A/N: Thank you all so much for all the lovely reviews! I truly appreciate every single one.
This is 2/3 of what I like to call the "Fix It series", which is basically different scenarios of Linstead ending this stupid break and Jay coming home to Erin. Hope you like it, and if you do, let me know!
Also, what are your speculations for the finale? Will Linstead make it or break it? I'm so freakin' nervous!
Song title from Demons by Imagine Dragons! I feel like that song was written for Linstead, specifically Jay right now.
For the longest time, Erin's favourite part of the day was coming home and snuggling into Jay's chest after a tough day at work. Now, she has to be satisfied with a long-awaited beer at her favourite bar. The added bonus is that Jay is also there at the moment, and she can at least stare at him longingly, if nothing else.
The girls engage her into a conversation. They're having a pity party, and they drag her with them. It feels nice. Surrounded by men all day, sometimes she misses female company. Gabby leaves them, claiming they're all depressing her with their boy problems, and she's a too-happily married woman to jinx it. They send death-glares her way as she chats up Jay and Will, sitting not far from the girls.
"Bitch," Stella complains loud enough for Gabby to hear. They're truly a depressing bunch, already on their third round of shots. "Hey, another round here Mrs. Casey. For the heart-broken and miserable!"
Gabby shakes her head and laughs.
"What's going on there?" Jay asks, staring at Erin's back, because sadly, that's all he can see right now, as she has (intentionally) turned away from him.
"Well, they're all pathetic. I don't even have to explain Lindsay to you," she gives him a meaningful look. "Stella is in love with a guy, who is in love with another woman. Burgess is in and out with Ruzek, and Reese is having problems. But I'm happily married, so they kicked me out of their group."
"Yeah, cause you're disturbing our vibe!" Sarah calls out, apparently, a few shots ahead of everyone else. He doesn't know what's in the air, but the girls are apparently letting loose tonight.
"Congratulations," he chuckles in reply to Gabby's statement. It bothers him, that Erin is now apparently also in the group of what Stella called 'the heart-broken and miserable'. "Give them another round on me." The statement is followed by cheers from Burgess and Reese, but Erin remains silent.
She nods and leaves his side of the counter to go serve customers. His thoughts wander for a while, but he jerks when somebody mentions couples being on a break. First he thinks they're talking about someone in specific.
"Ross and Rachel were on a break too," Sara claims. "And he slept with that girl?"
"But she was still pissed off."
"She got over it really quickly," Stella points out.
Jay has no idea about what they're talking about, but vaguely recognizes the names from the Friends TV show that his brother used to love to watch.
"It's best if you just say it when you're going on a break I guess. Cause life ain't a sitcom." He feels bad for listening to their conversation, but they're pretty loud, and he can't help himself. He doesn't want to think about it, but his mind has a will of its own.
"I think I'm gonna call it a night," Erin murmurs, emptying her beer bottle. She gets a bunch of booing and shooing from the rest of the group, but she laughs it off and heads towards the exit. She walks an incredibly straight line for someone who's lost count of their drinks, and incredibly fast, he thinks, as he trails after her.
"Erin!"
She stops, holding the door open for him to join her outside. The night air is chilly, but then again, not really, compared to Chicago winters.
"I overheard your conversation," he murmurs softly. She nods, uncertain of what to say, so she remains silent. "It's not that kind of break. Us. I'm not sleeping with other people." The fact that he feels the need to say that makes her want to smile, but she nods again instead.
"I know."
He doesn't know when she got this close, or maybe it was him that leaned in, but their faces are inches apart. He can feel her hot breath on his skin, and smells beer and something stronger−bourbon maybe. He doesn't know who closes the distance first, or maybe they both move at the same time, but their lips crush together in a battle of dominance.
Her back hits the wall, and she lets out a moan. His strong arms pick her up, while she hooks her legs around his waist for balance. He's unable to fight the hunger he feels for her any longer.
The kiss goes on until they both run out of air, and even then, they stop only for a refill of oxygen. Their lips don't separate until the passion slowly subsides, and is replaced by understanding.
Her fingers linger on his cheek. Her hair tickles his face when he kisses her neck, and he realizes just how much he's missed it. She leans in one more time, this time more gently, before re-establishing the distance.
He knows they are both hurting. She's not just a bystander in this mess, she's right in the middle of it. The tears make kaleidoscopes in her eyes, making them shine in a special way, and he hates himself for putting them there in the first place. The kiss wakes up something inside him, like his heart almost forgot why it was still beating after so long of being apart, and now it knows exactly why.
"I should go. I should call an Uber."
"I'll take you home."
She shakes her head softly. One blink, he knows, and all those tears will spill over. "It'll be harder to say goodbye at home." He reads between the lines, and he knows what she's saying. Don't take me home, if you're not staying.
"I'm taking you home," he says again, disappearing inside to get his keys that he left on the bar with Will. He puts a bill on the counter, and shakes his head at his brother, when he asks him if he should expect him at his place.
