how I ended up in the one bedroom apartment with the kids sharing the bedroom while I slept on the couch each night. I worked two jobs that were barely enough to get me by each month. Once or twice I'd have to tell the electricity company that I never got a bill so that it gave me a week longer to get the money together to pay the bills. The kids never got new clothes and they weren't the designer brands that they used to wear when I was married to Sebastian. I got their clothes off the fifty cent rack in the op-shop and Phoebe often handed down her clothes to Lexi when they no longer fit her. They got one pair of shoes a year and I could only afford to buy enough groceries that would last us a month. The next month I'd go shopping for the next four week.

Two months later I went into labour and had my fourth child, Jacob Fray. After Jacob was born I had to take four months off of maternity leave which made the bills harder to pay and I had to buy less groceries.

After the four months I had no choice but to go back to work and to pick up a second job. Two years went by and now I was a waitress in a café by day after I had dropped Phoebe and Lexi off at school and Will and Jake off at day care. After I finished work I would go and pick up the girls and then go to the day care to pick up my two boys. I would go home and cook them a quick dinner - often it was tin spaghetti or sausages and mashed potato. Then I would have a quick shower and tell Phoebe to heat up their dinners when they were hungry and to help Jake eat his. Phoebe was already more mature than she should be for her age and it broke my heart when I would watch the girls in the school yard making fun of her as she would come over to me so I could walk home with them.

I would take the bus to the bar that I worked at until around eleven thirty and then would catch the last bus home. Phoebe would still be awake when I come home as she always was. She would put her younger siblings in bed and wash the dishes for me so I wouldn't have to do them when I come home at night. Once I was home, Phoebe would kiss me on the cheek and I would help her into bed before I pulled the couch out into the fold-out bed and put my pillow down and throw a blanket over myself, falling asleep only to wake up and do the same thing over and over again.

Phoebe was now ten, Lexi was eight, Will was four and Jake was two. And I desperately needed a change for my family. We couldn't continue to live like this. It wasn't the type of life I wanted for my kids.

Phoebe deserved more than to act as a mother for her siblings and Lexi deserved to have the new Barbie doll that all the other girls have. Will deserved to have that Matchbox toy car that he wanted and Jake deserved to have nappies that wouldn't give him nappy rash. And I deserved to be happy after everything we have been though, but none of us had what we deserved.

I sighed and came back out of my memories to see an annoyed customer who had plainly been trying to get my attention for some time. I looked at the clock, only an hour to go. I served drunken customers and wiped up spilt beer and mopped up the vomit in the bathrooms. Finally it was time to go home and I hung my apron up and grabbed my bag and walked to the bus station that was three streets down from the bar. I sat and waited for the bus that would come in fifteen minutes and when it did, I climbed on board. Normally I was the only passenger at this time of night, but I was surprised to see the golden head of the man that sat at the back listening to his iPod. He gave me a curious glance as I sat down in the third row and I was shocked to see that his eyes were the most brilliant gold.

I turned my back to him and hugged my bag to my chest as the bus pulled out. I pulled out my phone to see that I didn't have any missed calls which gave me some relief. It meant that everything had gone smoothly at home tonight and that there was no disaster waiting for me when I get home.

When the bus stopped at the stop outside my apartment I got off and didn't look at the man as I walked past the bus and up the metal stairs to my apartment.

Pushing my key in the dodgy lock I opened the door to see that Phoebe was asleep on the couch. She had unfolded the couch for me into the bed and set it up ready for me. My heart beat painfully as I saw her figure curled up under the blanket because our gas heater didn't work and let out a funny smell when it was turned on. I dropped my bag down on the table along with my key and phone. I went over and gently woke up Phoebe shaking her shoulder.

"Pee-bee, wake up sweet heart," I whispered.

Phoebe blinked sleepily up at me and smiled when she saw me.

"Hi Mum, how was work?" she asked her voice thick with sleep.

She sat up letting out a huge yawn and I found myself smiling at her. She got her father's blonde hair but my green eyes. Lexi was a spitting image of me, with her bright red curly hair and green eyes, Will was the spitting image of his father, blonde hair and dark brown eyes that looked black from a distance. Jacob had my green eyes but he had blonde hair, so he looked like his sister Phoebe.

"Same as usual baby," I smiled. "Ready for bed?" I asked.

She nodded, too tired to reply and simply walked towards the bedroom that she shared with her three siblings. Will and Lexi were soundly asleep in their bunk bed and Jake was asleep in his cot. Phoebe pulled out a pair of pyjamas out of the dresser that she shared with Lexi while the boys shared the other one. After helping her get dressed I tucked her into bed and kissed her forehead.

"Night baby," I whispered.

"Night mum," she yawned and rolled over, instantly asleep. I kissed Lexi and Will on their cheeks, making Will scrunch his nose up adorably. I stopped to gently stroke Jake's cheek on my way out, turning off the lights as I went. I climbed into bed myself and sighed as I slipped under the blanket.

Just before I went to sleep I prayed to whoever was listening to give me a chance for a change in my life.

So, how did I do? Do you like the way the story is going? Review to let me know! J