Then he makes his way out.
She falls asleep during the ride. She desperately wants to keep her eyes open, but she's with Jay, and she feels the safest she's felt in days. Her eyes flutter closed, as the exhaustion and the buzz kick in.
She doesn't wake up, when he scoops her into his arms and carries her upstairs like she's weightless. She doesn't wake up, when he searches for his keys, or when he lays her down on the bed and removes her shoes. She doesn't wake up when he pulls a cover over her, or when he leaves the room, and debates going back to Will's after all.
But she wakes up at the undeniable sound of doors opening, and scrambles to her feet.
"Jay." He stops, and the door clicks back to closed, just like she wants it. She takes a couple of strides over to him, and her lips melt against his. Softer this time. Gentle. Slow.
They make their way back to the bedroom between kisses and soft steps. Clothes end up on a floor without the usual hurry. It's as if they both want to prolong the moment.
It's almost painfully slow, how he takes his time, worshiping every inch of her skin. She has missed the way she fits perfectly against him, or how her body responds to his every touch. He proves to her that he still knows her. He knows all her hidden spots.
It doesn't take long for her. Even the fact that his weight is once again pinning her down on the bed, and the fact that he's there with her, is half-way enough. His slow kisses pave a way to paradise, and it's not an explosion this time. It's a slow burn, and she doesn't come off of it for what seems like ages.
Her feet dig into the mattress, when he slides into her. Only then does she feel he's close enough. Only then does she feel he's home.
She's not sure of anything in that moment. She's not sure he's coming back, and she's not sure he'll be there in the morning. But one thing is irrevocably clear. And it's the thing she murmurs against his skin, when he moves inside her slowly.
It's the thing she calls out when they come together.
I love you.
It's quiet and cold in bed. She stretches, wondering if maybe it was all a dream. But she can smell him on the pillow, and she can almost feel her skin still tingling from last night. The daylight pours through the window, and normally, it would be a great start of the day, except her bed is once again empty.
Then the smallest noise makes her smile. The clattering of the dishes coming from the kitchen, has her jumping up, putting on a robe and following the now obvious smell of fresh coffee.
She wraps her arms around his waist, leaning on him from behind. She hears him chuckle, and she savours this happy moment with everything she has. She never knows how many more she's going to get.
"I thought you left."
"I was just making coffee."
He turns around, welcoming her with a kiss.
"I was thinking we could talk," he offers, and she nods.
"I finally got the divorce papers back. It's official. Abby is leaving too."
She nods again. It's one of the rare situations, when she doesn't have a clue what to say.
"And last night?" She doesn't say what about us, but it hangs in the air, creating tension one could cut without a knife.
"The reason I left, was because I wasn't okay. And it wasn't fair for me to bring that into your−our home. And I didn't want to intentionally push you away," his voice breaks, so he takes a sip of the coffee. "I felt like I was losing control, and I didn't know how to fix it. I didn't feel like I deserved you."
His eyes are turns down, and he's unable to look at her, knowing that if he does, he'll break. But it's been too long, and this is one conversation they desperately need to have, in order for him to come home.
"You deserve better than me."
"Stop it, Jay. I'm not perfect either. And yet you've been there for me, when nobody else was. When I was literally at my lowest." She remembers him reaching out, almost every day over the course of her spiraling weeks.
"I just want to be someone you deserve, someone I can be proud of." Her hand squeezes his fingers.
"I know. And I know in a place you're at, it doesn't help much, but you're already someone I deserve. And I'm proud of you. And I'm proud of us." A tear escapes down her cheek and she wipes it away impatiently. "This−us−is the best thing that ever happened to me. And I'm here. For whatever you need." She doesn't need anything else, just his love.
"I've just never… learned to share. Not even with Mouse. It's been better, getting it out in the meetings. I think I just buried it under for so long, and obviously, it caught up with me. And I'm sorry for pulling away. It's just that the thought of me hurting you in any way is−uh−is unbearable."
The table between them suddenly seems like a huge obstacle, and she craves the warmth of his embrace. She doesn't want to stop talking, because this is progress, but she wants to be able to soothe him. To touch him, and kiss him softly, when his voice gets strangled, and when she feels he's slipping through her fingers again. She wants to capture him in an embrace, and never let him go again. He chuckles when she settles in his lap, wrapping one arm around him.
"I just hope you know I'm here. You can tell me anything. Nothing you say will make me leave, or love you less." She knows they both have demons. The nasty kind. The kind that come out sometimes to play. But she loves him. And that means she loves his demons. With no exception.
"I'm going to try," he says and nods. "I can't promise I'll be perfect at it from the start, but I will never stop trying."
She smiles through the tears at the silent promise. Even if he wanders from time to time, she knows he'll always come back. And that makes the burden of past weeks fall off. She feels lighter.
"Good enough for me. Now will you come home?" He looks into her eyes, and the love he finds there overwhelms him.
"I'm already home."